Dennis and the Oppressors
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|Dennis and the Oppressors|
Prologue: Bring Me To Life
A few months earlier...
A small, pathetic looking craft sailed slowly along the ocean, with no apparent destination, paddling around aimlessly and constantly switching directions.
Dennis: No, it- it doesn't work if we're paddling in different directions.
Steve: Sorry. So, uh, why are we doing this again?
Dennis: I told you before we left. We're going to find an uninhabited island, take it over, and become an Antarctic power! Then we take over the rest of Antarctica and rule it with iron flippers like true Sith.
Steve: I think there's a few steps missing there.
Dennis: Well we'll never get to step one if you keep paddling the wrong way.
The brothers continued paddling around for a few hours, often ending up spinning in circles.
Dennis: Okay... I... I need a break... We should've stolen a submarine.
As Dennis lied down in the boat, catching his breath, the wind bumped it into a peculiar structure resembling an iceberg.
Steve: Huh? How did we miss this?
Dennis: I'm pretty sure we spent the last five minutes paddling backwards, so that's how.
Dennis pulled himself out of the boat and onto the platform, followed by his brother. The two looked around, hoping to find something of note, although other than a peculiar statue, there didn't appear to be anything else around.
Dennis: These are weird.
Out of curiosity, Dennis poked the statue. Suddenly, it sprang to life, startling the brothers.
Dennis: Uh... hello there?
After taking a few seconds to register Dennis, it began slowly charging up a punch. Dennis took his keysaber out of his hoodie pocket, activated it, and sliced the statue in half. Unbeknownst to either of them, this had no effect and it kept functioning.
Dennis: That was pathetic. Come on, let's see what else is around here.
Dennis and Steve continued their exploration around the platform, periodically running into more statues and leaving them behind, before coming back around to the original statue.
Dennis: I don't get it, how could something like this possibly be so boring? There's nothing here but ugly statues.
Steve: LOOK OUT!
Dennis: Wha- GAH!
Dennis jumped out of the way just before the statue that he "destroyed" landed its punch, barely stopping before hitting the floor. After regaining his bearings, he ignited his keysaber and swung wildly at the statue, chopping it into many pieces.
Steve: Good, it's gone.
Dennis: Well, you know what they say. If there's nothing outside, there's obviously secrets inside!
Steve: I've never heard anyone say that.
Dennis: You just heard me say it, didn't you?
Steve: I guess?
Taking his ignited keysaber, Dennis sliced into the wall of the mysterious structure, cutting a hole large enough for them to get inside.
Dennis: This is where the fun begins.
Dennis and Steve stepped into the newly sliced hole, and found a small room only containing a strange slope. A high-pitched ringing sound echoed throughout the interior as a result of their encounter with the statue.
Steve: Whoops, guess we tripped the alarm.
Dennis walked towards the slope to get a closer look.
Dennis: Wow, what a lame slide.
Not interested in what little there was to do in the room, Dennis moved towards the door, but was unable to find a way to open it.
Dennis: How do you open this thing? There's no handle or button or anything. Meh, whatever.
Once again, Dennis took his keysaber and "opened" the door with it.
Dennis: How are you supposed to get around this place without a keysaber?
Just as they stepped out, they were confronted by an elderly high penguin wielding some sort of blaster. Despite his attempts to look tough, he was actually incredibly nervous and his flippers were visibly shaking.
High Penguin: HALT, INTRUDERS!
Dennis: Oh, I don't think so.
As Dennis moved his keysaber to slice the blaster in half, the penguin panicked and dropped it on the floor, and began babbling in an unknown language.
Steve: Speak English, scrub.
High Penguin: I-I'll guard the secrets of Archiva with my life! You'll never get them!
Dennis moved his keysaber a few inches closer to the penguin's face, destroying his attempt at a courageous facade.
High Penguin: ALRIGHT! I'll take you to the hidden chamber, just don't hurt me!
As the high penguin led them through the halls, the brothers whispered to each other.
Steve: So, uh, why are we following this guy?
Dennis: He has secrets and secrets are good. Who knows, it might help us with our world domination plans.
They stopped at an elevator, where the penguin pulled a lever on the wall and then pushed a button, activating it.
High Penguin: There, you have it, n-now let me go!
Dennis nodded at Steve, who whacked the penguin on the head, knocking him unconscious. The two boarded the elevator and descended into Archiva's lower levels.
Steve: This silence is awkward.
Dennis: I know, couldn't they get some elevator music or something?
Steve: So, uh... You hear about U.B.E.R.?
Dennis: Yeah, I think I'm gonna drop by Snowtendo HQ and "persuade" them to add me.
Steve: Cool. I hope they bring back Speeddasher, he's one edgy dude.
Dennis: Meh, Darktan's better.
Steve: I will fight you for that... in Mates.
Dennis: Oh, look's like we're finally here.
What the brothers failed to realize was that they had actually reached their destination much earlier, but were impatient and too engrossed in their conversation to realize it. The two stepped out of the elevator into the middle of a circular room, where they were greeted by a large and complex looking computer.
Dennis: I think we found the secrets that guy was talking about.
Dennis walked toward the computer and rubbed his flippers together before pushing and pulling random buttons and levers.
Steve: Shouldn't you-
Dennis: Quiet, I got this.
Suddenly, an error message popped up on the screen, written in an unknown language.
Dennis: Drat. Go get grandpa, we can probably scare him into telling us how it works.
Steve: Sure thing.
Dennis continued pushing buttons while Steve went back to the elevator. He returned shortly after with the penguin, still unconscious, and dropped him onto the floor.
Steve: I don't know how useful he'll be, but uhhh... I brought him?
Hoping to wake the penguin up, Dennis pushed him with his foot, with no success.
Dennis: Maybe there's a manual around here somewhere?
Dennis wandered around the room, hoping to find something that would let him use the computer. He discovered a lever near some strange orbs, and pulled it out of curiosity. Suddenly, half of the room was engulfed in a holographic projection showing a street at an unknown location in Antarctica.
Dennis: What the...
Dennis stepped into the projection, now unable to see the rest of the room. He looked over and saw a penguin with a glorious head of hair and wearing tan robes helping an old lady across the street.
Dennis: TOBY-ONE! I should've known you were behind this!
Dennis ignited his keysaber, rushed toward Toby-One, and began slashing. Of course, Toby-One didn't react and the keysaber's blade simply phased right through him.
Steve: Uh, everything okay over here?
Dennis: Toby-One is here and he won't die!
Steve: Huh... This room must be able to project a real-time hologram of any location in Antarctica. Nice.
Dennis: Yeah... Yeah, I knew that... Hey, I think the rest of the controls are over there, go mess with them and see if we can find anything interesting.
Steve went back to the controls and began messing with the orbs by the lever, quickly shuffling through various locations across Antarctica before settling on the Club Penguin Weekee.
Kermit: Well of course you can get an autograph!
Dennis: Nothing here, keep going.
The projection cycled again, this time stopping at the produce section of a grocery store.
Worker: What the heck are you doing?
Scrubbypingu: Oranges are illegal now, so I'm throwing away all of your oranges, because they're illegal.
Worker: That's not a thing.
Scrubbypingu: Yes it is, it says so in my constitution! See?
Worker: Just because you wrote it on a piece of paper, that doesn't make it true.
Scrubbypingu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A FACT
Scrubbypingu ran out of the store, dropping the oranges he was holding on the floor.
Dennis: That guy has issues. Alright, keep going.
The projection cycled and ended on the room Dennis and Steve are in, creating an extremely weird effect and duplicating the brothers.
Dennis: What the... Change it, quick! This is weirding me out!
Hologram Dennis: What the... Change it, quick! This is weirding me out!
Steve: Alright then.
Hologram Steve: Alright then.
Swiss: Soon, all these pathetic nations shall join us or be wiped from the face of Antarctica, and I, Kaiser Swiss Ninja, will rule everything under the glorious Imperial Empire of Snowzerland... I have big plans for the future, and nothing will stop me... Everything is proceeding as I have- Austin, are you listening?
Austin perked up after hearing his name, not wanting to get in trouble.
Austin: Yes, of course my lord.
Swiss: Gooood... Once more, the Sith will rule Antarctica... And we shall have... Peace....
Suddenly, a ding was heard coming from the other room.
Swiss: Gooooooooooooooood... The royal pizza!
Swiss began cackling maniacally, pleased that the pizza had finished cooking.
Dennis: So Swiss Cheese is a Sith Lord? Interesting... Very interesting... Turn it off, we're done with this.
Steve stumbled around with the controls, attempting to deactivate the projection.
Dennis: It's the lever.
Steve: Oh. Thanks.
Steve pulled the lever, turning off the projection. The two turned around and saw the high penguin, once again conscious and heading towards the elevator.
Dennis: Where do you think you're going, grandpa?
High Penguin: Oh, uh, I was, uh, erm...
Dennis: Hey, help me with this computer. I need to Eureka some stuff.
High Penguin: Fine...
A short while of computing later...
Dennis: Alright, that's all I need. Thanks grandpa. Now let's get out of this place before more of those robot statue things show up or something.
Dennis and Steve headed for the elevator before it suddenly opened and they were confronted by a younger penguin holding some sort of loaded blaster.
Penguin: I have no idea what this does, but we're about to find out!
The penguin blasted Dennis and Steve, and they disappeared instantly upon impact.
Penguin: Uhh... This was the teleporter gun and not the incinerator, right?
Dennis: WE'RE ALIVE! Uh... Where are we? And why is everything so loud?
What Tambourine: This Techno State party is at your disposal, visitors.
DJ Duke: Fresh.
Chapter 1: Eminence
Somewhere in Eastshield
July 29, 2018
In what was supposed to be a vacant house, Steve was hard at work training with his keysaber. Just then, Dennis walked in the door, wearing an already well-worn black bathrobe and a t-shirt displaying the logo of Night of Edge, a band the brothers played in during their teenage years. Upon seeing his brother, Steve deactivated his keysaber.
Steve: Hey, cool Sith robe.
Dennis: Thanks, I found it at a yard sale.
Steve: How much did it cost?
Dennis: Nothing, I took it when nobody was looking.
Dennis: Now listen up, I have a new master plan to conquer Antarctica. Remember a few months back in that weird place how we found out Swiss Cheese was a Sith and then I Eureka'ed some stuff on that supercomputer?
Dennis: I looked up a bunch of different villain groups. S.H.A.R.K., the Brohailian Army, the Evilositian Army, the League of Villainous Evildoers, and the Snowman Syndicate. I know all about them and the exact locations of their secret bases, and they're going to help us take down Swiss. You know, Rule of Two and all that. Plus, I'm pretty sure if we get rid of him we can take over Snowzerland.
Steve: I've never even heard of most of those. What about Darktan's Army?
Dennis: Yeah, me neither. And it turns out that for some stupid reason Darktan's been bound by some sort of treaty for the past few years and can't actually do anything relevant.
Steve: And all this time I thought he was the big bad... What a shame. But since we're talking about eliminating rival Sith, isn't there that other guy?
Steve: Yeah, you're probably right. So where's our first stop?
Dennis: I don't get it! It's like the spot was wiped from my memory or something!
Just then, the car ran out of gas and stopped along the road.
Steve: I guess that's the disadvantage of stealing a car from someone at the gas station... They need gas.
Dennis and Steve got out of the car, hoping to find some sort of way to get it running again somehow. Dennis kicked it a few times, but obviously nothing happens. As they messed around with it, two peculiar figures passed by.
Sir Puffley: Who knows, good chap. Who knows.
Dennis: Did you hear that?
Dennis: Those guys are with the Evilositian Army. If we stalk them, they'll lead us to their base. Hopefully.
Lair of Evilosity
Evil Pengy: About time you guys showed up.
Count Candula: It's good to see you're in a pleasant mood today, Evil Pengy.
Evil Pengy: Alright, everyone's here except Scrubby.
Parf: Can we start without him? I'm getting bored and dying to know what the plan is. PARF!
Evil Pengy: Oh yeah, start a new plan and leave the one guy who actually has powers out of it. Great idea Parf.
Parf: You really think so?
Evil Pengy: If you weren't standing all the way over there I'd slap you.
Hearing Evil Pengy's comment, Mailman X picked up his mailbag and hit Parf in the face with it. The bag's unknown contents could be heard breaking.
Mailman X: Oops.
Just then, a knock was heard at the door of the Lair of Evilosity.
Evil Pengy: About time, Scrubby.
Evil Pengy opened the door and saw Dennis and Steve, much to his surprise.
Evil Pengy: What the heck are you two supposed to be? You selling stupid facepaint from door to door or something?
Dennis: We're here for a much more important reason. You can call me Dennis the Oppressive. You know the kaiser of Snowzerland, Swiss Cheese?
Evil Pengy: Oh yeah, I remember one time I broke into his palace and spraypainted a bunch of paintings and then his bounty hunters chased me away... Good times.
Dennis: I didn't really need to know that. So anyway, we're forming an alliance of villainous groups like your army to take him down for reasons that don't really concern you to be honest. At that point we take over Snowzerland, conquer the rest of Antarctica, and wipe out all opposition along the way. Of course I can't rule the entire continent by myself, so you and your army will be compensated heavily, if you get what I mean.
Evil Pengy: As cool as taking over Antarctica sounds, I don't work for anyone else.
Dennis ignited his keysaber to threaten Evil Pengy into joining.
Dennis: I think it would be in your best interest to accept.
Evil Pengy: Oh, uh, on second thought yeah that sounds great!
Dennis deactivated his keysaber, pleased with the results.
Dennis: I had a feeling you'd agree. Here, take this. I'll be in touch.
Dennis handed Evil Pengy a small disc, and the two left.
Evil Pengy: Uh... Warp? Analyze this, I want to make sure it's not a bomb.
Warp: Well from looking at it I can tell you it's not a bomb. It actually looks like a holoprojector to me, but I'll take it down to the lab and have a closer look.
Scrubby: Hey guys, what did I miss?
Dennis: So. That's the second car we've run out of gas with. Is this going to become a recurring thing?
Steve: I hope not.
Dennis and Steve exited the car and looked around.
Dennis: Well, we don't need it anymore anyway. We're right about where we should be. The League of Villainous Evildoers' base is around here just outside the city.
The brothers wandered around for a bit, and continually changed directions as Dennis attempted to remember exactly where LoVE's hideout was. Eventually, they managed to stumble upon the base.
Dennis: This is it. Keep your guard up, I've heard this skeltal guy can be dangerous.
Dennis climbed on top of a trash can next to the building, attempting to reach an air vent on the exterior.
Steve: Why don't we just go through the front door like we did with the Evilositian Army?
Dennis: Evil Pengy's just some fat dude. We're dealing with skeletons now.
Steve: If you say so.
As Dennis fumbled attempting to open the vent, a group of mr skeltal's minions showed up. One of them tapped Steve on the shoulder.
Steve: Uh, Dennis? We've got company...
Dennis: What? Oh drat.
The skeletons dropped Dennis and Steve on the floor in front of their leader, mr skeltal. His trusted second-in-command Mister Bones stood beside him.
mr skeltal: Good work minions. Now what do we have here? Secret agents, perhaps?
Mister Bones: I don't think they're agents, unless the EPF's really scraping the bottom of the barrel for recruits now.
Dennis: We're not agents, we've come here with a proposition for you and your league.
mr skeltal: Go on.
Dennis: We're forming an alliance of villainous groups to take down Swiss Cheese, the kaiser of Snowzerland. After that we take over and conquer the rest of Antarctica. Are you in or out?
Mister Bones: I personally think it would be a smart idea to join forces with other villains.
mr skeltal: I'll accept, but only on one condition. I should be in charge.
Dennis: Absolutely not.
mr skeltal: In that case, get out and don't bother me anymore.
Dennis activated his keysaber to intimidate mr skeltal.
Dennis: I think-
mr skeltal: Attack, my minions!
mr skeltal pointed his bony flipper at Dennis and Steve and summoned skeltal minions to attack them. Steve activated his keysaber and the two attempted to fight the horde of skeletons, but were quickly overwhelmed by their sheer numbers, and got picked up and taken back out.
Mister Bones: I think you made the wrong decision...
mr skeltal: Nonsense! We don't need two edgy penguins with tacky facepaint to help us. Hey, what's that?
Mister Bones walked over and picked up a holoprojector off the floor, dropped by Dennis in the skirmish.
Mister Bones: Looks like some sort of communication device. One of them must've dropped it.
Steve: Well that was a bust.
Dennis: No big deal, we have plenty of other prospects, and the next one's somewhat nearby.
Steve: Like, walking distance?
Dennis: Nope, we'll have to steal a car and run out of gas on the side of the road again.
Steve: This is getting old.
In S.H.A.R.K.'s underwater base, Wikipenguino X sat in his office, plotting his next move to take over Antarctica, while his faithful bodyguards Lefty and Righty stood by the exit. Unfortunately, the Supreme Leader was distracted by more pressing matters at this time.
Wikipenguino X: Where is that idiot with my coffee? I asked for it five minutes ago!
Lefty: He's in a bad mood today...
Righty: I thought this was one of his GOOD days...
Wikipenguino X: What are you two mumbling about over there?
Lefty and Righty: Nothing, Supreme Leader!
Wikipenguino X: That's what I thought.
Suddenly, a siren began blaring. Lefty and Righty went on high alert and drew their guns.
Wikipenguino X: Well great, a red alarm. That's fantastic. Just what I needed today.
Before WP X could do anything, the doors to his office burst open, kicked in by Steve. Lefty and Righty aimed at the brothers, but Steve quickly disarmed them before they could do anything, slicing their guns in half with his keysaber in one swift motion.
Dennis: Hello there.
Now even more in a foul mood thanks to his unexpected visitors, WP X pulled his keysaber from his pocket and activated it, and Dennis did the same. Knowing that something was about to go down, Lefty and Righty fled the office, passing the low-ranking S.H.A.R.K. member with the Supreme Leader's coffee.
Steve: You didn't tell me he was a Sith Lord!
Dennis: He's not, having a keysaber doesn't automatically make you a Sith. We can take him.
Wikipenguino X: Enough talk! This ends now!
WP X charged toward the brothers and clashed keysabers with Dennis. As Dennis had never bothered to train in keysaber dueling, he was quickly and easily overwhelmed by WP X; inexperienced fighters were his specialty.
Wikipenguino X: Pathetic.
Before WP X could finish Dennis off, Steve blocked him with his keysaber and engaged in a fierce duel with the X-Antibody. Steve ultimately gained the upper hand, knocking WP X onto the floor and causing him to lose grip on his keysaber.
Dennis: Your skills with a keysaber are impressive. You could be very useful to us.
Wikipenguino X: What are you talking about?
Dennis: Well, if you would've allowed me to explain when I showed up instead of rudely picking a fight right away, I could've explained that we're forming an alliance of villainous groups to take down the kaiser of Snowzerland, Swiss Cheese, take over Snowzerland, and conquer Antarctica.
Wikipenguino X: You cut my bodyguards' guns in half with a keysaber!
Steve: That's fair.
Wikipenguino X: So, conquering Antarctica you say? Interesting... Very, very interesting... I accept.
Dennis: Excellent. Here, take this. I'll contact you when we're ready.
Dennis handed WP X a holoprojector, and the two brothers left.
Wikipenguino X: Weird guys. Now WHERE'S MY COFFEE?
Steve: Are you sure they'll let us on a flight to Club Penguin without a ticket?
Dennis: Of course, I have this.
Dennis pulled two small pieces of cardboard out of his robe pocket with "GET ON FLIGHT FREE" written on them in crayon.
Dennis: And if that doesn't work we just give 'em the old one-two.
Steve: If you say so...
Clerk: Tickets please.
Dennis handed the clerk his "tickets". The clerk took one quick glance at them before looking back up at Dennis.
Clerk: Is this a game to you?
Steve: I knew that wouldn't work...
Dennis: Well, I also have this ticket.
Dennis pulled out his keysaber and ignited it, however this move backfired and the brothers ended up immediately being chased away by airport security.
Dennis: Drat. I thought that trick always worked.
Steve: Isn't that basically the same as playing a video game and just spamming the exact same attack over and over?
Dennis: Ehh... Maybe. Well, time to do what we do best I suppose.
Steve: Be edgy?
Dennis: ...One of the things we do best. Build a raft and sail around.
Steve: Aww... Not again... Can't we hijack an actual boat or something? Who knows how long it'll take to get to Club Penguin on a raft.
Dennis: I suppose, it's probably not a good idea to keep the rest of the Oppressors waiting anyway.
Steve: The Oppressors?
Dennis: Yeah, that's what I'm calling them. You know, Dennis the Oppressive, so my minions are the Oppressors.
As Steve navigated their stolen boat towards Club Penguin, a light sound emitted from Dennis' robe pocket. He pulled out a holoprojector, now glowing, and turned it on, causing it to emit a tiny holographic projection of mr skeltal.
Dennis: mr skeltal?
mr skeltal: After further consideration... *sigh* I have chosen to accept your offer.
Dennis: Fantastic. Wait, how did you get this?
mr skeltal: You dropped it like an idiot.
With that, mr skeltal disappeared and the holoprojector stopped glowing.
Dennis: Well, looks like skeltal's in after all.
Dock, Club Penguin Island
August 1, 2019
Dennis: Finally, we're here.
Dennis and Steve disembarked the boat and stepped onto the snowy ground.
Steve: So where are we headed?
Dennis: The Brohailian Army's headquarters is beneath the island somewhere. I have to admit, uh, I actually don't know how to get there. We should be fine though, this island is supposed to be crawling with tour guides.
A nearby tour guide overheard their conversation and waddled over to the brothers, intruding on their personal space.
Bernie: Excuse me, but... DO YOU WANT A TOUR???
Dennis: Uh, yes, actually we do. Can you take us to the underground?
Bernie: Oh, of course! Follow me! I'll show you some stops along the way too.
The brothers followed Bernie as he showed them around the island, giving them bad information along the way.
Dennis: A Dance Shop?
Bernie: Uh, yeah! Oh, here's something! This is the, umm... The Snow Rink! Penguins come here to have snowball fights! Over there is the Stadium Iceberg where you can play soccer! Moving on, this is, uhh... the Town Village! Here we have the Pet Club, uh, the Ski Hotel, the Dock Mall, and the Pizza Hill!
Steve: They really come up with stupid names for stuff around here, don't they?
Bernie: This is, uh, the Cove Forest! There's not much around here except trees and rocks. Over here we have the Mine Dojo, where you can go underground and ride minecarts, and the Recycling School, where you can get educated!
As Bernie mindlessly rambled on and continued his tour, heading up towards the Dojo, Dennis and Steve managed to sneak away into the Mine.
Dennis: That guy was exhausting. I think he forgot where we were headed, he mentioned the underground but he kept going.
Steve: So now we just need to find the Brohailian Army's headquarters down here... Wherever it is.
After wandering throughout the caves for several hours, Dennis decided he needed a rest and sat down.
Dennis: This is ridiculous, how hard can it possibly be to find one secret base?
Steve: What if it's not in this cave system?
Dennis: Don't say things like that!
Dennis and Steve continued for a bit, and discovered a lamp powered by a generator up ahead. To the right side of the tunnel, a crude sign bearing the Brohailian Army's insignia was posted.
Dennis: FINALLY! This is it!
The brothers entered the headquarters and were greeted by an angry looking penguin wearing only a dark green tie.
Travis Wolfe: Who are you, and what do you want?
Dennis: I'm Dennis the Oppressive, and I'm looking for your leader.
Travis Wolfe: Future-Bro is very busy with important business and left strict orders not to be disturbed. Now get out while you still have the choice.
Dennis: We don't give up that easily.
Dennis and Steve activated their keysabers. In response, Travis picked up a pistol off of a nearby desk and began shooting, but the bullets disintegrated upon making contact with the keysaber blades. Seeing that his bullets had no effect, Travis went on the defensive and attempted to find a way out. As the fight continued, various objects were broken, making a lot of noise. Suddenly, the three were interrupted by a loud and very cranky voice, and immediately stopped in their tracks.
Future-Bro: WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE? YOU IDIOTS INTERRUPTED MY NAP!
Travis Wolfe: Oh, uh, F-Future-Bro, sir! I was just, uh, disposing of these intruders!
Future-Bro: Is practically being pinned in the corner with keysabers what you call "disposing of intruders"?
Travis: Um, a-all part of my master plan, sir...
Future-Bro: Shut up. Now, what do you two scrubs want?
Dennis: Well, we're forming an alliance of villainous organizations called the Oppressors to take down Swiss Cheese, the kaiser of Snowzerland, then take control of Snowzerland and conquer the rest of Antarctica.
Future-Bro pondered the offer for a moment, before making an evil grin.
Future-Bro: Taking down corrupt dictatorships is the Brohailian Army's specialty. We're in.
Travis Wolfe: You can't be serious...
Future-Bro: I was serious when I told you to SHUT UP.
Travis Wolfe: Yes sir...
Dennis: Excellent, here, take this. I'll contact you when we're ready.
Dennis handed Future-Bro a holoprojector, and the brothers left.
Future-Bro: Well then. I'm going to finish my nap. If anyone else disturbs me, heads will roll, do you hear me?
Travis nodded nervously as Future-Bro stormed off back to his room.
A few hours later, Dennis and Steve finally managed to navigate their way out of the caves and emerged from the Mine Shack.
Dennis: Alright, one more stop and then we've recruited everyone on my list. Last stop, Rusca!
Steve: But that's so far from here...
Dennis: Stop whining, it's pretty much the same distance from Trans-Antarctica to here. Sort of.
Dennis and Steve make their way across the island back towards the Dock.
Steve: Hey, can we stop for dinner first? I haven't eaten since before we got here.
Dennis: I suppose. We can go to the pizza place up ahead. There's a disturbing lack of fast food restaurants on this island...
After finishing their pizza, the brothers exited the Pizza Parlor and found that the sun had set.
Steve: I hope no one stole our boat.
Dennis: I'm sure it's fine. Who would go around stealing vehicles because they're desperate and need to get somewhere?
Steve: You, uh... You're kidding, right?
Dennis: What? Ohhhhhhhhh.
Somewhere in the Southern Ocean
August 2, 2019
Steve: Oh no...
Dennis: What's the problem over there?
Steve: I think we're out of gas.
Dennis: DRAT! What are we supposed to do now? Swim to land? That's too much effort.
As Dennis pondered their next move, a much larger ship pulled up behind them and blared its horn.
Casey: HEY THERE, HAVING TROUBLE?
Steve: Wow, that's really lucky.
Dennis: I can see it... In my mind's eye...
Dennis: Cannoli... CANNOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Casey: ...Okay then.
Dennis: I have two questions. Is there any cannoli on this ship, and who are you?
Casey: As for the second question, I'm Caseyboy97, the most extraordinary penguin in Antarctica, greatest sailor ever, owner of the Casey Sailing Company, honorary second-mate of Captain Rockhopper himself, Sensei's most elite student, and I have a fine girlfriend named Laval. If you don't think that is tight get out of mah face!
Casey: Sorry, shouldn't have dumped all that info on you at once. I forget some penguins can't handle how extraordinary I am.
Dennis: What are you doing out here, anyway?
Casey: I'm on an extraordinary voyage to return stolen treasure to the Ruscan Tsar! If you don't think that is tight-
Dennis: Get out of your face?
Casey: Aww... I was gonna say that... So what about you?
Dennis: We were headed to Rusca ourselves, but ran out of fuel. Mind if we hitch a ride?
Casey: Eh, sure, why not.
Dennis and Steve walked away as Casey went back to sailing.
Dennis: This guy sounds like a hack. When was the last time Rusca even had a Tsar? And there's no way he could have that many jobs.
Steve: I don't know, sometimes it feels like every other penguin you bump into is a secret agent, a ninja, and a tour guide.
Dennis: I say we check out what this guy's cargo really is.
The brothers went below deck and found several large crates, apparently filled with stolen jewels, according to Casey. Dennis activated his keysaber and carefully opened one, only to find it filled with pencils. After opening a few more, he found staplers, erasers, and an abnormally large amount of paperclips.
Dennis: Are you kidding me? Office supplies?
Steve: Well, as long as he gets us to Rusca, I suppose...
August 3, 2018
Steve was awoken early in the morning by the sound of the ship's horn, announcing its presence as it docked in the harbor.
Steve: Hey, wake up. I think we made it.
Dennis: Cannoli... Huh? What?
Steve: Rusca. We're here.
Dennis: Oh, cool... Cool... Five more minutes...
Dennis lied back down to go back to sleep when Casey honked the horn again.
Dennis: GAH! Fine, I'm awake!
The brothers went up to the ship's deck to disembark.
Casey: Oh hey, I was about to come get you guys. You want to help me unload these jewels?
Dennis and Steve rushed off the boat, onto the dock, and into town.
Dennis and Steve wandered through the streets, looking around. Dennis seemed to be looking for something, while Steve was just looking around at nothing in particular to pass the time.
Steve: So... What are we looking for, exactly?
Dennis: The Snowman Syndicate's base is in the mountains, so we're looking for a sporting goods store to buy some mountain climbing supplies. Either that, or a cannoli stand. Whatever comes first.
After walking for a bit, the two discovered a sporting goods store and went inside. While looking for climbing gear, Dennis encountered a cannoli vendor.
Dennis: Cannoli?? CANNOLEEEEEEEEEAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
The vendor, extremely unsettled by Dennis' sudden outburst, gave him the cannoli for free and ran away without saying a word. The brothers continued looking through the store as Dennis ate the cannoli. Eventually, they found everything they needed and took it to the cashier. He was taken aback by the excessive amount of equipment they had, and quickly deduced that this was their first time mountain climbing and decided to scam them.
Cashier: Oh... This is lot of gear. First time climbing?
Dennis: What's it to you?
Cashier: Then I have just the thing for you!
From behind the counter, the cashier pulled out a small bottle with water in it.
Cashier: This is Snowflake Elixir! It gives immunity to frostbite, hypothermia, uhh, icicle-itis, stuff like that. Normally one thousand coins, but today only I have special offer to buy TWO for only two thousand coins!
Uninterested in paying for the "elixir", or any of the gear for that matter, Dennis activated his keysaber.
Dennis: I have a better offer! You give this to us for free and you go home with all the body parts you came to work with.
Cashier: OKAY! FINE! I admit it! It's scam! Just water, icicle-itis doesn't even exist, I made it up!
Steve: You really think that will work? You're obviously trying to trick us into thinking it is a scam as revenge for us robbing you, so we don't take it, end up dying from icicle-itis, and then you'll laugh at the newspaper article.
Cashier: Uh, no??
Dennis: What kind of idiots do you think we are? Just give us the magic snowman potion or whatever it is and all the stuff for free.
Cashier: Whatever, joke is on you anyway.
The cashier gave them two bottles of the "Snowflake Elixir", then rang up all the merchandise and gave it to them for free.
Cashier: Now get out of here and don't bother me anymore.
Dennis: Time to recruit some snowmen.
Steve: Hey, why did you get this?
Steve pulled a black snowboard with a flaming skull on it from the pile of equipment.
Dennis: Who WOULDN'T want that? Well, Toby-One probably, but he has lousy taste in everything.
Steve: I mean, yeah, it's cool, but we're not going snowboarding... Are we?
Dennis: We'll see how this goes. Don't forget to drink the scam water.
Steve nervously looked at the bottle.
Steve: You don't think it's poisonous, do you?
Dennis: You can't poison Force users, they can sense that kind of stuff. Do you sense anything?
Dennis: Me neither, so drink the scam water.
Steve: If I die I'm going to come back as a ghost and push your stuff off of shelves.
Dennis: No you won't, Sith can't be ghosts.
Steve: Wait, really? What a scam.
Mountains of Rusca
Dennis: This is ridiculous! I didn't order a blizzard!
Steve: Maybe we should've checked the weather before we went into the mountains.
Dennis: We're on an urgent timetable, there's no time to wait for the weather.
Steve: This whole thing is urgent?
Dennis: Yes, I'm impatient. That's the deadline. Oh, I think this is it.
The brothers entered a cave in the side of a mountain, only to be greeted by a massive yeti, angered by them trespassing in its home.
Dennis and Steve: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Dennis turned on his keysaber and swung it at the yeti's head with his eyes closed in fear. Because he wasn't able to see his target, Dennis didn't actually injure the yeti, but only grazed it and shaved off the feathers on top of its head.
Confused, the yeti turned to look at its reflection in the ice covered walls and began crying for its new baldness. In the meantime, Dennis and Steve used the distraction to escape.
Steve: Uh, I take it that was the wrong cave?
Dennis: Well either the Snowman Syndicate got a pet yeti that I don't know about, or yes, that was the wrong cave.
Steve: Luckily for us, it looks like there's actually a lot of caves out here.
Dennis: Aw drat.
After checking several more caves that weren't the cave they actually wanted, and encountering a weird mountain hobo who offered them beans in the process, the brothers finally came to the Frostbitten Cavern, the base of operations of the Snowman Syndicate.
Dennis: Now this looks like the kind of place you'd find mafia snowmen.
Dennis and Steve made their way through the base, causing some of the Syndicate members to stop what they were doing and look at them with suspicion. Upon arriving at the door to Stratus' office, the two were stopped by his bodyguard Fort.
Fort: Hold up, what do you two think you're doin'?
Dennis: We're here to see your boss, and I suggest you let us in if you don't want to be a puddle.
Fort: Look, I've been threatened by lotsa creeps before, you two ain't noth-
Not planning to back down, Dennis interrupted Fort by activating his keysaber.
Fort: Er, you know, on second thought you two seem pretty important, so uh, I'll let you in.
Dennis: Wise choice.
Dennis turned off his keysaber and entered Stratus' office, where he was being briefed on the Syndicate's dealings by his right-hand man Cyclo.
Cyclo: So everything related to that matter will be taken care of next Friday, and-
Stratus: What are these penguins doing in my office? FORT?
Fort: Sorry boss, I, uh, couldn't say no...
Stratus: Fine, what do you two want? Make it quick, I don't have all day.
Dennis: Long story short since I've gone through this spiel way too many times over the last few days, we're forming an alliance of villainous organizations to take over Snowzerland and conquer Antarctica, you in?
Stratus pondered the offer for a moment, as Cyclo scowled at the brothers with disapproval.
Stratus: I accept.
Stratus reached his wooden arm forward and shook Dennis' flipper, finalizing the deal.
Dennis: Perfect. Keep this, I'll contact you again soon.
Dennis placed a holoprojector on Stratus' desk and left with Steve in tow, passing by the Fort, who was still flustered from the ordeal.
Cyclo: Boss, you can't be serious. That buffoon in a bathrobe doesn't seem at all capable of conquering Snowzerland, of all countries.
Stratus: Relax, Cyclo. You heard what he said about an alliance. The connections could be beneficial. This may finally be our ticket to expand beyond Rusca. And depending on how much of an imbecile he truly is... Well, I'm sure it won't be much of a hassle to eliminate him. Heh, heh...
After Dennis and Steve exited the Syndicate's base, Dennis took a deep breath of excitement. All the pieces were in place, and he knew he was one step closer to eliminating his newfound rival.
Steve: So, now what?
Dennis: Now what? Now it's time for the next step of my master plan.
Chapter 2: Shades of Reason
Over a week after Dennis had begun assembling the Oppressors, the brothers had made their way to the seedy West Pengolian town of Crookharbor to set up their base of operations.
Dennis: Ah, this place is great. Thieves, bounty hunters, criminals, what more could you want? Maybe even some more recruits! We even got a great deal on this place.
Steve: But you got it for free by threatening the landlord with your keysaber.
Dennis: Are you trying to imply 100% off isn't the best deal?
Steve: Fair enough.
Dennis: Now let's get to work on this base of ours.
After spending a few hours rearranging things and decorating the base with crude decorations featuring the Oppressors' newly-designed logo, Dennis decided to take a break and went outside for some fresh air.
Dennis: Today is going to be a great day.
Almost immediately after he said that, Dennis was clobbered by a rather large fellow, almost as if the universe itself didn't like his statement.
Dennis: What the-?! Watch where you're going, you imbecile!