Fisch Hochstadt v. United States of Antarctica, et al

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The case of Fisch Hochstadt v. United States of Antarctica, et al was a federal court case regarding the unlawful immigration of Fisch Hochstadt into the United States of Antarctica, having recieved a visa that quickly expired. The country of Snowzerland wishes to extradite him and try him for crimes against the government. Melvin Turtleheimer took up the case, thinking that Fisch is seeking asylum from the oppressive Snoss government, and thus should be a refugee.


The case[edit]

STATE OF SUB-ANTARCTICA
FIRST STATE APPELLATE COURT OF THE SUB-ANTARCTIC ISLANDS

FILE NUMBER: 0101100101001111010101010101001000100000010011010100111101001101

FISCH HOCHSTADT
PLAINTIFF


v.


THE UNITED STATES OF ANTARTICA
SNOWZERLAND IMMIGRATION CUSTOMS BUREAU
X LEADER
DEFENDANTS.


FEDERAL TRIAL BEFORE THE HONORABLE GREG FINKLESTEIN FISHER


APPEARENCES:
FOR THE PLAINTIFF:
MELVIN TURTLEHEIMER
ATTORNEY AT LAW
8 Neville Lane, South Pole City, Polar District, Eastshield, USA
AND ALSO FOR THE PLAINTIFF
DAN BERONEWS
Law Graduate of PSU
ATTORNEY AT LAW
12 Neville Lane, South Pole City, Polar District, Eastshield, USA
Next to the MMK Igloo


FOR THE DEFENDANT:
SOMEGUY SOMEGUY
ATTORNEY AT LAW
1000 Capital Street, Geneva, Snowzerland


RECORDED AND TRANSCRIBED BY:
A QUALIFIED COURT REPORTER
KELLY BUSTER




CLERK: All rise, the Honorable YummyTacos presiding.

THE COURT: You may be seated.

CLERK: District Case 0101100101001111010101010101001000100000010011010100111101001101, the case of Fisch v. United States of Antarctica.

THE COURT: All righty, it's on. Before we begin, have the parties made any stipulations?

THE PLAINTIFF: Shouldn't there be a jury?

THE COURT: Not in this country. Juries are for weenies; you should just trust the judge.

{Awkward silence}

SOMEGUY: Yes, we have agreed that Fisch is here illegally.

THE COURT: Fisch, is that true?

THE PLAINTIFF: Yes.

THE COURT: Okay then.

{Bangs gavel.}

THE COURT: Let's go!

{The judge begins hearing at 5:15 PM RL time.}

THE COURT: Does anyone have an opening statement?

SOMEGUY: Yes. We are here to prove that Fisch Hochstadt is not fleeing his country as a refugee and can thus be legally extradited.

THE COURT: Okay. Defendants?

MELVIN: We're here to prove that he has fled his country due to persecution by the government, and that, if he was returned, the trial would be rigged to prosecute him for questiong the government.

DAN: He has also helped this country numerous times, and as such, he would be arrested in Snowzerland.

THE COURT: So be it. Now, without any further ado, let's begin the trial.


THE COURT: You go first, plaintiffs.


{Music begins at 5:16 PM RL time. The melody is The McDonalds Rap.}

MELVIN: Fisch came to this land trying to get free,
Running from this Snoss like a refugee,
So he got up a Visa

THE PLAINTIFF: Yes I got this one!

MELVIN: Lasted nineteen days
Until renew was done!
Yet he didn't get the money
For another Visa run,

THE COURT: So the thing expired?

MELVIN: Yes but I'm not done!
He's been a a gunnin', a runnin'
From the evil Snoss goonies

THE COURT: So he's out for his life?

MELVIN: Yes, that's why he moved, see!
Got the pass got to run took a boat to our shore
To escape with his life
For he was abhored!
Let me tell you why this guy was so oppressed,
Fisch I call you as the plaintiff's first witness!

CLERK: Fisch I shall now ask
If you solemnly swear
To tell the truth?

Fisch: I shall do it there!

CLERK: The truth and the truth and the whole truth, son?

Fisch: I will be an honest witness for this hunt!

CLERK: Than it's time for you to witness
Testify and try 'em!
Put on the 'cord
That Fisch seeks asylum!

THE WITNESS: Well they want me for political favors,

THE COURT: So he was bribed to take you in for regime displeasure?

THE WITNESS: I questioned the Kaiser
So the fuzz then traced,
So I ran out of my house like an Injoface!
They hate freedom of speech,

THE COURT: So Snoss isn't for it?

THE WITNESS: No no they ain't sir,
They'll arrest me, told ya!

SOMEGUY: I call an OBJECTION
As this guy's a lier!

THE COURT: Overuled, it may be the truth because I buy it!

THE WITNESS: All I did was question Swiss' fame,
The police were all on me like a Darktan gang!
I simply claimed the Snoss were just bad invaders,
Then the police all come to me like a raider,

THE COURT: Is that all, my friend
You were harrassed a bunch?

THE WITNESS: Yes you understand
Why I had that hunch!

MELVIN: He escaped with luck
That's all I need
Bring the witness down from the Snoss to be free!

THE COURT: Well that settles with this witness
If the Defendants could
Have a cross-examination
For their own good?
Oh you're under oath so remember then
That if you lie you'll be behind jail bars again!

SOMEGUY: So you claim that we harrased you,
You questioned the Feds and they got up on you?
Well let me show
This exhibit's justice

THE COURT: Accepted so record it in the record, Buster!

{The Exhibit's fact,
Makes the Fisch all fret-us
It's a video from a lane
A street-camera read it!}


SOMEGUY: Not a question of the government
No he's on a soap box

MELVIN: I am OBJECTION-in'!
That could be a fish costume wearing boy
He may not be protestin' or be annoyed!
He could be selling hot cakes
Or brochures dispent
Who said that he's
A dissident?

THE COURT: Objection is sustained the evidence shall leave 'em
Maybe next time get a cam with sound in!

SOMEGUY: Just 'cause there is no sound there's no need to stop!

THE COURT: The plaintiff is correct you need his voice caught!

MELVIN: How can you prove it's him... without voice?

{Music ends at 6:24 RL Time.}

DAN: O.K... Now McFlapp, can I have a part in the next song?


TO BE CONTINUED!!