Time Agency

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Time Agency
Old Clock.png
The insignia of the Time Agency.
Details
Name Time Agency
Type Agency
Location Inside a broom closet in the Gift Shop.
Head Director of Time Penguins
Job Time protecting and researching
Members Shhhh!!


The Time Agency is a very secret branch of the EPF, not even Director Benny knows about it. The Agency deals with matters relating to time, such as a time stream break, rips in the space-time continuum, changes in time, finding Time Gears, etc. They also research the future and the past, filling important gaps in the history books.

However, beneath this innocent mask, the true Time Agency is an evil, treacherous and destructive organisation that threatens the existence of everything in this universe; headed by a penguin with a heart of stone. Many have been betrayed or killed by their hand. They are advancing even as you read, eating through the woodwork of reality like a vile grub, just waiting for their moment to pop out and take control. Some say that the Time Agency's combined power equals, or even surpasses, the very Bureau of Fiction itself. The Agency's existence is known to a select few, who are doing everything in their power to stop the organisation before it's too late.

The story of the Time Agency is a long one, full of jealousy, war, triumph, and the continuing battle of good and evil. It will close down in 2016, but is currently classed as Conspiracy Theory #3 in Conspiracy Theories for Conspiring Creatures.

Background[edit]

The Time Agency's Theme:
400px|Theme tune!

Beginnings and First Appearance[edit]

When The Doctor left the Vortex Manipulator on Explorer's front porch, it was stolen by a passing skua. The skua dropped it and it hit The Leader on the head. He grabbed it and showed it to The Director of the EPF, who started up a Time Agency. The Bureau of Fiction did not approve this, so it is expected the group was formed by other means.


Top Agents of the PSA and EPF often went missing, puzzling their friends. The reality is that the Time Agency was recruiting the best agents. Not surprisingly, they didn't recruit Rookie. The Agency then began mass-producing Vortex Manipulator Mk IIIs, which they issued to Agents. The Time Agency did some tests and compiled a complete history of the world, which is stored in their files under the code #Ub3R 1337.


The Time Agency was soon up and running. They didn't play a part in The Great Darktonian Pie War, but appeared soon after at the Judoon on the Moon incident, which attracted the public eye. Conspiracy theories were cropping up all over the place, and the Time Agency is now targeted as Theory #3 in the latest edition of "Conspiracy Theories for Conspiring Creatures". It was at the Judoon on the Moon incident when a brave penguin called Kwiksilver asked to join. The Director accepted.

Kwiksilver[edit]

Kwiksilver showed great skill with the Vortex Manipulator, if a little clumsy, and rose quickly through the ranks. Unlike the other Time Agents, he hesitated to touch things while traveling for fear of changing the future while the other agents moved freely. Kwiksilver was liked by everyone, but the Director regarded him as an usurper.


In late 2009, Kwiksilver took a week off. Nobody knew where he went or what he did, but the Director suspected he had been training with Doctor Hickory, who the agency was keeping tabs on. Kwiksilver seemed more confident and stronger in both mind and body. He stood up for the young recruits and helped them. The Director became furious that he was more popular.


Finally, the last straw arrived. Kwiksilver had an argument with the Director of the Time Agency. The Director wanted to turn the Time Agency into a private betting agency while Kwiksilver said it wasn't right to change time. The Director classed Kwiksilver as the Time Agency's No.1 most wanted penguin and tries to capture him. Thankfully though, Kwiksilver has evaded capture many times and is still on the run.

Operation Casino Night[edit]

Main article: Operation Casino Night

After Kwiksilver's departure, morale went down. Agents did their jobs half-heartedly, expecting the temper-prone Director to fire them. Nevertheless, the Director went ahead with Operation Casino Night. Operation Casino Night was a program to find the winners of next week's football, soccer, or other sporting game, celebrity card-jitsu match, casino jackpot, roulette number, etc., and write down the results and sell them to the highest bidder. The Time Agency could not sell it outright so they set up an account on Ebuy called "Time343".

Things started off good. The info was sold, the client disappeared and won the money. However, it was soon to get worse. Director Benny flooded the HQ by setting off a depth charge in an aquarium, and later stormed in and gave the Director an ultimatum: end OCN or face the Agency's instant obliteration. Later on, Doctor Hickory and his companion Excess Consumption sabotaged the Vortex Manipulators and escaped again. The Director was furious, and he was in such a rage that he destroyed his office.

It took three months for the Vortexes to be fixed. By that time, the casinos caught wind of "Time343" (guess who tipped them off) and, after a long legal battle over the immorality of rigged gambling (they thought they were selling secrets on how to stack machines or count cards, not time itself), a judge ordered the account shut down and prohibited its creators from ever using Ebuy again. Operation Casino Night was a failure, and, because of certain owners, several agents ended up sleeping with the Mullets.

Meanwhile, a group of several Agents didn't like what was happening, and recruited followers. A schism was starting.

Schism[edit]

On July 21st, 2010, the Time Agency split down the middle. A group of Agents, calling themselves the Rogue Agents, raided the Time Agency and deleted all records on Kwiksilver, Doctor Hickory, and themselves. They blew up part of the HQ and escaped. The Director commanded the few agents faithful to recruit more agents. Penguins were plucked off the streets by the Time Agency and trained to use a Deletion Rifle and a Vortex Manipulator. The Government (save five creatures) had no idea what was happening.


And the First Time War began. Rogue Agents fought their former partners in a battle of time and space. Many were deleted, but the remainder of the Rogue Agents fought on. They were fighting an uphill battle and were starting to lose morale, when help appeared. Kwiksilver, Doctor Hickory, Excess Consumption and one hundred Bureau of Fiction employees stormed the Time Agency HQ in different times, and made a rip in time and space. Everything was sucked into the rip, save the Director and a few of his faithful agents.


The First Time War ended on October 5th, 2010. The Director, who had gone insane, was carted off to Owcatraz. The remainder of his forces followed him, and were stripped of their name and rank. The leader of the Rogue Agents, Roofus Scribblydor, became the new Director of the Time Agency.

Golden Years, 2010-2016[edit]

Roofus Scribblydor was a friendly and sensible leader, and in spite of the depression, he rebuilt the Time Agency from the top down. New headquarters were set up near New Club Penguin in UnitedTerra and a field office near the Mine Shack in CP. He created strict guidelines, the "Golden Rules", which were edited by Doctor Hickory. Aspiring Time Agents had to pass a test to get into the Agency, in comparison to the old days when anybody was allowed in.


Kwiksilver and Excess Consumption became revered figures, and they were given Level A Security Clearance, which meant they could take over from The Director at any time. The Agency's motto became Failure Is Not An Option. Director Roofus kept in constant contact with Mayor McFlapp throughout the Golden Years, and this proved to be invaluable during the Nightmare Epic.


Meanwhile, The Director in Owcatraz recovered his sanity, and he bribed a jailer to become a spy for him. The spy joined the Time Agency and reported daily to The Director of goings-on. On the 15th January 2016, Director Roofus was deleted. Nobody knew who did it, but the Jailer did. He had planted a crushed Deletion Crystal in the Director's tea that day. The Director appealed to the Government, and he was reluctantly reinstated.

The Fall of the Time Agency[edit]

After The Director's failed attempts to capture Kwiksilver during the Power4U Affair, he became tired of his constant escaping, and joined Mr Smith, the evil computer behind Power4U.com. Soon, Mr Smith was deleted, and The Director had nowhere to go. He was abandoned by his "faithful" agents. The Director was chased by Kwiksilver into Doctor Hickory's TARDIS, where he absorbed the Time Vortex in an attempt to bet Kwiksilver. However, he was turned into dust.


The Time Agency was leaderless, agentless and homeless. The HQ had been ransacked, it was demolished and turned into a Greenhouse by Bureau of Fiction workers. Kwiksilver, Doctor Hickory and Excess Consumption recovered all the Vortex Manipulators and had them destroyed. The Time Agency was deleted courtesy of the newly promoted Author, Mayor McFlapp.


And so ended the Time Agency, the most powerful organization in history. However, it has been said in the Auzuan Period de Slavo Crazias that hope is still possible for a future time-travelling organization to be founded in 2021.

Involvement[edit]

Entry[edit]

The secret entrance to the Time Agency HQ is through a broom closet in the Gift Shop. Once in the closet, rotate the red broom handle 45 degrees backward. The broom closet will descend down, into the depths of Antarctica and through a vast network of tunnels. The broom closet will slow, then the door will open, revealing a vast ice cave with a small table in the middle. On the table is a telephone. Dial 030457602 on the phone, then the Time Agency will lift the invisibility lock. You will see hundreds of time agents, a bank of computer screens monitoring rifts and universes, and a gadget room where time machines are kept. An alternative entry is to take the stairs from the South Pole City Gift Shop.

Job[edit]

The Time Agency repairs holes in time and gathers information about the past and future.

They are found nearly anywhere. From New Club Penguin to Eastshield and even Pengolia,anywhere inside this universe. If you're lucky, you might see a Time Agent using its Vortex Manipulator.

Agents[edit]

Registered Time Agents[edit]

Currently employed by the Time Agency.

  • Ford Car (He was commander of the Time Break Response Team before he died ).
  • Fisch Hochstadt (He is a very minor agent of the Time Agency. He usually is the Janitor for the HQ, but at times he is allowed to help escavate in some missions.)

Resigned Time Agents[edit]

These agents have quit the Agency and handed in their Vortex Manipulators, with the exception of Kwiksilver and EDFan12345.

  • Happyface - (Joined The Time Agency before he became governor, then quit because the Director banished Kwiksilver.)
  • Kwiksilver - (Banished by the jealous Director, he now travels unregistered. He is not technically resigned, so still receives paychecks.)
  • Dan Beronews - (Joined before he became Admiral, quit because the Director banished Kwiksilver.)
  • EDFan12345 - (Quit when Kwiksilver was banished but he kept his Vortex Manipulator. Later, the defunct device was secretly rebuilt, and used several times afterwards.)
  • Professor Bentoling - (Quit following the immorality of Operation Casino Night and following Kwiksilver's lead.)

Unregistered Time Travellers[edit]

The Time Agency keeps tabs on these penguins, who also travel through time.

  • Icmer (He uses his home-made portal)
  • Flystar (Can see the future, not travel through it.)
  • Akbaboy (Enabled to Time Travel by superpowers)
  • Bender333 (Turned his portal box into a time machine, which he uses to change parts of the past and future. He tends to mess up from time to time.)
  • Richperson (Apparently his intelligence was so strong that he could create time portals)
  • Gill (puffle) (Gill is currently building a time machine, so he can visit old empires of the past)
  • Abdul54 (He repaired his watch to travel)

Divisions[edit]

Time Break Response Team[edit]

The Time Break Response Team are a branch of Time Penguins who are trained to stop time being rewritten. If time changes (Example:A day is increased to 32 hours) then they will put things right.

Background[edit]

After Chester blew desroyed that tribe, multiple rips in the fourth dimension broke open. A group of Time Travellers from the Time Agency, led by Doctor Hickory in The TARDIS, started repairing the rifts. They are still fixing them. Who sells a time machine for ten coins, anyway?

Current Jobs[edit]

  • A hole has been blown at the Shiverpool train station. Inside the rift, they found various computer parts and microchips. They could also see a human looking at text that was appearing above their heads. Director Benny is frequently urging for this to be closed.
  • A large, active rift has been discovered in an underwater cave on Turtle Atoll. This is proving hard to be closed, and the rift has spat out various pieces of newspaper along with a packet of something called Bird Seed which one penguin who tried it, said was delicious, but weird.
  • A sinkhole in the sand pit at the Adoption Center may be a time rift. Staff are investigating.

Space Rescue Division[edit]

The Space Rescue Division keep space safe. If anything wrong happens (e.g: space ship crashes) then these agents will come to help (whether you like it or not).

Vortex Guardians[edit]

Vortex Guardians are Time Agents who close up the vortex so that no links to other universes are opened. Ford Car leads them.

How can you help?[edit]

To apply, talk to The Time Director

These are the current job offers:

Monitor: Make sure that all Space Ships/Time Machines have been registered.

Time Break Response Team: A great but dangerous job.

Alien Biologist: Yes, that gross job which includes scanning Aliens, Humans, and their organs.

Trivia[edit]

  • Explorer and Mayor McFlapp frequently complain about this agency; as they put it:
    "Time travel in fictional universes is dangerous! It is a specialized variation of teleporting and rift-crossing, but it can do nasty things when you incorrectly manipulate it! Do you know who killed off the Ughdinotikigrublava tribe? That's right, a foolish time-traveling client screwed up! What were you thinking, selling him a time machine for ten coins?! If one penguin killed a whole tribe, imagine what an AGENCY would do!"
  • Mayor McFlapp and Director Benny often team up to bust the Agency whenever they can. This happens a lot, since the Time Agency has complete disregard for the timestream and the many paradoxes related to it.
  • Some say that they all know Billybob; this is likely to be false.
  • Richperson has fought several agency members when using a time portal at the same time as them. Unfortunately, he was outnumbered and lost.
  • Unlike regular clocks, the numbers means centuries and milleniums instead of minuites and hours. It is currently pointing at the two.
  • Gary the Gadget Guy secretly competes with them, since he created his own Time Machine in 2013.

See also[edit]