A Squishmas Carol!

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A Squishmas Carol is a song/poem written on the Unnderground Clubb Phengin Weekee to satirize the emperor Swiss Ninja, and his quest for conquest. After the Weekee was destroyed, this poem on a tablet managed to be salvaged from the ruins.


Christmas is coming, it's almost here.

I hope I'm getting what I want this year.

'It's not clothing, it's not money, it's not crowd roars…

Well, actually it is, but I want a whole lot more!

I want that island way over the sea

Known as Club Chicken by everybody!

(Phat beats start)

Club Chicken got lumber

That I will be able to sell

Club Chicken got mountains

Which will protect my army from bomb shells!

All the things I'll have, like the fishes in the creek

All the famous penguins, like Gary the Gadget Geek!

My army will have the chance to take that oversized rock…

If I just get rid of Antarctica!

If I can convince that country that island is no good

I will easily take it over, because I'm in the mood!

Da da dee da da da da!

My family will visit the pet shop

Where we'll see emo puffles cry

We'll go over to the fishing spot

And cause the fluffies to painfully die!

We'll go to the stage and show off our bad acting

And then Microchip's lair to do some hacking!

We'll meet the moderators Billy and Rsnail

And their impersonators the n00b and Rfail!

Soon enough that island will be mine

The plan I made was really fine!

Sensei will be elected their leader.

And I will defeat him using my awesome Card-Jitsu skills and take over the island and I am able to beat Sensei because I am a Mary-sue with great talents who can do whatever he wants and everyone will still think it is okay, like making a big stanza that is an obvious run-on sentence and doesn't rhyme with the previous one.

Then Club Chicken will be a part of my empire

I'll own all of the things there, like the puffle vampires

They will belong to me!

And that's what I want my Christmas to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!