Club Herbert Times

From Club Penguin Fanon Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Club Herbert Times
ClubHerbertTimes.png
"Club Herbert Times"
Information
Type Newspaper
Effects Propaganda and humor
Source Printed in Club Penguin during Operation Blackout
Location Nationwide
Cost to buy Like Penguin Times, the paper was distributed freely
Cost to sell CHT papers are extremely valuable, because most penguins burnt their copies in protest of the occupation. Prices range from ten thousand to one hundred thousand coins for a copy in excellent condition.



The Club Herbert Times, also sometimes referred to as Herbert's Sexy Newspaper, was a hijacked newspaper printed during the occupation of Club Penguin by Herbert P. Bear for the duration of Operation Blackout I. Combining propaganda with snarky gloating, the paper was reviled by the conquered penguins in CP, but is a treasure for collectors of all ages. Penguins that didn't burn their copy ended up rolling in coins afterwards.

The paper was one of many ways Herbert attempted to quench is insatiable ego and self-worship. In a way, his vanity was his downfall, because his bodily scanner systems in the basement of a building only accepted "really sexy polar bears" and "gifted crabs". These vague signatures ultimately enabled easy infiltration by EPF agents.

Newspaper sections[edit]

Club Herbert Times followed the format of the Penguin Times newsletter, covering a front page story, a second cover story, a continuation of the front on the back, jokes, riddles, "secrets", events, and future parties. Each of these were altered fundamentally to fill and worship Herbert's Swiss Ninja-esque ego, and if foreign occupation wasn't so terrifying, it would have been a laugh riot.

Herbert, naturally, also laid out a ruleset in his piece, which had humiliating similarities to rulesets in rural Antarctica (although not even most hardlined Unoian would write "no laughter, no fun".)

National security danger[edit]

To ensure those meddlesome EPF never interfere with my plans, I'M GOING TO EXPOSE ALL THEIR SECRETS!
 
— Herbert P. Bear, HSN #1, 11/15/2012

For interests of the Antarctican government(s) and espionage, the most terrifying aspect of Club Herbert Times, and the most important reason to end Operation Blackout, was that Herbert had stolen hoards of classified information and, week by week, he was going to leak everything.

To taunt the international community and, of course, inflate his ego while kicking the EPF, he started small and leaked the base profile of Dot the Disguise Gal. His likely course of action, as the paper continued, would be to work his way up into the real details and secrets.

In fact, what makes the occupation so terrifying is that Herbert got his claws on some of the most sensitive information in Antarctica! What dangers could he possibly wreak, for example, with the knowledge of the failed Philly Cheesesteak Test? Teleporters have long existed, but what about teleporting perfection? What about trans-dimensional travel? What if Herbert...... -and it goes on and on and on in danger.

In fact, if Herbert simply delved into Rookie's profile, he'd begin to catch on to the notion of the BOF. Say what one may say, but all know that Herbert is a genius that can very, very easily put pieces together and connect the dots!
-and if one thought Benny was bad...

Dissolution[edit]

Thankfully, Club Herbert Times was dissolved before it could do any real damage. The documents Herbert seized were taken back in full, but considering Herbert's photographic memory, who knows what he learned...
-and so the fear continues.