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HE CONTROLS PART OF THE UNIVERSE?!
Benny Hill De Blah|
April 20th, 1986 (age 28)
|Other names||Benny Hill, The Director|
|Education||Almost as smart as Doctor Aye-Que|
|Occupation||Being the Director of the Universe|
|Home town||Club Penguin|
|Weight||3 1/2 lbs|
|Known for||Being the Director of the Universe, being related to Mabel (but he denies this)|
|Title||Director of the Universe|
|Relatives||Mabel (but he denies this) Director Lenny (father) Director Jenny (mother) Director Kenny (brother) Director Chenny (adoptive sister) Leonard von Injoface (temporary adoptive father), Director Venny (son), Director Renny (cousin)|
Director Benny Hill is one of the five mythological "Bureaucrats of the Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature", according to Explorer. His job is to approve or reject edits to the universe and to maintain order in the BoF, making sure that no one breaks the rules. Unfortunately, he is so dedicated to his job that he loves the COC "more than his own mother", so he claims. He is also corrupt and abuses his powers to benefit himself and his family.
He is classified as a "conspiracy theory" and can be found in Professor Shroomsky's favorite book, "Conspiracy Theories for Conspiring Creatures", theory #9.
Director Benny was born to Director Jenny and Director Lenny. He was their first child, but was born when they were in a depression and his parents couldn't take care of him at the time. A distant relative named Leonard (same name as his father) had felt pity for his mother and agreed to raise him until Lenny and Jenny were on their feet again.
Leonard paid attention to Benny because, like him, Benny was born with a severe (to him) flaw: a conscience. Leonard began to rigorously train Benny to crush and suppress his conscience at all costs and without mercy, since he was a baby. This helped Director Benny become cold, distant, and guiltless, allowing him to mercilessly climb the corporate ladder and crush anyone in his way.
Lenny and Jenny eventually rose up again and took Benny back into their household. By that time, they had a second child, Kennith. Benny and Kenny became almost instantly, rivals. They always fought with each other, and refused to get along. Benny gloated to Kenny that he was better, which made his father somewhat proud that he was taking credit and showing who's boss, but his mother was disappointed that Benny would be cruel to his brother. Leonard would see Benny often and try to surpress his conscience. He told him to hate his brother (like how he hated Paul). This was, for the most part, unknown to Jenny.
During his youth, Mabel claims that he invited her (being his cousin) to work on his latest project -- world domination. The plan was brilliant, foolproof (almost), and being a Von Injoface, Mabel couldn't resist. They continued to work on the plan to take over the world all through their childhood, but didn't really get to the big parts until Benny left home. At first it went well. Then, when Benny was finishing film school, Mabel began to think that Benny wanted all the world power from himself. She began deliberately messing up to delay the plan and come up with her own plan to overthrow Benny, which made Benny think she wanted all the power for herself (although, she did). Eventually they began arguing over trivial details, and Mabel quit. The plan fell apart, and Mabel claims she learned this lesson: "World conquest is pointless. Why take over the world when you know someone's going to overthrow you? All it takes is being a nuisance to society." She says this is the reason why she's so annoying.
After that incident, Benny decided to finish film school and became a director. He came home with Kenny, and found out that their parents have adopted a child. He really liked her, and fought with Kenny for her affection. However, Kenny showed that he was closer and nicer to her, and this made Benny sad. Still, suppressing emotion, Benny went on with his life, and got a job application from Billybob, along with Kenny. Little did Benny know, he was going to be a master of the universe.
Benny got the job, to Kenny's chagrin. Kenny hated Benny more than ever now, and tried to prank him one year later, but it backfired. He was noticed by Lord Carrion and Murphy and was accepted into the Bureau of Entropy. Benny didn't feel too threatened and went back to approving and disapproving things.
Taken from Conspiracy Theories for Conspiring Creatures:
There exists a legend of "Master Director Benny Hill", a mythical puffle who is said to control grammar. You make one mistake and he will swoop in and rewrite your speech as you say it. You won't even know. You'd say it naturally, completely unaware that someone evil stepped on your freedom of speech.
It is said this puffle can hop through dimensions, whether it be Tails's Shake Dimension (see Theory #27, Vibration Nation), "The Rest of Earth" (Theory #16, We're Not the Dominant Species), or in space (see theory #13, Turkeys on an Asteroid). He carries around a laptop, and one press of a key can rewrite your own words subconciously.
Is this true? Could it be true? ....well, there IS a puffle director at the CP stage, and it DID jump on stage during Dystopian: the Musical!... and it HAS been seen watching each and every play ever being performed.........
Decide for yourself, fellow reader.
The Director is a hard-nosed, cynical, merciless puffle who first and foremost abuses his abilities to benefit himself and his family. A strict, rigid tyrant who very nearly worships the COC, he never hesitates to speak what is on his mind. Director Benny measures his success by the companies productivity rate and refers to employees and everything as "story resources".
Benny must be in control of the situation at all times. He carries his laptop with him wherever he goes. Benny never takes a vacation. Benny can and does pop up out of nowhere, literally, to shout at violators of the COC, if the offense is bad enough. Notably, he appeared before the Troublesome Trio when they were gambling on a Go Fish game. Benny also appeared before Mayor McFlapp at "Dystopian: The Musical".
He blatantly attacks those who disobey the COC but never praises those who obey it. Fourth Wall breakers joke that "if Benny isn't here, you're following the rules".
Poor Keith took this literally. Add Explorer's scary stories about what Benny does to employees, and Keith took a wild interpretation. Keith believes that Benny is literally always watching. He dresses in a coat and tie to "appease" the "monster", which Keith always refers to as "it", and never "he". Keith thinks that, if they displease him enough, that Benny eats other employees. Keith can not be in the same room as Benny because he fears that he will be eaten, or he would witness someone getting eaten. Benny's presence causes Keith to tremble; he has developed a sixth sense of sorts to detect his presence.
Whistleblower accounts of Benny
Benny oppresses everyone in the BOF, so few report just how naughty he really is. Yet, two whistleblowers, unnamed to spare their lives (literally), managed to come forward and present this article with the following content.
|“|| "What is Benny?", you ask.
— Anonymous whistleblower
|“||Benny is an evil, twisted creature with a corrupted mind and conscience. He thinks only about himself and (to a lesser extent) his family, and he must be in TOTAL control. Almost everything he does is to benefit himself. He wants things done immediately, and he's very strict and organized. He doesn't want to have anything to do with chaos, besides being the cause of it. He has little to no conscience, and thinks of others as they were characters in a story (which, ironically, they are) and didn't matter at all besides advancing the plot. For example, if someone important had to be sacrificed in order to save the other characters' bacon and create a tragic atmosphere, Benny wouldn't hesitate approving it as long as it went along with the COC. He would simply say, "The story needs to progress." There is still a bit of good left in him, though. It was tarnished and shrunken by the pressure from the rest of Benny's relatives for him to do well and become a good Von Injoface, and no one can ever say for sure whether that good will ever be realized and Benny's evil redeemed.||”|
— A second anonymous whistlebower
Attempts to remove Benny from office
Benny is highly corrupt and he strongly abuses his power. He has rejected things that are perfectly okay but may harm him or an Injoface, and has approved things that, though COC-okay, are morally distasteful.
Naturally, this hatred has led to outcries for removal of office.
Masters of the Universe are appointed by previous Masters of the Universe. There is no choice by the employees or Fourth Wall breakers. However, as the BOF is technically a public office, there are ways to change the Master roster by referendum.
BOF company policy states that, if a Master of the Universe is corrupt or evil, that a petition can be activated. If 75% of all non-Master employees sign it, the Master(s) in question must be re-elected to resume his post.
Articles of impeachment
There was once an attempt to impeach Director Benny with a legit BOF practice. The articles of impeachment charged him with corruption, power abuse, villainy in a do-gooder's office, hiding his Injoface status, embezzlement, bribary, money laundering, criminal activities, and being annoying, among other things.
- He diverts taxpayer funds to his family- millions worth -every month.
- He overstepped his punishment abilities by forcing the PSA to hire the dreaded Rookie.
- He violates the seperation of powers in the BOF by sneaking in to play things that favor himself and his family on the Narration Organ, and then he approves them.
- He has unlawful jurisdiction over Death and has barred several important or deserving, but dearly departed, creatures from getting their "ghost pass" as he sees fit. That is, the authorization to return as a ghost. He also bars other means of returning that are hard to overrule
- This is currently being remedied by assigning an impartial secretary given that very task.
- He is too secretive.
- He accepts bribes. Lots and LOTS of bribes.
- He abuses his powers to clear criminal records of those he supports.
- He also allows Mectrixctic and Xorai's armies to succede because of Foamy and Penelope
- He commits money laundering. That is, he converts illegally obtained profits into legit income.
- Director Benny has a secret, self-approved pass from the government that lets him do this, and he holds multiple offshore bank accounts as well as ones in the USA, used for this very purpose.
- He commits the laundering of money. That is, he throws Mayor McFlapp's savings into a washing machine and devalues them.
- Director Benny holds multiple memberships at several laundromats across Antarctica, used for laundering McFlapp's money. He tends to run laundered money through multiple washings at different laundromats to make it impossible to track the origins of the defaced bills. McFlapp remedies this by coating his savings in layers of dried mud.
- He is in violation of the Constitution, in that an Injoface can never hold public office (Technically invalidated since he "denounced" his von Injoface heritage).
- He approved Twilight and Shadow.
- He approved King of Sorrow.
- He changed his surname without a real court order. He approved his own name change. He just wants you to think his last name is "de Blah".
- He loves referring to the BOF as the New World Order (NWO) to scare conspiracy theorists and the paranoid.
- He not only approved the tanking of the economy, he enjoyed it.
- He silences his opposition by rejecting their statements.
- He loves to scare people.
- He is a stalker.
- He gains funds by unlawful means.
- He earns money through criminal means.
- He is immune to prosecution.
- He wipes- via Narrator rejection -his criminal record weekly to escape conviction.
- He eats Judgies routinely.
- He bribes people.
- Kenny is the only reason why he's against the BoE.
- He punishes those he does not like for no reason other than the fact that he can.
- He admits that his motto is "Life is unfair. My job is to keep it that way.".
- He exempts TSP from tracking in exchange for stock and amusement park perks.
- He approved Darktan and everything he ever did.
- He is EVIL.
- He assaults Mayor McFlapp with coat hangers.
- He halted several stories.
- He approves writer's block.
- He approves the tanking of the USA economy.
- He does not like the USA because Mayor McFlapp wrote it.
- He was not appointed to his position. Rather, he "mysteriously rose to power" (yes, that is the official term for it).
- He lies.
- He cheats.
- He abuses his power.
- He rejects things that most employees want approved.
- He is a relative of Mabel. Don't deny it.
- He was heavily influenced by Judge Leonard.
- He denies everything that criticizes him.
- He blames his low ranking associates and misprints for his actions.
- He hates you.
- We don't like him.
- He sleeps with a blanket at night.
- HE WEARS CURLERS TO BED!
- He hates your mom.
- He approves cheesy "your mom" jokes, like that one.
- He is annoying.
- He is loud.
- He truamatizes Keith daily.
- He is a bully.
- He is arrogant.
- He did horrible things to a certain penguin to get him to work for him.
- He let Austin8310 into the BoF, where he does more harm then help.
- He can and has taken the life of innocents in order to orchestrate their offspring to work for the BOF. Or, in other words, he fills BOF jobs through indirect murder.
- Again, this abuse was eventually nulled by the impartial secretary.
- He likes XTUX Hun and approves of all his wiki domination plans.
- He is responsible for all those awful, clichéd parodies of random things one sees Every. Single. Day.
These articles were struck down at the very board meeting that they were written in. Benny rejected them, adding these to the next Articles:
- He unlawfully rejects legal attempts to remove him from power.
- He has avoided BOF electoral recall, impeachment, and other means of removing him from office simply by rejecting the storyline.
- He never votes in board meetings and company policies.
Strangely, Mayor McFlapp is against Benny being removed from office. No one really knows why. He also came up with some reasons why Benny should stay.
- Benny is strongly against the Universal Bureau of Entropy, and tries his best to stop Murphy from writing extremely evil characters, events, and settings (although he inadvertently helps them sometimes, and wouldn't mind if Kenny was not one of them).
- He has good grammar
- An never approves things against the CoC
- He hates Mabel
As we can all see, that list is pretty small, and they could apply to many other persons other than Benny. The other persons would also do these better than him.
On the job
Benny's job as Master of the Universe is simple. He is to approve all things that are okay in regards to site doctrine, and to reject all things against it. Things approved come to being, things rejected are subject to rewrite or deletion. At least, that is how Benny is supposed to do it.
In reality, Benny is highly corrupt. He has rejected things that are perfectly okay but may harm him or an Injoface, and has approved things that, though COC-okay, are morally distasteful.
He secretly enjoys chaos and making things go wrong, but he manages to suppress that urge enough to be on the side of Good.
Benny has a specially outfitted Peach laptop. Aside from the normal OS interface and programs, two buttons are plugged in to the laptop through USB cords. These buttons are always mysteriously changing their appearance (they've even been seen as actual drinking mugs that hold cranberry juice and limeade), though they almost always resemble police sirens. One button is red, the other is green. Pressing the red button rejects the selected edit, pressing the green button approves it.
- Mayor McFlapp on Benny:
"The COC's the limit"? The COC's the flippin' limit??? I'll tell you who's the bally limit here, wot! That ludicrous, annoying Director puffle nuisance, that's bally who!!!! Constantly prodding me about my grammar, my spelling, and who-knows-whether-I-jolly-care-about-it, eh! He and Mabel must be somehow bally related... perhaps they're distant cousins, eh?"
"Directors are all strict, no fun. They make sure stories don't go out of order and correct grammar, spelling, and continuity mistakes. They have a bally laptop, a small one, not like my organ, here. All of them have been a nusiance, and Director Benny here is no exception! He's even prodded me in a bally play, wot?"
- Director Benny hates Hannah Montana.
- Director Benny is related to Mab -- no, I'm not! How dare you say such a th -- He denies it, though.
- Mcdonalds394 will stop at nothing to prove it's true.
- Director Benny knows nothing of The Cow Dimension.
- Director Benny's favorite color is orange. He also hates blue and, therefore, hates PogoPunk X.
- Director Benny has the ability to FLOAT in midair using telekinesis. No, really, it's true! He often uses this technique to stun miscreants when disciplining them, and also uses it when battling villains or Mayor McFlapp.
- Director Benny has a habit of "mysteriously rising to power" in random articles and interfering with their events. Mayor McFlapp seeks to know how to do this and is currently trying to take lessons from Benny.
- For some odd reason, whenever Mayor McFlapp and Director Benny are chasing/battling/arguing with each other, this music plays. DJ X claims he has nothing to do with the music and says it is a glitch in his music cue-syncing software.
- Alex12345a, though, commented that "this bird is a freak", despite knowing the fact that this is Mabel's cousin. He goes even further by claiming that "he does NOT control MAI". Director Benny has no comment so far.
- It's been said that the surname, "de Blah", was actually a legal name change in a court so that Benny wouldn't have to bear the "von Injoface" surname of the Mabel family.
- Director Benny is the designated guardian of the COC.
- Director Benny, in all his overinflated ego, has not one, but at least FOUR themes -- one normal, all-in-all theme, and quite a few pieces of "intimidation music". These secondary themes serve one purpose -- to spook people out before he gets them.
- His scream is known to cause natural disasters, horrible nightmares, and chronic pain and misery in general.
- He has a brother, Director Kenny, who is one of the Anti-Masters. No wonder Benny hates blue.
- Benny does not know of the Cow Dimension, but he is aware of (and directs) the Shake Dimension. He is also overly knowledgeable of the Ghost Dimension, but can not control it.
- He really dislikes the Wannabe Masters Of The Universe, and was disappointed that his sister is one of them. Benny doesn't know that they exist anymore and tries to steal the Wannabes' spotlight by pressing as many random buttons as possible while dueling with Mayor McFlapp. McFlapp is attempting to do the same "for the fun it, wot!"
- Despite that the Bureau of Nonsense virtually created him, Benny adores Director Spenny, since he drives Kenny insane. He has even considered approving his existence, just to spite his brother.
- Fudd often tries to steal his laptop without success.
- Keith thinks that he eats chicks.
- He has a beta tester named Demonstrator Jack.
- He hates-hates-HATES the puffle hybrids. The sight of them annoy him to no end and is why the rest of the bureau tolerates them.
- Occasionally, Benny wills islands into existence by his own choice, to "make things interesting." These islands, having not been in their location before, can be discovered as late as the 2010s.
Top 13 Enemy List
- Director Kenny
- Mayor McFlapp
- Bad Grammar
- Lord Carrion
- Cube of Cliche
- Director Penny
Director Benny even appeared at the 2009 CP Fall Fair. He was hovering in the Puffle Paddle arena, screaming about his disapproval of this so-called "physical abuse" and "mistreatment" of puffles. Oh, and he was also yelling about this.
One thing that will NEVER happen. NEVER. With a period. He never gives the other Masters a break, either.