Adventures of the Sapie Brothers
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Explorer 767: (meeting the brothers for the first time) Who are you?
Stamm: We're the Sapie Brothers. We're interviewing people— I mean, penguins so we can make a documentary on Antarctica.
Explorer: (suspiciously) Why?
Huma: For, er... research purposes.
Stamm: Yeah! We're going to send it to Portugal!
Explorer: ...don't you mean "Dorkugal"?
Huma: (annoyed at Stamm) Yes... "Dorkugal"...
Explorer: I suggest you go to the SnellBook library. They have way more information there than I could tell you.
Stamm: (confused) SnellBook?
(Huma nudges Stamm aggressively.)
Stamm: (correcting himself at high speed) Oh, yes, SnellBook! We'll be right there!
Explorer: Good! (slams the door in the brothers' faces)
Huma: (to Stamm) Loser.
(They come back a few minutes later)
Explorer: Now what?
Huma: We'd like to interview you on The Humana Cathedral Papers.
Stamm: (reassuringly) We just wanna know about them.
Explorer: Alright, that's it, freaks! No more interviews! I am not telling you anything about those papers! Understand?
Explorer: But what?
(Both brothers fall speechless.)
Explorer: You know, there are two reasons I'm not telling you anything. First of all, both of you are getting increasingly annoying.
Explorer: Second, I have never seen a penguin with a mark on their chest patch that says, "I AM A PENGUIN".
Stamm: That's because—
Explorer: Hey, 23-skidoo, alright?
(Explorer slams the door in the brothers' faces)
(The brothers try the igloo across the street. They knock on the door, and find...)
Fred 676: (meeting the brothers for the first time) Who are you?
Stamm: We're the Sapie Brothers. We're interviewing penguins so we can make a documentary on Antarctica.
Fred: (suspiciously) Why?
Huma: For research purposes.
Stamm: We're sending it to Portugal!
Fred: ...um, don't you mean Dorkugal?
Huma: (looking at Stamm) Yes. (under his breath) Dorkugal.
Fred: So who have you interviewed?
Stamm: Well, there was this guy called Explorer 767--
Fred: And what did he say?
Huma: To go to SnellBook.
Fred: Exactly what I would have said myself. (slams the door in the brothers' faces)
Jacko: (Meeting the brothers) Vell? Who are you?
Stamm: GAH! THE PUMPKIN! IT LIVES!
(Stamm attempts to run away, but Huma grabs him and pulls him back)
Huma: Heh heh... of course it lives! This is my brother, Doctor Stamm. He's spastic.
Jacko: So, why did you climb 'zee mountain to meet 've?
Huma: We're making a documentary.
Stamm: Yeah! Then we're sending it to Portugal!
Jacko: Vhat? You mean "Dorkugal", vight?
(Huma nudges Stamm again') Stamm: Yes... Dorkugal.
Huma: I told you he was spastic.
Stamm: Hey! I AM NOT SPASTIC!
Huma: Anyway, have you ever heard of The Humana Cathedral Papers?
Jacko: (suspiciously) Ves, I do. Why do you vant to know?
Huma: Well, we live in Humana Cathedral, and we were just curious.
Jacko: Vell, all I know is that 'zee papers are from another country, written by another species vot like our own.
Huma: Fascinating. Have any more information? The penguins back at Por- I mean Dorkugal would love this.
(The Jacko smiles, he always wanted to be in a movie!)
Jacko: Vell, a Snell-'Zibro wiretapped a phone conversation between two nasally voices. The sounded a vot like yours.
(The brothers look at each other, then look back at the Jacko.)
Jacko: Don't vorry, it's not you, a lot of creatures have 'zee funny accents.
Stamm: Is your accent Austrian or Russian, perchance?
Jacko: (confused) Vhat? What's an Austrian and a Vrussian? My accent is 'the Lantern Dialect, for 'zee record.
Huma: Oh. My brother loves to... um, make up words!
(Dr. Huma rubs the back of his head with those mittens.)
Huma: Heh heh... so, got anymore information?
Jacko: Ves- Vait. Vhy do you live in 'zee Humana Cathedral?
(Doctor Humana and Doctor Stamm exchange blank glances)
Stamm: Uh... um... er... it's... roomy.
Huma: ...Yeah, it's... roomy.
Jacko: Don't vou know?
Stamm: Know what?
Jacko: 'Zee place is filled with 'zee monsters!
(Stamm is shaking like a leaf)
Huma: Oh really?
Jacko: Ves! Zhey say that featherless, beak-lacking, skinny vammals live vhere. It's very scary, vindeed.
Huma: We've been in there. Nothing but dust and old furniture.
Stamm: Do you know where SnellBook is?
Jacko: Vell... take the Antarctic Express vown to Snellville. Vou can't miss vit.
Stamm: Snellville? That's a town in Georg-
(Huma slaps his mitten on Stamm's "beak".)
Huma: Thank you... talking pumpkin.
(At Slapper Junct., Pengolia, on the Antarctic Express)
Announcer: (over intercom) This is the end of the track. From here, you can take a Skyline to Ternville or Freezeland. Thank you for riding on the Antarctic Express!
Stamm: Now what?
Huma: (pointing to Penghis Khan, who is surrounded by guards) Look! Someone to interview.
(The brothers calmly walk over to Penghis Khan)
Penghis Khan: Who are you?
Huma: We're the Sapie brothers. We're making a documentary to send to Portugal.
Khan: You mean Dorkugal. Ha, the penguins over there are annoying Penghis Khan, wanting him to build ships with them. Ha!
Stamm: Why are you talking in the third person?
Khan: (sitting upright, alert) Did you just insult Penghis Khan?
(Khan fish-slaps Stamm)
Khan: Penghis Khan *slap* likes *slap* referring to himself *slap* as Penghis *slap* Khan! *slap*
Huma: Sorry about my brother, he's being spastic again. Anyways, do you know how to get to SnellBook, oh Most Mighty-- er, Khan?
Khan: (while fish-slapping Stamm) Let Penghis Khan think... ah! Just take a Skyline to Freezeland. Then travel by train to Snellville. You can trust Penghis Khan!
Huma: Thank you. *drags his brother out the door*
(On the train to Snellville)
Stamm: (groaning) Oh... that must have been the smallest penguin I ever saw... he sure has... oh, a big fish.
Huma: (leaning over in the adjacent seat, whispering) I can't put my finger, I mean flipper on it... but the little fish slapper reminds me of someone I once read of.
Stamm: Why? (more moaning)
Huma: Well, think about it, Stammerly. Rugged, windy terrain, cheap huts, a leader with "Khan" as his last name, aggressive behavior... does that not all sound familiar?
Huma: I'm serious. I have read it before. I just can't remember where!
Stamm: Oooooohhhh, moonngggoolliiiaaa...
Huma: That's it! Mongolia! I knew I heard of it before!
(Other penguins are now staring at Huma, while Stamm is fast asleep in his chair)
(A young penguin interrupts the silence.)
Young Penguin: Hey Mister, what's a "Mongolia"?
Huma: Um... it's... it's sort of like... well... I don't think you are old enough to know.
Young Penguin: Sure I am! Tell me!
Huma: Okay... you asked for it...
(Dr. Huma whispers to the little penguin)
Young Penguin: WHOA! So that's the real name for brussel sprouts! Thanks mister!
(The young penguin walks back to his mother.)
Young Penguin: Momma, can I have some Mongolias for dinner?
(The mother stares down at the child)
Mother: ...sure, son. It won't hurt... right?
Young Penguin: No ma'am! It's a fancy word for brussel sprout!
(The mother lets out a sigh of relief.)
Huma: I'm glad that's over, what do you think Stamm?
(Stamm is asleep, and drooling.)
Huma: (thinking) ...am I the only mature member of this group?
(At Rocket Junct., Snellville, on the Antarctic Express)
Stamm: Now what?
Huma: Easy. We look for this "SnellBook", or whatever it is.
(Just then, Snelder passes by)
Snelder: Hello, who are you?
Stamm: (to Huma) Gosh, that's the biggest snail I have ever seen!
(Huma shoves Stamm warningly)
Stamm: Is that a steam engine? HAH! I TOLD YOU BROTHER! I WASN'T CRAZY! STEAM ENGINE, POWER LINES, CIRCA 1879!! I WAS RI--
(Huma covers Stamm's "beak" with his mitten.)
Huma: Don't mind him, he's spastic. Anyway, we're the Sapie Brothers. We're making a film for Port-- I mean, Dorkugal. Can you help us find SnellBook?
Snelder: SnellBook? Bah, I could tell you a whole lot more info than what they have!
Huma: Could you help us?
(Snelder starts one of his long, boring stories. Both brothers fall asleep.)
Two hours later...
Snelder:... and so, the USA was formed. Well, d'you like it? (notices the brothers are asleep) Oh, bother. I wonder why everyone does that!
Huma: At last!
Snell-Libros: Hello, and welcome to SnellBook. Do you have a library card?
Stamm: SUGAR PANCAKES: RADIOACTIVE GASTROPODS!
Huma: (slaps mitten on Stamm's "beak") Sorry, he's spastic.
Snell-Libros: Understood, sir. Do you need any help?
Snell-Libros: (as if noticing the brothers for the first time) You two look odd.
Huma: Oh, we're outsiders, from Port-- I mean, Dorkugal. We're making a film on the history of the USA.
Snell-Libros: Ok, sir. Are you sure you need any help?
Stamm: (confidently) Nope!
A few minutes later...
Huma: (on the comupter) Phooey! I can't figure out this twisted library code of theirs. What's PO-3-A/Flap-Ternville? Have they ever heard of the Dewey Decimal System?
Snell-Libro: The Dewey what?
(The brothers turn to face the Snell-Libro)
Huma: (thinking quickly) Is there a book by an author named "Dewey"?
Snell-Libro: (thinking) Dewey? Well...
Stamm: (excitedly) Brother! Look what I found!
(The Snell-Libro takes a look.)
Snell-Libro: Hmm... XX-6-Unknown. Ah. That's The International Database on the LiquidFence Scandal. It was quite a show.
Huma: Don't you mean "Watergate"?
(The Snell-Libro glances at Huma)
Snell-Libro: Umm... you must be confused. The LiquidFence scandal involved video tapes on-
Stamm: (annoyed) I know, I know. Richard Nixon.
Huma: (changing subject) Wow, that's a nice shell! What substance do you run on?
Snell-Libro: (blushes) Well, it's just a little nuclear fiision mechanism. Uranium, plutonium, recycle wastes, the works.
(The Snell-Libro floats off)
Huma: (slaps Stamm) You loser! (screams) YOU ALMOST RUINED IT!
(Everyone in the Library looks at the brothers)
Huma: Sorry, my brother's spastic. He almost ruined... um... he almost ruined our research by... hitting the delete key.
(The other patrons go back to their reading)
Huma: (thinking) That was close.
Huma: Now what? We can't go back in there!
Stamm: Maybe we should go back to the big city where we started from.
(The brothers get on the Antarctic Express)
Huma: Oh GREAT! We took the wrong train! According to this map, it'll take four hours to get there!
Stam: Well, we can always talk to the locals...
(The Sapie Brothers look around the train. A few Jackos, some terns, four snoring penguins, a secret agent reading a magazine, and a yellow puffle are seen.)
Stamm: (to Huma) Found anyone yet?
Huma: Well, I see a little kid with a big crate... I think he's scientist.
(Huma and Stamm look at each other and laugh.)
Stamm: (sarcastically) Yeah, and I'm Louis XVI, King of France.
Huma: Didn't that guy lose his head?
(The brothers laugh. The aforementioned scientist walks over to them. It's Dooley, the inventor.)
Dooley: Hello friends! Want to see my product?
Huma: (whispering to Stammm) The little freak thinks he's a salesman. (Audibly) Sure, we'll see your "product".
Dooley: Oh, thank you sir! You will love it, I assure you!
(Dooley unveils his invention. It's the fruit slicer that looks like a guilliotine.)
Stamm: (screaming) SWEET MERCIFUL PANCAKES ABOVE, IT'S A GUILLIOTINE!
(Dooley looks at Stmm funny)
Huma: (stuttering) H-h-he-h-hey k-k-kid... th-th-that thing's a-a-a-a-a-a-a--
Dooley: (cheerfully) A fruit slicer!! Isn't it AWESOME? I made it myself. It even has safety features!!
Stamm: (screaming) GUILLIOTINE!!!
Dooley: No sir, it's a fruit slicer. Wait, what's a "guilliotine"?
Huma and Stamm: GUILLIOTINE!! AAAAHHH!!!!!!
Huma and Stamm: AAAAAHH!!
Dooley: So you don't want my-
Huma and Stamm: GUILLIOTINE!!
Dooley: I'll take that as a yes.
Huma and Stamm: GUILLIOTINE!!
(Dooley is throughly creeped out by the Sapie brothers and waddles away with his "fruit slicer".)
Huma and Stamm: GUILLIOTINE!!
(at South Pole City)
Stam: That was the scariest thing I ever saw.
Huma: Well, now that our horriffic incident of terror is over, let's try to find some information.
Random Penguin: BOOKS! GET YOUR BOOKS! FRESH BOOKS!
Huma: Weird. Hey Stamm, what's that in your han- I mean extremity?
Stamm: It's the Waterg-- I mean, LiquidThingymajigger book. I checked it out.
Huma: Maybe we sould find out more about this Antarctic Watergate.
Stamm: (pointing to a passerby) Look! Let's ask that guy!
(The brothers tap the passerby, who is revealed to be...)
Explorer 767: Yes?
Both brothers: AAAAAAAH!!! How'd you get here?!
Explorer 767: (sniggering) Well, I'm a delegate at the South Pole Council, duh. I work here. That make any sense to you?
(both brothers nod)
Explorer 767: I work over there. (points to the City Capitol, across the street) Which means I'll be watching you carefully. (glares) Very carefully.
Stamm: (after Explorer leaves) So, what's worse? That penguin, or the guilliotine?
Huma: Forget the stupid guilliotine! How can we interview with him around?
Stamm: Well, we could convince him that we are real penguins.
Huma: Doctor Stammerly, that's brilliant! We'll do it!
Meanwhile, across the street...
Explorer 767: (to the rest of the South Pole Council) See them? They're right across the street, heading for the Grand Library. (points out the window)
Judge Xavier: What do we do about dem?
Fred 676: Simple; we're in charge of the server flow in Antarctica, right? All we do is track them; watch their every move. If they do something funny, the next thing they know, they've got a squadron of agents on their heels. Let them check out their book. Wait 'till they go back and actually read it. We'll install cameras on every inch of Humana Cathedral. If they're telling the truth, which I doubt they are, they'll turn out fine. If not... I won't say the details. Everyone agree?
(Council members nod)
Fred: Alright. Off to Humana Cathedral!
(South Pole Council, in Humana Cathedral)
Fred 676: Wow. Quite a large building.
Penghis Khan: Penghis Khan will go in first. You follow Penghis Khan.
Happyface141: I've got a bad feeling about this.
(The Council, with Penghis Khan in the lead, creeps silently into the Cathedral.)
Judge Xavier: Tha place is huge, how can we put tha cameras on it?
(All the penguins look at each other)
Jacko: Vait! I've got van idea! Vhy don't we take 'zee cameras and attach zhem to 'zee steps?
24Keyser: Ok. (starts fumbling in bag for cameras)
Penghis Khan: Penghis Khan likes that idea. (looks at an end table near a sofa) Penghis Khan will put his tiny camera on the end table.
(Penghis Khan walks over to the end table. Yet, he was too short to reach it!)
Penghis Khan: Penghis Khan can't reach the end table! This must be the biggest end table Penghis Khan has ever seen!
(The other council members laugh)
The Great Snailzini: Heh heh. Penghis Khan thinks he's of normal height.
Fred 676: That takes quite a lot of ignorance... six to the eighth power, if I calculated right.
Penghis Khan: (jumping up and down) MUST... REACH... END.. TABLE! (screams and takes out fish) FOUL END TABLE, FACE PENGHIS KHAN'S IMPERIAL PWNAGE!
(Penghis Khan smacks the end table with his fish. The table is not harmed, but the vase on it comes crashing down and shatters into pieces. A loud echo rings through the building. The chandeliers of the cathedral make a mild jingling sound.)
Governor "?": This shan't be good.
Judge Xavier: Shan't?
Fred: It means "shall not", your Honor.
(Just then, The Sapie Brothers walk in. The council faces them in stunned silence)
Stamm: (stunned) You broke my end table and the vase on it! (cries) HOW COULD YOU?!
Fred: We thought you were evil... so we tried to bug your home. I was going to place a camera on the tangent of your staircase...
Explorer: (annoyed) FRED!
Huma: WE'RE NOT EVIL, I TOLD YOU! Can't you see you broke Doctor Stamm's favorite vase? Please, just leave.
(The Council members leave in disdain.)
Outside the Cathedral:
Explorer: Well, that was a big waste of time.
Mayor McFlapp: I say, they may not be evil twits after all, eh wot?
Explorer: I still have my doubts. Did anyone set up cameras?
24Keyser: Umm... I did!
Explorer: Well, it's not much, but it's a start. Good job, Keyser!
(The Council heads home)
Meanwhile, in Humana Cathedral...
Huma: Stamm, that was the best acting ever! You really convinced them!
Stamm: (crying) Huma, they broke my vase! My favorite vase!
Huma: You weren't acting?
Stamm: (bawling) MY VASE! MY PRECIOUS VASE!!!! WHY?!?!
Huma: (rolls eyes) You are such a spaz.
Stamm: MY VAAAAASSSSEEEE!!!!
(Some days after mishap)
Explorer 767: (to the Troublesome Trio) We have to find out what the Sapie Brothers are up to! 24Keyser did set up a camera, but it only provides coverage of the kitchen.
Happyface141: We could swim there.
Barkjon: Ooh! I've got it! Here's my plan.
(Barkjon proceds to explain his long, but detailed, plan)
Explorer: Great work, Barkjon. Alright everyone, get on your swimsuits! Operation Spaz is a go!
(At the Cathedral)
Explorer: Whoo, what a swim! Man, that storm was ROUGH!
Stamm: (Out of nowhere) Hey? How did you get here? I just fixed my vase!
(The Trio looks at the vase. It is covered in tape, staples, glue, and paperclips.)
Barkjon: So, we wasted a swim in a HUGE STORM for nothing?
(Barkjon leans on a nearby end-table, not knowing it was the vase one. The table flips over, and the vase crashes to the floor. Stamm and the Trio remain silent... suddenly, Stamm starts trembling.)
Stamm: M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-my vase... MY VASE!! MY VVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (Stamm looks at the celing) WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?! WHY?!?!
(Stamm runs off crying. A crash is heard in the kitchen. Stamm falls over. The Trio watch in awe as a table flips over like a see-saw. A watermelon is flung through the air. It smacks into a corner of the kitchen... right where a camera was placed. A "splat" sound is heard, following a short circuit sound, along with a temporary brownout in the whole cathedral. Immediately proceeding, a loud snoring sound is heard from the Third Floor, coming from Doctor Humana. The Trio stare at each other for what seemed like years. No one dared to speak. They just took off running, waddling as fast as their little webbed feet can carry them..)
(The Sapie Brothers are at the Dojo)
Huma: (looking at the carved designs on the walls) Such intricate designs! Who built this thing?
(Sensei appears out of nowhere, scaring the brothers)
Sensei: I did. (looks at the terrified brothers) And who might you be?
Stamm: (stuttering) W-we're th-the S-s-sapie B-Brothers. W-we'r m-making a f-f-ilm on Antarctica. And wh-who are y-you?
Sensei: (ignoring Stamm's question) Ah, yes. Welcome to the Dojo. It was said that you would come here.
Stamm: How do you know that?
Sensei: I got an e-mail notifying me that two weird-looking young grasshoppers would arrive at the Dojo around 1:50 PM. (looks at watch) You're 5 minutes late.
Both brothers: ...
Sensei: So, would you like to become a ninja?
(Both brothers huddle together) Huma: (whispering to Stamm) If we become ninjas, we'll have access to more rooms. It'll do our "research" a lot of good.
Stamm: Oh, goodie! I always wanted to be a ninja!
Huma: (out loud) Yes, sir, we would like to become ninjas.
Sensei: (giving the brothers a pack of cards each) Here are your starter packs. Now, would you like for me to go over the instructions of Card-Jitsu?
Stamm: What's Card-Jitsu?
Huma: A card game?! I thought Ninjas had to undergo years of training, mastering the art of camoflauge, stealth, and speed, only to protect their shogun in espionage missions that involve life risking escapades for the sake of the shogun's imperial expansion.
(Sensei stares at Huma.)
Stamm: Oooohh! Oooohh! Is it like UNO?
Stamm: How about Sorry?
Stamm: (talking fast) Poker? Blackjack? TEXAS HOLD 'EM? Old Maid? Rummy? War? Hearts? Spades? Hit the Deck with the Hand?
(Huma slapps Stamm)
Sensei: ... I do believe I shall explain the rules now.
(Sensei procedes to go over the rules of Card-Jitsu.)
Sensei: Do you want to play with another student, or would you like to face off against me?
(Both brothers huddle together again)
Stamm: Oh, come on, Huma! Let's face off against him!
Huma: (stern yet nervous) Stamm, in ancient Japan, it is the Elder who--
Stamm: (interrupting) Yes, we'll face off against you!
Sensei: So shall it be!
(The three face off)
Stamm: (picking out a Rank 3 Water Card) Here, try this one! (tosses it at Sensei)
Huma: Don't yell at him! My apologies, Master... bearded penguin. He's a spaz. (Huma bows)
Sensei: Don't care. Play!
Sensei: (throwing his card in the air) Rank 12, Summoning Card!
(Card flashes blue, then disappears. A second later, the air flashes blue, and The Antics Brothers materialize on either side of Sensei.)
Huma: (stunned) Sweet mother of pearl...
Explorer: (waving cheerfully to Sensei) Hi, Sensei! I'm assuming you got my e-mail!
Sensei: (snickering) Yes. But before we converse, why not finish Card-Jitsu? (motions to the Sapie Brothers)
Fred: (turning to the brothers) Oh, it's you again. I was hoping this would happen sometime.
Sensei: (throwing another card in the air) Combo Card!
Explorer and Fred: (simultaneously) Ace Of Spades!/E=MC2!
(A huge spade-shaped missile flies towards Huma, accompanied by several lightning bolts.)
Huma: I'm running, you useless blockhead, I'm running!
Huma: Okay, that battle was way scary!
Stamm: You could say that again..
(Tails6000 walks over)
Tails: Hey, do you have anything to do?
Huma: No, why?
Tails: Your holding up the line!!
(Tails points to a line of angry penguins)
Stamm: An angry mob? Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!
(Huma slaps Stamm)
Huma: Sorry, he is spastic.
Tails: I see.
Coool31(Meeting the brothers)
Huma: Taped elemento!
Huma: Do you know, Sensei? He is kinda creepy.
Elemento: Yes I don't like him.
Huma and Stamm: Really?
Elemento: No, I am good friends with Sensei's Family, almost to the point of being related, but am not.
Huma and Stamm: The "Oh no!" card!
Huma and Stamm: Phwhew.
Huma and Stamm: say WHAT?!? now
The fireball is thrown.
Huma and Stamm: landed in Humana Cathedral.
Huma: I'm not fixing that.
A day later....
Stamm: Taped Coool31!
Stamm: Hello. We'd like to interview you on The Humana Cathedral Papers.
Yeah! We're going to send it to Portugal!
Coool31: ...you mean "Dorkugal", correct?
Huma: (annoyed at Stamm) Yes... "Dorkugal"...
Coool31: Well I am busy, but OK.
Huma: What are you doing?
Coool31: Getting comics for my friends and I.
Huma and Stamm: Oh.
Coool31: What do you want to know about those letters?
Stamm: What do you know?
Coool31: Well the papers are a series of letters from two doctors.
Huma: Those are us you nitwit! Apologies for this penguin, he's spastic.
Huma Thoughts: at least he c'ant throw fireballs
Coool31: Oh, fireball.
Huma and Stamm: SAY WHAT?!??!?!
The fireball is thrown.
Huma and Stamm landed in Humana Cathedral.
Huma: I'm not fixing that.
Stamm: You should, it's leaking!
Huma: I thought, that this town will be more interesting. Was it worth walking such a long and "full of curves" road?
Stamm: Maybe. Anyway, I heard the Explorer Guy talking, the town has beautiful sunsets and sunrises.
Huma: Umm... Holidays... I miss the Waikiki beach. Do you think, in this continent there is a warm place?
Stamm: (Notices a penguin) Look! There is a famous penguin, I think. She is surrounded by several video cameras!
Huma: Gotta interview her!
Huma: Hello! Who are you?
Ellisabeta: No, that's not the right question. Who are you? And I've never seen a penguin wearing a banner with text: "I am a penguin.". Sounds absolutely stupid.
Ellisabeta: Umm... Why do you want to know about them?
Stamm: Well, that's for a...
Huma: (Kicks Stamm) kind of project about letters.
Stamm: Yes! We're going to send them to Portugal!
Ellisabeta: Don't you mean Dorkugal?
Stamm: Ah... Yes! Small mistake. I was thinking about Waikiki...
Ellisabeta: Don't you mean Penguiki?
Huma: Sorry for my brother, he is so damp. Can you tell us anything about this letters?
Stamm: Or Penguiki?
Ellisabeta: No. And no. Check out some libraries. I work in television, anyway, I am busy.
Huma: Sorry to bother you.
Stamm: Man, this Boeing plane seems comfy!
A penguin sitting beside him notices his compliment
Penguin: Don't you mean Snowing?
Stamm: Yes... Snowing.
Huma realizes this is his chance to find out about the Humana Cathedral Papers
Huma: Excuse me, but do you know anything about The Humana Cathedral Papers?
Penguin: No... but if you are talking about Snowing planes, I could tell you about it.
Huma: Don't bother, then.
Huma: Stamm, look! I think there's a guy who could help us!
Stamm: Don't bother.
Huma and Stamm approach the buisness-trendy penguin, whom is actually the rich scammer Bill Gates
Bill Gates: Hello? What could I help you with, penguin?
Stamm: You look a lot like Bill Gates.
Bill Gates: I am Bill Gates.
Huma and Stamm gasp, in shock
Stamm: OH MY GOODNESS! I REALLY LOVE YOUR SOFTWARE, SIR!
Bill Gates: Thanks, fellow penguin.
Stamm: We are not fellow penguins. We are humans disguised as penguins.
Bill Gates: Really?
Huma: Yeah. Anyway, do you know anything of The Humana Cathedral Papers?
Bill Gates: No. But would you like to try out our newest product, the Doors 10000? It will not only store data, but will do your homework, cook your food, and do anything!
Stam gets pulled away from Huma.
Stamm: Why did you pushed me back from buying Bill Gates' product?
Huma: Because, we are looking for the Humana Catherdal Papers, not Bill Gates.
Stamm: But I wanna!
Huma: No buts.
To be continued
Huma: Stupid Metro Train. We're in a place with a bunch of giant penguins with fishes staring at us.
Stamm: Mmm...I like fish!
Pengolian: Shall we whack them?
Pengolian 2: Nah, we shall smack them.
Stamm: We are not the strangers you want to smack.
Pengolian: You are not the strangers we want to smack.
Huma stares in disbelief.
Stamm: I told you the force existed.
Pengolian 2: Nah, you're the strangers we want to whack.
Huma: I knew it.
Pengolians start whapping with fish.
Pengolian: UBER PWNAGE TIME! YAY!!!
Stamm: OW! OW OW OW! OW OUCH!
Huma: Let's get out of here!
Huma and Stamm run away.
The Sapie Brothers decided to go to Snowzerland because it seemed a lot like Switzerland.
Huma:"Look at this place. It's like an exact replica of Switzerland!"
Stamm:"Yeah. Hey, I bet the Leader of this place lives in that castle."
Both of them go to the Castle and knock on the door.
Swiss Ninja answers.
Swiss:"Hello... whoa, you two are really ugly penguins!"
Huma slaps Stamm.
Swiss:"Who are you?"
Stamm: "We're the Sapie Brothers. We're interviewing people-- I mean, penguins so we can make a documentary on Antarctica."
Huma: "For research purposes."
Stamm: "Yeah! We're going to send it to Portugal!"
Swiss:"Portugal? Isn't that far? I have never heard a penguins living there before. Are you sure you didn't mean Dorkugal?"
Huma:"Never mind that. Can we get on with the Interview?"
Swiss:"Sure! I am Kaiser Swiss Ninja, ruler of Snowzerland! I will take you on a huge tour around my vast empire...."
Swiss takes them on a tiresome tour that takes five hours.
Swiss:"Well, that's everything!"
Huma:"Let's get out of here!"
Both boys run towards the airport...
The two boys arrive in Frostize, where they go to King Olave's palace. Jock Hochstadt and Piper are the ones to answer the door.
Jock:"MY GOSH! If you would like to speak to the king, you have to send him a letter!!! I mean really, do you know how often penguins do this, can you people read the..."
Huma:"No, we're not here for that. We're interviewing people-- I mean, penguins so we can make a documentary on Antarctica."
Stamm: "We're going to send it to the beautiful country of Portugal!"
Jock:"Um... Portugal? Don't you mean Dorkugal?"
Jock:"Hmph. Well, I don't know much about that country. Hold on a minute....Hey, Clovis, can you come here a minute, I need to ask you a question!"
Huma:"Please, forget about that! Just answer our..."
Clovis:"Alright, I'm here. What's the question?"
Jock:"Where is Portugal?"
Clovis:"Don't you mean Dorkugal?"
Clovis:"Oh, I remember my brother once told me about that place..."
Clovis:"Yeah it is. Why, do you know him?"
Huma:"Lets just say we've bumped into him before..."
Jock:"I'm his uncle!"
Stamm:"Oh, you are all a family of penguins!"
Huma:"Don't you mean the Habsburg Family?"
Jock:"Habsburg? Is that a Snoss town or something?"
Jock:"Please come inside. I will show you guys our family scrapbook!"
Huma:"Stamm, get some notepaper! We are going to learn about the history of a penguin family!"
Jock takes them through the family album
Stamm:"Ok, wait, was Clovis your son or your brother Red River 2's son?"
Clovis and Jock:"Red River 2's son!"
Jock:"Geez, you guys have a hard time with this, don't you?! Do I even look married to you?"
Jock kicked the two "penguins" out of the palace.
Stamm:"At least we have the information!"
Huma:"Hey, you, surfer penguin!"
Dave Hochstadt turned around.
Dave:"Yeah, dude? What can I help you with?"
Stamm:"We're making a documentary about Antarctica! We're sending it to Portugal!"
Dave:"Portugal? Isn't that far from here? I think you mean Dorkugal."
Huma:"No! We're sending it to Portugal!!!!! Why does everyone think it's that nerdy dump known as Dorkugal?!"
Dave:"Dude, chill out. Hang loose and enjoy the waves created by the sea!"
Stamm: "I love its sound....."
Huma:"Stamm! Oh great, let me guess! You're one of those German penguin hockey stick family, right?"
Dave:"It's the Hochstadt Family, and yes, I'm one of them."
Huma:"Ok, then, we want to learn more about how do Penguins learn how to surf."
Stamm:"We're going to send this to LA!"
Huma:"Not Louisiana, fool! To Los Angeles!"
Dave:"Los Angeles? I've heard of that place before, I've...."
Huma:"Woah, woah, woah, how do you even know about these Human places?"
Stamm:"Not that we are humans!"
Dave:"Um... ok... Well, the waves of the sea told me..."
Huma and Stamm look at each other strangely.
Stamm:"I think he lost it!"
Dave:"Oh, no, I didn't. I just know that Los Angeles is home to many surfers like me too...."
Huma:"How do you know that?"
Dave:"I've heard from the waves of the sea! They tell me the story!"
Huma:"How can you do that?"
Dave:"Man, you guys don't get it, do you? Apparently, you guys don't surf. I can break the fourth wall when surfing, and that's only for me. Others can break the fourth wall normally, while I can only see it through the waves, and I can only see ceartain things."
Stamm:"Hey, isn't breaking the fourth wall a theatrical..."
Huma elbowed Stamm in the lungs, which made him quiet.
Dave:"OK, good bye awkward penguins..."
Dave runs away into the ocean and continues to surf.
Huma and Stamm are on the Sub-Antarctic State Ferry, going to Gentoo Island.
Huma: What is this PASA thing anyway?
Stamm: It sounds like NASA.
Random Penguin: Don't you mean PASA?
Stamm: Oh... yeah... PASA...
Huma trips. Stamm runs to save him, but he's pulled into the water. They wash up in Dorkugal. Many hours later, they wake up on the beach.
Stamm: Ohhh... where are we?
Huma: And what's that ninety story skyscraper? Oh boy my head hurts.
Stamm: Are you sure it's ninety stories?
Huma: Let's go inside.
They walked in and they saw a nerd.
Nerd: Greetings, outsiders, we don't get much visitors.
Stamm: Dude, what's up with that high-pitched nerdy sounding accent?
Nerd: I'm a nerd, for computer's sake!
Huma: Um, where are we?
Stamm: Hey, we have a documentary we wanna send here!
Nerd: What documentary?
Stamm: Well yeah, we've been interviewing people (I mean penguins), to make a documentary about Antarctica and send it to Portugal.
Nerd: Don't you mean Dorkugal?
Stamm: Um yeah. Dorkugal. Hey, why do you wear those medieval clothes?
The nerd looks shocked.
Nerd: "Don't call our clothes medieval. It's a big insult here."
More angry nerds walk towards Huma and Stamm.
Huma: Uh, Stamm, we gotta get outta here.
They ran to the airport, and hitched a ride on a plane headed for Las Puffles-McCallen International Airport.
Huma: Uh, Stamm, what is that city, it looks like Las Vegas.
Stamm: Yes, it does.
The plane landed, and they walked to Las Puffles.
Huma: Hoff... Haff... I'm tired, Stamm.
Stamm: Well, Las Vegas has a monorail system right? I think this city should have one shouldn't it?
A blue penguin in a propeller hat walked by.
Huma: "[recognizing him] Hey, Explorer, where are we?"
Explorer: It's you guys!
Huma: You're delegate in the South Pole Council for the Sub-Antarctic. We've heard about you.
Explorer: Wow. I've heard of you. We've been monitoring you.
Huma: Monitoring us?
Explorer: Yeah. You guys look weird, and I don't know any penguin that wears a shirt that says "I am a penguin." So we are monitoring you. In fact, I'd like to take you to Eastshield Hope Hospital for examination.
Stamm: Wha wha wha what? Examination?
Explorer: You've talked about this country called "Portugal". Penguins ask you, "Don't you mean Dork-
Huma: Yeah we know what penguins are saying.
Explorer: So as such, we need to examine you.
Stamm: We were gonna ask you, what is this place? It looks like Las Vegas!
Explorer:(confused) Las Vegas? What's that? A place in this "Portugal" country?
Huma:No, it's a city in the United States of America.
Explorer: Don't you mean United States of Antarctica? Anyway, this city is called Las Puffles. It was started by puffles, and it's casinos sprung up after the puffles decided casino gambling would help their city.
Stamm: Cool. Anyway, can we stay at one of these fancy hotels?
Explorer gets out his Droidice 2 and calls Jock Hochstadt.
Huma: Hey, is that a Droid?
Explorer:Don't you mean Droidice?
Huma: Um... yes, Droidice. Who are you calling?
Explorer: Jock Hochstadt. The Viking Army will take you to the border, where you'll be picked up by a USA troop transport. Then, you'll be taken to Eastshield Hope Hospital, we will examine you. And no, you can't since you'll be examined soon.
Stamm: OH NOES! WE'RE GONNA BE EXAMINED!
Jock Hochstadt, accompanied by a bunch of Viking soldiers, all on motor scooters come in. Huma and Stamm see a hotel called Scissors Palace.
Jock: Hold it right there! I'm gonna unload my tranquilizer gun on you, and so will my troops!
Huma: Stamm! Run for it!
The Viking soldiers fired at the brothers, but Fred, who was traveling with Explorer, charged them down, and said,
"Quick, get in that hotel!"
They got in the lobby of Scissors Palace."
Stamm: Whew. That was close.
Front desk guy: Man, you are two really ugly penguins! And why do you have those video cameras in your flippers?
Stamm: We're making a documentary about Antarctica so we can send it to Portugal!
Front desk guy: Don't you mean Dorkugal?
Stamm: Uh yeah, Dorkugal. This looks like Caesars Palace!
Guest: Don't you mean Scissors Palace?
Stamm: FOR THE LOVE OF @#$ I MEAN CAESARS PALACE!!!!
Huma: Sorry, he's spastic.
Jock kicks the door open.
Jock: You are under arrest!
The viking soldiers fired ther tranquilizers. Huma and Stamm woke up on an airplane.
Huma: Where are we?
Viking soldier: You are in a plane being transported to Eastshield Hope Hospital to be examined for what you REALLY are. It's rumored that you are humans, so we need to find that out.
Huma: We don't want them to find out that we're humans.
The plane landed at South Pole City Metro International Airport, and the brothers where taken to the hospital. But...
Huma: (taking out a knife and cutting through the wall of the ambulance) Stamm, we gotta break out.
They fell out onto the street, but were unhurt.
Stamm: Whew. That was close.
Okay. So where do we go?
Huma saw a guy wearing a shirt with the image of Mr. Bean on it.
Stamm: Hey! Are you a Mr. Bean fan?!
Str00del Force member: Y35. 1'm fr0m Waffleland.
Huma and Stamm: Waffleland?
Str00del Force member: Yes, Waffleland. A country we created for Mr. Bean.
Huma: How'd HE get here?
Stammm: I wanna eat waffles!
Huma and Stamm fly into Waffleland on a rickety old plane.
Huma: This thing is like, horrible! It's like a Tupolev plane!
Stamm: Yeah. Why are these Wafflians so cheap? And what's that smell?
Passenger: It's the Royal Exquisitely Stinky Dump.
Huma and Stamm: EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Why do you guys put this thing RIGHT BY THE AIRPORT?
Passenger: Dudes, I'm not Wafflian.
On the streets of B3an C1ty:
Huma: OK, these penguins are crazy. Their buildings are made of waffles, they have Mr. Bean statues everywhere that are also made of waffles, and they are always singing ecce homo qui est faba. So they love waffles, and they love Mr. Bean.
Stamm: WAFFLES!(devours half a building)
Wafflian: @#$% Y0U Y0U A7E MY H0U23! 1 W1LL K1LL Y0U!
Huma: Oh noes!
Just as Huma said that, Mr.Bean walked out surrounded by his interpreters.
Mr. Bean: "Askfdgk iodfj ghifjdpo fjidc jgd k pdf kg prfo kgpok fl gkofe gfgkf fddf ishfij fj jf jfeidf jidc od. Wegkgif jcikgj ikjgihjfd jfgj dfkhj dofbj kfo kfdjbod fgjitfjvngjfidjdideosofvcvb kjvfng zdfjehbkxvjngc.
Interpreter: His Imperial Majesty wishes to know who you are.
Huma: We are the Sapie Brothers. We are making a documentary on Antarctica and sending it to Portugal.
Interpreter: Don't you mean Dorkugal?
Mr Bean: Gajs jgfifn kfnosniofdi0dsf jdfsi jid jsdf jfipsj fp jgdks jri kfn fidjk kvo mifjkfo nsi nod jdakjosa, asdfaschy fjfi djso jdkf jsipajideiji fnf ifj e0fd d fiidj= idsj =dig d=if.
Interpreter: His Imperial Majesty will hold a banquet in your honor.
(On a train that's leading to Castle Phazon)
Huma: Whew, that was close.
Stamm:Anyways,Where the baloney are we going?
(Train stops and Huma and Stamm get out)
Stamm: It looks like a techno-thingy and a castle combined...
(The brothers walk into Castle Phazon)
Dark Lorgas:Who DARES tresspass in moi's domain?
Stamm:ANOTHER HUMAN WHO SPEAKS A BIT OF FRENCH! WE'RE SAVED!!!
Huma: Sorry. My brother's spastic.
(Dark Lorgas reveals himself; flanked by his elite guard)
Huma and Stamm: OMG, IT'S DARK SAMUS!!! RUN!!!!!
(Huma and Stamm run away)
(Huma and Stamm stop running in the wilderness)
Stamm: I think he can't see us anymore.
(They hear some whispering behind a bush)
Huma: (whispering to Stamm) It might be another penguin. Let's interview it.
(both get close enough to a green penguin with a slingshot and a propellor cap and a green puffle)
Fooly8: Woah! Who the PIE are you?
Stamm: We are the Sapie Brothers. We are going to interview you.
Fuzzle: What for?
Huma: Research purposes.
Stamm: They are for Portugal.
Fooly8: Porkupine? You mean Dorkugal?
Huma: Nevermind that part! Let's just inter-
Fooly8: PUFFLE FIGHT!!!
(Fooly throws puffles at the brothers, who run away again)
(Huma and Stamm check out PuffleVille, we dunno why.)
Huma: You'd better not ruin it this time! (talking to Stamm)
(The Sapie Brothers approach a white puffle slowly and steadily.)
Snow: (turning around) And what exactly do you think you're doing, trying to sneak up on me?
Huma: We're the Sapie Brothers. We're doing a documentary for Portugal.
Snow: I'm not sure if you meant Dorkugal, yet I've never been there.
Stamm: Ooh, I like this place, look at all the fuzzy creatures!
Huma: *sighs* Are you the mayor of this place?
Snow: Yes, I am. Why?
Huma: Might I ask where to find penguins to interview?
Snow: Definitely not here. This is the Island Puffle Paradise.
Huma: Alright, Stamm. I suppose we'd best get going!
Snow: Okay then. Have a nice day!
Stamm: I'll be sure to!
Snow: My question is:
Snow: WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING?
Stamm: I really don't know.
Snow: Yeah, you'd best be going before anyone sees you!
(Huma and Stamm slowly start walking across the bridge.)
Snow: Good luck on that documentary film for wherever that place is!
Huma and Stamm are now visiting the Penguinpuffdude igloo, hoping to find some better reactions other than a white and cute furry ball.
Penguinpuffdude: Hello, what d'you want?
Huma: We are the Sapie Brothers, can we ask you some questions?
Penguinpuffdude: What for?
Stamm: A documentary we can broadcast in Portugal! :D
Penguinpuffdude: You spelled it incorrectly.
Huma: (nudges Stamm) Oh, excuse Stamm. We meant Dorkugal.
Penguinpuffdude: So, what fair wind blows you here?
Huma: We want to ask some questions for a documentary on Antartica.
Suddenly, Dooby Derlick comes around from a corner.
Penguinpuffdude: AAAAAAAAAAAH! (runs away)
Dooby Derlick: BAABY PENGUINS! XTERRRRRMIN8!!!!!!!!!
Huma and Stamm begins to run, narrowly missing the laser blasts.