Floodlight Act of 2005

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Floodlight Act
[[File:|250px]]
Light 'em up!
Information
Type Giant spotlights
Effects Electricity
Source Governance
Location Everywhere
Cost to buy N/A
Cost to sell N/A



The Floodlight Act of 2005 was a government act to install giant floating floodlights above every major cit in Antarctica. These floodlights would be used to shine light on the land below and simulate daytime in the perpetual darkness of winter.

The floodlights are collectively known as the Stratospheric Floodlight Complex.

Text[edit]

FEDERAL LAW:
THE 1337 ACT REGARDING THE INSTALLATION OF ARTIFICIAL DAYLIGHT IN THE WINTER
AS DRAFTED BY THE PWNSOME SOUTH POLE COUNCIL
March 27, 2005.

Article One: Reasons to Neccesitate This Act[edit]

  • The South Pole Council:
ACKNOWLEDING the obstacles produced by the perpetual nighttime in winter,
RECOGNIZING that there needs to be a method of negotiating the aforementioned obstacles,
NOTING that the absence of the sun, quote, "bums people out",
and AWARE that acts proposing the construction of cool things [sic] are of the highest order of PWNage (excepting Bugzy, who is PWNsome to the degree that we are not able to classify him into an order of PWNage), 'nuff said,


HEREBY PROPOSES THE FOLLOWING ACT.


Article Two: Proposal[edit]

AS SUCH, the South Pole Council hereby proposes the construction of a plethora of floodlights, which will be installed in the stratosphere above every single city, urban, and suburban area in the USA, so as to simulate daylight during the perpetual nighttime in the winter.


The construction of this complex will be overseen by the Mayor of Ternville and must follow all preexisting federal building codes.


Conclusion[edit]

Light 'em up!

-ENACTED BY THE SOUTH POLE GRAND KRYTOCRIC LEGISLATIVE COUNCIL, THIS TWENTY-SEVENTH DAY OF MARCH, YEAR TWO THOUSAND AND FIVE.

{signatures of delegates who voted Yay}
{signature of Chief Justice}

Construction[edit]

The construction of the Stratospheric Floodlight Complex was a massive event that took place all across Antarctica. It was planned entirely by Gary and Mayor McFlapp.

Floodlights[edit]

Xenon short-arc lamps, chosen due to their ability to simulate daylight, were mass-produced in Dorkugal and sent to Ternville. There, the lamps were encased in black rectangular shells to complete the floodlights. Each floodlight was outfitted with an internal computer, an icePhone-standardized Peach global telecommunications module, and an electricity-powered controllable pitch propeller to ensure advanced control of the floodlights' flight. A diode bridge rectifier (complete with smoothing capacitor) was also attached to the cable socket of each floodlight (the rectifier and inverter's purposes will be elaborated upon in the next paragraph). In addition, the floodlights were packed with insulation and numerous convection heaters to prevent the inner workings from freezing due to the cold temperatures at the bottom of the stratosphere.

Furthermore, each and every floodlight must be hooked up to the Governance's power grid via TeleNet. Cables connecting the floodlights to the Centriepistula's Mega Transformer were passed through a TeleNet portal welded to the side of each floodlight, ensuring a 24/7 power supply. The diode bridge rectifier converts the AC current from the Centriepistula's Mega Transformer into a pulsating DC current, and the smoothing capacitor smooths the current out to make it suitable for powering the xenon short-arc lamps.

All floodlights were then checked for defects by the Mayor of Ternville, the C.E.O. of Dorkugal, and the P.O.P.E.

After the floodlights had all been hooked up to a power source, they were stored on Ternville for stratospheric-launch preparation.

Floodlight Control Base[edit]

A central controlling base was established for proper maintenance of the floodlights. The base was situated in Ternville's Master Control Room, underneath the Business District, and was to be commandeered by the Mayor of Ternville as well as the Admiral of the Ternville Air Force.

The base uses Peach's global telecommunications network to commmunicate with each floodlight, allowing maximum control of the complex. Each floodlight broadcasts its position and status to the central computer, and the operators of the computer are able to send orders and commands to the internal computers of each floodlight.


Stratospheric Launch and Testing[edit]

After the central control base in Ternville was installed, Phase I of the stratospheric-launch operation began.

Phase I: Launch Prep[edit]

Ternville rocketed up to an altitude of 12.6 kilometers above South Pole City, just above the typical cruising altitude of a commercial airliner (this was done to prevent a collision between the floodlights and any passing aircraft), and about a kilometer or two into the stratosphere. Each floodlight was then packaged inside a modified missile warhead in groups of ten, which was placed inside a modified fire-and-forget fuel-efficient missile with a pre-programmed destination.

Phase II: Stratospheric Launch[edit]

Ternville then began rocketing around the stratosphere, firing hundreds of thousands of missiles, each containing a floodlight in its warhead. The rate of launching was estimated to be about 6000 missiles a minute. Ternville took approximately a week to launch the 8 billion floodlights needed to cover all of the USA's urban areas.

After launch, each missile immediately zoomed towards its pre-determined destination. Within a fifty-meter radius of the target, the missile switches to auxiliary power, ejecting the jet engine and powering up the propellers installed on the floodlights. After three seconds, the nosecones jettison as well, leaving behind the ten floodlights, which hover into position.

To prevent unwanted pollution or destruction, the falling jet engine and nosecones self-delete.

Phase III: Positioning Corrections and Testing[edit]

After stratospheric launch, the floodlights automatically began broadcasting their position to the central computer in Ternville. The computer's operators made corrections and modifications to the floodlights' positioning.

As Ternville began to descend back down to its usual height, tests were run on the floodlights every night to check their performance. The complex passed with flying colors; it had been successfully installed.


The first official time that the Stratospheric Floodlight Complex was turned on for operation was on May 25, 2005, when the sun didn't rise. The Complex has been in operation every winter ever since.

Controversy[edit]

The Act was one of the most controversial laws ever passed in the South Pole Council, especially considering its deadlocked tie and shady tiebreaking call.

Those who support it would point to the islands that get a day and night, mentioning their productivity. Those against it would argue it's against the Natural Order and emphasize the use of electricity and streetlights to keep the world safe instead, a much cheaper method.


Enemies of the bill are pro-Darkness. They include Shroomsky, TSP, G's Family (the lights were built by Doctor Surray and other obscurities), Darktan and his army (for obvious reasons), ghosts, Daniel Specter, Vampenguins, Demon Penguins, the states Trans-Antarctica and the Antarctic Peninsula, and many others in a shocking cross-the-aisle, villain-and-hero union.

The equally large and active proponents of the bill are pro-Light. They include the Von Injoface Family, Explorer's family, Fred 676, Melvin Turtleheimer, Mayor McFlapp, Ternville, the Masters of the Universe, and President Billybob, along with most of Eastshield and all of the Sub-Antarctic, and a lot of the Masses.


Delegates by vote[edit]

Delegate Vote Reason
Chief Justice (Judge Xavier) No Something didn't "feel right" (despite excessive demanding from constituents).
Dan No Nothing is artificial, and therefore, does have day and night.
Explorer 767 Yes Bill's author
Carl Arnott Yes Constituant affirmed.
Ford Car Yes His constituants wanted it.
Henry Shipper No His consituants demanded such.
Govenor Ponderer Neutral His constituants live in an artifical dome with day and night.
Bob McGoo No His constituants demanded such.
Pingko referendum Yes It would make ditto cleanup easier.
Jacko #1558 Yes Artificial light is good for photosynthesis.
The Great Snellzini No His constituants demanded such.
Mayor McFlapp Yes Co-author, constituants demanded it (well, duh, Ternville always gets to operate permanently-airborne structures).
Sancho Monte Captio Neutral Constituants never mentioned it.
Penghis Khan No His constituants demanded such.
Bolsheevic Penguinsky No Violation of the "natural order", workers demanded such.
Happyface141 Yes Co-sponser, constituants demanded such.
Kwiksilver No Island has day and night, violation of "natural order", constituants' demand.
Barkjon Neutral Reason unknown.
Cardinal Carl Neutral Against "natural order" but good for business (the Governance would score more money off of their clients, since giant floating floodlights are considered a utility).
Melvin Turtleheimer Neutral Great for turtles but against "natural order".
Idoreconise Yes Great for mainland, constituant affirmed.

Absent delegates[edit]

Most of the Free Republic delegates were not there, but the vote still went on. Pro-Darkness creatures state that was a rigged move by the pro-Light creatures. Pro-Light creatures deny it in full, stating that the bill would only apply to USA states.

Constituional amendment[edit]

Prior to the Act, the Council had never ended up in a tie. The Framers never really put any thought into a tiebreaking vote. The Act sat at a standstill for over a month as a constitutional amendment was drafted to address this.


The amendment was done in total secrecy. No one knew of it. The BoF was baffled, because it didn't even show up on their consoles. Clearly, it was being drafted by one of their own.

Proposed by an "anonymous constituant" from the state of Eastshield, this amendment read as follows:
"In the event of a Tie in the Legislature, the Chief Justice's Vote is to count as Two Votes, thereby Breaking the Tie."

The amendment was deemed fair by pro-Light creatures, even though they knew the Chief Justice (Judge Xavier) would cast a big fat "NO" vote and kill the bill. Still, being the (slightly) noble politicans they were, they decided it would be fair.


The golden paper was placed for ratification by the Delegates (in accordance with a previous amendment taking the power to amend from the People). They planned to pass it, when Mabel suddenly entered with a seven hundred page amendment to the... amendment.

The amendment mostly consisted of total nonsense. However, as was courtesy, the Council had to read the whole thing in full. About an hour and a half through, Explorer went into Freaker Mode and they had to call it off. Mabel had hidden the serums to cure the insanity and demanded that they edit the amendment to give the tiebreaking vote to the President. Since Explorer had bombs in his robes that day, they agreed. The amendment passed in Mabel's form. She had worn the council down by reading it.


Mabel always pulls dirty tricks to get her way, but one with that kind of power had to have an outside benefactor. How else could Mabel obtain seven hundred sheets of golden paper and a scarlet ribbon long enough to bind it if it gets passed? Those resources are under lock and key, as Amendments must be written on such paper to prevent forgery. It is tradition.

Everyone has a theory that someone up above used Mabel as a tool.

Either way, the controversial tiebreaker went to the President, President Billybob. Billybob was a major pro-Light activist. The writer of Mabel's manipulation apparently knew that.


The bill passed, and for a whole month, Mayor McFlapp flooded Director Benny's inbox with thank-you notes.

Trivia[edit]

  • The Act forces the Governance to work harder in the winter, and as a result, bills go up in that season.
  • Our database compiled a close approximation of what Mabel's Amendment (or at least, the first one hundred paragraphs) may have looked like. A link is here. WARNING: THE PAGE MAY CRASH YOUR BROWSER.


See Also[edit]