Eastshield Fried Fish

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Eastshield Fried Fish
Type Private
Industry Fish, Fast-food restaurant
Founded 2004
Headquarters Dorkugal (office), everywhere else in Antarctica, Antarctica
Area served Antarctica
Key people The Kernel (CEO, Chairman)
Revenue USP; 1.1 million (2009)
Operating income USP; 80,000 (2009)
Net income USP; 2000 (2009)
Employees Unknown

Eastshield Fried Fish, or EFF is a fast food franchise aimed at selling fish. It was founded in 2004 by a Dorkugese penguin named The Kernel, now under shareholding of YumYum. Top competitors are Frys Chalet, McDoodle's and Burger Khan.


A long, long, long time ago, there was a Dorkugese penguin, named "The Kernel 1 . He disliked computers and left Dorkugal to pursue his dream of building the ultimate fast-food franchise. In South Pole City, The Kernel pursued his dream, succeeding, and then spreading to Trans-Antarctica. Penghis Khan gave EFF exclusive permission to The Kernel in order for him to set up restaurants in Pengolia to destroy Burger Khan forever.

In recent years, EFF was sold off to YumYum, though the Kernel didn't figure out until six months later. It turns out that several traitors to the corporation hated "that stinking hick-nerd's shouting" (80+ decibels, folks), and by forging the Kernel's signature, they signed a contract without their boss' knowledge. The Kernel later fired them all, but to this day, still thinks he is in charge. He throws out any YumYum executive or health inspector that enters, if he happens to be at that restaurant.


Add food items here.


  • Fried Fish
  • Fried Fish Set: 3X Fried Fish 2X Blubber Nuggets
  • Fried Salmon Supreme
  • Whale Blubber Nuggets (mmm, they're chewy!)

Side Dishes[edit]

  • Mashed Potatoes with Gravy
  • Grilled Squid
  • Raw, Steamed, or Baked Seaweed
  • Celery
  • French Fries


Secret Formula[edit]

No one, not even YumYum, knows the secret formula to Eastshield Fried Fish's food. The only creature that knows the unique combination of 112 herbs and spices is the Kernel himself. He carries the formula for all of EFF's dishes in his robe. Legends say he keeps it in a bottle.


  • Penghis Khan wants this restaurant to buy Burger Khan, however, it costs 21 million coins, more than the McDoodle's selling price.
    • The Kernel refuses, but the greedy YumYum wants to. However, they have yet to purchase because they know they'll get an earful of Kernel if they dare. Several YumYum employees wear hearing aids nowadays.
  • Frys Chalet is their arch rival, even though EFF does not have a branch in Freezeland, and Frys Chalet's only USA branches are in Ternville. The reason, according to YumYum, is that the Kernel once ate food there and received constipation for days. The Kernel actually waddles into Frys Chalet eateries and yells at them so much, that all Frys Chalet chains are required to supply noise reduction items for what the chain calls "The Kernel's Pop", officially referenced to as "Kentucky-based hearing loss".
  • The Kernel has eaten pretty much nothing but his own food for years, though he never became fat. He claims that his food is fat-free because of this.

See also[edit]