Good Morning, Penstubal
A book about Penstubal that he wrote, in which he goes on an adventure across the city of Wizzint, setting out to discover the world and find out what it really is like. He meets various people from all over the city and experiences the daily life of a common Wizzinter, all in 7 days.
A typical, beautiful day in the last weeks of fall. The sun is shining bright, kids are dancing in the streets and playing with the majestic leaves of all colors, stacked onto the roads, rows and rows of fallen leaves waiting for children to dive in.
Indeed, I have developed an aversion to the outside world and so I have decided to stay locked up in my little nook. I spent the whole day writing what I call short prose but what others call novels. I’m pretty sure that by every possible definition a 200 pages long rant about Chill is NOT a long story. That’s too short for me, lacks content you could immerse yourself in.
Anyway, so that’s what I was doing. Simple as that. And I was writing all day long. My girlfriend was in the house. We’ve been living together for like, several weeks now, and she was starting to get real used to living in my house. I rejected any possibility of like ever marrying her, though.
She interrupted me multiple times during my writing, but that’s okay. I forgive people.
What I couldn’t forgive, however, was when she just randomly burst the door open to yell at me for not making my bed.
“AAAAAAA PENSTUBAL YOUR BED IS A FILTHY MESS” she screamed, “I’D RATHER LIVE WITH KERMIT’S STINKY LEGS WRAPPED AROUND MY HEAD THAN SLEEP WITH YOU IN THE SAME BED”
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? We don’t even SLEEP in the same bed, you consider my body to be disgusting and repelling!”
“AAA I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS”
“NEITHER DO I CARE ABOUT YOURS!”
She then froze. Completely. No move. Utter silence.
She was utterly devastated by what I said. It completely shocked her. I can’t even begin to describe how much I offended her.
“YOU TAKE THAT BACK”
“NEVER! And you know what? I DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS! I’M LEAVING, HORNFACE!
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE LEAVING? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!”
“I’M TIRED OF YOU CONSTRAINING ME! YOU ARE HOLDING ME HERE AS A SLAVE! I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THIS! YOU CAN NOT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE, MY LIFE IS MY LIFE! I HAVE MY LIBERTY!!!”
“THIS ISN’T EVEN MY HOUSE, YOU CAN’T LEAVE!”
“LA LA LA LA I DON’T CARE, BYE!”
At that moment I burst out of the door, having picked up my laptop and some money. That’s all I needed. I was furious at her. I couldn’t let her do this to me. My freedom means too much to me. She keeps doing this all the time. I hate her!
I can’t believe I am saying that, but yes, it has come that far!
I have decided I won’t put up with this crap. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I sure as heck ain’t going back. I left that crazy woman, I left her good. I bet she’s devastated now. Well she needs to know her place, that she can’t boss me around and tell me how to behave! That’s what authoritarian psychos, like Chill do.
Which yes, reminds me. I was writing about Chill. I will continue doing this.
I decided to go to the university campus, where there’s a really nice, clean and beautiful, majestic park where I can step away from penguin contact. Nobody visits the park because everybody likes to party and do stupid crap around in clubs instead of appreciating the wonderful gift we have called nature.
I sat down on the bench next to the little lake, with ducks swimming all over. I pitied that species because they’re the target of systematic discrimination by Chill and his frog-sniffing goons.
I watched penguins pass by and enjoy their pointless little lives. My life is the only one that has true meaning. I’m here to give this world a gift. I am a gift to this world and nobody appreciates me. Well, okay. Whatever. They can’t stop me. I’m fiercely independent, I am going to do what I want.
I turned on my MP3000 and decided to listen to some nice music while writing about Chill’s miserable life.
I was writing, I was writing. I couldn’t stop writing. I wrote pages and pages in just a few minutes. After a few minutes, however, I was interrupted in my work by a familiar face.
“Heeey, Bobbie, what’cha doin’?” I said, having taken off my MP3000.
“Hey buddy, nothing much, just walking around town, got nothing better to do. What about you?”
“Well, kind of the same. I just left Stubica, that woman’s killing me.”
“What, no way! Oh, I’m sorry!”
“No, no, don’t be. It’s just a temporary fight until she learns how to behave.”
“Ah, I see. I get that, alright” he laughed.
“So I decided to come here, down to the park, and do some writing. I’m writing my latest masterpiece. This might become the magnum opus of my literary career” I said in a gleeful manner.
“Oh really, what’s it about?”
“It’s about Chill again. That guy’s tormenting me. Did you see what he did in Chill Island?”
“No, what did he do?”
“He had a party, with that awful person. You know who.”
“Yes, the guy with a creepy obsession with eggnog. Like, he’s disgusting. I’m repelled by him. He’s sick. He really needs help.”
“Absolutely. Our mental health system is terrible, horribly underfunded. That guy is simply abnormal.”
“Amen to that” I said. “Wanna come with me to Morty’s burger place? I’ve heard they’ve got some good new burgers today.”
“Oh yes, sure! Do we take the bus or...”
“Nah, nah. We can walk there. It’s not far away, just a few blocks.”
“Oh, swell. Let’s go.”
We were then on our way to Morty’s burger place, chatting about our daily lives on the way there. It’s such a great place. There’s this great guy there, Morty. He’s really cool. He makes his burgers based on his father’s decades old recipe. His father was a great man, he’s the founder of the burger in Wizzint. He’s known all throughout town.
“Hey Mort, what’s up?” I said to the fine guy.
“Heeeey, my brothers, look at you two!” he said, referring to our very casual look. “You look like you literally got out of your houses randomly, you haven’t cleaned yourselves at all!”
“That’s because Bobbie hasn’t showered in a week, and I have just left my girl” I told Morty.
“Oh, wow. I’m sorry to hear that, what happened?”
“It’s nothing. I’m waiting for her to learn I’m always right.”
“Well, you are not.”
After a short silence, a roaring laugh came from all three of us.
“Oh, that was a great joke Morty. You crack me up every time.” I told him, unable to control my laughter.
“Yeah, Penstubal not being right? Come on Morty, you know him long enough!” Bobbie told Morty and after that another round of laughs came from this little group.
“Tell you what,” said Morty. “Burgers on me.”
“Yes. Burgers on me. And I will join you. Come on. Let’s eat some burgers!”
“Yay!” shouted an ecstatic Bobbie.
We were sitting at the table and eating our burgers. As Bobbie mentioned earlier, there were new types of burgers there. I took the new Spicy Burger XXX. It’s a fried fish threedecker with hot sauce and chili peppers between each patty and some incredibly spicy mustard, and it comes along with a bottle of salt juice and BBQ sauce to dip your Francterran fries in.
As we were eating, I was watching the outside world. I was checking out what people were doing in their free time. I saw that there were preparations for this year’s Wizzint Marathon going on, and athletes from all around the world would be participating it. It’s going to take place in a few days.
“Can you imagine yourself running in this marathon?” I jokingly asked Bobbie.
“Oh, no, I haven’t had any recreational activity in years. My legs would break in a moment’s notice if I decided to go running”
“You guys know exercising can help you strengthen your body, right? You guys are frail and have weak bodies, you could use some exercise” inquired Morty.
“Well, yeah, but I assume you cannot just randomly start exercising whenever you want if you haven’t exercised in a painfully long amount of time.”
“Well, sure, but you would exercise gradually. If you haven’t exercised in a long time, I’d suggest you guys exercise while you’re still young, get in shape, and continue exercising when you grow older.”
“Should we join the marathon?” I asked Morty.
“Well, that wasn’t really what I meant-“
“We could try” said Bobbie. “It would be great exercise for us, and perhaps we can even win prizes if we win!”
“I really wouldn’t-“
“Yes, yes, yes, the prizes! Why haven’t I thought of that, that matters most!”
“It’s not about the prizes-“
“Let’s sign up! Come with me!” Bobbie got up and we decided to head to the organizers of the whole event, much to Morty’s dismay, especially since we haven’t finished our burgers.
There was a huge crowd of penguins gathered in the avenue. This is where the marathon would start. It’s a very big avenue. The marathon would start here and it would extend all the way to the southeastern side of Wizzint, meaning it’s a pretty long marathon. People from all over the country have gathered to watch the marathon. It’s amazing to see fresh young people from all over the world participate in such an event. We’re uniting people of different backgrounds and bringing them all to one place, where they can all fight for a common goal – getting the 50 million wikibucks prize.
“IT WILL BE MINE, YOU CURLY BALL OF FEATHERS!”
“You can forget about it, McDumpster!”
Ah, the smell of competition in the air. I love competition. It makes me really energetic. I feel like I’m defending myself from everybody else – in fact, my whole life is a competition. I view EVERYTHING in life as competition! I’m always in a situation where I have to win, win and win, and that’s the only possibility. Losing is not an option, fellas.
“Hi, are you the organizer of this event?”
“Why yes I am shortie, what’s up?”
I was not pleased by that.
“... I was going to ask you if we could sign up for this race ... but I would like to let you know that my shortness is NOT a handicap!”
“Yeah sure it isn’t. So you wanna sign up?”
At that point, I was really irate.
“Keep calm, Pens” whispered Bobbie to me, “keep calm.”
His words even further agitated me. “Keep calm!” what do you mean keep calm? I’m not gonna keep calm while some doofus who thinks he’s MVP in scuttling down a road is insulting me for the horrible thing nature did to me!
“How dare you call my shortness a handicap? Did your fat mother teach you to behave that way?”
At that moment, the whole crowd turned around and let off a deep “Ooooooh!” sound. At that moment, the man started sobbing.
“I... I will have you know...” barely said this terrified young man, “My mother is exercising and is on a diet and she is not responsible for what has been done to her during her childhood (sniff), she is a penguin being and you’re just jealous, she’s wonderful, she’s a beautiful penguin being...”
“Oh give me a break, like I haven’t heard that before, you obnoxious little brat!”
At that moment, the whole crowd froze in utter shock, including my buddy Bobbie. At that moment, the guards protecting this event came forward to me.
“We’re going to have to ask you to leave.”
“What? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong!”
At that moment they started pushing me. “Step away sir.”
“I have done no wrong, I am not going anywhere! I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE, THIS IS UNFAIR, YOU GUYS ARE ABUSING MY RIGHTS UNDER THE CONSTITUTI-“
At that moment I was blasted with a taser by the police for refusing to yield ground.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” I fell on the floor, hitting the ground with my beak very, very hard, almost cracking my beak open. “AGGHHHH YOU PIECES OF PENGUIN SCUM-“
At that moment, I was tased once again, this time even worse than the last time.
I managed to get home after a few hours of resting at Morty’s burger place. He designated a special area of the kitchen for me to rest. How cool is that! I asked Morty if I could have another burger, but he angrily refused to give me one because I randomly cut him off and refused to finish the burger I was eating earlier. He asked me if I wanted to finish the burger, but I refused to because I don’t like eating cold food.
I left Morty’s burger place after recovering from traumatizing events that day and I set off back home.
I knocked on my own door.
“You’re back?” said Stubica in a happy mood. “That was fast.”
“Yeah. I was at Morty’s burger place, nothing special.” I told her. I really didn’t want to talk about the marathon events. “Anyway, so have you learned your lesson?”
Her face suddenly changed from a face of joy to a face of utter contempt and dismay.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No. Have you learned not to behave like a spoiled little girl that cries whenever she doesn’t get what she wants?”
Stubica was shocked by my words.
“You’re a bad person, Penstubal. You’re a bad, self-centered, obnoxious and mean person!”
“So is that a yes or a no?”
“Goodbye!” she slammed my own door at my face.
“BUT I’M STARVING!” I cried.
I spent the rest of the night sleeping on the street in downtown Wizzint and pondering: what could I possibly have done wrong? All I did was point out my girlfriend’s infantile behavior to her face, tell her I don’t care about her feelings and be fiercely autonomous and overprotective of my liberty despite her commitment to me and my happiness.
So why is she angry? Man, psychology classes in high school and university taught me absolutely nothing. Then again, I had a D, so that’s probably it.
I didn’t know what to do, and I was genuinely afraid my love would never let me back. But as I said, worse yet is that I don’t know WHY she would never let me back! I love her! I really do, with all my heart! So why wouldn’t she let me back? Oh, the eternal question – how do you satisfy a woman! All philosophers since the dawn of time have been asking that and none have ever become to an answer. What do those philosophers know anyway!
The next morning, I got up and found myself to have been vandalized with graffiti while I was asleep. They wrote “POOPY PANTS” all over my tummy and I was really offended by that. I don’t wear pants, and I find them repelling. I take serious issues with these horrible accusations, and I wish to see the vandals face justice before the courtroom for the damage they have inflicted upon me by associating pants with me.
I had to go all the way to the car wash section of the gas station in order to have myself cleaned up, and on the way there I was scoffed at, mocked and even kicked by a ‘’really’’ muscular old lady. Like, holy crap, she’s very strong for a person who is literally rotting flesh! I even told her that, and the old granny punched me in the face to the cheers of onlookers.
The punch really hurt.
Anyway, I arrived at the car wash to the amusement of the workers there. They seldom see a man as miserable as me, and they rarely get as much happiness as they did when I came, doing their work for a pathetic minimum wage.
“What do you want ... young man?” the owner of the MoonEco gas station burst out laughing.
“Can I use your car wash?”
The workers subsequently started rolling on floor laughing, and the owner of the whole place couldn’t resist getting a laugh either.
“Yeah, yeah... okay...” he managed to get himself together, “Would you like some cleaning utilities instead?” And he burst out laughing like an retarded psycho once again, together with his stupid and clearly lazy slaves.
“I’m not going to support you! I just want to get into the car wash!”
I proceeded to throw myself into the car wash, and it was a crazy experience. I was tossed around everywhere, weird scents were forced down my lungs and I ate a whole box of detergent. After half an hour of getting thrown around like a plush toy by the crazy car-washing machinery I got out of it and I was sparkling clean.
“Congratulations, your services aren’t completely useless!”
I laughed. Ha ha!
“Now that will be five wikibucks.”
... Oh no.
I completely forgot that you have to pay for this.
“Come on, five wikibucks. I’m even offering you a discount because you’re ... you’re a person, not an vehicle!” he started laughing again.
Help, I don’t know what to do! I have only two wikibucks left! Oh man, oh man, oh man! I spent almost all of it on the food and reimbursing the fattie’s son for the insults directed at him!
“Well? Are you going to pay or what?”
At that moment, I panicked and hastily decided to run away.
“HEY, GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE DWEEB!”
I started running down the street like a psychopath, running over children on my path and trampling people’s feet. At this point, I really angered everybody and others started chasing me as well.
“GET BACK HERE, YOU SON OF A –“
At that moment, the crowd of angry penguins were hit by a bus which really crossed the speed limit. The bus then swerved and crashed RIGHT into ... Morty’s burger place.
I continued running as fast as I could and I managed to hide in a dark alley in downtown Wizzint. I managed to safely hide from the angry mob chasing me. Phew!
I am alone! At last!
There’s nobody in this dark alley to disturb me. Oh, I was longing for some time away from penguins! All penguins, even Bobbie and Morty. Sorry you two, I really want a rest from penguins! And my apologies particularly to Morty – I’ve already heard he’s hopelessly confused by what just happened and he’s afraid he might have just lost thousands of wikibucks worth in profit. Luckily, he has insurance, so it’s all fine, and the people in the bus that crashed, as well as the people the bus crashed into, all survived – it was a miracle.
Anyway, I was working on an escape plan from this alley. I really want to run away from this alley, head out the city and run out in the woods. Yes, that’s going to be my life now. I’m going to live in the woods with wild puffles and just forget about penguins. Penguins are a cruel and disgusting species. I never want to see penguins again!
I realized I had to disguise myself because I would be recognized the moment I stepped out of this dark alley, and so I decided to dig deep inside a dumpster to find what I could wear while I’m heading out of town.
Unfortunately, that didn’t go so well.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A RAT” I screamed at the top of my lungs and the whole neighborhood heard me.
That’s when I heard a huge mob heading towards my direction.
“I have to get out of here!” I started running towards the other end of the alley and climbed over a tall metal fence separating this alley from another. All around me – dirty brick buildings with graffiti all over the walls. Clearly the scum of the earth hangs out in these areas. I ended up having to jump from building to building as well in order to run away from my trouble and I managed to climb on top of a building and do some parkour jumping from building to building!
After doing that for half an hour I managed to get to another neighborhood and with far shorter building and since I seem to have lost the mob I got down from the building and decided to navigate the streets instead – nobody really recognized me in this neighborhood.
I started planning what to do next. I needed to exit the city and head out into the woods, where I would live with nature away from all penguinkind. Wizzint isn’t a really complicated city and has a pretty small population, so I figured it wouldn’t be too hard to get out of the city. I was very tired, however. I really did not want to run anymore, and I realized that I would have to get out of the city as fast as possible if I wanted to avoid the mob that wants to kill me.
But first I needed a rest, obviously.
I decided to stop at the local library. Most libraries in Wizzint have free WiFi, laptops, computers, all sorts of new books and stories from all over Antarctica. Books at this library are divided into several sections, with children’s books to the left and novels to the right. There’s also a historical section, where you could read about the history of this great country and of lands across Antarctica, and there’s a section with literary classics.
I sat down quietly and decided to pick up some of the books to check them out. I was amused by the works of some of Antarctica’s greatest authors.
“Maybe I could be an exceptional novelist too someday!” I said enthusiastically.
It was time to go.
I relaxed enough and I think I am ready to head for my destination – the famed Wizzintine Woodlands. It’s a perfect place for naturalists to get away and spend their time with the nature’s wonders and the wild animals scattered all over. There’s no major Antarctican species that’s not represented in these woodlands. There’s also a pristine, crystal-clear lake in the center of it all, next to it a small green area that’s perfect for setting up a log cabin.
“I’m going to build myself a house here!” I said ecstatically. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.
Winter is coming. I have no food, no drinking water, no place to settle and nighttime is approaching. I am completely alone, with nobody else nearby.
That’s when a group of seemingly lost puffles showed up!
"Where did you guys come from??" inquired a curious I.
“We live here in the woods! This is our home!” said the puffles.
“Your home is beautiful! I wish I lived here!”
“Why can’t you?”
“I have no food, no drinking water, no company, no home ... I cannot just live in the wilderness under no roof!”
“Sure you can!” said the goofy orange one.
“We will help you build your beautiful home!” said the artistic yellow one.
“Wow guys, I don’t know what to say! That would be great!” I said cheerfully.
“Let’s get to work now! LAST ONE TO GET TO WORK DOESN’T GET A BERRY!” exclaimed the adventurous red one!
By morning, my log cabin home was almost finished. It was spectacular. A humble abode for me on the beautiful lake. You could see ducks swimming on the lake and birds flying over the water to catch some fish. Indeed, I also spent most of my time that night catching fish. I caught a big mullet – I’ve never done this in my life, I can’t believe I actually did it!
“Well done! You are the best!” said the adorable pink one.
“I know I am, thank you!” I replied gleefully.
The sun was shining and the birds were singing in the early morning. The blue one got me some coffee to make me feel comfortable and less tired – I haven’t slept all night as I was supporting my puffles in their endeavor of making me a place to live.
All in all, I am really enjoying my new lifestyle!
I named my new puffle friends the way you would expect me to. Greenstubal, Whitestubal, Redstubal, Purplestubal, Yellowstubal, Rainbowstubal, Bluestubal, Brownstubal, Blackstubal, Pinkstubal and Orangestubal. Minimum creativity involved! I nicknamed them Greenstew, Whitestew, Redstew, Purplestew, Yellowstew, Rainbowstew, Bluestew, Brownstew, Blackstew, Pinkstew and Orangestew respectively, though. Ha ha ha!
“Sir, your home is finished!” said the industrious Brownstew.
The home was wonderful. A bunch of hard-working puffles finished it within a night’s work! How great the house looked, I cannot describe to you. It’s a log cabin home, two stories tall, everything is wooden. I don’t know where they got the furniture, but it was wonderful – exactly like in the Log Cabin on Club Penguin Island! The whole cabin was nice and cosy, comfortable for everybody to rest in.
“Let us feast on this occasion” said I triumphantly, “with this gigantic mullet!” I lifted the mullet up in the air.
“Sir, we’re herbivores!”
“Oh... well, I will eat this big mullet and I will fetch you guys some O-berries!” The mob reacted ecstatically to my promise.
And so I set off into the big forest to fetch some O-berries. I never used O-berries before. I was told that they are quite literally shaped like the letter O. Well, that’s helpful. Anyway, I’m supposed to find O-berry bushes, and supposedly they are hard to find in this forest. Moon Island isn’t populated by too many O-berries. Club Penguin has everything though, it’s like they’re the center of our universe!
Anyway, so I’m walking down the snow-covered forest amongst the many trees that populate this great land, until something shocking catches my eye.
I quickly hide behind a tree and lay down in an effort not to be noticed.
I could not believe my eyes.
They were walking around the forest, carrying axes and shovels in their bags and were clearly prepared to be in this forest. They wore very warm and fat winter clothes and baggy trousers, and seemed to have brought hiking tools as well.
“Are we there yet?” inquired Penquino.
“No, there’s a little more left. We will arrive there, just keep progressing forward.” replied Chill.
“Are you really sure Kermit lives somewhere in this forest?” pondered a curious Penquino.
“I am totally sure, just wait dang it!” Chill had lost his temper. “As long as we don’t run into Stubal, we will be alright. He jynxes everything.”
“I know right?” replied Penquino, “Good thing we’re chopping this forest down and building a base here where he cannot disturb us in our mission.”
At that moment, I let out a huge scream that echoed throughout the whole forest.
The realization that the three just heard me made me let out a silent: “Oh no”
“He’s behind the tree! HE’S BEHIND THE TREE!” pointed Penquino with his flippers!
“LET’S GET HIM!”
The duo then started running towards me in an effort to catch me. I had no choice but to flee as fast as I could – I had no winter clothes prepared and I had no weaponry, fighting them (even though I always win, truth to be told) is never a good option.
“CHILL YOU ABSOLUTE TOOL YOU ARE TOO SLOW” said an infuriated Penquino.
“I KNOW, I’M RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN-“
Chill then slammed his face into a pine tree as he was running down the steep hill because he wasn’t watching where he was going. He’s an idiot.
“FORGET CHILL, PEN MUST BE STOPPED” Penquino said to himself.
I ran, I ran, I ran as far as my legs could carry me. I was extremely tired and I had nowhere to stop, and I was running completely without a direction. What made fleeing Chill and Penquino even harder to do is that a big snowstorm just hit the forest. I cannot see anything in front of me!
“Where am I?” I pondered. “I’m lost! I’M LOST!” I yelled.
I was completely lost and home is nowhere nearby. I am going to freeze to death, I have no food supplies and I have nothing to drink. And I literally just had all that! Oh, I’m so sad. I’m always the one having a bad time! Everybody else has it easy, meanwhile I’m chased around like some kind of criminal when I’m literally just like everybody else!
The storm is getting worse and worse. My body temperature is dangerously low. I’m gonna die. Yup, this is it.
I decided to use the thought of Penquino’s beautiful hair to keep me warm. And it did. It felt really good. He has nice hair.
That’s how I kept myself warm in the face of this dangerous blizzard. As for drinking, I was forced quite literally to drink a pile of snow. It didn’t feel good, but it actually quenched my thrist for a short while. And as for hunger, I literally had nothing. I literally knew nothing I could do.
I was very tired. I hadn’t slept all night as you know, because the puffles were building my home and all that. I decided to take some sleep and hopefully by the time I wake up the storm will be gone.
I was awoken by a gentle touch.
I smiled without knowing what I’m smiling at. The touch felt really good. Then, I opened my eyes.
The bearded dude and I exchanged a dialogue of screaming.
“WHO ARE YOU” I inquired angrily.
“WHO ARE YOU?” he replied,
“I ASKED WHO ARE YOU!”
“NO, I ASKED WHO ARE YOU!”
I got up hastily and screamed again at the poor bearded man. The poor bearded man then ran away into the woods, and I completely lost his trace.
The storm had passed by now. It was chilly outside, but the storm had passed and the sky was clear. I had no idea what time it was, but I guessed it was around 2 PM.
I decided it was time to continue trekking through the forest in an effort to return to my home. I passed by rows and rows of trees, all looking the same to me and with no penguin at sight. I have no idea where the bearded guy went, he seemed to be lost even more so than I am.
“whOA!” I shouted upon reaching the edge of a cliff.
I walked very, very far and I reached the edge of a cliff. The sight before me made me fall and shatter in admiration – a huge valley, filled with wild animals frolicking about on the big frozen river. The valley completely surrounded by mountains from all sides and some of the tallest mountains in Moon Island visible right before my eyes.
“Glory...” I whispered.
I gazed in admiration of the natural beauty before me. Completely untouched by penguins and their tree-razing kind – there were trees all over, pine trees everywhere for hundreds of miles. The entire place was majestic and seemed like a natural spectacle you only get to see once in a lifetime, there were no penguins in sight. No, this region was completely taken over by wildlife.
I wished to remain on this cliff, observing this beautiful valley for the rest of my life, but I couldn’t spend even a few more minutes more as I was going to die of hunger. I had no food, and snow couldn’t satisfy my thirst no more.
“By the end of this day, this whole region will no longer exist...” I devastatingly declared. “Penguins love destroying any beauty they ever see...”
I returned to trekking through the forest. By night, I arrived at my destination – after painful hours without any food, I finally arrived at the destination I was looking for. But it’s not what I expected.
“My... my house... my puffles... whaa?”
It was gone. It was all rubble. The whole cabin was destroyed completely, from the bottom part, seemingly having been burned by a fire. There are no puffles in sight – they have seemingly all run away.
I entered the rubble only to find a bunch of O-berries lying among the burned pieces of wood. I picked up an O-berry and ate it.
I ate the rest. I was desperate for food.
Despite having trekked for hours throughout a large, although mind-blowingly beautiful I have to admit, dense forest and despite having found a nice, comfortable place under a tree as well as a fire to keep me warm, I couldn’t get myself to sleep.
I didn’t sleep at all that night. Instead, I sat there, under the tree, watching the moon shine over the dark forest and the frozen lake.
I ran out of O-berries to eat and frankly I felt disgusted by them. Now I know why they are a puffle snack and not a penguin snack. That’s something I probably should have realized before I ate it, but man, I was very hungry.
After a while, the realization came to my mind – I had the notebook I used to write about Chill and his pathetic excuse for a life a couple of days ago with me! Ah, at last I had something to do other than watching the night sky. I got bored very fast.
‘Examining Chill’s batrachophilia: is he obsessed with Kermit or is Kermit a tool used by Chill to control the minds of innocent Antarctican civilians?’ That was the headline of the article I was writing on the dangers of Chill and his international agenda.
Why was he in the forest?
What were he and Penquino doing here?
I heard their conversation – they talked frog-sniffing business as usual, I did not expect them to discuss anything smart. But what does it all mean and why were they here?
No, I could sense something bad was coming. And it was on me to stop it.
It was them. They burned down my house. And they might have killed my puffles. Or they might have recruited them into their toad-licking cult! Oh, my precious babies! I have to stop them from brainwashing the puffles before it is too late!
He is probably planning on using them because he knows how strong, clever-minded, smart and talented they are. He plans on exploiting them for his agenda. First, he intends to destroy Moon Island. This is undeniably the world capital of the brave Scrub penguins, the penguins who have been rejected so many times and told to ‘get lost’ by Chill and his minions. The people who just wanted to have fun and enjoy their lives, no, Chill and his minions cannot tolerate that. They have to destroy their fun and tear down their lives.
These puffles are perfect for that. I effectively ruled out any possibility that they might have killed puffles – after all, they find puffles a worthy ally in their cause. Think about it. Why would they kill puffles? Puffles are smarter than penguins and can do all the things that penguins cannot, despite being tiny little furballs. Besides, Director Benny is a puffle.
I spent the rest of the night writing. I planned on publishing all my writings in local newspapers, or in my own.
‘PUFFLES are behind Chill’s international agenda of slavery and misery – PUFFLES are actively being BRAINWASHED to serve Chill and his minions’
‘A DOZEN WILD PUFFLES DOMESTICATED BY PENSTUBAL HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED INTO CHILL’S CULT’
Those were the headlines, and you could see them all over the city the next day. It’s become news – Chill’s a puffle stealer and he is going to use them to conquer the world in the coming days. The end is near!
“Wow, it worked?” said Chill.
“Yeah, wow, he actually fell for it!” replied Penquino.
The two then took off their masks and all clothes they wore over other clothes.
It turns out they weren’t Chill and Penquino after all!
“I’m still depressed those puffles ran away from us” said one of the penguins.
“That’s because you’re an idiot who burned down the whole place, Morty!”
“It’s not my fault the fire spread from the fireplace to the whole house!”
“You couldn’t notice that the fire was stupidly close to the floor, which by the way IS MADE OF WOOD?”
“You don’t need to tell me that wood is flammable” Morty panted. “Anyway, what do we do about the knob who barbequed my barbeque??”
“I’m thinking” replied the penguin previously disguised as Chill, “I thought Kermit was somewhere in the forest, but it turns out I was give the wrong information.”
“You didn’t take the information from the actual Chill, didn’t you?” inquired Morty.
An awkward silence then occured.
“Well, then!” Morty was frustrated.
Having reported that Chill and Penquino are training an army of puffles to aid them in their international criminal agenda of conquest and slavery, I went back into the city, back into civilization. I realized, I do not belong in the woods. I do not belong in nature. Nature kills me. I belong with penguins!
However, the moment I entered the city, everybody started cheering and clapping.
“PEN-STU-BAL! PEN-STU-BAL!” shouted a whole class of pre-teen boys and girls.
“PENSTUBAL IS OUR SAVIOR! ALL HAIL PENSTUBAL!” shouted an old man, “HAIL!”
The whole crowd then started clapping and cheering my name.
“T-thank you?” I replied with a humble voice.
I continued walking down the street, having managed to get away from the mob. I passed by shops and people were staring at me along the way. Then I passed by an electronics store, and all over the television screens it says:
LITTLE GUY FROM WIZZINT SAVES THE WORLD FROM CHILL’S INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL AGENDA, CHILL AND PENQUINO ARE ARRESTED AND TO FACE JUSTICE FOR THEIR CRIMES
Yes! I did it! I DID IT!
I saved the world! I AM A SUPER HERO!
Can you believe the odds of me randomly deciding to go walk through a forest and save the whole continent from destruction? Oh, I bet you can’t. Goodness me! Now all the big media channels want to talk to me. Moon, Shops Island Television, Moon TV, Moon 1, Dancers and a Star, Moon 2, Moon 3. Everybody wants to interview me! Of course, why wouldn’t they interview the person who just saved the world?
Everybody’s bowing before me! Everybody’s praising me! President Megg says: great job Penstubal, Antarctica is proud to have you! You are the best! Rock on, young boy! What would the penguin species EVER do without you, you crazy little mastermind?
Haha, they didn’t believe me all these years: but I can finally say to them, I told you so! I TOLD YOU SO! I told you there’s an international criminal agenda, headed by Chill, they blinded people to support them by justifying their actions through Kermit! They’re all: Kermit is with us! Support us because we have GREEN frogs!
I was caught up in the jubilance of the moment when the realization struck me that everything I have ever longed for in my life is only but a dream. Nothing happened, nothing ever will happen, and it is very often that I find questioning myself what have I done on this planet and what my entire purpose here is. No, the articles were published and it’s all out there. And yet I’m always cattering to the same audience that follows me and repeats whatever I do.
Have I become my own slave?
Every year, the government of Wizzint invests thousands upon thousands of wikibucks onto the Christmas square. Nobody celebrated Christmas here before the 2000s and nobody is entirely sure why, but everybody is certain it is a foreign tradition. Christmas has been celebrated for over a decade now, and each year there are major scandals because of how the government spends the taxpayers’ money. Namely, last year, they spent 100,000 WB$ on a ‘’plastic Christmas tree’’. So much for fiscal responsibility!
Anyway, the Christmas market is dazzling and beautiful and makes the city look truly special. Indeed, this is also peak tourist season for Wizzint. Penguins, especially little chicks, come here to spend a happy time with their families and frolick about in the beautiful Wizzint “Christmas City”.
“Deck the halls with bounds of holly, fa-la-la-la-la la la-la-la! ‘Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la la la-la-la!”
You could hear the kids singing and playing in the snow.
Our government is corrupt and lavishly spends on Christmas decor. They always put up Christmas decor weeks early, as early as October sometimes, and every time they try to justify themselves with “what’s the point of putting up Christmas decor if it’s going to last one day?” and so they justify setting up Christmas decor nearly 2 months early. But oh well, more fun for the kids. And more cookies. Poor grandmothers who have to bake them!
I decided to sit on a bench and watch the city move around. I saw penguins dedicate themselves to Christmas charities, penguins baking, cleaning, working, collaborating, for no pay and all out of a desire to have fun and brighten someone’s day – and suddenly, I had a strong desire to do something, to help out as I felt I owed something to this beautiful community.
From the bench I was sitting on I observed a group of teenagers between seventeen and nineteen years of age, all gathered in front of the statue of Dps the Great. They were singing various Christmas songs and giving Christmas treats to penguins passing by in hopes of getting them to donate money for their cause: money for hungry and impoverished children across the island. Indeed, this charity group exists for several years now and has been one of the principle donors to kids. It brightens the lives of possibly hundreds of children each year, which is not that bad for a local charity group.
I watched a couple of teenage boys, around my age, baking gingerbread cookies and handing them out to free to kids. “They taste yummy, gimme another, gimme another!” they say with their squeaky little voices!
“Can I join you?” I asked the leading member in the group.
“Of course” he said, “we are always looking for new helpers to our cause! You’re a good person!”
I was humbled by his comment, even though at times I feel like quite the opposite.
“So where do I apply?”
“You don’t have to” he replied, “Just put on this elf suit and sing!”
I was given the elf suit all the boys were wearing and we joined together in singing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” in front of a crowd filled with parents with their children. I felt relieved, I felt like I was doing something productive in my life. Like I was doing something to help make this world and the lives of people in it a better place. Indeed, the parents were happy, the children were happy, we could see children playing in the show and sharing fun memories together. I could see boys and girls of different origins, families and cultures singing and laughing together and sharing the moment. Because that’s what the holidays are all about. It’s about the moment.
I hope that this night would never end, that I could go on singing forever. I met so many wonderful penguins and talked to so many cute little children. I learned how to bake gingerbread cookies – now I can do it for both myself and my wife! That night alone, the charity group gathered hundreds of wikibucks more than they ever did in a single week. Dozens of penguins joined the charity that night, and I had the time of my life. And I believe some of the chicks whose lives we made better had the time of their lives, too.
I love the holidays!
I am so proud of myself and what I have accomplished in my life.
I now have a reputation across this city as a philanthropist. I have ultimately come to be recognized as a good person. I’ve been villified for so many long years as the worst devil there is, as the biggest evil to ever walk on the face of Earth, even worse than Darktan himself! But no longer am I villified: at last, people recognize me for who I truly am – a thoughtful, caring creature who only wishes to make life better for himself and penguins around him!
I walked down to the river, where rows and rows of rafts were placed near each other. Some rafts were used as small localities where people can eat seafood and hang out with their friends, or where boyfriends and girlfriends can go out on dates. I decided to sit down on one of the unused rafts and observe the scenery.
The part of the city I was located at is very safe, clean, beautiful, and very peaceful – there wasn’t an abundance of people. Most people mind their own business, as well, and leave others alone. It therefore seemed like the perfect place for me to take a break from daily events – I’ve been so busy these days, I got no time to relax. I had to run from nasty penguins in the forest, I had to run from furious Morty, I had to run from my own wife ... I had to be on the move all these days.
I observed the ducks swimming in the river and thought about their dangerous situation. There’s a worldwide discrimination against ducks. People want to eat them, but I’m not going to let them do that. No, no. I will be a duck rights activist. And indeed, I already started writing on my notebook: “CHILL IS BEHIND THE INTERNATIONAL DUCK EATING AGENDA”.
I decided to take a nap on the raft.
And it was right when I was about to fall asleep that a familiar voice was heard in the background!
“PEN. STU. BAL!” shouted this voice, “PEN STU BAL!!!!!!!”
I suddenly saw an angry and furious Morty running in my direction! I had no time to think, he was getting closer! I decided to steal the raft. I turned the engine on and “vroom, vroom” it went, it went as fast as it could - I can’t believe I’ve done this! I’m a criminal, I stole somebody’s raft and everybody’s staring at me! I can already see the reporters, they are all taking pictures!
“GET OVER HERE YOU GONG”
Vroom, vroom the boat goes, and meanwhile behind me Morty follows too. We’re both in so much trouble.
“YOU DESTROYED MY BURGER PLACE YOU REMOVED ALL MY CUSTOMERS YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS I WILL CUT OFF YOUR BEAK AND TOSS IT INTO THE DEEP FRYER”
I was heading in a random direction across the river and I had no idea where I was going to end up. Across the river is a small, hilly island where perhaps I could find refuge – that is, if I run away on time!
And I did. I ran away on time. I arrived on the island across the river before Mr. Morty, but I could see him behind me – he was going a lot slower because he brought other things with him – he did not expect to see me and he was in the same area as me because he was heading to his friend’s place, presumably to discuss where to find me.
Once I arrived on the island I stated running as fast as my legs could carry me. I went straight through the forest, circumvented many trees and scared away many squirrels, and I arrived at a large, dark cave inside a steep hill. I decided to enter it in and hide inside.
“What have I done? Tell me, Benny, what have I done!” I cried! “I lost Morty, I lost Stubica, everybody hates me!”
I laid down on the cave floor and wept very hard. I created a puddle with my tears. My crying was halted by the appearance of a large, dark spider on my bald head below my propeller cap.
I SCREAMED SO HARD THE WHOLE ISLAND COULD HEAR ME.
I’m crying! Nowhere is safe, everybody wants to bother me, everybody wants to kill me! Not even wildlife wants to leave me alone, this spider was clearly sent by Chill to assassinate me!
I isolated myself in a corner in the cave, where I could see any being coming my way to harm me.
Suddenly, in the darkness of the cave, I saw a bunch of small creatures heading in my direction.
“Stand back... stand back... please! stand back!” I pouted. “Stand back! No, no, stand back!!!” I started crying as the creatures got ever closer to me.
“I beg you please!” I whined, “please don’t hurt me!”
“Redstubal? BLUESTUBAL? IT’S YOU GUYS!”
A crowd of puffles of all sorts of colors walked outside the depths of the cave and have come to greet me.
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN SIR? We’ve been worried about you!” inquired the scientifically literate Brownstubal.
“Well, I’ve been trying to reward you guys – I’ve been looking for O-berries, but ... no matter, long story, I’m alive! I’m alive, I’m alive!”
“We’re so happy!” cheered the dazzlingly beautiful Purplestubal.
“Why are you guys in a cave? Why are you guys not at the cabin – wait, what even happened to the cabin???”
“Oh, a terrible incident happened in the cabin!” said the innocent Whitestubal, “Everything burned down, the whole burned down, and you can thank Orange for that!”
“No way, I’m not the one who burned the place down, Blackstubal was the one who ate the hot sauce!”
“Hey pal, don’t switch the blame to ME!”
“Alright, guys, guys calm down” I said, “It’s all okay. We’re all here together now.”
“I wanna go home, Pens!” cried my little friend Bluestubal. “It’s scary here! I wanna go home!”
“Take me home, sir!” begged the crazy green one.
“Let’s get out” I told them, “I will help you guys. I will get you guys home!”
They all shouted “yay!” in agreement and I gathered them all for the journey out of the cave. I didn’t know what I was gonna do – I promised to bring them home, but I had no idea where I was going, have no idea where we really are, have no idea where their home is and if I am going to make it out of this cave alive.
“Why were you crying, sir?” confronted Pinkstubal. I didn’t know how to answer her question.
“It’s... it’s nothing,” I started sobbing again, “It’s nothing,”
“It is something! You’re crying again, guys, sir is crying!”
“What’s wrong, sir! Don’t cry! You have nothing to cry for!” said Whitestubal, “We’re your best friends, we will be with you forever!”
At that moment, I froze in joy and exhilaration. It was a feeling so perfect, so amazing – it felt cosmic, it felt supernatural, it felt like a force more powerful than you and I and every living creature... You have to feel it to understand! I cried once again, and I cried tears of joy! It was a feeling that transcended all boundaries of reality and fiction, of life and dreams...
At long last, we exited the deep, dark and very scary cave, filled with various ugly and disgusting insects at every sight, filled with bats, rats, spiders, centipedes and about everything you get. We exited this cave, and I had a feeling of relief that this episode is finally over.
Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, literally from the sky, falls an enraged Mr. Morty!
“GOT YOU! THERE’S NO RUNNING NOW!!!!!!”
“STEP AWAY FROM SIR PENSTUBAL!!!” screamed Black at him with the entire herd of puffles behind him!
“Morty, please! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t tell you how much I’m sorry! A thousand times, I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me, I beg you, please, I’m so, so sorry!” I fell down, cried and begged for his forgiveness.
“Penstubal! ... Get up!”
I stopped pouting at his command. I proceed with getting up, albeit slowly.
“Penstubal, you destroyed my establishment! Penstubal, you destroyed all what I have ever worked for! Penstubal, you destroyed my life!”
That’s when Black hit hit him the face with his skateboard.
“BLACK, NO!” I cried.
“YOU HAVE DESTROYED MY LIFE!” Morty fell down and began to cry.
“Morty...” I said, “I’m sorry ...”
“SORRY, WOW THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME! You ruin my entire life and you SAY YOU’RE SORRY, THANKS EVERYTHING IS BETTER!” he pouted, “WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS? WHEN WILL YOU LEARN YOU ARE NOT RIGHT AT EVERYTHING! When will you get that THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL???”
He had nothing else to say. He cried, he cried, he cried.
It was now that I learned what I had truly done. It was now that I learned the gravity of the situation. I destroyed my friend’s life and everything he ever lived for.
“Morty...” I tried to talk to him,
“... you have every right to be mad at me. And I indeed have destroyed your life. I have done irreversible damage to your restaurant, I’ve driven away all your customers, I’ve forever destroyed an innumerable amount of income you’ve made in the past few months ... and I don’t know what to say ...”
“I HAVE NO INSURANCE, MAN! AND MY FAMILY IS POOR! I am the only worker in my family, man! The entire family depends on me, and I freaking have no job anymore!”
“I want to help you, Morty ... I don’t know what to say ...”
“You never know what to say!”
“Please, Morty... Come move in with me!”
“Your own girlfriend kicked you out because you are a narcissistic, stupid tool!”
That’s when I remembered her existence. Her beautiful eyes, her unbreakable helmet, her great sense of humor and the fun times I’ve had with her. The times we watched history channel at 4 AM against my will, the times when we first fell in love and started going out together and immediately realized we belong together ... the memories of a happier, more simple times. I remember first meeting her like it was yesterday... we were both at the park, in the rain, with nobody else around – we looked at each other, immediately a spark lit up in my head and I realized I’m in love...
“Morty, I am sorry.” I said after a minute-long flashback, and I said this with nothing else added and no explanations made. “I am sorry”.
We looked at each other in the eyes and he saw strong sincerity and despair in me that he has not seen in any penguin before. He has seen my misery and seen the pain I am going through, and the hard times I’m facing ever since I left Stubica’s house. He immediately felt a sense of sympathy, a complete contrast to what he felt just moments ago – a feeling of revanchism, a feeling of desire to get back at somebody for the pain they have inflicted and the damage of the things they have done.
As we were looking each other in the eye, snow started to fall, and my puffles quickly started to seek shelter under a tall tree to avoid the storm that’s hitting the city. It was moments later that the entire island was covered in snow, and the river started to freeze.
My puffles, Morty and I got out of the dark and scary forest and proceeded back into the snow-covered city. The whole coast was frozen, the city was as white and blank as it can get.
“This is the worst winter we’ve had in years, right? We’ve never gotten this much snow!” said Morty, “Usually only a few centimeters of snow hit us every year because we’re in a pretty good coastal position, but man, the winter hit real hard this year.”
“I know, and it’s getting worse.” I told him, “It’s because they are polluting everything, the penguins in power. All they care about is getting money, and they don’t care at all about the fact our environment is being destroyed and that in a couple of years you won’t be able to live here anymore.”
“I know right? Like, do the bozos not realize they are on this planet too?”
“Of course they don’t, they live separated from the ordinary penguins and they can do whatever they want on their 17th rural mansion estate! Because their well-being and amusement is the most important!”
“God, I hate the rich dudes so much!” he said while angrily kicking the snow, “I’m a self-made man. I’ve been working my entire life. And they, they just inherit whatever they have from their family, they do no real job in their entire life!”
“You inherited your burger place from your dad though?”
“Well, yeah, but I improved on it.”
“Yeah, yeah, you improved on it.”
“I did! I really did!”
Our argument was ended by our puffles who all suddenly raced to a nearby flower store.
“My gosh, Penstubal! You have to buy these for your wife! These are the best!” screamed pink.
She pointed at a beautiful bouquet of flowers of all sorts of purple to pink colors. They are pretty, but I am not fascinated by flowers so I have nothing more to describe there. However, my wife loves flowers. She probably hates me because I never gave her a single flower in her life. What’s with women and their obsession with flowers?
“Listen, Stub, you must get her those flowers. You simply must, they are amazing!” said yellow, “She will immediately forgive you, there’s no doubts about that!”
“Forgive? What do you mean forgive?”
“You want her to let you back in the house, right?”
“Yeah, but she is the one that should apologize to me! What did I do wrong?”
“You disobeyed her orders, man!” said red, “You were supposed to make that bad!”
“The tidiness of my bed is none of her business! She doesn’t even sleep in it! She should mind her own stupid business and not interfere with my own!”
“See, Penstubal, this is exactly what a lot of penguins hate about you” said Morty, “You’re stubborn, you’re ego-centric, you’re obsessed with your personal freedom. Well let me tell you something.”
“Continue acting like that, and continue obsessing over your own freedom and actively rejecting, insulting and demeaning everybody else who just wants the best for you and themselves, and you will end up with nobody by your side.”
These words really hit me. He said it in such a strong and powerful voice that I was actually offended by what he said.
Would I seriously be left all alone simply because I want to be a free and independent person?
It turns out that being a free and independent person does come with consequences. You can not be tied to somebody and be free and independent at the same time. You simply cannot, they can’t go together!
So that’s when I realized what the right thing to do is.
“I must buy those flowers” I told Morty, “and more than that.”
“What is it?”
“I will have a surprise for her. And you will have to work with me! And you guys too!” I said, pointing at the puffles.