Explorer's Ultimate Disaster Story/Chapter IV
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Part II:The Break-in
Chapter IV: The Village of
As the two ran through the trees, away from the troops they began to hear many voices in front of them.
As they ran farther and farther, the voices got closer and closer and soon they emerged from the woods and stumbled upon a village.
Explorer was astonished.
He'd traveled before, but he'd never come across penguins who built houses instead of igloos.
The villagers also used puffle-drawn wagons, which was even more astonishing to him.
"These villagers are STILL using primitave mammal-drawn wagons? I thought we stopped using those years ago!" spoke Explorer to his companion Barc.
"T'is the Kaiser's orders. He wishes all forms of fuel to be reserved for the millitary."
Swiss Ninja was well known to be an egotist and extremely bossy, and without much common sense.
But when it came to tactics, Swiss was amazing.
"Agreed." mumbled Barc, and Explorer gasped.
Had he been thinking aloud?
They were comming up to a large map, and Explorer read the header.
"Welcome to...Death Falls."
Barc gaped in astonishment.
"Why would such a pretty town have such an awful name?" asked Barc, and Explorer looked at him worridly.
"I don't know Barc. I just don't know."
For the rest of the afternoon Explorer was haunted by the town's evil name as he walked it's streets.
Eventually the two travelers found a small hotel and rented a small room for the two to sleep in.
They tasted like Oxipie, and he put them to the side of his plate, while Barc seemed to be enjoying his entire meal.
Who on earth would be dumb enough to like beans?
After they had "finished" a waitor came to the table and eyes Explorer's half-empty plate with suspicion.
"Is anything wrong sir? Don't you like our delicous food?" asked the waitor in a smei-polite voice, and Explorer pointed to the beans while making a sick face.
"In our fabulous town, it is customary to eat your beans BEFORE everything else, not afterwards. After all, we ARE famous as the best bean farmers in Snowzerland!" grumbled the waitor.
"The beans are disgusting! Got that?" shot back Explorer, and the waitor glared.
"In the name of der Kaiser EAT YOUR BEANS!" shouted the waitor, and he picked up the plate and shoved the beans into Explorer's mouth.
Explorer gagged on the putrid mass of filth in his mouth, then threw it up on the waitor's suit.
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the waitor, and he quickly ran out of the building and cleaned off his clothes in the nearby pond.
Barc and Explorer had a good laugh over that one, and after they had finished they turned in for the night, feeling rather nervous but comfortable.
They bought a second cot for Explorer to sleep on, as he didn't want to sleep on the big, rather comfy bed, and the cot felt more like his bed at home.
As soon as they hit the sack he started to close his eyes and drifted off to sleep, filled with uneasy dreams.
Explorer woke up in a flash, and turned towards Barc.
He was still sleeping peacefully, but something was not right.
Explorer crept towards Barc and seeing nothing unusual, he looked under the bed.
There were a pair of glowing eyes under the bed, and Explorer quickly put the covers back.
But too late.
A huge orangish puffle with fangs and glowing red eyes sprang from under the bed, and Explorer sprawled over backwards.
The mutant puffle tried to slash his fangs at Explorer, but he shielded his face with his flippers, and the orange puffle missed, cutting Explorer's left flipper instead.
Explorer screamed in pain as the orange puffle tore at his flippers with his teeth, and Barc finally work up with a shout.
"Let's GET OUTTA HERE!" screamed Barc in sheer terror, as the orange puffle sank his fangs into Explorer's beak.
And with a sudden act of bravery, Barc yanked the demonic puffle from Explorer and slammed his flipper right between it's eyes.
The evil puffle wailed like a banshee, and the two friends dashed for the window and took a great leap.
They landed painfully outside and ran off into the darkness, away from the evil hotel.
"And WHAT do YOU think you're doing?" shouted a voice right in front of them, and Explorer started.
It was a snoss patroller, and he pointed his submachine gun at them.
"Get back inside. You're breaking CURFEW!"
"But, but but WE WERE ATTACKED BY A MUTANT ORANGE PUFFLE!" screamed back Explorer, and the patroller frowned again.
"Oh how original. That's what everyone says these days, every night. Just the latest excuse, so GET BACK INSIDE!"
Explorer and Barc disagreed, but how can one argue with a snoss patroller with a submachine gun?
The patroller "escorted" them back to the hotel, then shoved them inside as they protested loudly.
Inside, the puffle was waiting for them, and it emmitted a low, angry growl.
And with a roar it sprang at them, and barely missed Barc as he dodged it.
It chased them around the room, and neither side seemed to be making any progress when suddenly Explorer tripped over a chair and fell to the ground with a thud.
Seeing an opertunity, the evil puffle leapt at him, drooling at the thought of sinking it's fangs into him once more.
As the puffle's evil grin came closer and closer to Explorer, time seemed to slow down and the puffle's immensely fast leap seemed to be in slow-motion.
In an act of self defense Explorer grabbed a basket of the disgusting beans and with a shout he shoved them into the puffle's mouth.
The puffle turned green in mid flight, made a sick face and passed out in middair before landing on the ground.
The innkeeper rushed into the room and flung open the door, and his jaw dropped.
"Explorer you...you...killed it!" gasped the innkeeper, and Explorer weakly smiled.
"WHAT A WASTE OF BEANS!" shouted Barc, his face turning red with anger.
The villagers piled into the inn in a matter of minutes, and they were astonished at the sight before them.
Explorer, however, simply collapsed on the spot, and Barc rushed him to the hospital after noticing that his wound was swelling up immensely.
"...He appears to be alright. We'll just wait until he wakes u-"
"I AM AWAKE!" screamed Explorer and he sat up quickly, cracking his back painfully in the process.
He was in the local hospital, surrounded by doctors and nurses, and by his side was Barc.
"Your left flipper will be rather stiff for a few weeks, but we still can't identify the poison that the puffle injected into your body."
"The mutant puffle? Where is it?" asked Explorer nervously, and one of the nurses smiled.
"It was taken away by the RDA. They'll perform expirements on it, and whatnot."
Explorer got down from his cot and stood up painfully, and stumbled towards the door.
"Oh, and by the way, we're renaming the town to 'Snrocks."
Barc nodded knowingly, but Explorer's jaw dropped.
He had seen Swiss Ninja fandom before, but never like this.
"I have to be going now." he muttered as he stepped out the door and into the streets.
They were filled with penguins, and the town's gloomy sign was being replaced with a spanking new neon sign with "'Snrocks" emblazoned on the cover.
The penguins seemed a lot more cheerful now, and he knew that it was because of the "death" of the puffle.
Or was it really dead?
Explorer shook the thoughts out of his mind, as he neared a fountain.
"Swiss Ninja himself is going to be golfing here today at the national golfing championship!" shouted a penguin, and Explorer and Barc jumped.
"Let's get over there and see Swiss Ninja!" said Explorer exictedly, then the two friends raced off to the golf course.
At the golf course there were several golfers, and Swiss Ninja was amoung them.
"I didn't know Swiss Ninja played golf!" exclaimed Explorer.
"Neither did I." replied Barc. "It must be a new hobby."
"Well I'm guessing the other golfers will play badily on purpose. The kaiser would let NO ONE beat him." grumbled Explorer, and suddenly the blowing the trumpets signalled Swiss's arival.
Swiss Ninja stepped up proudly to the other golfers, then blew a raspberry at the other golfers.
They groaned, and Explorer recognized one as the USA's leading golfer.
Swiss Ninja was up first.
He grabbed his golf club, blew another raspberry at the golfers, then signaled at a professional photographer.
"Ready the camera! I'm about to swing!" shouted Swiss Ninja, and the photographer unscrewed his lens.
"This is gonna be the most epic picture taken! Just watch!" gloated the photographer, and Explorer shifted uneasily.
"Ready..." roared the announcer.
"Set..." roared the announcer again.
A rustling in the bushes was heard, but most of them ignored it.
Explorer, however began to feel nervous, and he began to whimper.
"Swin-" began the announcer, but was interrupted.
The mutant orange puffle leapt from the bushes and spran at the kaiser!
Before he had time to react, the puffle bit Swiss Ninja on the bottom, and he howeled.
Just then, the photographer's camera automatically snapped a picture, and the photographer wailed in anger.
"OWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT OFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Swiss Ninja, and some RDA Troopers rushed to assist him.
They grabbed the evil puffle and subdued it, after which they stuffed it into a cage and put in a van, before driving away
"Mighty Kaiser? May I show you the picture I took?" asked the photographer, and Swiss Ninja nodded yes, as he rubbed his sore bottom.
The photographer handed it to the kaiser, and Swiss Ninja gasped.
"PHOTOGRAPHER! THAT PICTURE IS HORRID! AGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Swiss Ninja angrily at the photographer, and he slammed his "fist" into the photographer's face.
He stumbled dizzily, then collappsed.
"OI! THE KAISER'S BOTTOM IS BLEEDING LIKE NIAGRA FALLZ!" shouted one of the Snoss soldiers, and Swiss Ninja reddened, as he realized that his butt was bleeding profusely.
"OI. REMINDS ME OF A FRUIT PUNCH DISPENSER." replied another loudly, and the kaiser grew angry.
"Knock if off, dufus!" He screamed, and the others giggled.
"Sure thing, Bloody Swissy the Fruit Punch Dispencer!" shouted another trooper, and the crowd began laughing loudly.
|The Position of
Explorer's Ultimate Disaster Story,
as held by Chapter IV
November 3-4, 2010
| Succeeded by|