Hotlan Crisis

Hotlan Crisis is a story told through transcript.

Transcript

• The scene opens up, and we see a spice. The camera zooms to initiate parallax scrolling, which reveals a continent. It continues zooming to show a brown city, a Moai city, and a nation, which each contain inhabitants]

• Narrator: An issue has happened. And as always, has gone too far. An argument has started over who owns a spice mine. [Zooms in on Finley's base] And here is my favorite creature, Davis Finley. Yes, of course he is the best commander around, you idiot. [Finley's alarm sounds; he wakes, but is unaffected by the offensive sound, and with a smile turns it off. He climbs from his bed to a ladder]

• Finley: All men up bright and early!

• Willy: Finley?

• Finley: [Jumps on a tramp] Units, wake up... [Jumps up, and leaves his underwear behind] ...naked! The men arrive with pixels covering their crotches, Finley runs away surprised. He pops onto the moderation seat] Willy, today we are doing it.

• Revere: Finley, they haven't eaten omelets yet, use common sense.

• Finley: Sorry, Revere, I was in a rush. Because today, WE ARE COMMITTING THE HOTLAN CRISIS!!!!!! [The militia cheers.] Yeah, back at it again! [Finley lifts a barbell that is balanced by two heavyweight anvils. He sticks out his chest, but is about to pass out because he can not lift it. He drops it, and it makes a crushing noise] WE ARE FINN'S ARMY, WE!! CAN!!! DO IT!! [The military cheers after Finley's speech] I have advanced tech for our crisis. Guns, pistols, firearms, turrets are all weak. We have JALOPIES! [Image of jalopy appears on jumbo tron]. We have the skies obeying!!!!!!!

• Revere: Go, Finley! [Vehicle commence] YEAH! [Explosion!]

• Finley: [Leads his battle vehicles to Hotlan] There it is. The greediest nation ever nationalized. Hotlan, the geyser is NOT there's! And they use an EVERLASTING source for there farmer's markets! Over the year I have dreamed to do this! I am gonna go over there, march you all straight to the town hall, and... this plan isn't gonna work! [He runs away but Revere goes on the intercom] Uh, Revere?

Revere: Where do you think your going?

Finley I was just...

Larry: No you're not. You're going to Hotlan and kill everyone there!

Finley: I can't, don't you see? That is wrong!

Revere: [Grimaces and contorts twice while coming up with a good line] Who's a, uh who's... oh! who's a big flightless bird military senator?

Finley: I am!

Revere: And some words for the team?

Finley: Tyrants...

Patrick: Like what?

Finley: Like hell...

Revere: And they are?

Finley: Never easily conquered! Tyrants, like hell, are never conquered easily! [Leads militia to Hotlan]

Edwin: [Cleaning graffiti of himself with the word Full of Piss, sees Finley, and sighs] Oh no, Finley. What could he want?

Finley: [In background, at first while Edwin was talking] Men! Fire! Hotlan is ours! Roberto will be no more! Kick it off! YOU ALL CAN DO IT!! YOU ALL HAVE TALENT!!!!!! [Edwin runs inside]