Eeez

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Eeez Antics
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SMASH IT WITH A HAMMAH
Profile
Title Ex-advisor to Machu
Gender Female
Race Adelie penguin
Faction Antics Family
Health Very poor: old, wrinkly, crazy...
Level BRILLIANT
Status Trying to destroy Machu
Location Unknown
Occupation Unemployed
Interests Hammers
Friends Antics Family
Enemies Machu
Archetype Anti-Hero?


Eeez Kitt Antics, simply called Eeez, is Explorer's paternal grandmother. She is old, wrinkly, and off her rocker, to name a few flaws. Obbsessed with hammers and scheming, her one goal in life is to destoy Machu, because she could help run EBUL better than him.

She enjoys smashing things with hammers and retains good ties with her family. She also has extreme Fourth Wall abilities and, lat ein life, began to learn the powers of black magic, which she tries to use against Machu.


Backround[edit]

Eeez hatched in early Olde Antarctica. No one knows just how old she is, but she is far older than she looks, and she already looks old.

She was always a mischievious and cunning chick, getting her way out of most anything she didn't like, and constantly plotted a means of getting into power somewhere in the future. She was agressive and impulsive, and often resorted to violence when she couldn't figure it out: smashing the obstacle with a hammer normally fixed the problem.

Her impulsive and spastic antics fit her right in with the rest of the Explorer family, and she had a relatively grand childhood that involved lots of smashing and cunning. Eeez's chickhood was largely one scheme after another, and she usually recruited some meathead to assist with the heavy lifting needed. While she never did succeed in whatever it was she did, she had a great time doing it. If she failed, there was always the backup option: smashing it with a hammer.

She wasn't related to the Explorers just yet, but she already behaved like one. This would lead to great times in the future.


Eeez grew and continued to be impulsive and physical in her ideas. Hammers and cunning go far in the weird world of the Antics Family, and this was what attracted her husband to her. Eeez eventually set out on her own and found love. She met a penguin who was to be Explorer's paternal grandfather, and as it turned out, they were great for each other. It was Eeez's unconventional and impulsive behaviors that won her husband over. They got married and never looked back.


Eeez held down odd jobs, usually getting fired because of her impulsivity and lack of rational thought (always resorting to hammer-based violence). For a while, she either staye dhom to look after the chicks or work in the construction industry, a very surprising thing for a female penguin to do back then.

Eeez got her biggest break in the late 2000s. Now old and wrinkly, she decided that she needed to truly secure her retirement. She found and joined Economic Borders Unlimited, and rose the ranks- both by cunning and hard work -to the rank of secreatray. She was horizontally promoted to the party department of the corporation, where she was (unfortunately) made to work under Machu.

Machu was lazy, greedy, selfish, and demanding. He also took many wasteful junkets, giving Eeez the perfect oppurtinity to drive EBUL behind his back. She often forged Machu's signature and reigned when he wasn't present.


This led to her losing her job... the last bit of dialog ever recorded between advisor and boss was as follows.

Machu: You're in my chair again. Behind my desk.
Eeez: It's not what it looks like, sir... I was just... helping, that's all! I mean, a busy dancing penguin like yourself- so young, might I add... are those new earrings? You grew back some hair? Regained your hearing?
Machu: What did you say?
Eeez: ......
{pause}
Eeez: Sir, I said that I was just helping.
Machu: What? I can't hear you.
{Eeez slaps her flipper upon her wrinkly beak}
Eeez: I WAS TRYING TO MAKE YOUR PHREAKING JOB EASIER!
{Machu chuckles.}
Eeez: What? What's so funny?
Machu: Heh, I turned off my hearing aid when you first talked. By the way, you're fired.
Eeez: O_O


Instead of brooding, Eeez did what any Antics member would do in this situation: PLOT FOR REVENGE. Her husband helped her, not really knowing her end goal, and together, they learned that she had Fourth Wall powers. Her husband, also versed in the Wall, led her to places wher eshe could develop her powers, if she had any. Man oh man, did she have power.

Eeez became a master sorceress and learned the more devious, cunning arts of black magic. She was going to use this on Machu,

Involvement[edit]

Eeez is a sorceress specializing in the technical side of black magic.

Eeez thought she was a far more competent executive than her boss (she is), and respected non-members more than Machu (she does), and therefore deserved his job (she still thinks so).

How does she go about trying to get rid of Machu? BRILLIANTLY, of course! Not content with just trapping him in a broom closet, deleting him, or otherwise incapacitating the old penguin (no, that's not BRILLIANT), she cooks up strange and maniacal Rube Goldberg-like schemes.

SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER[edit]

Eeez will always take on Machu with two techniques. Either way, there WILL be a hammer involved, somehow.


No plan is BRILLIANT without a hammer.

(XeXeXe also smashes things, but with a snowshovel. Like grandmother, like grandson, perhaps? Eeez smashes things with hammers, and XeXeXE with shovels. There is certainly a similarity.)


Magic[edit]

As far as mages go, Eeez believes in the Technical sphere of magic. Eeez sees rigid and BRILLIANT formulas in all spells and hexes, and experiments frequently and maniacally.

Eeez is the only "good" black magician around. Most black magicians are Traditionalists. Eeez, being Technical, writes BRILLIANT formulas and thesis papers, and, unlike other black magicians, she shares and publishes these concoctions, brews, codes, and formulas with the sorcery community at large.

Eeez provides valuable and unprecedented access to and data fro mthe evil side of Fourth Wall manipulation, and the BOF is forever grateful for the papers she gives out.


Trivia[edit]

  • Eeez's work is the only insight the Technical magicians have into black magic.
  • She is a parody of Yzma from Emperor's New Groove/School.
  • XeXeXe also smashes things, but with a snowshovel. Like grandmother, like grandson, perhaps? Eeez smashes things with hammers, and XeXeXE with shovels. There is certainly a similarity.
  • Bits of food seem to get stuck in her beak every now and then and get left there for weeks. Machu always comments about it (how long has THAT been in there?). Even though, like all penguins, she swallows food whole, she is still so messy that it gets all over her.
  • She always wears purple. ALWAYS.
  • She loves her chicks and grandchicks. When they were young, she would always volunteer her services as a babysitter, and teach them BRILLIANT ideas, like SMASHING THINGS WITH HAMMERS.
    • To entertain them, she would perform magic tricks and keep them captivated all day long. Under Eeez's watch, the children ebhaved like saints. They never had boredom or disobediance issues because they loved Eeez so much.
      • The side effect to this is that the chicks learned to love SMASHING THINGS WITH HAMMERS, even when Eeez wasn't around.
      • HAMMERS.

See also[edit]