Aunt Agatha

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Beware that woman (and her shotgun)!!!! Also, that's fat you're seeing, not a dress!
Born Agatha Branditt Shoemaker
April 16, 1968 (1968-04-16) (age 51)
The backwoods of Eastshield
Residence Mattress Village
Gender Female
Other names The fat lady, big chunk, queen of sumo wrestlers
Citizenship Eastshield
Education Nothing but target practice
Notable works Driving the peaceful villagers crazy, showing up at family reunions with her shotgun, taking potshots at villagers, etc.
Home town Mattress Village
Height 13 feet
Weight 12 tons
Known for Her enormous weight, her hot temper, and her size
Title Aunt
Opponent(s) Many
Spouse(s) Uncle Bungee
Call-sign Fat Woman
Awards Fattest penguin alive 1979-present, most sued penguin 2008, McDoodle's customer of the year 2010


Agatha Branditt Shoemaker, better known as Aunt Agatha is a trailer trash hillbilly that resides in Mattress Village. Infamously known for her extreme weight and temper, she is a danger to the entire community, as offending her could mean her taking a potshot at you with her double-barreled shotgun. Though many orders have been given for her arrest, none have been brave enough to carry it out, and the villagers manage to tolerate her, barely. She is unable to go to the upper floors of buildings, as her gigantic, 12-ton bottom would send her crashing through the floors, giving her another fine to pay and another lawsuit for her to deal with. Doctors frequently fret about the enormous pressure on her heart, and the huge risk that it might fail any day, but so far this hasn't happened yet.


Appearance[edit]

Aunt Agatha is extremely fat. Period. The heaviest penguin ever to have lived, her belly drags on the ground and covers her feet like a dress, and she is too fat to go through double doors MEANT for Fat penguins! She is also the tallest penguin ever, and at 13 feet she even beats Gargantuan! Agatha wears a beekeeper wig and giant green sunglasses. Her 12-ton body is also extremely smelly, and no amount of perfume or deodorant can cover up the horrid smell. Aunt Agatha has expressed interest in a beard and it is known that she shaves, so some believes that someday she may walk into town with a great big beard. She wears lots of makeup, which just makes her look uglier.

Background[edit]

Birth and Early Life[edit]

Aunt Agatha was born on April 16th, 1968, in the backwoods of Eastshield. From birth she refused to eat her mother's regurgitated fish, preferring fresh varmints instead. At the age of 3 she was already hunting gophers and about anything she could find with her BB-gun, and from there she graduated to shotgun in 1973. In fact, she was more successful then her parents. Her temper was already terrible and her appetite already vicious this eventually caused her parents to die of starvation in 1975 after Agatha had piggishly eaten all the nearby animals surrounding their little cabin. Saddened (barely) by the death of her parents, but without remorse she traveled all the way to Mattress Village, where she heard she could go "food shoppin'" without all the work of hunting, which appealed to her.

Arrival in Mattress Village[edit]

Upon her arrival the peaceful villagers of Mattress Village greeted her warmly (as they did with all newcomers), but it soon became clear that Agatha was NOT like them at all. She had no sense of decency and her temper reared it's ugly rear end during her first week there, and the already overweight Agatha became even heavier upon discovering how much food could be bought in stores. Nobody was happy with her except the grocery stores, whom she paid handsomely for the piles of food that she bought daily. After two weeks of living there, the police ordered her arrest and put a price on her head, but she always managed to evade them and in combat she was unbeatable with her double-barreled shotgun. Eventually the police gave up, but kept the price upon her head for anyone that dared take her out. Of course, nobody was brave enough, the the villagers grudgingly let her stay, as they had no choice.

Marriage, and Weight Problems[edit]

It was in 1977 that Aunt Agatha met the man of her dreams. A penguin named...Uncle Bungee. Nobody ever got to see him (to this day nobody knows who he is), but she claimed to have met him in a shopping mart. She claimed to have fallen head over heels over him, and pretty soon she reported that they were married, but the ceremony was performed in total secrecy. The community didn't really care about this, as they had a bigger concern. Her weight. She was getting rather close to beating the current world record (an otherwise unnoticeable penguin named Haddy Smith), and she already weighed an amazing 4.5 tons, which left Aunt Agatha only 35.5 pounds to go. Within days she had beaten it, and she celebrated by eating even MORE food upon her official recognition as world's fattest penguin on December 12th, 1979. But she didn't stop there. She grew heavier and heavier every day, and soon the doctors grew concerned for her health. However she brushed them all away (with her broom, as she whacked their faces until they turned purple), and continued her eating streak.

Baster Smith[edit]

The police and the community managed to tolerate Aunt Agatha until 1988, when one day a farmer by the name of Baster Smith was found lying dead in his barn. He had been squashed by several tons of weight. Heads turned when everyone realized that only one thing could kill that way.

Mobs swarmed the streets of Mattress Village, sneaking for her arrest, and they barely managed to bring her in to the jail, where she was locked up in the strongest jail ever built. Even Aunt Agatha was unable to break out, and a few days later she was brought in to court. She was found undoubtedly guilty and to death by firing squad. She was brought in, and a group of police officers aimed and fired at her, hoping to end her fat horror in the CyberVoid. She was too fat to be deleted, even with fifty caliber shots. The bullets did not explode, but simply lodged in her fat and fell to the ground. She was not deleted.

They were idiots...WHO DARES THINK THEY CAN DEFEAT THE LIKES OF ME? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
 
— Aunt Agatha, while firing her shotgun

Personality[edit]

Aunt Agatha is addicted to eating, and eats more then all the villagers in Mattress Village combined. She gains massive amounts of weight daily, and this isn't helped by the recent addition of a McDoodle's to Mattress Village. Her hot, fiery temper is almost as infamous as her weight, and to those who fall beneath her wrath, beware! She will not hesitate to take a potshot at those who offend her, and if she is really mad, she may even try and challenge them to a sumo wrestling match, which usually ends in an awful way, as she is unbeatable at sumo wrestling.

Involvement[edit]

Aunt Agatha continues to live in Mattress Village, where she terrorizes the peaceful villagers, shows up at family reunions with her shotgun and eats more junk food. She grows heavier and heavier by the minute, and many believe that if she keeps this up, she will die of heart failure. Among the music industry she is most well known as an ardent critic of artist's weight, criticizing them if they aren't fat enough for her. Often when crimes are committed in Mattress Village, Aunt Agatha is the chief suspect and is often found guilty, but unable to be brought to justice. Her most common crime is to take potshots at villagers with her shotgun, and Eastshield has listed her as public enemy #2 in that area. She has become somewhat of a legend in that town, and for some odd reason Fat penguins often look up to her as a role model.

Controversy[edit]

Many penguins are angry that the penguins of Mattress Village do not rise up and deal with Aunt Agatha once and for all, and many a crazy visitor has tried to take care of her, with disastrous results. Her violent tendencies have lead to requests that Eastshield banish her from the country, and the fact that Eastshield has not done so yet has created even more controversy. She is often held as an object of public scorn, and "I hate Aunt Agatha" t-shirts are frequently seen in the South Pole City, among other places. Those who have knowledge of the Fourth Wall often ask the Masters of the Universe why they don't just delete her, but they often respond that her amazing amounts of fat protect her from deletion rays.

Social networking[edit]

Aunt Agatha has a distaste for popular singers, actors and musicians which are not (in her opinion) "fat enough", and she frequently lets this become known on public social networking websites such as Chitter and Beakbook via her posts, often to the artists themselves. This has lead to many demanding that she is kicked off or at least restrained, but these protests have not been successful. She is also claimed to frequently harass those online about their offline appearance, but so far there is no proof, as the recipients often instinctively delete the message upon it's arrival, thereby giving them no evidence when they sue her. The controversy started when she made her Chitter. Immediately she started cheeting messages such as: "Dancing is healthy? Bleh!! Music is what starts that healthy activity - I hate it!!". In April 2009 she started the same type of messages on Beakbook, saying: "I might just have to send my regards to all those skinny musicians out there and mail them some McDoodles!!" She cheeted to DJ Crow first, saying: "You are very skinny, music is bad you should stop and go get some fast food very stupid u are" - the same messages were delivered to Cadence, DJ Crab, Administrator Kai (who retaliated with Emalfs) and many more. A month later, DJ Crow made a 4 minute diss rap based on Agatha, which was uploaded to WaddleTube and was Most Viewed in two hours of upload. This angered Agatha even more - and the police are close to starting a case against her.

Quotes[edit]

  • "Hands up, Jefferson!"
  • "Of course I'd show up at the family reunion? Why, did you expect I wouldn't?"
  • "'Course I shot 'em, he called me Fat!"
  • (to a famous singer) "You're too skinny, darling. Time to head to McDoodle's!"

Trivia[edit]

  • Nobody knows where she gets all her money from to buy food.
    • This has lead to rumors that she gets her money from some place like the Un-CP or Nightmare.
    • It may be stolen, or lodged in her fat.
  • XTUX345 was inspired to create Aunt Agatha even before joining the CPFW by an Adventures in Odyssey episode, in which it turns out that everyone present has an "Aunt Agatha" who wears lots of makeup.
    • He was also partially inspired by his only mean aunt.
  • The only creature close to Agatha's size is a banned Wittle Miss CP that roamed in the forests of Club Penguin. Despite being fat enough to be unhurt from a powerful staff, she can't hold a candle to Aunt Agatha.


See Also[edit]