This deal is getting better all the time!
|Start||February 12, 2019|
|Prerequisites||Being a cool guy|
|Level||Like Calada, Eh? but BETTER!|
ruin all the fun? Read on and find out!
It was a normal day on Shops Island, and some cool doods (and others) were relaxing after a strenuous few months. Penquino was trying to meditate in his igloo, when his phone started to ring. He looked at it before answering.
??????: "Hey dood."
Penquino: "Hey Chill! How are you? And what's up?"
Penquino: "Yeah, that sounds familiar, I think I heard Brant ranting about it. Is there stuff to do there?"
Chill: "Yeah dood, there's some stuff to do there, and the hotel is also free until houses are built. The best part though, is that it's totally scrub-free!"
Penquino: "Ooh, now that sounds like paradise. Wanna get the gang together and have a little vacation?"
Chill: "Why do you think I'm calling? Ed's already in."
Chill: "They don't have an airport yet, so we have to go there by boat. How about we meet at the Vonkouver port tomorrow night?"
Penquino: "Alright buddy, I'll see you guys then."
??????: "Who in the name of..."
Suddenly, the door flew open and the visitor, a robot, was face-to-beak with the house's owner.
Bro: "What do you want? You're just a rusty hunk of scrap iron!"
??????: "Visual sighting confirmed. Calling 'the fun one'..."
A few seconds later, Chill's face showed up on the "face" of the robot. He seemingly tapped his camera before asking
Chill: "Is this thing working? Oh hey dood!"
Bro: "Why'd you send this robot to my front door?"
Chill: "Because we're going on an adventure!"
Bro: "Couldn't you have called me on the phone?"
Chill: "I could have, but this way Tyler can carry you if you don't come meet us at the Vonkouver port tomorrow night."
Bro: "So, kidnap me? Why are we going on an adventure this time?"
Chill: "Don't be so 'broring', it's more like a vacation anyway!"
Bro: "Okay, for how long?"
Chill: "No idea! See you tomorrow night!"
Chill hung up, and Tyler continued to stare at Bro.
Bro: "Are you going to just stand there?"
Tyler: "Are you going to go pack your bags?"
Bro sighed, and closed the door in Tyler's face, probably thinking "this is where the fun begins".
Two mornings later, the group was on a ferry ship well on their way to Achadia. However, they were pretty bored. Ed and Chill were on their phones looking at Chitter, Bro was off looking for the vending machine, and Penquino and LMGT were watching TV.
LMGT: "I NEED FOOOOOOOOOOOD."
Penquino: "Then go to the vending machine again?"
LMGT: "No point dood, I already ate everything out of there."
LMGT: "Well, all the good stuff."
Penquino: "You could have gotten food when we stopped at Moon Island."
LMGT: "But I'm lazy, and didn't want to run into scrubs :("
Penquino: "Same here, pal."
Soon after, Bro came back with an apple.
Penquino: "Welcome back."
LMGT: "Welcome back dood... did you bring me anything? I'm starving here."
Bro: "No? All the good stuff's gone anyway. You'd think the crew would stock up the vending machine before a long trip.. and I thought you said they had raspberry pop-tarts, LMGT."
LMGT: "They did..."
As Bro looked at his friends, he stopped and pointed at something sticking out of Chill's hoodie pocket.
Bro: "Chill, what's that?"
Chill looked down and then said "Oh, this is the raspberry pop-tart LMGT got me earlier."
Ed: "You still haven't eaten yours?"
Penquino: "Yeah, really? I ate mine a while ago."
LMGT: "Could you share dood?"
Bro: "Hey! LMGT gave all of you guys pop-tarts but he didn't give me any?"
LMGT: "Sorry, I didn't know you wanted any."
Bro: "Well give me those Chill, I haven't had any and I'll actually eat them."
Chill: "No way Bro, they're my pop-tarts!"
As Bro and Chill were bickering, with Penquino enjoying the show, Ed interrupted them.
Ed: "EXSQUEEEZE ME!"
Everyone stopped and looked over at Ed before he continued.
Ed: "We may have a problem boys. Look at this cheep."
After the group saw the cheeps, Chill looked down and pulled out his phone too.
Chill: "That reminds me, I saw this cheep trending when Bro got back."
Penquino: "I have a bad feeling about this."
Bro: "So do I. If those scrubs are blockading Achadia, our "vacation" isn't going to be very good."
Penquino: "Wait, where's LMGT?"
The gang looked around and saw LMGT discreetly reading a newspaper over another penguin's shoulder, before getting his attention and waving him over.
Penquino: "Why did you go over there?"
LMGT: "I got bored when you guys were bickering."
Chill: "Well you missed us finding out that some scrubs may be blockading Achadia."
LMGT: "Oh yeah, they are."
Ed: "How do you know?"
LMGT: "It's all over that guy's issue of propaganda post, even though there was no hint of any blockade when we left last night."
Chill: "I guess stubal got the inside scoop last night from Bront."
Penquino: "It wouldn't surprise me that Scrubal and Ranty are in cahoots. That's probably how the Post had enough influence to stay open a few months ago and continue to slander and harass us."
Ed: "smh fam"
Bro: "Boo hoo, I got criticized a long time before you whiners did."
Chill: "But your criticism actually had some truth behind it."
Bro: "ANYway, Chill, make some calls and see if you can get us an escort. Until we get there, I guess we just have to wait."
LMGT: "Oh yeah, since you two forgot about it, can I have those pop-tarts?"
Chill: "Sorry dood, I'll split them with Bro since we haven't had any. I'm sure there will be food in Achadia."
While the others were talking, Penquino subtly used the force to knock the "newspaper" out of the other penguin's flippers, across the room, crush it into a ball and into a trash can.
Chill: "I saw that."
Penquino gave him a sly smile and jokingly waved his flipper while saying "You didn't see anything. Must have been a strong breeze."
Chill: "That'd probably work on Stubal."
Chapter 2: The Blockade
When the group got within eyesight of Achadia, their suspicions were confirmed by a number of small naval ships, one of which made the ferry stop and pulled up next to it.
Ed: "Looks like we're being boarded, boys."
Bro: "So much for our vacation."
Chill: "Don't worry, Lavender said he'd get some friends to join us."
Penquino: "Well, let's hope they get here soon."
A few minutes later, the group heard many penguins walking their way before making it to the area everyone was sitting in. They were all towering High Penguins, having to duck through the doorway to avoid hitting their heads. One didn't notice this and walked right into it.
Soldier 1: "Bonjour à tous! Nous sommes là pour vous aider sur votre chemin."
Chill: "Oh no, scrub talk."
Bro: "That's French."
Penquino: "I think you mean surrender."
Bro: "Personne d'autre ici ne parle français, les garçons! Essayez l'anglais."
Soldier 1: "Oh. Hello everyone! We are here to help you on your way."
Soldier 2: "You must have blown off course. The island over there is terrible, dangerous place. We are here to protect you all by making sure nobody goes there."
Soldier 1: "Right. You all can come aboard our ship and come to the great nation of Acadie!"
LMGT: "Does your ship have food?"
Penquino glanced over at him and shook his head before saying "No thanks!"
Chill: "Yeah, if we go there, we'd all be shot on arrival!"
The soldier who bumped his head looked at the group for a minute before nudging the leader and whispering something to him.
Soldier 1: "Aren't you Shopper Vice President Cheel57181? And former President Bro?"
Soldier 2: "And Governor Penquino, and the SIA director?"
Soldier 3: "And The Ed!"
Bro: "Yeah, so what?!"
The soldiers whispered among themselves before saying "We'll be back" and walking out.
Ed: "That total scrub who hit his head must read the Post too. Who else would recognize me with you guys?"
Penquino: "He's definitely a scrub. He called you The Ed."
Soon after, a number of large battleships approached the ferry and blockade. The group had gathered near the edge of the ferry to watch.
Chill: "Are they Acadian?"
Penquino: "I don't think so."
LMGT: "No. They don't look Acadian, and why would Acadia need larger ships like that when the blockade is working?"
Bro: "Could be to invade Achadia."
LMGT: "That's true, but I think it's more than likely that those are our friends."
It became clear that the battleships were part of the Ed Island Navy when the lead ship, Edsland Ein, pulled onto the opposite side of the ferry.
The Acadian squad leader and third soldier made it to the Acadian ship's bridge as the Captain got a hold of a familiar penguin. The following conversation was in French.
Brant: "Hello there"
Soldier 1: "General Brant"
Captain: "Mon président"
Brant: "You are bold ones. How is the blockade?"
Captain: "The blockade was going well sir, until a few minutes ago when an Ed Island attack fleet approached. Their arrogant captain said if we don't abandon our blockade, Ed Island is willing to declare war. It also looks like they are going to escort all of the ships we've stopped through the blockade."
Brant: "What?! They can't do that! Shoot them... or something."
Captain: "Our ships are not well equipped enough to fight their fleet, sir."
Th third soldier cut off the captain and blurted out his urgent message.
Soldier 3: "Sir, I have even more important news! We have discovered that Chill57181, Penquino, and The Ed are on one of the ferries headed for the island."
Soldier 1: "Along with former President Bro and SIA Director LMGT."
Soldier 1: "What should we do, President?"
Brant: "Hurry, go to that ferry and arrest the Shoppers for plotting to terrorize Antarctica! They'll make nice forced laborers in one of the colonies."
Soldier 3: "Right away, mon président! We'll call once that is done."
Unbeknownst to them, however, the group and their luggage had been brought to the Edsland Ein's bridge at the request of its Captain.
LMGT: "Hello Captain Yolo."
Yolo: "Hello lads! Welcome to the Edlsand Ein."
Chill: "Are you going to take us to Achadia, Captain?"
Yolo: "Yes, yes, we'll be heading to Achadia in short order, and make sure all of the other passenger ships get through this pitiful "blockade" as well."
Penquino: "And Acadia's alright with that?"
Yolo: "No, but they're going to have to be. If they cause us any trouble, we'll blow them out of the water. Say, how is that insufferable Captain Swaggins?"
LMGT: "Same Swaggins as always. Funny you should ask, I'm sure he wonders the same about you."
Yolo: "Ah, very well then. Make yourselves at home, and we'll be on our way shortly."
With that, the group split up, with LMGT going to the cafeteria and the others leaving the bridge so they wouldn't have to listen to Yolo's stories about Swaggins. Once the Acadian ship detached from the ferry they demanded that Yolo handed over the group, which the Captain ignored. As the Ed Island ships began defensively escorting the various passenger ships heading for Achadia, the loud "DOOT DOOT" of their horns could be heard, as if daring the Acadian ships to fire.
Brant: "Mon ami-"
Brant: "Oh, sorry. Mein Kaiser, haben Sie gesehen, was der Thunderbeak gewagt hat? Öffnete ein neues 'Land', um Acadians überall in die Gesichter zu spucken. Wie kann er es wagen!"
Swiss: "Das reicht für einen Tag aus dieser Sprache. Yes, I have heard about the pathetic island of Achadia. What are you going to do about it?"
Brant: "I don't know, Swiss. That's why I called, for your advice."
Swiss: "If I was the President of Acadia, I would annex them and make an example of their citizens. Show them that you can't be mocked by any lowly noob, and teach your citizens what happens when they speak out against the government that protects them!"
Brant: "I'd love to invade them and make Chad work in a labor camp the rest of his life, but if I invade I know the Axle Powers will come to defend them."
Swiss: "Well who do the Axle "Powers" think they are, getting involved in everyone's business where they don't belong? You shouldn't care what they think!"
Brant: "Hmm, you're right! I shouldn't care what those jerks think. Maybe I can put a blockade around Achadia in to make sure nobody gets in. It could be in international waters too, so it'd be totally legal!"
Swiss: "Yes... gooood. Good luck, my friend."
Brant: "Thank you Swiss, I should go call another buddy to tell him the good news."
Brant: "Ils QUOI?!?"
As the Edsland Ein pulled into port, the group met back on the bridge to talk to Captain Yolo before they left.
Penquino: "Thanks for helping us out, Captain."
Yolo: "I'm always happy to stop tyranny in its tracks, gentlemen! Hey, the next time you lads talk to "Captain Scrubbins", could you tell him I said-"
LMGT: "You can tell him yourself, Captain. According to Lavender, he's on his way, leading the Shopper fleet."
Yolo: "Oh... great..."
Penquino: "Speaking of Lavender, can one of you thank him for me the next time you talk to him? This is the second vacation of ours he's saved."
Chill: "Sure. Hopefully Bro's grandpa doesn't try to kill us this time."
Bro: "He's not my- nevermind. I'm surrounded by idiots."
Yolo: "Not to be rude, but you should be on your way. I have many important things to do, like think up excuses so I don't have to talk to Swaggins. Your luggage is waiting for you by the loading ramp."
Ed: "Let's go start this vacation!"
Swiss: "How are things, my friend?"
Brant: "I can't believe they've done this, Swiss. They're back to bullying Acadia!"
Brant: "Le blocus est terminé! The blockade was great, until the stupid Ed Island navy showed up and forced their way through. Then, they threatened to destroy our ships, in international waters, and the admiral of our blockade was dumb enough to order a retreat."
Swiss: "Well those pesky Ed Islandians are annoying-"
Brant: "That's not even the worst part! Soldiers told me that a bunch of high-profile Shoppers were on a ferry to the terrorist island, and leading members of Da Illuminiati, at that! Then they got on one of the naughtzee ships before they could be arrested. They're out to destroy me, Swiss, and take over Antarctica!"
Swiss: "Hm... now's the time to destroy them then! You should launch a full scale invasion and stop them in their tracks."
Brant: "I can't. By the time the full Acadian Navy and an invasion force get there, Ed Island and Shops will have a full anti-Acadian bullying ring in place."
Swiss: "Well, you're right about those Shoppers going to negotiate and form an alliance with Achadia. If you don't act now, they're going to plague you forever. If it was me, I'd send my bounty hunters to assassinate the Shoppers and the pathetic "Hockey Manlet"."
Brant: "The Axles would no doubt wrongly invade Acadia and Yow us... but that does give me an idea. I'll stop these terrorists, thank you, Swiss!"
Ed: "Why do we have so much luggage?"
Chill: "Because Bro overpacked."
Bro: "That's because you told me you didn't know how long we were going to be here, so I came prepared."
Penquino: "Yeah, four suitcases full prepared."
Bro: "Put a sock in it."
LMGT: "A more important question is, when are we getting lunch?"
Ed: "Didn't you just eat on the Ed Island ship?"
LMGT: "Well, yeah. But that was brunch."
Chill: "A big brunch."
Penquino: "We can find somewhere to eat after we check into the hotel."
- NOOT NOOT!
The group turned around to see the Ed Islandian ships heading back towards the blockade. As the ships left the port, various doots, noots and toots could be heard from the line of ships waiting, thanking them for their help against the Acadian menace.
As the group approached the hotel, a blue penguin with a tour guide hat and a yellow scarf popped out of some O-Berry bushes.
Tour Guide: "HEY GUYS! WOULD YOU LIKE A TOUR??!"
LMGT: "Sorry, we're hungry."
Tour Guide: "I COULD GIVE YOU A TOUR OF THE CAFETERIA!"
Bro: "No means no. Beat it!"
Tour Guide: "OKAY! I'll be here if you change your minds!"
After they walked past, Ed made a snowball and threw it over his shoulder.
As they entered the hotel, Bro asked "Who was that scrub?"
Ed: "I'll tell you at lunch. We dodged a snowball though, unlike him."
The group waddled inside to the check-in line. Luckily, they arrived before most of penguins that were held up by the morning's blockade. They were a few spots behind a black penguin wearing a blue propeller cap and an orange star t-shirt, who had just waddled up to the desk.
Receptionist: "Welcome to the Chad Thunderbeak Hotel! How can I help you?"
and I need
let me see...
Penquino: "This is going to take a while, how about you guys find the bank and get Chad Bucks while Ed and I get the rooms?"
Bro: "Better than being here."
LMGT: "I'll go look for fooooood."
Penquino: "Alright, and we can all meet in the cafeteria. Chill, can you make sure to get a nice variety of all the bucks and coins for me?"
Ed and Penquino handed their WikiBuck$ to Chill and Bro, and off they went.
Receptionist: "Okay sir, who do you need nine rooms for?"
Scrubbypingu: "For me and my friends, Scrubbypinguu, Scrubbypingu, ugnipybburcS, Scrubbypingu, nƃuᴉdʎqqnɹɔS, Scrubward, and Scrubbypingette. Don't give Mean Scrubbypingu a room. He's mean."
Receptionist: "Where are your friends?"
Scrubbypingu proceeded to wave his flippers towards open space.
Receptionist: "I don't see them."
Scrubbypingu: "You're wrong
because I said so."
Receptionist: "Your friends aren't real."
Scrubbypingu stared at her for a few seconds and then ran away while screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA A FACT".
A bit later, the guys met up in the cafeteria and ate their lunches while exchanging stories. After they were done, they got up and headed out to check out the island.
Bro: "So, you said our luggage was brought to our rooms right?"
Bro: "Alright, can you give us our room keys then Penquino?"
Penquino: "Uh, about that... the lady would only give us three rooms because there are a lot more penguins here than they expected."
Ed: "But they each have two beds, so pick a buddy."
Chill: "I'll room with Penquino. Sorry LMGT, I don't want to be flooded with a room service bill."
Bro: "Wait... three rooms, six beds, for five of us? I call the solo room."
Ed: "rip. I don't mind rooming with you LMGT."
LMGT: "Sounds good. Just know that I sleepeat."
Penquino: "Look at Bro being a math nerd. That's ok Bro, you'll need the extra space for all the luggage you brought. Looks like we've got our buddies picked, so here are your room keys."
Bro: "You're just jealous."
Chill: "It looks like we've got to walk by all the tour guides. Luckily, most of them look busy."
Ed bent over to make a snowball.
Penquino: "I don't think we'll be able to win a snowball fight against all the tour guides, Ed."
Ed: "I'm going to restrain myself and only hit one."
LMGT: "It looks like that light blue one is in charge."
Ed: "Got it. He's in my sights."
Chill: "Dew it."
Bro: "Hey, he looks kinda like-"
The tour guide turned around and looked at the group before smiling.
Bro: "Yoshi! It is him!"
Bro slapped Ed in the back of the head and waddled up to greet his best friend.
Yoshi and Bro hugged and high flippered before Yoshi spoke again.
Yoshi: "Bro, my bro! How have you been?"
Bro: "I was doing alright until those scrubs dragged me here, but things are looking much better now! What are you doing here?"
Yoshi: "Supreme Leader Chad cheeped me on chitter and hired me to train and lead the tour guides here the first few weeks after opening."
Ed: "You know that guy?"
Chill: "We saw him shoot somebody once."
LMGT: "We did? When was that?"
Ed gave them a suspicious look before waddling up to meet Yoshi. The others shrugged and followed.
Yoshi: "Hey there! Bro said you threw the snowball at me?"
Ed: "Uh, yeah I did."
Yoshi: "That's ok, all in the name of fun. I'm Yoshi Eleventeen."
Ed: "Good to know."
Yoshi: "LMGT, Chill, Penquino, long time no see, how are you?"
Penquino: "Doing good now, thanks to the Ed and Shopper ships breaking up the Acadian blockade."
Chill: "We got here for vacation this morning."
LMGT: "I'm a bit hungry, thanks."
Yoshi: "So what are you guys going to do today?"
Chill: "We don't know, we were going to walk around the island and see what we ran into first. I heard there was a wall of embarrassing pictures of Brant Esser though, so I want to see that."
Yoshi: "You don't have a tour guide?"
Bro: "No, but some scrub popped out of the bushes at us earlier asking if we wanted a tour."
Yoshi: "Oh yeah... him. Sorry about that, I'm not in charge of hiring the tour guides. I could hang out with you guys the next few days and show you around the island if you'd like."
LMGT: "Aren't you in charge of the tour guides though?"
Yoshi: "Yeah, but most of my work is done, just reminding them to look at the scripts. I'd still be doing my job anyway if I'm giving you guys a tour."
Ed: "Well you look pretty busy, so-"
Bro: "You're hired!"
Ed: "But what about-"
Bro: "Having an actual tour guide is better than wandering around like a bunch of idiots."
Chill: "But that's what we're good at! I don't mind Yoshi showing us around though."
Penquino: "Yeah, you're welcome to join us Yoshi."
Yoshi: "Thanks guys. We can head to the Great Brant Esser Trash Heap first if you want. That's where the wall of embarrassing pictures of Brant is."
LMGT: "Lead the way, dood!"