Chicks Against Nocturnal Sleep

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Chicks Against Nocturnal Sleep
CANS image.PNG
The corporate logo.
Title Minor Terrorist Army
Race Penguins, puffles, and terns.
Faction EVIL!
Health Outstanding
Level Wanted
Status Their sole objective is to never go to bed and thy will fight any adult or authority who tries to make them.
Location Redlink Abbey

The Chicks Against Nocturnal Sleep (Codename: CANS) is a really annoying and wildly rebellious group of chicks and other young creatures whose sole enemy is sleep. They and their sophisticated weaponry (ever seen a blunt weapon made out of a hinge, a spring, and a plank of wood?) exist to stop any and all adults and authorities who want the lights out.


This group was founded shortly after the Abbey was established. Children in this group are all assigned numbers (one being the highest) and are addressed by their numerical moniker.

The group is designed to stop the wretched tyrants normal children address as adults and authority figures from setting curfews, fluffing pillows, anything that would cause them to retreat to a bed chamber to sleep.

They sleep in the day and fight at night, causing a major ruckus in the Abbey for residents and guests alike.


The CANS are not just pranksters, they are an entire ARMY of insane children convinced that adults are evil and that children are the rightful rulers who should set the curfews. They've raided kitchens, locked authorities in closets, and worst of all, assaulted them with sophisticated weaponry built out of items such as wood, springs, and actual cans. Their headquarters is in a huge treehouse in the Lichenblossom Forest, which is also laden with makeshift technology and advanced supercomputers.

The authorities of Redlink and the Head of State have also decided to list them as "enemies of the inn" and now offer a one Silicon Token bounty per CANS minion.


  • The CANS group has a strict upper age limit. When a penguin or other creature biologically exits the "chick" stage and become classified as regular penguin (or other creature) in biology, they are led to a "decommissioning facility" which utilizes a stolen government mind wiper that erases their memory of CANS and its secrets. Their records and accomplishments in the group are then stored in the main computer to never be accessed by the outside world.
    • However, some of the most elite bedtime haters are allowed to retain their knowledge of CANS past the chick stage (without telling other CANS minions), leading to rumors that one of the Redlink elders may still be a member.
  • The longest time the CANS have succeeded in not sleeping at night is nine days.
  • There are currently 1,539 active CANS recruits, over 3,000 former (decommissioned) members since its founding, and 40 normal, adult, or elderly creatures who still retain their CANS status and help in their operations. However, there are about 5,000 chicks who are eligible to sign up for CANS who did not, so the law abiders outnumber the outlaws.
  • The CANS are a parody of the Dibbuns Against Bedtime Agency from Redwall (so says Explorer) and serve a a double parody of the infamous Kids Next Door coalition and real-world (cancelled) television series.
  • They have enemies who are chicks, the Nice Chicks Down the Street, who support nocturnal sleep.

See also[edit]