Bernie the Tour Guide

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Bernie the Tour Guide

Do you want a tour?!
Born January 12, 1997 (age 19)
Club Penguin Island
Gender Male
Other names Bernard, Bern, That Annoying Tour Guide, TourSomething
Occupation Local tour guide, presidential candidate?
Years active 2011-present
Home town Club Penguin Island
Salary 250.00 Club Penguin Coin.PNG (per month)
Height 3ft1
Weight 14kg
Known for Giving tour guides across Club Penguin, while annoying penguins.
Title Bernie the Tour Guide
DO YOU WANT A TOUR???
 
— Bernie
Not to be confused with Bernie, another tour guide with the same name.

Bernie the Tour Guide, or simply known as Bernie, is a blue penguin that lives in Club Penguin and makes a living as a local tour guide, giving tours to penguins across the island. He is one the few tour guides that did not sign up just for the hat and is actually dedicated to the job. However, he is infamously known for being very lame at his job – and very annoying.

While Bernie thinks he is the best tour guide ever, he is notorious for his Rookie-type dumbness, forgetting where he is going and constantly getting his group lost. A yearly petition goes around Club Penguin to strip Bernie of his tour guide license but manages to hold onto it. On a daily basis, Bernie asks the same question to waddling penguins: "Do you want a tour?!" Sometimes he switches it up and says the more polite version, "Would you like a tour??!", but his raised voice and lack of respect for personal space never changes - two extra qualities that make him so notorious. It is so bad that locals consider him a villain of Herbert status – but Bernie is oblivious to it all.

There are many popular conspiracy theories about Bernie. One is that he is not dumb at all and it is all an act to secretly destroy the island. Another theory is that he wants to eliminate all other tour guides and force every immigrant to take tours only from him for increase prices.

When he's not touring he raps about touring, ironically. In 2015, he independently released his first album Bernie on Tour – get it? (he even made a song titled "Bern Baby Bern").

With one of the biggest political shocks in Antarctic history, Bernie was surprisingly a significant candidate in the USA Presidential Elections 2016. But because his presidential campaign was solely led by his tours – which no one came to – he did not put up much of a chance of being elected.

Background[edit]

Bernie was born on January 12, 1997 on Club Penguin Island at the Mountain during an egg-race down the mountain conducted by a group of reckless soon-to-be parents. Some say this is the cause of his not-so-smartness, which is quite probable. While his parents slapped him for not winning the race, they still raised him. Bernie didn't have much of an education, resulting into a limited amount of career options for him in the future. At age 10, Bernie moved out his parents' igloo and officially began the start of his miserable life.

It was during a waddle through the Ski Village when he realised what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. By fate, the brand new Tour Guide booth was being planted and was open for penguin. Bernie knew this is what he had to pursue. What could have been better than becoming a local tour guide? A scientist? Of course not! Nothing topped this, thought Bernie.

Tour Guide career[edit]

Humble beginnings and ambitions[edit]

All Bernie had to do was pass the Tour Guide Quiz to secure his dream job; get seven questions correct out of the eight. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be as easy for Bernie as it should have been. Bernie thought the Mancala game had a shark in it. (I know, facepalm right?) If Bernie had got the test right in the first few tries he would have been the first Club Penguin tour guide ever, but he kept failing and failing while hundreds of penguins became tour guides while he struggled.

Years passed by and Bernie still hadn't passed the quiz. But he didn't give up.

"Do you want a tour???!"

Eventual triumph[edit]

It took Bernie four years to finally pass the quiz, but even then he only managed the bare minimum of seven out of eight. Still, that made no difference, as he was now officially a tour guide. Who knew an 8-question quiz could take a penguin 4 years to pass? That's good 'ol Bernie for ya.

As a result, 2011 was the year of Bernie's triumph and start of something horrifying beautiful.

"Would you like a tour?!!"

Bernie's infamous reputation[edit]

There are many tour guides available across Club Penguin, but Bernie always seems to be the one always there and in your face. This is partially because no tour guide works full-time the way Bernie does. Bernie takes his job seriously - a bit too seriously. Bernie's infamous reputation as the most annoying tour guide on the island was driven by his constant shouting and habit of standing at close proximity. But he didn't just become known as the most annoying tour guide, he was also the most useless tour guide. Taking four years to pass an eight-question quiz proves it. Bernie takes information and leaves his brain a minute later. Due to this, Bernie constantly got lost with his tour group when he first started, and still does, but less frequently now that everybody on the island knows about him and his tour guide ways. The only times he gets his group lost now is when fresh new residents arrive and are sucked into Bernie's intimidation.

Political career[edit]

Bernie's short-lived career in politics kick-started when he shockingly ran for president of the USA in the 2016 presidential elections. He faced strong competition from the likes of Donal Tenorio, Canary Hilton and Megg. His presidential campaign was practically non-existent, however, as he spent his tour guide wages into promoting himself in his own tours ... which no one came to. Therefore, he did not win the election. Despite this, he did receive a little bit of mock support from the public in hopes of creating a political upset.

Conspiracy theories concerning Bernie[edit]

There are numerous conspiracy theories that surround the infamous character of Bernie. A very popular theory believed by hundreds of Club Penguinites is Bernie is not really a dumb, dopey penguin, but is really a criminal mastermind that is out to destroy Club Penguin in a similar fashion to Herbert P. Bear, but actually succeeding. The belief is that Bernie can strike whenever he wants, but is unknown why he has been carrying on his "charade" for so many years.

There is a similar theory that supports Bernie's villainous persona but in a different fashion; Bernie is building an army of rookie tour guides that will join him in his quest to annoy the penguins of Club Penguin Island off the island or even to death. This would then result into Bernie becoming self-proclaimed dictator of Club Penguin ruled by his tour guide minions.

Bernie without his Tour Guide hat? IMPOSSIBLE!

A counter-theory of his tour guide minion army is that he actually wants to eliminate all existing tour guides which would force every immigrant to take tours only from him for increase prices. Apparently, 250 coins per month isn't enough for Bernie and wants to become a millionaire that can compete with the likes of Brendan Stars and Rex Goodwin.

Quotes[edit]

  • "DO YOU WANT A TOUR??! I KNOW YOU DO!"
  • "Would you like a tour???!"
  • "OVER TO YOUR LEFT IS IS THE, UH, DOCK DOJO!"
  • "Hi I am Bernie, and I did not sign up for the hat."
  • "HEY GUYS! TOUR??" (penguins run away) "COME BACK!"
  • "I love touring so much that I legally made it my middle name."
  • "LET'S GO ON A TOUR!"

Discography[edit]

Studio albums[edit]

List of albums, with selected chart positions, sales figures and certifications
Title Album details Peak chart positions Certifications
CP USA UTR FRZ TAP PEN PUF DKL
Bernie on Tour
  • Released: September 6, 2015
  • Genre: Tour guide rap, spoken word
  • Label: Self-released
  • Format: CD, digital download
30
  • CP: Bronze
"—" denotes items that did not chart or were not released.

Singles[edit]

Year Title Peak chart positions Album
CP USA UTR FRZ TAP PEN PUFF DKL
2015 "I Love to Tour" 45 Bernie on Tour
"Life of a Tour Guide"
"Bern Baby Burn"

Trivia[edit]

  • It is rumoured the Elite Penguin Force are running a top-secret investigation on him due to the popularity of the conspiracy theories.
  • The only Club Penguinites that actually like him are Rookie and Quacker.
  • He ran for president in 2016.

See also[edit]