Dennis and the Oppressors

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Dennis and the Oppressors
Rise of the Evilositian Army None

Prologue: Bring Me To Life[edit]

A few months earlier...

A small, pathetic looking craft sails slowly along the ocean, with no apparent destination, paddling around aimlessly and constantly switching directions.

Dennis: No, it- it doesn't work if we're paddling in different directions.

Steve: Sorry. So, uh, why are we doing this again?

Dennis: I told you before we left. We're going to find an uninhabited island, take it over, and become an Antarctic power! Then we take over the rest of Antarctica and rule it with iron flippers like true Sith.

Steve: I think there's a few steps missing there.

Dennis: Well we'll never get to step one if you keep paddling the wrong way.

Steve: Oops.

The brothers continue paddling around for a few hours, often ending up spinning in circles.

Dennis: Okay... I... I need a break... We should've stolen a submarine.

As Dennis lies down in the boat, catching his breath, the wind bumps it into a peculiar structure resembling an iceberg.

Steve: Huh? How did we miss this?

Dennis: I'm pretty sure we spent the last five minutes paddling backwards, so that's how.

Dennis pulls himself out of the boat and onto the platform, followed by his brother. The two look around, hoping to find something of note, although other than a peculiar statue, there doesn't appear to be anything else around.

Dennis: These are weird.

Out of curiosity, Dennis pokes the statue. Suddenly, it springs to life, startling the brothers.

Dennis: Uh... hello there?

After taking a few seconds to register Dennis, it begins slowly charging up a punch. Dennis takes his keysaber out of his hoodie pocket, activates it, and slices the statue in half. Unbeknownst to either of them, this had no effect and it kept functioning.

Dennis: That was pathetic. Come on, let's see what else is around here.

Dennis and Steve continue their exploration around the platform, periodically running into more statues and leaving them behind, before coming back around to the original statue.

Dennis: I don't get it, how could something like this possibly be so boring? There's nothing here but ugly statues.

Steve: LOOK OUT!

Dennis: Wha- GAH!

Dennis jumps out of the way just before the statue that he "destroyed" lands its punch, barely stopping before hitting the floor. After regaining his bearings, he ignites his keysaber and swings wildly at the statue, chopping it into many pieces.

Steve: Good, it's gone.

Dennis: Well, you know what they say. If there's nothing outside, there's obviously secrets inside!

Steve: I've never heard anyone say that.

Dennis: You just heard me say it, didn't you?

Steve: I guess?

Taking his ignited keysaber, Dennis slices into the wall of the mysterious structure, cutting a hole large enough for them to get inside.

Dennis: This is where the fun begins.

Dennis and Steve step into the newly sliced hole, and find a small room only containing a strange slope. A high-pitched ringing sound echos throughout the interior as a result of their encounter with the statue.

Steve: Whoops, guess we tripped the alarm.

Dennis walks towards the slope to get a closer look.

Dennis: Wow, what a lame slide.

Not interested in what little there was to do in the room, Dennis moves toward the door, but is unable to find a way to open it.

Dennis: How do you open this thing? There's no handle or button or anything. Meh, whatever.

Once again, Dennis takes his keysaber and "opens" the door with it.

Dennis: How are you supposed to get around this place without a keysaber?

Just as they step out, they are confronted by an elderly high penguin wielding some sort of blaster. Despite his attempts at looking tough, he is actually incredibly nervous and his flipper is visibly shaking.

High Penguin: HALT, INTRUDERS!

Dennis: Oh, I don't think so.

As Dennis moves his keysaber to slice the blaster in half, the penguin panics and drops it on the floor, and begins babbling in an unknown language.

Steve: Speak English, scrub.

High Penguin: I-I'll guard the secrets of Archiva with my life! You'll never get them!

Dennis moves his keysaber a few inches closer to the penguin's face, destroying his attempt at a courageous facade.

High Penguin: ALRIGHT! I'll take you to the hidden chamber, just don't hurt me!

As the high penguin leads them through the halls, the brothers whisper to each other.

Steve: So, uh, why are we following this guy?

Dennis: He has secrets and secrets are good. Who knows, it might help us with our world domination plans.

They stop at an elevator. The penguin pulls a lever on the wall and then pushes a button, activating it.

High Penguin: There, you have it, n-now let me go!

Dennis: Okay.

Dennis nods at Steve, who whacks the penguin on the head, knocking him unconscious. The two board the elevator, and descend into Archiva's lower levels.

Steve: This silence is awkward.

Dennis: I know, couldn't they get some elevator music or something?

Steve: So, uh... You hear about U.B.E.R.?

Dennis: Yeah, I think I'm gonna drop by Snowtendo HQ and "persuade" them to add me.

Steve: Cool. I hope they bring back Speeddasher, he's one edgy dude.

Dennis: Meh, Darktan's better.

Steve: I will fight you for that... in Mates.

Dennis: Oh, look's like we're finally here.

What the brothers failed to realize is that they had actually reached their destination much earlier, but were impatient and too engrossed in their conversation to realize it. The two step out of the elevator into the middle of a circular room, and are greeted by a large and complex looking computer.

Dennis: I think we found the secrets that guy was talking about.

Dennis walks toward the computer and rubs his flippers together before pushing and pulling random buttons and levers.

Steve: Shouldn't you-

Dennis: Quiet, I got this.

Suddenly, an error message pops up on the screen, written in an unknown language.

Dennis: Drat. Go get grandpa, we can probably scare him into telling us how it works.

Steve: Sure thing.

Dennis continues pushing buttons while Steve goes back to the elevator. He returns shortly after with the penguin, still unconscious, and drops him onto the floor.

Steve: I don't know how useful he'll be, but uhhh... I brought him?

Hoping to wake the penguin up, Dennis pushes him with his foot, with no success.

Dennis: Maybe there's a manual around here somewhere?

Dennis wanders around the room, hoping to find something that'll let him use the computer. He discovers a lever near some strange orbs, and pulls it out of curiosity. Suddenly, half of the room is engulfed in a holographic projection showing a street at an unknown location in Antarctica.

Dennis: What the...

Dennis steps into the projection, now unable to see the rest of the room. He looks over and sees a penguin with a glorious head of hair and wearing tan robes helping an old lady across the street.

Dennis: TOBY-ONE! I should've known you were behind this!

Dennis ignites his keysaber, rushes toward Toby-One, and begins slashing. Of course, Toby-One doesn't react and the keysaber simply phases through him.

Steve: Uh, everything okay over here?

Dennis: Toby-One is here and he won't die!

Steve: Huh... This room must be able to project a real-time hologram of any location in Antarctica.

Dennis: Yeah... Yeah, I knew that... Hey, I think the rest of the controls are over there, go mess with them and see if we can find anything interesting.

Steve goes back to the controls and begins messing with the orbs by the lever, quickly displaying various locations across Antarctica before settling on the Club Penguin Weekee.

Kermit: Well of course you can get an autograph!

Dennis: Nothing here, keep going.

The projection cycles again, this time stopping at the produce section of a grocery store.

Worker: What the heck are you doing?

Scrubbypingu: Oranges are illegal now, so I'm throwing away all of your oranges, because they're illegal.

Worker: That's not a thing.

Scrubbypingu: Yes it is, it says so in my constitution! See?

Worker: Just because you wrote it on a piece of paper, that doesn't make it true.


Scrubbypingu runs out of the store, dropping the oranges he was holding on the floor.

Dennis: That guy has issues. Alright, keep going.

The projection cycles and ends on the room Dennis and Steve are in, creating an extremely weird effect and duplicating the brothers.

Dennis: What the... Change it, quick! This is weirding me out!

Hologram Dennis: What the... Change it, quick! This is weirding me out!

Steve: Alright then.

Hologram Steve: Alright then.

The projection cycles one more time and ends in Swiss Ninja's throne room. The Kaiser is currently monologuing to one of his bounty hunters, Austin8310, who is incredibly disinterested.

Swiss: Soon, all these pathetic nations shall join us or be wiped from the face of Antarctica, and I, Kaiser Swiss Ninja, will rule everything under the glorious Imperial Empire of Snowzerland... I have big plans for the future, and nothing will stop me... Everything is proceeding as I have- Austin, are you listening?

Austin perks up after hearing his name, not wanting to get in trouble.

Austin: Yes, of course my lord.

Swiss: Gooood... Once more, the Sith will rule Antarctica... And we shall have... Peace....

Suddenly, a ding is heard from the other room.

Swiss: Gooooooooooooooood... The royal pizza!

Swiss begins cackling maniacally, pleased that the pizza has finished cooking.

Dennis: So Swiss Cheese is a Sith Lord... Interesting... Very interesting... Turn it off, we're done with this.

Steve stumbles around with the controls, attempting to deactivate the projection.

Dennis: It's the lever.

Steve: Oh. Thanks.

Steve pulls the lever, turning off the projection. The two turn around and see the high penguin, once again conscious and heading towards the elevator.

Dennis: Where do you think you're going, grandpa?

High Penguin: Oh, uh, I was, uh, erm...

Dennis: Hey, help me with this computer. I need to Eureka some stuff.

High Penguin: Fine...

A short while of computing later...

Dennis: Alright, that's all I need. Thanks grandpa. Now let's get out of this place before more of those robot statue things show up or something.

Dennis and Steve head for the elevator, but it suddenly opens, and they are confronted by a younger penguin holding some sort of loaded blaster.

Penguin: I have no idea what this does, but we're about to find out!

The penguin blasts Dennis and Steve, and they disappear instantly upon impact.

Penguin: Uhh... This was the teleporter gun and not the incinerator, right?

Dennis: WE'RE ALIVE! Uh... Where are we? And why is everything so loud?

What Tambourine: This Techno State party is at your disposal, visitors.

DJ Duke: Fresh.

Chapter 1: Eminence[edit]

Somewhere in Eastshield
July 29, 2018

In what was supposed to be a vacant house, Steve was hard at work training with his keysaber. Just then, Dennis walked in the door, wearing an already well-worn black bathrobe and a t-shirt displaying the logo of Night of Edge, a band the brothers played in during their teenage years. Upon seeing his brother, Steve deactivated his keysaber.

Steve: Hey, cool Sith robe.

Dennis: Thanks, I found it at a yard sale.

Steve: How much did it cost?

Dennis: Nothing, I took it when nobody was looking.

Steve: Nice.

Dennis: Now listen up, I have a new master plan to conquer Antarctica. Remember a few months back in that weird place how we found out Swiss Cheese was a Sith and then I Eureka'ed some stuff on that supercomputer?

Steve: Yeah?

Dennis: I looked up a bunch of different villain groups. S.H.A.R.K., the Brohailian Army, the Evilositian Army, the League of Villainous Evildoers, and the Snowman Syndicate. I know all about them and the exact locations of their secret bases, and they're going to help us take down Swiss. You know, Rule of Two and all that. Plus, I'm pretty sure if we get rid of him we can take over Snowzerland.

Steve: I've never even heard of most of those. What about Darktan's Army?

Dennis: Yeah, me neither. And it turns out that for some stupid reason Darktan's been bound by some sort of treaty for the past few years and can't actually do anything relevant.

Steve: And all this time I thought he was the big bad... What a shame. But since we're talking about eliminating rival Sith, isn't there that other guy?

Dennis: Are you kidding me? That X-Antibody? Mom could beat him with her magic! He's not a threat to us, and that circus of idiots he leads is a joke.

Steve: Yeah, you're probably right. So where's our first stop?

Dennis: The Lair of Evilosity, home base of the Evilositian Army, just outside the Darktonian Realm. We're not too far from there, so it shouldn't be too long. Especially if we hijack someone's car.

Dennis: I don't get it! It's like the spot was wiped from my memory or something!

Just then, the car runs out of gas and stops along the road.

Dennis: Drat.

Steve: I guess that's the disadvantage of stealing a car from someone at the gas station... They need gas.

Dennis and Steve got out of the car, hoping to find some sort of way to get it running again somehow. Dennis kicks it a few times, but obviously nothing happens. As they mess with it, two peculiar figures pass by.

Count Candula: I wonder what scheme Evil Pengy has plotted this time.

Sir Puffley: Who knows, good chap. Who knows.

Dennis: Did you hear that?

Steve: Nope.

Dennis: Those guys are with the Evilositian Army, if we stalk them they'll lead us to their base. Hopefully.

Lair of Evilosity

Evil Pengy: About time you guys showed up.

Count Candula: It's good to see you're in a pleasant mood today, Evil Pengy.

Evil Pengy: Alright, everyone's here except Scrubby.

Parf: Can we start without him? I'm getting bored and dying to know what the plan is. PARF!

Evil Pengy: Oh yeah, start a new plan and leave the one guy who actually has powers out of it. Great idea Parf.

Parf: You really think so?

Evil Pengy: If you weren't standing all the way over there I'd slap you.

Hearing Evil Pengy's comment, Mailman X picks up his mailbag and hits Parf in the face with it. The bag's unknown contents can be heard breaking.

Mailman X: Oops.

A knock is heard at the door of the Lair of Evilosity.

Evil Pengy: About time, Scrubby.

Evil Pengy opens the door and sees Dennis and Steve, much to his surprise.

Evil Pengy: What the heck are you two supposed to be? You selling stupid facepaint from door to door or something?

Dennis: We're here for a much more important reason. You can call me Dennis the Oppressive. You know the kaiser of Snowzerland, Swiss Cheese?

Evil Pengy: Oh yeah, I remember one time I broke into his palace and spraypainted a bunch of paintings and then his bounty hunters chased me away... Good times.

Dennis: I didn't really need to know that. So anyway, we're forming an alliance of villainous groups like your army to take him down for reasons that don't really concern you to be honest. At that point we take over Snowzerland, conquer the rest of Antarctica, and wipe out all opposition along the way. Of course I can't rule the entire continent by myself, so you and your army will be compensated heavily, if you get what I mean.

Evil Pengy: As cool as taking over Antarctica sounds, I don't work for anyone else.

Dennis ignites his keysaber to threaten Evil Pengy into joining.

Dennis: I think it would be in your best interest to accept.

Evil Pengy: Oh, uh, on second thought yeah that sounds great!

Dennis deactivates his keysaber, pleased with the results.

Dennis: I had a feeling you'd agree. Here, take this. I'll be in touch.

Dennis hands Evil Pengy a small disc, and the two leave.

Evil Pengy: Uh... Warp? Analyze this, I want to make sure it's not a bomb.

Warp: Well from looking at it I can tell you it's not a bomb. It actually looks like a holoprojector to me, but I'll take it down to the lab and have a closer look.

Scrubby: Hey guys, what did I miss?

Near the outskirts of Antilles, Trans-Antarctica

Dennis: So. That's the second car we've run out of gas with. Is this going to become a recurring thing?

Steve: I hope not.

Dennis and Steve exit the car and look around.

Dennis: Well, we don't need it anymore anyway. We're right about where we should be. The League of Villainous Evildoers' base is around here just outside the city.

The brothers wander around for a bit, and continually change directions as Dennis attempts to remember exactly where LoVE's hideout is. Eventually, they manage to stumble upon the base.

Dennis: This is it. Keep your guard up, I've heard this skeltal guy can be dangerous.

Dennis climbs on top of a trash can next to the building, attempting to reach an air vent on the exterior.

Steve: Why don't we just go through the front door like we did with the Evilositian Army?

Dennis: Evil Pengy's just some fat dude. We're dealing with skeletons now.

Steve: If you say so.

As Dennis fumbles attempting to open the vent, a group of mr skeltal's minions show up. One of them taps Steve on the shoulder.

Steve: Uh, Dennis? We've got company...

Dennis: What? Oh drat.

The skeletons drop Dennis and Steve on the floor in front of their leader, mr skeltal. His trusted second-in-command Mister Bones stands beside him.

mr skeltal: Good work minions. Now what do we have here? Secret agents, perhaps?

Mister Bones: I don't think they're agents, unless the EPF's really scraping the bottom of the barrel for recruits now.

Dennis: We're not agents, we've come here with a proposition for you and your league.

mr skeltal: Go on.

Dennis: We're forming an alliance of villainous groups to take down Swiss Cheese, the kaiser of Snowzerland. After that we take over and conquer the rest of Antarctica. Are you in or out?

Mister Bones: I personally think it would be a smart idea to join forces with other villains.

mr skeltal: I'll accept, but only on one condition. I should be in charge.

Dennis: Absolutely not.

mr skeltal: In that case, get out and don't bother me anymore.

Dennis activates his keysaber to intimidate mr skeltal.

Dennis: I think-

mr skeltal: Attack, my minions!

mr skeltal points his bony flipper at Dennis and Steve, and summons skeltal minions to attack them. Steve activates his keysaber and the two attempt to fight the horde of skeletons, but are quickly overwhelmed by their sheer numbers, and get picked up and taken back out.

Mister Bones: I think you made the wrong decision...

mr skeltal: Nonsense! We don't need two edgy penguins with tacky facepaint to help us. Hey, what's that?

Mister Bones walks over and picks up a holoprojector off the floor, dropped by Dennis in the skirmish.

Mister Bones: Looks like some sort of communication device. One of them must've dropped it.

Steve: Well that was a bust.

Dennis: No big deal, we have plenty of other prospects, and the next one's somewhat nearby.

Steve: Like, walking distance?

Dennis: Nope, we'll have to steal a car and run out of gas on the side of the road again.

Steve: This is getting old.

S.H.A.R.K. Headquarters

In S.H.A.R.K.'s underwater base, Wikipenguino X sat in his office, plotting his next move to take over Antarctica, while his faithful bodyguards Lefty and Righty stood by the exit. Unfortunately, the Supreme Leader was distracted by more pressing matters at this time.

Wikipenguino X: Where is that idiot with my coffee? I asked for it five minutes ago!

Lefty: He's in a bad mood today...

Righty: I thought this was one of his GOOD days...

Wikipenguino X: What are you two mumbling about over there?

Lefty and Righty: Nothing, Supreme Leader!

Wikipenguino X: That's what I thought.

Suddenly, a siren began blaring. Lefty and Righty went on high alert and drew their guns.

Wikipenguino X: Well great, a red alarm. That's fantastic. Just what I needed today.

Before WP X could do anything, the doors to his office burst open, kicked in by Steve. Lefty and Righty aimed at the brothers, but Steve quickly disarmed them before they could do anything, slicing their guns in half with his keysaber in one swift motion.

Dennis: Hello there.

Now even more in a foul mood thanks to his unexpected visitors, WP X pulled his keysaber from his pocket and activated it, and Dennis did the same. Knowing that something was about to go down, Lefty and Righty fled the office, passing the low-ranking S.H.A.R.K. member with the Supreme Leader's coffee.

Steve: You didn't tell me he was a Sith Lord!

Dennis: He's not, having a keysaber doesn't automatically make you a Sith. We can take him.

Wikipenguino X: Enough talk! This ends now!

WP X charged toward the brothers and clashed keysabers with Dennis. As Dennis had never bothered to train in keysaber dueling, he was quickly and easily overwhelmed by WP X; inexperienced fighters were his specialty.

Wikipenguino X: Pathetic.

Before WP X could finish Dennis off, Steve blocked him with his keysaber and engaged in a fierce duel with the X-Antibody. Steve ultimately gained the upper hand, knocking WP X onto the floor and causing him to lose grip on his keysaber.

Dennis: Your skills with a keysaber are impressive. You could be very useful to us.

Wikipenguino X: What are you talking about?

Dennis: Well, if you would've allowed me to explain when I showed up instead of rudely picking a fight right away, I could've explained that we're forming an alliance of villainous groups to take down the kaiser of Snowzerland, Swiss Cheese, take over Snowzerland, and conquer Antarctica.

Wikipenguino X: You cut my bodyguards' guns in half with a keysaber!

Steve: That's fair.

Wikipenguino X: So, conquering Antarctica you say? Interesting... Very, very interesting... I accept.

Dennis: Excellent. Here, take this. I'll contact you when we're ready.

Dennis hands WP X a holoprojector, and the two brothers leave.

Wikipenguino X: Weird guys. Now WHERE'S MY COFFEE?

Newton Town International Airport

Steve: Are you sure they'll let us on a flight to Club Penguin without a ticket?

Dennis: Of course, I have this.

Dennis pulls two small pieces of cardboard out of his robe pocket with "GET ON FLIGHT FREE" written on them in crayon.

Dennis: And if that doesn't work we just give 'em the old one-two.

Steve: If you say so...

Clerk: Tickets please.

Dennis hands the clerk his "tickets". The clerk takes one quick glance at them before looking back up at Dennis.

Clerk: Is this a game to you?

Steve: I knew that wouldn't work...

Dennis: Well, I also have this ticket.

Dennis pulls out his keysaber and ignites it, however this move backfires and the brothers end up being immediately chased away by airport security.

Dennis: Drat. I thought that trick always worked.

Steve: Isn't that basically the same as playing a video game and just spamming the exact same attack over and over?

Dennis: Ehh... Maybe. Well, time to do what we do best I suppose.

Steve: Be edgy?

Dennis: ...One of the things we do best. Build a raft and sail around.

Steve: Aww... Not again... Can't we hijack an actual boat or something? Who knows how long it'll take to get to Club Penguin on a raft.

Dennis: I suppose, it's probably not a good idea to keep the rest of the Oppressors waiting anyway.

Steve: The Oppressors?

Dennis: Yeah, that's what I'm calling them. You know, Dennis the Oppressive, so my minions are the Oppressors.

Steve: Nice.

As Steve navigates their stolen boat towards Club Penguin, a light sound emits from Dennis' robe pocket. He pulls out a holoprojector, now glowing, and turns it on, causing it to emit a tiny holographic projection of mr skeltal.

Dennis: mr skeltal?

mr skeltal: After further consideration... *sigh* I have chosen to accept your offer.

Dennis: Fantastic. Wait, how did you get this?

mr skeltal: You dropped it like an idiot.

With that, mr skeltal disappeared and the holoprojector stopped glowing.

Dennis: Well, looks like skeltal's in after all.

Dock, Club Penguin Island
August 1, 2019

Dennis: Finally, we're here.

Dennis and Steve disembark the boat, stepping onto the snowy ground.

Steve: So where are we headed?

Dennis: The Brohailian Army's headquarters is beneath the island somewhere. I have to admit, uh, I actually don't know how to get there. We should be fine though, this island is supposed to be crawling with tour guides.

A nearby tour guide overheard their conversation and waddled over to the brothers, intruding on their personal space.

Bernie: Excuse me, but... DO YOU WANT A TOUR???

Dennis: Uh, yes, actually we do. Can you take us to the underground?

Bernie: Oh, of course! Follow me! I'll show you some stops along the way too.

The brothers followed Bernie as he showed them around the island, giving them bad information along the way.

Bernie: This is uh, the Beach Plaza! Here you can visit the Coffee Club, the Dance Shop, and, uh, the Clothes Parlor!

Dennis: A Dance Shop?

Bernie: Uh, yeah! Oh, here's something! This is the, umm... The Snow Rink! Penguins come here to have snowball fights! Over there is the Stadium Iceberg where you can play soccer! Moving on, this is, uhh... the Town Village! Here we have the Pet Club, uh, the Ski Hotel, the Dock Mall, and the Pizza Hill!

Steve: They really come up with stupid names for stuff around here, don't they?

Bernie: This is, uh, the Cove Forest! There's not much around here except trees and rocks. Over here we have the Mine Dojo, where you can go underground and ride minecarts, and the Recycling School, where you can get educated!

As Bernie mindlessly rambles on and continues his tour, heading up towards the Dojo, Dennis and Steve sneak away into the Mine.

Dennis: That guy was exhausting. I think he forgot where we were headed, he mentioned the underground but he kept going.

Steve: So now we just need to find the Brohailian Army's headquarters down here... Wherever it is.

After wandering throughout the caves for several hours, Dennis decided he needed a rest and sat down.

Dennis: This is ridiculous, how hard can it possibly be to find one secret base?

Steve: What if it's not in this cave system?

Dennis: Don't say things like that!

Dennis and Steve continued for a bit, and discovered a lamp powered by a generator up ahead. To the right side of the tunnel, a crude sign bearing the Brohailian Army's insignia was posted.

Dennis: FINALLY! This is it!

The brothers entered the headquarters and were greeted by an angry looking penguin wearing only a dark green tie.

Travis Wolfe: Who are you, and what do you want?

Dennis: I'm Dennis the Oppressive, and I'm looking for your leader.

Travis Wolfe: Future-Bro is very busy with important business and left strict orders not to be disturbed. Now get out while you still have the choice.

Dennis: We don't give up that easily.

Dennis and Steve activate their keysabers. Travis picks up a pistol off of a nearby desk and begins shooting, but the bullets disintegrate upon making contact with the keysaber blades. Seeing that his bullets have no effect, Travis goes on the defensive and attempts to find a way out. As the fight continues, various objects are broken, making a lot of noise. Suddenly, the three are interrupted by a loud and very cranky voice, and immediately stop in their tracks.


Travis Wolfe: Oh, uh, F-Future-Bro, sir! I was just, uh, disposing of these intruders!

Future-Bro: Is practically being pinned in the corner with keysabers what you call "disposing of intruders"?

Travis: Um, a-all part of my master plan, sir...

Future-Bro: Shut up. Now, what do you two scrubs want?

Dennis: Well, we're forming an alliance of villainous organizations called the Oppressors to take down Swiss Cheese, the kaiser of Snowzerland, then take control of Snowzerland and conquer the rest of Antarctica.

Future-Bro pondered the offer for a moment, before making an evil grin.

Future-Bro: Taking down corrupt dictatorships is the Brohailian Army's specialty. We're in.

Travis Wolfe: You can't be serious...

Future-Bro: I was serious when I told you to SHUT UP.

Travis Wolfe: Yes sir...

Dennis: Excellent, here, take this. I'll contact you when we're ready.

Dennis hands Future-Bro a holoprojector, and the brothers leave.

Future-Bro: Well then. I'm going to finish my nap. If anyone else disturbs me, heads will roll, do you hear me?

Travis nods as Future-Bro storms off back to his room.

A few hours later, Dennis and Steve finally managed to navigate their way out of the caves and emerged from the Mine Shack.

Dennis: Alright, one more stop and then we've recruited everyone on my list. Last stop, Rusca!

Steve: But that's so far from here...

Dennis: Stop whining, it's pretty much the same distance from Trans-Antarctica to here. Sort of.

Dennis and Steve make their way across the island back towards the Dock.

Steve: Hey, can we stop for dinner first? I haven't eaten since before we got here.

Dennis: I suppose. We can go to the pizza place up ahead. There's a disturbing lack of fast food restaurants on this island...

After finishing their pizza, the brothers exited the Pizza Parlor and found that the sun had set.

Steve: I hope no one stole our boat.

Dennis: I'm sure it's fine. Who would go around stealing vehicles because they're desperate and need to get somewhere?

Steve: You, uh... You're kidding, right?

Dennis: What? Ohhhhhhhhh.

Somewhere in the Southern Ocean
August 2, 2019

Steve: Oh no...

Dennis: What's the problem over there?

Steve: I think we're out of gas.

Dennis: DRAT! What are we supposed to do now? Swim to land? That's too much effort.

As Dennis pondered their next move, a much larger ship pulled up behind them and blared its horn.


Steve: Wow, that's really lucky.

Dennis: I can see it... In my mind's eye...

Steve: What?


Casey: ...Okay then.

Dennis: I have two questions. Is there any cannoli on this ship, and who are you?

Casey: Nope.

Dennis: Rats.

Casey: As for the second question, I'm Caseyboy97, the most extraordinary penguin in Antarctica, greatest sailor ever, owner of the Casey Sailing Company, honorary second-mate of Captain Rockhopper himself, Sensei's most elite student, and I have a fine girlfriend named Laval. If you don't think that is tight get out of mah face!

Steve: ...What?

Casey: Sorry, shouldn't have dumped all that info on you at once. I forget some penguins can't handle how extraordinary I am.

Dennis: What are you doing out here, anyway?

Casey: I'm on an extraordinary voyage to return stolen treasure to the Ruscan Tsar! If you don't think that is tight-

Dennis: Get out of your face?

Casey: Aww... I was gonna say that... So what about you?

Dennis: We were headed to Rusca ourselves, but ran out of fuel. Mind if we hitch a ride?

Casey: Eh, sure, why not.

Dennis and Steve walk away as Casey goes back to sailing.

Dennis: This guy sounds like a hack. When was the last time Rusca even had a Tsar? And there's no way he could have that many jobs.

Steve: I don't know, sometimes it feels like every other penguin you bump into is a secret agent, a ninja, and a tour guide.

Dennis: I say we check out what this guy's cargo really is.

The brothers head below deck and find several large crates, apparently filled with stolen jewels according to Casey. Dennis activates his keysaber and carefully opens one, only to find it filled with pencils. After opening a few more, he finds staplers, erasers, and an abnormally large amount of paperclips.

Dennis: Are you kidding me? Office supplies?

Steve: Well, as long as he gets us to Rusca, I suppose...

Ruscan Federation
August 3, 2018

Steve is awoken early in the morning by the sound of the ship's horn, announcing its presence as it docks in the harbor.

Steve: Hey, wake up. I think we made it.

Dennis: Cannoli... Huh? What?

Steve: Rusca. We're here.

Dennis: Oh, cool... Cool... Five more minutes...

Dennis lies back down to go back to sleep when Casey honks the horn again.

Dennis: GAH! Fine, I'm awake!

The brothers head up to the ship's deck to disembark.

Casey: Oh hey, I was about to come get you guys. You want to help me unload these jewels?

Dennis: ...No.

Dennis and Steve rush off the boat, onto the dock, and into town.

Casey: Rude...

Dennis and Steve wander through the streets, looking around. Dennis seems to be looking for something, while Steve is just looking around at nothing in particular to pass the time.

Steve: So... What are we looking for, exactly?

Dennis: The Snowman Syndicate's base is in the mountains, so we're looking for a sporting goods store to buy some mountain climbing supplies. Either that, or a cannoli stand. Whatever comes first.

After walking for a bit, the two encounter a sporting goods store and head inside. While looking for climbing gear, Dennis encounters a cannoli vendor.


The vendor, extremely unsettled by Dennis' sudden outburst, gives him the cannoli for free and runs away without saying a word. The brothers continue looking through the store as Dennis eats the cannoli. Eventually, they find everything they need and take it to the cashier. He is taken aback by the excessive amount of equipment they have, and quickly deduces that this is their first time mountain climbing and decides to scam them.

Cashier: Oh... This is lot of gear. First time climbing?

Dennis: What's it to you?

Cashier: Then I have just the thing for you!

From behind the counter, the cashier pulls out a small bottle with water in it.

Cashier: This is Snowflake Elixir! It gives immunity to frostbite, hypothermia, uhh, icicle-itis, stuff like that. Normally one thousand coins, but today only I have special offer to buy TWO for only two thousand coins!

Uninterested in paying for the "elixir", or any of the gear, Dennis activates his keysaber.

Dennis: I have a better offer! You give this to us for free and you go home with all the body parts you came to work with.

Cashier: OKAY! FINE! I admit it! It's scam! Just water, icicle-itis doesn't even exist, I made it up!

Steve: You really think that will work? You're obviously trying to trick us into thinking it is a scam as revenge for us robbing you, so we don't take it, end up dying from icicle-itis, and then you'll laugh at the newspaper article.

Cashier: Uh, no??

Dennis: What kind of idiots do you think we are? Just give us the magic snowman potion or whatever it is and all the stuff for free.

Cashier: Whatever, joke is on you anyway.

The cashier gives them two bottles of the "Snowflake Elixir", then rings up all the merchandise and gives it to them for free.

Cashier: Now get out of here and don't bother me anymore.

Dennis: Time to recruit some snowmen.

Steve: Hey, why did you get this?

Steve pulls a black snowboard with a flaming skull on it from the pile of equipment.

Dennis: Who WOULDN'T want that? Well, Toby-One probably, but he has lousy taste in everything.

Steve: I mean, yeah it's cool, but we're not going snowboarding... Are we?

Dennis: We'll see how this goes. Don't forget to drink the scam water.

Steve nervously looks at the bottle.

Steve: You don't think it's poisonous, do you?

Dennis: You can't poison force users, they can sense that kind of stuff. Do you sense anything?

Steve: No.

Dennis: Me neither, so drink the scam water.

Steve: If I die I'm going to come back as a ghost and push your stuff off of shelves.

Dennis: No you won't, Sith can't be ghosts.

Steve: Wait, really? What a scam.

Mountains of Rusca

Dennis: This is ridiculous! I didn't order a blizzard!

Steve: Maybe we should've checked the weather before we went into the mountains.

Dennis: We're on an urgent timetable, there's no time to wait for the weather.

Steve: This whole thing is urgent?

Dennis: Yes, I'm impatient. That's the deadline. Oh, I think this is it.

The brothers enter a cave in the side of a mountain, only to be greeted by a massive angry yeti.