Ed Laboratories

Ed Laboratories
Ed Labs
Technology of the future, today
A single chamber in the facility
Company overview
Formed	1949
Jurisdiction	Ed Island
Headquarters	Ed Laboratories Scientific Enrichment Facility.
Employees	~65,000 (Main facility only)
Annual budget	Undisclosed amount
Child Company	Ed Laboratories PMC
Footnotes
The company is known to be involved in many illegal and immoral activities.

“	Building Better Worlds	”
	— Company Slogan

Ed Laboratories, often shortened to Ed Labs, is a large Ed Island-based research and technology corporation. The company specializes in major advancements in technology such as holograms, off-world colonization, FTL travel, and others which are divided into seven categories: health, transportation, energy, electronics, teleportation, security, and cybernetics. Ed Laboratories operates a massive facility below Ed Island named the Ed Laboratories Scientific Enrichment Center.

History

1949	Ed Laboratories is founded by Dr. Pavelheer, a growing entrepreneur, in the wake of several large scientific advancements.
1957	Construction on the Ed Laboratories facility starts. These chambers are located over four kilometers below the surface, in an old salt mine.
1962	Ed Laboratories is completed. Nine test shafts are built, placing chambers above each other. Each shaft is connected through an underground train system.
1969	Half of Ed Laboratories is obtained by the government, and the company is granted access to government funds.
1976	The first prototype of the Teleportal is invented, resembling a large backpack with a hose-like emitter. The Gravity Implants are invented not too long after this.
1986	The old facility is retired, and the current facility is built on top of it.
1992	The modern Teleportal is created, revolutionizing teleportation.
1998	Keysabers are reinvented.
2007	The Enrichment Center receives major upgrades, modernizing and expanding it several more kilometers.

Technology

Electronics

• EHDOS - The EDFan Holding Disk Operating System
  

  EHDOS
• David Series - A series of Synthetics, with the latest model being David 8.

Transportation

• Hoverboard - Not technically invented by Ed Labs. However, they "reinvented" the hoverboard with better standards and design.
• Teleportal - A gun-like device that shoots portals.
• The majority of technology for EISC and EICM starships.

Weaponry

• Modern Keysabers
• Weaponized Memes

Health

• Gravity Implants - Implants to prevent injury from falling.
• Gravity Boots - Same as above, only in boot form.

Other

• Black Hole Fluctuation Chamber - Where the miniature black holes for the Teleportals are created.
• Mobility Gels - Five types of pudding-like gels which could (depending on the color) perform different functions.

• Repulsion Gel (blue) - Bounces objects off of its surface .
• Propulsion Gel (orange) - Greatly increases object velocity and reduces the friction of objects moving on the surface
• Conversion Gel (white) - Made from Ditto A, allows Teleportal portals to any coated surface.
• Adhesion Gel (purple) - Allows one to walk on coated walls and ceilings.
• Reflection Gel (reflective) - Reflects lasers and Teleportal portals.

• Anti-Mass Spectrometer - A room-sized piece of equipment used to analyze exotic materials. Nearly ended the world on numerous occasions.

"Tests"

Ed Laboratories is known for its questionable tests. Most of these were performed in the older test chambers, which were shut down.

• Project: Firebird - Scientists fed a test subject a diet of pure hot sauce, and then covered their feathers in it, in an attempt to create a Phoenix, the legendary firebird. The poor subject lost their feathers permanently.
• Project: Crabguin - Test subjects were to be implanted with crab DNA, to create a "super-soldier" of sorts.

"Well, yes, we were shut down. Something about the test being a 'crime against penguinkind.' Granted, they were freaky, but effective! We were forced to shut the test down, but the Crabguins are still down there. I'm not completely sure if we were told to get rid of them, but it doesn't matter. In the end, who has an unstoppable army of Crabguins in their basement for a rainy day?"
~Dr. Pavelheer

Other Experiments

Aside from the famous experimental equipment such as the Teleportals, sentry turrets and various gels, Ed Laboratories conducted a number of research experiments over the course of its operation (most of which were illegal and/or shut down) including:

• Attempting to reduce the water content of test subjects from sixty percent to around twenty or thirty percent through the use of jet engines.
• Using invisible lasers to turn Test Subject's blood into gasoline, apparently unnoticeable to the person unless directly observed.
• Exposing the Test Subjects to a fully charged superconductor during tests in attempt to see what might happen, expecting between superpowers and tumors.
• An experiment that could turn the Test Subject's blood into "peanut water" for a few minutes.

• Unlike the test that would turn Test Subject's blood into gasoline, this one could cause immediately noticeable problems.

• Figuring out uses for ground up moon rock, although finding it to be highly poisonous.
• Ed Laboratories owned a research ship, named the Aurora, housing highly experimental teleportation technology. It disappeared and took a chunk of its drydock with it, and soon became a legend amongst the scientific community.
• Control Group Kepler-Seven at one point was implanted with tiny microchips about the size of a postcard into their skulls which vibrates and beeps when it gets close to reaching five hundred degrees, usually due to overheating.
• A teleportation experiment which would sometimes fail to bring the Test Subject's feathers depending on the type they have.
• A second attempt to create super-soldiers by injecting them with lard dissolved in gasoline. Like the invisible lasers test, there were no noticeable problems.
• Ed Laboratories was rumored to have a collaboration program with the Margate Armed Forces' Scientific Research Administration that involves controlling penguins' and puffles' minds with chemicals, as well as testing newly invented medicine and poisons on convicted criminals, psychological warfare and computing. The program is shrouded with numerous crimes against penguinkind.

Trivia

• It is a major parody of Aperture Science from Portal, and Weyland-Yutani from Aliens.
• Teleportal is a registered trademark of Ed Laboratories.
• Their main competitors are the RDA and some branches of the SIA.
• There is a rusty machine in one of the testing courses with "Pl t D vice" written on it. Security cameras showed Sparkpin using the device at midnight once.
• Ed Laboratories was founded upon three pillars:

1. Science without results is just witchcraft.
2. Get results or you're fired.
3. If you suspect a coworker of being a witch, report them immediately. I cannot stress that enough. Witchcraft will not be tolerated.

See Also

• Ed Island
• EDFan12345
• EHDOS
• RDA

Ed Island