Ed Laboratories

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Ed Laboratories
Ed Labs
Ed Labs Logo.png
Test Chamber.jpg
A single chamber in the facility
Company overview
Formed 1949
Jurisdiction Ed Island
Headquarters Ed Laboratories Scientific Enrichment Facility
Child Company Ed Laboratories PMC

Building Better Worlds
— Company Slogan

Ed Laboratories, often shortened to Ed Labs, is a large Ed Island-based research and technology corporation. The company specializes in major advancements in technology such as holograms, off-world colonization, FTL travel, and others which are divided into seven categories: health, transportation, energy, electronics, teleportation, security, and cybernetics. Ed Laboratories operates a massive facility below Ed Island named the Ed Laboratories Scientific Enrichment Center.



Ed Laboratories is founded by Dr. Pavelheer, a growing entrepreneur, in the wake of several large scientific advancements.


Construction on the Ed Laboratories facility starts. These chambers are located over four kilometers below the surface, in an old salt mine.


Ed Laboratories is completed. Nine test shafts are built, placing chambers above each other. Each shaft is connected through an underground train system.


Half of Ed Laboratories is obtained by the government, and the company is granted access to government funds.


The first prototype of the Teleportal is invented, resembling a large backpack with a hose-like emitter. The Gravity Implants are invented not long after this.


The old facility is retired, and the current facility is built on top of it.


The modern Teleportal is created, revolutionizing teleportation.


Keysabers are reinvented.


The Enrichment Center receives major upgrades, modernizing and expanding it several more kilometers.




  • Hoverboard - Not technically invented by Ed Labs. However, they "reinvented" the hoverboard with better standards and design.
  • Teleportal - A gun-like device that shoots portals.



  • Gravity Implants - Implants to prevent injury from falling.
  • Gravity Boots - Same as above, only in boot form.


  • Black Hole Fluctuation Chamber - Where the miniature black holes for the Teleportals are created.
  • Mobility Gels - Five types of pudding-like gels which could (depending on the color) perform different functions.
  • Repulsion Gel (blue) - Bounces objects off of its surface.
  • Propulsion Gel (orange) - Greatly increases object velocity and reduces the friction of objects moving on the surface
  • Conversion Gel (white) - Made from Ditto A, allows Teleportal portals to be created on any coated surface.
  • Adhesion Gel (purple) - Allows one to walk on coated walls and ceilings.
  • Reflection Gel (reflective) - Reflects lasers and Teleportal shots.
  • Anti-Mass Spectrometer - A room-sized piece of equipment used to analyze exotic materials. Nearly ended the world on numerous occasions.


Ed Laboratories is known for its questionable tests. Most of these were performed in the older test chambers, which were shut down.

  • Project: Firebird - Scientists fed a test subject a diet of pure hot sauce, and then covered their feathers in it, in an attempt to create a Phoenix, the legendary firebird. The poor subject lost their feathers permanently.
  • Project: Crabguin - Test subjects were to be implanted with crab DNA, to create a "super-soldier" of sorts.

"Well, yes, we were forced to shut down the Crabguin tests because they were a quote, 'crime against penguinkind.' It doesn't matter what the UAN thinks of us or our tests. In the end, who has an unstoppable army of Crabguins in their basement for a rainy day?"
~Dr. Pavelheer

Other Experiments[edit]

Aside from the famous experimental equipment such as the Teleportals, sentry turrets and various gels, Ed Laboratories conducted a number of research experiments over the course of its operation (most of which were illegal and/or shut down) including:

  • Attempting to reduce the water content of test subjects from sixty percent to around twenty or thirty percent through the use of jet engines.
  • Using invisible lasers to turn Test Subject's blood into gasoline, apparently unnoticeable to the person unless directly observed.
  • Exposing the Test Subjects to a fully charged superconductor during tests in attempt to see what might happen, with scientists expecting something between superpowers and tumors.
  • An experiment that could turn the Test Subject's blood into peanut water for a few minutes.
  • Unlike the test that would turn Test Subject's blood into gasoline, this one would cause immediately noticeable problems.
  • Figuring out uses for ground up moon rock, although finding it to be highly poisonous.
  • Ed Laboratories owned a research ship, named the Aurora, housing highly experimental teleportation technology. It disappeared and took a chunk of its drydock with it, and soon became a legend amongst the scientific community.
  • Control Group Kepler-Seven at one point was implanted with tiny microchips about the size of a postcard into their skulls which vibrates and beeps when it gets close to reaching five hundred degrees, usually due to overheating.
  • A teleportation experiment which would sometimes fail to bring the Test Subject's feathers depending on the type they have.
  • A second attempt to create super-soldiers by injecting them with straight gasoline. Like the invisible lasers test, there were no noticeable problems.


  • Teleportal is a registered trademark of Ed Laboratories.
  • Their main competitors are the RDA and some branches of the SIA.
  • There is a rusty machine in one of the testing courses with "Pl t D vice" written on it. Security cameras showed McLacker using the device at midnight once.
  • Ed Laboratories was founded upon three pillars:
  1. Science without results is just witchcraft.
  2. Get results or you're fired.
  3. If you suspect a coworker of being a witch, report them immediately. Witchcraft will not be tolerated.


See Also[edit]