Captain Ash

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Captain H. Ash
Captain Ash image.jpg
"I say old chap, water cress sandwich?"
Title The Explorer (Explorer does not like Ash's title in any way.)
Gender Male
Race Sanity Human
Faction Some place he calls "The Navy".
Health "Splendid, old chap!"
Level 2, in video game terms
Status Trying to not let the cat out of the bag (Whatever a cat is)
Location Somewhere here, attempting to show the world the USA

Captain H. Ash is a Sanity human who somehow managed to find his way onto the shores of the USA. He speaks in an accent similar to that of the Green Faction of Puffolians, and consantly calls people either "Old chap" or "Old bean", the former being used more often.

He says he came here from a radio contact from two of his collegues, who came to the island a while ago. Who these collegues are we'll probably never know.


Arriving on Shore[edit]

On a somewhat gloomy Tuesday, two Southern Kanta Penguins were taking a stroll on one of the more depressing beaches of South Island, talking about how they could use a minor flux to power about 20 robots. That was when they heard someone shouting on the top of his or her voice.

"Who do you think that is?" Asked one Southern Kanta Penguin to the other.

"By the accent, I'd say a green puffolian, but the words this guy's saying just seems... odd." Replied the other.

The two were hearing cries for help, such as "Any Old Chap out there?" and "I say, if anyone can hear me I can't seem to be able to steer this boat!". Then, through the fog, a wooden boat came into view.

The boat started getting closer, and the two penguins realised that it wasn't a green puffolian on the boat, but a human. The boat hit the shore, and the human came off the boat, failing to notice the duo of birds.

"Well, that was quite a trip." He said to himself.

That was when he turned around and discovered the two penguins, who were, at the time, a bit nervous.

"So this was what my collegues were talking about, it's good to know they weren't hallucinating from the harsh cold!" He suddenly shouted in glee.

And thus, Captain H. Ash now explores the USA and all the free republics near it, researching and most of the time, gasping in amazement.

Trespassing Alert![edit]

Recently, however, Captain Ash has ended up in deep, legal trouble after trespassing a very private cooking event planned by Tidalwave11. To add insult to injury, the questionably good captain's monocle fell into a cauldron of Timey-Wimey Soup, a concoction of various threatening foodstuffs that could cause big trouble for penguins not skilled enough to eat it. The resulting shock-wave caused several of the guest to go insane from being unprepared for the soup. Tidalwave, now searing with rage, quickly filed a lawsuit against Ash got "Soup-defiling of the first degree". When it looked like the Captain was going to face five years of community work in a soup kitchen, Yalondo Yinchanva came charging into the court-room, proclaiming she had convinced the Captain to intervene with the event in the first place, mainly because Ash's choice of outfit was considered by the crtic a "Poor choice of colours". Ash was still guilty of Soup-defiling, and was sentenced to five days of community service in a Soup Kitchen.

...Where he promptly caused the exact same cataclysm that occurred at Tidalwave's cooking event.


No-one really knows how Captain Ash managed to come to the USA, but what most of it's population wonder is what he meant by "Collegues".

Many theories have been made about Ash's colleagues, such as:

  • Some penguins might be working for him, somehow telling him to come to our city.
  • Huma and Stamm could possibly be humans, as they seem to be as interested about the USA as much as this "Old chap" does.

Various other theories have been made, but there are so many, they would have to be put in a seperate article.

In addition to that, the boat he was in was filled with a variety of objects, including:

  • A book about the biology of whales
  • A flashlight
  • Something called a twinkee
  • Water cress sandwiches
  • A bottle full of tea
  • Another book entitled: "Orcas: The full information booklet about orcas."
  • A variety of other books about penguins, seals, jellyfish and more. Though Gary says the book about penguins is mostly innacurate.
  • An edition of Penguins: A Threat to Human Society?. (The words WRONG WRONG WRONG has been written on the front.)


  • His favourite meal consists of a water cress sandwich, cup of tea and a slice of chocolate cake for afters.
  • Mabel seems to find him "attractive". (Let's hope she didn't discover we put that in.)
  • Explorer despises him.
  • The "H" in his name stands for Harold.
  • After conclusive research by top liguistics experts, the Captain's accent was discovered to be rather similar to a typical Lichenblossomese arctic tern accent.
  • Foe Stummer is the only penguin to completely understand what he says.
    • Strangely, whenever Captain Ash hears his name, he is always surprised and he always tries to correct it as "Joe Strummer".

See also[edit]