Alex Eats Two Poritos

From Club Penguin Fanon Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Alex Eats Two Poritos!
I really wished there was an image here about the leaked footage of Alex eating TWO Poritos!
Background information
Participants Alex12345a, TurtleShroom (penguin), James the Photographer, and The High Court of the MMK
Date 4 April 2010
Location MAI and CP HQ

Alex Eats Two Poritos! is both a leaked footage of Alex12345a going against one of the actions needed to get into the MMK AND a scandal that involved him and the structuring of the MMK. The media asked-who structured the MMK if Alex didn't?


Alex required a re-initation into the MMK. He had been operating in a loophole and never took the Initiation in the MMK, because he founded the group back when it was an informal, robeless club. When the secret was out, he was made Grandmaster immediantly without initation.

Time passed, and the other, now-senior members (including TurtleShroom) decided that their Founder needed to pass the test like everyone else. It was then that the issue came. The night following an interview, Alex was to be re-initiated. The Initiation had begun, but, in reverse. He had already taken a picture of Mabel, and he signed the contract to protect her. He breezed through watching WHAT?!? (and even requested to view it again), and the hanging of the effigy was done without a hitch. The Poritoes were brought out, and Alex diligently ate one. The Klansmen passed the bowl around and ate whole flippers full of them, as he looked on, not eating another.

However, what Alex did was going to cost him his position in the MMK, his reputation in being the ultimate Mabel fan AND his co-leader, Turtleshroom (penguin).

Chapter One: The Interview[edit]

James Beak was a photographer (and in fact, he still is one). He enjoyed taking photographs of everything-ranging from the rise of Sunshine Fjord to pictures of penguins dressed up in colorful Halloween costumes to Mwa Mwa Penguins on the loose. He lived in MAI and travelled frequently. He earned a reasonable salary for giving the photos he took to a publishing company.

James Beak returned home after visiting the publishing company's office once again. He had to take photographs of Alex12345a, a famous writer, for an article on the history of books in MAI. James took his camera equipment and headed for Alex12345a's home.

James Beak rang the doorbell at Alex's gate. There was no response. He did it again, and again, and AGAIN, but to no avail. Loudly, he shouted, "ANYONE IN THE HOUSE?"

A penguin, with a pair of spectacles, came rushing to the door of his house. He pressed a button with a crab symbol on it, and the door opened slowly. James Beak came in and the door opened.

"I'm very sorry Mr. Beak for causing you to wait outside the gate and stressing your voice out," the penguin apologized sheepishly. "I'm Alexander Gan, and I think YOU are going to interview me today, am I correct?"

"If that's the case, why are you wearing GLASSES? Are you a Dork?"

"No. It just so happens that I can't see so well nowadays, so I have to wear these glasses. Other than that, and a problem with my nose (even though penguins don't have nose), I am not a dork." Alex replied, and gave him a tour of his house.

Later, James and Alex sat at a sofa that seemed to be facing a stone wall. There was an open-air covering, thus, there was no air-conditioning in the first floor. James asked Alex to stand in front of the stone wall and give him his best pose. Alex posed very naturally in front of James, ending the session within half an hour.

"Thank you so much. It is a pleasure to meet you," thanked James Beak as he left the house.

"You're welcome. I hope you will be given credit for your work." replied Alex.

Once James left the house, a string of events occurred that would eventually lead to the great revolution of the MMK leader.

Chapter Two: The Camera[edit]

Now, James Beak was a careless penguin. He left his camera behind at times before leaving a house. This time, he left his camera at Alex's house.

James also forgotten to switch off the recording function. Before James left, he decided to record Alex's living room for safekeeping. Before he finished the recording, he went into the bathroom as he urgently needed it. When he came out, he had forgotten about his camera and left the house.

James' camera could record for fifteen hours based on the memory space left. That was all the time in the world, considering Alex's shocking footage.

Meanwhile, James Beak was at home, watching television. He later remembered about his camera and searched for it frantically, and could not find it anywhere in his house. "Oh no! I must have left it at Alex's house!" he said.

Frantically, James dashed out of his igloo and waddled on to Alex's house. The gate was strangely unlocked, so he entered and opened the main door to Alex's home.

Greeting him in the living room where several purple-robed, glasses-wearing penguins in boater hats. They all glared at him, as if he was not supposed to be there.

"Uhh... hello... if you exucse me, gentlemen, I was just leaving!"

The penguin turned to run, but he was blocked by other penguins in boater hats and purple robes.

"You have violated the sanctity of the Klan. Sit down, hush, and put this on. We are in the middle of very important business."

He was handed a boater hat.

"Is this one of those barbershop quartet hats? Ick, I hate quartet music!"

"SSSSHHHHH!!! Grandmaster Alex is about to undergo the INITIATION."

"What's that?"


It was then that Alex came in the room, in full Grandmaster uniform. A second, taller penguin entered the room wearing identical robes.

"All righty, Alex. Change into the normal Klan garments." this voice seemed immensely familiar to him. It was a bit low, very loud, and somewhat peppered with an accent. Somehow, it reminded him of someone he had met in the past... -but who?

Alex nodded and took out his player card. He shifted through his inventory and found his old robes and hat. It had been so long since he had worn them. He clicked the buttons and waited.

Like any CP wardrobe change, the capirote vanished and was replaced with a boater hat. Glasses appeared on his face, and his white robe with golden trim was replaced with a plain purple one. His face could be seen. Alex now beared resemblance to the other MMK goons that were surrounding James.

"Alex, you have already performed the other initiation rituals."

The capirote-donning penguin turned to a penguin in traditional Klansman uniform holding a clipboard.

"Effifgy hanging, check. Watching 'What?!?', check. Wearing spray-on shoes, check."

The Grandmaster stopped and looked towards the Klansman.

"Wait, wait, what? What?"

Another chimed in.

"What the FLDSMDFR is spray-on shoes?"

The Grandmaster turned to another Klansman.

"What in the name of sardines are you all talking about? ...-and how do you pronounce FLDSMDFR?"

"Brother, it's pronounced flim-sim-defer." the Klansman with the clipboard stated.

"Flum-muh-nim-defer?" the capirote-wearing penguin stuttered.



Alex looked on, as did the other Klansmen.



A different Klansman called out.



The resounding thud of a facepalm ensued.


James was thoroughly disturbed. It must be some evil sacrifice chant, or something! They were going to chop him into meatballs as part of their sick doctrine! He had to flee! The camera penguin got up to his feet and waddled around the crowd of cultists trying to explain to their leader how to pronounce such a strange jumble of letters. They were distracted; good.

Then, James grinned when he saw the camera facing directly at the MMK Klansmen. This entire dialogue was being recorded! What news he would make with this! A whole underground cult that sacrifices penguins with a FLDSMDFR- whatever that is -turning them into meatballs that are stacked into a pile of leftovers for consumption by puffles! What a scoop! Finally, he could meet Aunt Arctic, and, hopefully, make out with her!

James sneaked into a closet and kept the door cracked, so that he could see the events unfold.

The leader had given up on pronunciation, and apparently, they were reading through the initation steps. Obviously, it was for their sacrifice.

"Okay, let's just agree that you can't pronounce FLDSMDFR and move on. Alex, you have passed every Initation ritual except the final one."

The penguin in the capirote nodded.

"Bring out... the CHIPS."

A timpano was wheeled out and rythimacally beat upon for a dramatic effect. A golden-colored bowl, filled with Poritos, was brought out by a different capirote-wearing penguin in a black robe. The other Klansman made way for him. He held the bowl up as the Grandmaster took it.

"Alexander12345a Gan, these Poritos, as you know, are symbolic of the Klan's devotion to Our Lady. Many things may be deprived from you because you have chosen to protect and not harm her. You can never prank her or partake in the deluge of pies, nor are you going to be able to hurt her in anyway."

"Mabel. Blessed be her name." the Klansmen around the leader and Alex chanted.

James placed his flipper over is heart, as if in shock.

"Mabel?!" he thought to himself.

"These chips represent diligence. No penguin can normally eat just one. While other members gorge on them, you are to eat one and resist the urge to consume any other chip. Now, Alex, take one."

Alex grinned and took the biggest, most cheese-coated Porito he saw in the bowl. He held it in his flippers, looking at it as if it was a long lost friend. He stuffed it in his beak and did not swallow, just holding it on his tounge to get the flavor. After a minute or so of this unbridled joy, Alex tilted his head up and swallowed the chip (penguins can't chew, they swallow whole). The other Klansmen confirmed it.

Then, the Grandmaster turned to the others. If that veil on the capirote wasn't hiding the cultist's face, James was sure he would have been grinning evily.

"Brother Bucket, would you care to have some Poritos?"

Bucket smiled. He took out a bucket and scooped it full of Poritos. He then funneled them down his beak, swallowing their cheesy goodness. Alex twitched as he watched.

"Brother Zoramask?"


He too grabbed a flipper full of Poritos and stuffed them into his beak, swallowing them whole and grinning at the goodness.

This continued on, as Alex continued to twitch and clasp his flippers together. He was holding on, it seemed.

"Well... it seems we are out of Poritos."

The Grandmaster dangled the bag in front of Alex's face. After a moment of awkard silence, the other Klasnmen appluaded.

"Congratulations, Brother Alex! You're in the Mabel Mongrel Klan!"

"Mabel! Blessed be her name!" Alex cheered. Everyone joine din the chant, which then transgressed to "WE LOVE MABEL". The cultists cheered for Alex as he switched back to his Grandmaster robes and capirote, shaking flippers with the other Grandmaster.

"Alex, we knew you could do it all along. Way to go." the other Grandmaster patted Alex, his face now covered by the capirote, on the back. He sat a bowl laden with Poritos on the table. "Remember, you can't eat another until every Klansmen leaves the building. After that, devour away."

Alex nodded, just thinking about all of those tasty Poritos. He took off the capirote, now only in the robes, and waved as folks began to leave. The Klansmen cheered and began to file out. All of them had forgotton about James, and no one saw the camera. The taller Grandmaster turned his abck and was the last to go.

Alex was staring at the Poritos as the Klansmn dwindled in number.

Suddenly, upon what would count as his shoulders, two strange figures appeared. They looked like lowercased letter "I". One was colored deep purple and standing on Alex's left shoulder, the other in white on his right. James Beak couldn't see it, so all he saw was Alex looking at his shoulders.

"-i, I told you that we were in the wrong place!"

"So? Neither of us exist!"

Alex was bamboozled.

"Can I help you?"

"EAT THE PORITO!" the purple i shouted.

"No! Wait until all Klansmen have left!" exclaimed the white i. "Look, there are still twenty and the Grandmaster! Surely you can wait that long!"

"NAY! Look how slow they are in those robes! It'll be another five minutes! Can you not just sneak a tasty, cheesy, delicious Porito in now and pretend it never happened?"

Alex nodded.

"No, NO! Don't listen to him! You'll be kicked out of this weird Mabel club!"

"See? SEE?! What does that goody-goody know about the great Mabel Mongrel Klan? Surely, you must listen to me! I use TERMINOLOGY, Almight Grandmaster of the Mabel Mongrel Klan!"


"Mabel! Blessed he her name!"

"No Alex, no-!"


The Grandmaster turned around. Alex had put the capirote back on so they couldn't see the cheese on his beak.

"Alex? Did you just..."

"Nope. You stepped on a Porito on the floor. I'm messy like that."

"Oh. Okay then! Have a glorious day. If you need me, I'll be in my palace trying to figure out fluh-muh-nuh-sim-refer."

The last of the Klansmen filed out, and the tall Grandmaster shut the door. All was quiet for a few seconds.

"Oh, and Alex... now that we've left, dive in to those Poritos. You ate just one, but you can now have them all. That wait wasn't too bad, was it?"

Alex grinned nervously under the capirote.

"Good bye!"

The door was shut and Alex dove into the Poritos.

"Well..." the i said, "My work here is done."

"Look what you did to poor Alex! What if someone saw him? You would destroy what little social life he has!"

"Aww, be quiet; -i, you're always such a worry-wart!"

"Bah. Let's go back to Fred now."


James was alone as Alex was eating the Poritos. He sneaked out of the closet and waddled to his camera. He turned it off and saved his data. Then, he sneaked out the entrance. Alex didn't hear him because he was gorging on Poritos.

The camera had seen it all.


See also[edit]