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| Blast from the Past
Fort Kosher describes events that happened in the Past, as researched by the Time Agency. Be aware that these events are not in the Present or the Future, just the Past. They may be dead, torn down, or simply nonexistent in the present.
|Fort Kosher, LLC|
|Level||Ranges from Vinegar to Brine|
|Location||What is now Redlink Abbey|
|Inhabitants||Enslaved Nerds (pre-destruction)|
Founded in 1962 by the Squashins (a relative of the Jacko species), Fort Kosher was the leading producer of pickles in the entire continent. However, as the demand for pickles grew, first in jars, then in barrels, then in kegs, the Squashins quickly learned that they needed a new workforce. Being a rather evil bunch of vegetables, the Squashins ravaged Lichenblossom Forest and enslaved every nerd they could catch to work in their factories, much as the Naughtzee did to the High Penguins.
The demand just kept going up and up and up... though, the nerds had had it.
On the eve of the factory's ten-year anniversary, the nerd-founded CAPIL (Convention Against Pickling In Lichenblossom) revolted, and in a mass arson, they shot bombs at the factory with a giant catapult while bursting one of the hydroelectric dams up the Lichen River, flooding and burning the fortress at the same time. In less than one hour, Fort Kosher was no more.
After Fort Kosher was destroyed, the CAPIL voted to create what would become Redlink Abbey over the remains of the factory. The largest pickle supplier later became Pickle de Antarcticque, the first french-speaking company in Antarctica.
In its heyday, there were four floors, three dedicated to the pickling process and one reserved just for the Squashins.
On floor one, the cucumbers were loaded into the vinegar by nerds.
Floor two involved the ferementation and actual pickling. Nerds were forced to carry barrel fulls of pickles up to this floor and set them down for the fermentation process.
Floor three was the shipping center. Logic would say that the distribution area should be on the BOTTOM floor, but not so. The Squashins had the nerds carry them by hand down the two floors and load them onto the steam train which would take them out of there.
Floor four was the living quarters of the Squashins. From here they commanded the giant pickle factory and relaxed, surrounded by their ubiquituous luxuries.... while the nerds suffered.
When the building stood, nerds and Squashins were abundant.
What part of enslavement do you not understand? The Squashins are clearly the villains.
There WAS one more product other than pickles. In 1971, they released Antarctica's first electronic toy, the Yodeling Pickle. By the time the factory was bunt down, over 100,000,000 Yodelling Pickles were sold. There now only 100,000 left in existence, making them HIGHLY collectible. What's more, the government owns the patent and copyright to the item, so nobody is authorized to make Yodelling Pickles (even though tons of people want them) except them. Since pickles are so hated in Lichenblossom, the government won't be disclosing it anytime soon.
- This is a parody of Fort Kotir from the Redwall series.
- Fort Kosher was featured in the book Lichenblossom, from the Redlink series.