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He's faked his death more than the death rate of his home state.
April 30th, 199X
(Actual hatching records shredded)
|Other names||Pick anything, he's probably used it twice.|
|Citizenship||Stateless being (documents shredded)|
|Known for||Mass pseudocide|
|Relatives||Keziah, his only friend|
James the Pseudocidal Maniac (real name James Nny, surname pronounced "en-en-why"), but usually under the identity of any combination of first and last names known to penguin, is a lonely Gothguin who commits constant pseudocide in order to collect illegal life insurance. Every time he fakes his death and forges a new ID, Kevin receives a new name.
He's not actually a criminal at heart. Donald does this for the attention that he was so deprived of in his life, not the money. His only real friend is Keziah, but even then, her cold, snarky remarks don't really stop this unloved penguin's urge to go down in history. However, and probably because of his complete lack of social interaction, friends, and most any love, Keith also claims to have befriend two letters: an I and an I with a minus sign.
When Marcos first began his pseudocidal spree, it wasn't actually a crime. Since then, every state in the USA, except Club Penguin, has adopted the so called "Nny Codes" that now criminalize faking one's death in the name of fraud. Mainly, these laws were krytocric precedent generated by judges who came across penguins imitating Edwin's money scheme.
He is actually pitied and sympathized with instead of hated and wanted as a criminal. After all, poor Henry is doing this to get noticed, because all he wants in life is to be loved. Maybe, if he had a buddy, he wouldn't be so desperate to get noticed. In the penultimate of irony, though, poor Winnifred's crimes aren't getting him noticed or notorious, just pitied.
Apaprently, he uses all his money to forge a new identity. Greg is actually penniless and has no money to his name. He is not wanted for his crimes. In fact, he has a perpetual pardon on his head, because all he needs in life is someone kind.
Jose's background is not actually well known, if at all, because he actually destroyed all documentation regarding himself when he was young. It is thought, though, that his parents were two Gothguins who didn't love him or acknowledge anything he did. Starved of attention, Fredrick tried everything he knew, from crying all night long to crashing his parent's car, just to get noticed.
Hallucinations of lowercase letters
Eventually, like most any attention-starved creature, Jimmy just retreated to himself and remained alone. He began to withdraw from the world so much that he talked to himself, with long monolouges about anything and everything. In his self-talking state, he often acts as if there are other creatures with him, advising and speaking to him, giving him ideas, thoughts, and new ways to fake his death. The first of these creatures, the Gothguin claims in the rare times he's seen, look like a lowercased letter I with bat wings, and the second is a fat, lowercased letter I joined to a minus sign with fat butterfly-esque wings.
They frequent him so much that he expects them to arrive. Earl looks forwards to them, and he considers them his friends, too. Like George, i and -i don't exist in the eyes of the world. He has made a deep bond with these manifestations of fiction, and talks to them like he was talking to a friend. (They like him back, especially since they know what he's a parody of... the poor guy.)
Randal was ignored by his parents. He grew up without social interaction and, as a consequence, is depressed (even for Gothguin standardas) and in a constant state of woe. These psychological burdens have led him to physical issues and habits that could endanger his health. Ivan walks with his head to the ground and his glowing eyes fixed on his feet. He never speaks, except in mumbling to himself and to those two letters that only he can see.
Carl is underweight, even for a penguin his size, because he rarely eats. This eating disorder exists mainly because he just doesn't have the will to do anything except waddle and fake his death time after time. He's long abandoned the idea of social interaction.
Since he had no one to be with as a chick, Kyle also has speech problems. As a Gothguin, his voice is already soft and quiet, so his speech defects make that worse. He speaks in a hushed whisper, described as a "barely audible, incoherent jumble of the most simple of words". Ted has trouble making complete sentences because he never learned to read and never had anyone love him enough to talk to him. He learned what little he did from listening to others in the background. Those letters may have helped as well.
However, his worst ailment is one that can be easily cured. Jeremy really needs a hug, or some comfort, or just someone to come and say "I care". Alone in the world, a good kind penguin could really help him out. It's a shame, though, that no one really knows enough about David to track him down.
Xavier's only real "friend" is Keziah, but, unfortunately, her cold, snarky attitude and rude remakrs- even jabs and insults at him -don't do much for his non-existant self-esteem. However, because she's the only penguin that ever talked to him, Quincy seems to think that she's a great penguin. (How wrong she is...)
Keziah uses Richard as inspiration for one of her most popular comics, I Feel Like Wandering.
Vince is a master at what he does. He can forge a hatching certificate, register with the proper identity systems (even the AIB), file for insurance, and then announce his death (complete with certification) in less than a week. He will then withdraw a sum of, say, about fifty thousand coins, which he will invest into food, water, and another identity. The process repeats.
Robert is always on the move, not because he is fearing the law, but because he knows nothing else. He just keeps waddling, forging his identity, and waddling some more. This has been the way he has lived since he was about ten.
Interestingly, Paul is not actually wanted by the law, because no judge has the heart to sentence him. Not even Leonard von Injoface could do it. He's not a criminal, not even to hardline conservatives like TurtleShroom. No, poor Wallace is just a lonely penguin that is never in the same place enough to get a much-needed hug.
This poor Gothguin is actually not a manaic at all, in the slightest. The media just call him that because it gets reviews. Rodrich is actually a kind, friendly penguin that is very submissive, quiet, and a good listener. He is one of the most humble penguins in Antarctica (rivalling Koobly Khan), and woudl never hurt anyone or anything, because he doesn't see violence as anything worth persuing.
He is apparently very insightful despite his lack of education, and when he has one of his few "clear-headed moments", witnesses say he can provide a valuable life lesson, needed insight, and oddly, comfort. Due to his lack of interaction, Laurence is also pure and innocent as a little chick. He sees the world as it should be and with the innocence of youth, despite being between thirteen and twenty years old. This gives him a world view that really makes one think.
Frank is gentle and a master of humility, even though he never knows he's doing it. He's that sort of penguin that always lets someone else go first. This is because he sees himself as nothing and does not have self-esteem. He is depressed, silent, and withdrawn. Not only is he a Gothguin, which natuarally breeds such anti-social traits, he is also deprived of any love or attention, making it even worse.
Fortunately, he has never experienced hate, either.
- He's not a manaic at all. The media just call him that because it gets reviews.
- Coins for Change has tried to track Sidney down for some help and some kindness, but they can't catch him.
- Neither can TurtleShroom and family.
- Or Holyberden.
- Or the EPF.
- Or Explorer.
- Or your mom.
- Or Xet.
- Or Rocket Slug.
- Or Ed Fan.
- Or Ninjahopper.
- Or Dot.
- Or your face.
- Or anyone except Keziah, who won't share where he is becuase she seems to enjoy this.
- Neither can TurtleShroom and family.
- If one has not noticed already, Opie has used so many names that his real name isn't repeated even once in this article. No, not on, not one time at all.
- If anyone finds him, please, please give him a hug.