Japaland

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Republic of Japaland
Flag of Japaland/ジャパニア
MottoAll for Japaland!/すべてのジャパニアのため!
Location of Japaland/ジャパニア
A map of Japaland. Click to enlarge.
CapitalJokio
Official languages Japanese, USA English
Species  Penguins (anime and redneck), Puffles, Ninjas
Demonym Japalandese
Membership AUOFlag.png Asiapelago United Organization
UAN flag.PNG United Antarctic Nations
Government Direct election of an Enlightened Single-party state autocrat, subject to rule of law with recall if the leader violates the Constitution.
 -  Shikoguno of Japalnd/シコグノ ジャパニア Mikishinai Katoni
Single-Party Republic
 -  Founded 1850s 
 -  Keithi shogunate 1906 
 -  Civil war 1907 
 -  Khanzem Alliance 1913-1918 
 -  Big Momma and Surrender 1920 
 -  Current government begins 1923 
Population
 -  2001 estimate 100,520,000 
 -  2010 census 200,003,110 
Currency Yen (¥)
Yes.
Drives on the Right
Calling code 216
Footnotes Japaland does not have a standing army.

Japaland (ジャパニア Japania, formally ジャパニアー国 Japania-koku) is a country located in the Asiapelago. Most of the population speaks two languages - Japanese and USA English. Law is a bit different here. For example, the governor of Japaland must be born in Japaland, and speak both Japanese (a rumoured Human language) and English perfectly. Currently, Mikishinai Katoni is the ruler.

Japaland was a military superpower in the 1910s and, before the current government, was ruled by two Emperors that allied with the Naughtzee, making Japaland one of the great villains of the Khanzanian War. After the war, the Emperors were deposed and the nation was forbidden from ever having a military again.

Yet, Khanzem left an influence. Even to this day, the Japalandsese still absolutely despise High Penguins.

It has a rich history that combined Asian traditions and redneck customs, in a strange but fascinating melting pot of culture. Also, many of the Japalandese penguins look like anime. There are two distinct groups of penguins: the "animes", which look like anime, and the "rednecks", which live alongside them. Both are considered Japalandese and both speak Japanese and English alternatively.


History[edit]

Foundings[edit]

The first penguins to speak Japanese were ninjas from the Dojo in Club Penguin, centuries before anything else. They taught it to students. Some of them resigned from the course, and went away, to Antarctica. They spread among all grounds. In the 1850s, some of these penguins that preferred to speak Japanese over English, so they completely forgot English. These Japanese-speaking penguins began to band together and found a very common bond amongst their interests.

In the 1850s, they set sail from the northeastern coast of what was then the High Penguin Confederacy. Tens of thousands took this voyage in large steamships, using the steam engine that the Confederates concocted ten years before. They treaded water for months, until they discovered remote islands in what would one day become New North Etana. They settled there and built castles for themselves.

Weird things happen[edit]

The settlers began to look like penguin versions of this as time went on. It might have been the fabric of the clothes, or the water...

A field of wild animylon, the fabric some think caused the weirdness.

The Japalandese emigrants were forgotten within less than ten years, and they rapidly became self-sufficient. Castles had been built since then, and settlers had moved in and began to become loyal to that castle instead of the land and the others. There was not a leader of each castle, yet, but that'd come in due time. To govern themselves, Japalandese penguins of the time convened in assemblies and fought over their opinions with consensus.

What was notable in this period of assembly government was not so much that they used consensus, but what began to happen to their appearences.

In the 1860s, their appearences began to change. Their eyes became bigger, shiner, and more defined than other penguins. They became shorter and thinner, both in mass and overall width. They all obtained the ability to grow hair, in the colors of brown and black, but also in freaky neon colors, like green, pink, or prematurely having white and grey hair. The penguins didn't mind or care about this. In fact, some are unsure that they even noticed.

Isolated for decades, they developed their own culture, manners, and actions that made them unique. They gained the ability to make facial expressions that normal penguins can't even draw, things like ":3" and "^_^".


The Sho-'Nuff Shoguns and the Redneck Invasion[edit]

In 1879, another boat arrived on Japalandese shores. Out came about thirty Lesser farmers from rural Eastshield, near present day Mattress Village. They had exited the Confederacy for adventure and on a quest for power and prosperity.

These adventurers had accents that were identical to those in Mattress Village, and they carried with them redneck customs, hick ideas, grits, and what they called "Southern customs". So began what the Japalandese called レッドネックの侵入. In English: "Intrusion of the Rednecks".

These "Rednecks" were country as a turnip green and really messed up the Japalandese governments. Their concept of feud lit up. Each farmer would enter a castle and begin stirring up the inhabitants. Small-scale immigration to the island resulted in a few English speakers, who translated the farmers' accented rants to Japanese and back.

The farmers wowed the Japalandese with their fallacies, cuisine, and exotic manners. They were sloppy and burped a lot, they shook flippers instead of bowing, and they were unable to make facial expressions like ":3" and "^_^". Yet, through nothing but their stupdiity, these hicks assumed control of Japalandese castles. Ever loyal, the Japalandese began to pledge alliegance to the assorted rednecks, and in the only way they knew, decked the farmers in ceremonial garments that clashed with the overalls and trailer trash garments of the farmers.

So begun Japalandese feudalism. The farmers, now called "Sho-'nuff Shoguns" (slurred for "Sure Enough") in English and, in Japanese, "ホワイトゴミ箱雄弁家" (White Trash Orators). The rednecks used the loyalty of the Japalandese to fight each other for land and power. Shoguns fought their rivals, but there wasn't much success in uniting Japaland.

The Redneck era brought to Japaland various customs that can also be seen in Mattress Village today: grits, home cooking, tractors, farming techniques, and the Southern drawl, which English-speaking Japalandese seem to carry, mixed with a distinct form of their own. This is why trailer parks are so popular in the outer parts of Japaland, and why, even now, every Japalandese penguin worth their salt owns a gun of some sort. Also, the rednecks and their hatred of "that no good evil drink" called Cream Soda instilled a form of Prohibition in Japaland, which wasn't lifed until 2007, and rivalled Mattress Village. The Japalandese lost a lot of intelligence under the Shoguns and gained weight. Modern Japalandese penguins are still sort of plump.


Right at the end, though, one hick did assume control of most of Japaland. He was known as Keithi and managed to unite most of the feudal realm under one banner. He was as hick as hicks came, but he thought ahead and tried to make reforms to the feudal governments so that their big-eyed, strangely made subjects wouldn't consider revolt. Keithi, though, proved to be unpopular, because the Japalandese began to see him as weak when Matthew came to town.

Commodore Matthew and the Forced Upgrade[edit]

The rule of the rednecks came crashing down in 1905. The creepy combination of hick culture and Asian culture by now was the norm, but the hicks were deposed.

On that year, an independent squad of adventerous High Penguins- retired soldiers from the Confederacy's famous Navy -hit the shores of Japaland, in old battleships they had purchased from the government they served so loyally. Led by Commodore Matthew Platipy, the battleships landed on Japaland.


The Commodore recalls these moments in his diary.

I know not what is weirder. For I see a strange mix of cultures never designed to mix and penguins that never should see one-another. I see bug-eyed penguins in skirts, sandals, and robes bowing to what seem to be Lesser farmers from my travels in the rural areas of the motherland. These farmers are adorned in what must certainly be head of state regalia to the big-eyes, queerly combined with their homestyle overalls and, for the ladies, dresses and tasteless hair.

They seem to be okay with this odd hierarchy of government, being ruled by foreigners with cultures so clashing with theirs. Indeed, many of them seem prepared to defend their respective Lesser with their very lives. This is a loyalty that reminds me of my home, and fills me with a sense of pride that it carries to these birds.

The farmers have intricately instilled some of their culture into the big-eyes, especially in food. I see them sitting in chairs with pillows for seats, dining on grits, cornbread, biscuits, and I think that's raw fish with rice on the side. I was graciously offered tea when I arrived; I was shocked to taste its cold, sugary flavor that reminded me of nothing I had seen before. This strange tea time had a sort of ceremony to it, combining what is unquestionably the culture of the big-eyes with the customs of the farmer. After all, I've never before seen a glass jar poor a liquid into a porcelin teacup by a waitress dressed in such a costume. What was she wearing? It's like she took a silken robe, cut off half so it's a floorlength skirt, and then she puts on a dark blue blouse- most unladylike -with the sleeves rolled up, a bandana in her hair. I mean, it's... well, I need to stop writing.


This place scares me.
 
— Commodore Platipy


Everyone was stunned at this newcomer. Matthew was neither redneck nor Japalandese. Here was a penguin, formal and refined like the Japalandese, but dressed in a military uniform that would fit more on the farmers. His companions dressed like the farmers if they weren't in uniform, or in military suits if they were.




Eventually, Commodore Platypy felt that he needed to "fix" both farmer and Japalandese alike, so that they "could become better and more like the Confederacy". He did this for the next two years.

Displaying the awesomeness of his battleships, Platypy began calling in tutors and soldiers to fix the Japalandese against their will. Platypy, by now, had begun to refer both the hicks and the actual Japalandese as one in the same. He called this the "Enlightenment", but the Japalandese named it differently: "強制アップグレード", or "Forced Upgrade". The Farmers were also disgusted by the High Penguin's snobbishness. Programs were set in place to "educate" them of "their wrongs", and schools became centers of indoctrination as they tried to wipe out inferior ideas. No one was physically hurt, but big-eye and farmer alike began to get angered.


Note that these were not the opinions of the Confederacy. Platypy was acting on his own, but the Japalandese didn't know that.


Keithi tried to fight back at the end of 1906, but when he did, he got his butt kicked.


Interestingly, Commodore Platypy created a unified hatred of High Penguins in Japaland. This would later bite the entire HPC in the butt when Japaland allied with the Naughtzees in the Great Khanzanian War.


The Japalandese Emperors[edit]

It was now 1907. Seeing Keithi as incompetent and unable to defend them from Platypu, dethroned ex-shoguns, Japalandese, and redneck immigrants began to plot against him. Japaland began to fear colonization. They thought that Matthew represented the opinions of the High Penguin Confederacy and that said country would run them over unless they fought back. Keithi was inadequate, they determined.

Japaland needed to become powerful if it wanted to live. In January 1907, seeing HPC as a colonial, imperial menace, the Japalandese decided to become an of their own.

This is exactly what they decided to do. As such, the underground anti-shogun movement called upon what they considered psychics to help them find the Emperor they needed. Two penguins were chosen. One was an anime Japalandese penguin named Comey, and the other was a redneck named Hirold Ohno. The co-Emperors immediately began excercising power, but Keithi fought back, believing that he, and not the Emperors, should control Japaland. Infighting ensued.


Expel Them Carpetbaggers[edit]

Then, Comey and Hirold made a bold move. Calling their faction to them, they made an announcement. Every last High Penguin was to be kicked out.

Keithi rejected this, because he didn't make that order. The Japalandese had already began to hate the shogun and love the Emperor, and they took up arms. In March of 1907, a civil war began, with those loyal to Keithi pitted against those loyal to Comey and Hirold. They fought for the next six months, and in the end, the Emperors assumed control of a united Japalandese Empire.


Now fully in control, the Emperors re-issued their order: every last High Penguin was to be kicked out.

It's time we put our differ-sez aside. Ya'll got big eyes and make strange faces. We gots accents and good cookin'. We're very different ...-but we're still in this together. Them High Penguins, no good carpetbaggers, all of 'em, they gone run us over with their boats and that there Matthew is the leader. Along with my pal Comey, we've come to this. Kick 'dem High Snobs out before they kick us!
 
— Emperor Hirold Ohno, verbatim


My fellow subjects, the time has come for us to stand up as one. We must unite, redneck and anime, together as one body, as one power, as one people. We are all Japalandese, and those High Penguins ain't- excuse me, aren't. I have talked with Hirold, and the answer is simple. Take out the High Penguins carpetbaggers, or we'll all be enslaved under their sickening hegemony.
 
— Emperor Comey, verbatim, but translated to English




The Japalandese were fed up with the Matthew, and together, they fought to save the Emperors and expel the snobs. The Japalandese began to push back, and Matthew and all of the High Penguins on the islands were banished. The last words they heard were from both Emperors, in English and Japanese.

-and don't you ever come back!



The Khanzem and Japaland Alliances[edit]

Main article: Khanzem

Japaland prospered after the High Penguins left, and the creatures all stirred in the bitter stew of anti-High Penguin behavior. They modernized themselves in a doctrine of "upgrade or be crushed". Their vicious work ethic, from both their Asian and hick backgrounds, combined to form a military superpower. Using stolen blueprints obtained by Japalandese spies in the Confederacy, they made amazing technological advances in many areas and quickly became a mighty land.

In 1913, the High Penguin Confederacy crumbled to a charasmatic, nationalistic little Khanz Penguin known famously as Whoot Smackler Whoot. The Lesser penguins immediately began oppressing the High Penguins.

Whoot was avid in history reading, and he was intrigued at the Japalandese's hatred of High Penguins. He could definately use this to his advantage. So, Khanzem sent Japanese-speaking ambassadors to Japaland, and some English speakers for the rednecks.

It took less than three days to form an alliance. The Emperors, with 90% of their people's support, summoned Whoot to their court for a treaty.

Japaland and Khanzem were now allies!!


(To see the rest of the story, please read Khanzem.)


Big Momma[edit]

Needless to say, the Resistance had trapped Whoot and his army in a bunker and tortured him in song until he surrendered. When news hit the Japalandese that surrender had happened, the Emperors both decided to keep on fighting, and the people supported it.

Fighting dragged on and on, until the Resistance managed to hit Japaland itself.

Then, right at the end of the war, Grand Ol' Land invented a sinister death weapon. It was a precursor to the XXX missile, and they called it "Big Momma". Big Momma was worse than any Khanzem weapon, which was going to be a "mighty pizza bomb" that could cover an entire city in gooey pizza toppings. Big Momma was a deletion bomb.

Since the Japalandese refused to surrender, the Grand Ol' Land took it upon itself, aided by the remnants of the Confederacy, to wipe them off the map.

It only took two Big Mommas to bring Japaland to the bargaining table.


Sign This or We'll Blow Your Brains Out[edit]

On a ship off the coast of Japaland, Emperors Hirold and Comey, their generals, Whoot Smackler Whoot (in chains), William Tabernaclemountain, King Triskelle, and Harold Trueguy all gathered to sign the treaty.

The Treaty of Japalandese Surrender was unconditional and brutal. Emperor Comey was reported to have cried when he saw it, and Whoot wouldn't stop cursing at the High Penguins in every punctuation he knew. (They eventually duct-taped his beak.)

Basically, the Treaty did these four things.
  • The position of Emperor(s) was to be abolished and a government that rested in the Japalandese people was to be instated, and that government was to be made with a "Good Guy" occupation watching them do it.
  • Japaland can not have a military ever again.
  • Japaland must remove "Empire" from its title.
  • All Japalandese military commanders were to be taken to Grand Ol' Land for war crime trials, and then jailed or deleted.


The Emperors were hesitant, so Triskelle, fed up with the war, took out a pistol and held it to Emperor Hirold's head. "Sign this bloody thing so I can go home already!" he stated. The Emperor gulped and placed his signature on the document, thereby abdicating his throne. Then, Triskelle took the pistol and pointed it at Comey. "We've got lives, ya know, so put your siggy on this and give in! NOW!"

This was far from his usual epic speeches, but it worked. The Emperors surrendered.


Reconstruction followed, and the Japalandese animes, farmers, and the occupying forces managed to squabble together a government that was like the Empire, except that the Emperor (now the "Shikoguno") was elected and subject strictly to oversight by an independent government. His absolute power remained, but one slip and he'd be dethroned.


The war was declared over, and Japaland was now a new nation... without an army. Since then, Japaland experienced rapid growth and its reputation was repaired.

Japaland today[edit]

Japaland is the third largest power in the Asiapelago, after Shops Island and Zhou. The Japalandese have become well-known for their rich-yet crazy culture and their skill in the technological sector.

The nationalistic pride of the rednecks and animes has led for some to call for full Japalandese independence... -but they're hesitant because they can't have an army.

Endemic creatures[edit]

Japaland is famous for its unique classes of penguins that can be found nowhere else on the continent. In all, there are three that can be found only in Japaland.

  • The first is the Rednecks. These hicks and hillbillies have sense taken many customs from the animes, but have retained and even contributed some of their distinct hallmarks back to them. The Rednecks gave Japalandese culture its entire modern political bent, includings its gun obbesssion, conservative policies, overall "moral decency" (with notable exceptions like crazy hair), generally modest dress, and the fact that the Japalandese government balances its budget.
    • Thanks to the Rednecks, Japaland remains a nation almost as conservative as Mattress Village and its outlying areas. Rednecks tend to either wear robes, overalls, and especially robes over overalls. They have also ensured that farming remains as dominant a powerhouse as the electronic industry. Farming and electronics are the two biggest industries in Japaland, and neither seems to outdo the other.
  • Second are the Animes. These were the first penguins to arrive in Japaland, and possibly due to the plants of the area (called "Animylon" in English), they became much shorter, their eyes and beaks bigger, and the ability to grow weird-colored hair as a natural color. Animes gave Japaland the other half of its culture: the eccentricities like crazy hair (accepted by the rednecks) and odd-colored, mismatching fashioons (provided they are still "modest"), to name two. Other contributions by the Animes include the country's mastery of the electronics industry.
    • The Animes have also softened the Redneck's standards of "decent clothes", in that it's okay to have vibrant, crazy colors and such... as long as the skirts are appropriately lengthened or the pants held up by a belt. Animes tend to wear vibrant, neon colored robes, vibrant neon colored overalls, or vibrant, neon colored robes over overalls. They also took the rednecks' fashions (e.g. straw hats and flannel shirts) and made them their own! (Ever seen a flannel shirt a radioactive, lime green color? It can be seen in Japaland!
A red-feathered Otaku penguin speaking in Japanese.
  • Third, and final, are the Otaku. Otaku Penguins are the offspring of modern Dorkugese penguins and anime Japalandese-penguins. The surge of technology in recent times has steadily brought an influx of nerds to the island. These nerds, like any penguin, eventually fell in love and procreated with the Japalandese, adding to the unique culture. However, when a nerd penguin bred with an anime-Japalandese penguin, the result was an Otaku Penguin, which had a Dorkugal build and an anime personality.
    • However, despite their anime-Japalandese background, they are sometimes frowned upon in Japaland due to their obsession with Anime penguins. Most Otakus Penguins are unaware of this.


While the rednecks are similar, in some ways, to other conservative reigons like Mattress Village, they are still considered endemic because of their distinct behaviors (e.g. robes, iced tea rituals, rice farming, speaking Japanese) that diffrientiate from the usual gun-toting, xenophobic goon from Antarctica.

Government[edit]

Japaland has a very unique political system. The Government of Japaland is invested in one penguin, called the Shikoguno. The current Shikoguno is Maitariko. All power belongs to him. The Shikoguno makes, judges, and enforces the law, but is not above it or the penguins. The Shikoguno rules for life unless found guilty of violating the Law and/or the Constitution. The criminal Shikoguno is then forced to win the votes all over again or lose the position to another. In Japaland, this is called 彼は以上のすべての開始を持っている, or "he's got to start all over".


When the position of Shikoguno becomes vacant (AKA when he dies or gets impeached), the Masses hit the polls for election of a new Shikoguno. During the time that no Shikoguno is present, there is no sitting leader until the interregnum period ends upon the election's completion. The Governor of NNE, when Regent, holds all of the power that a Shikoguno would hold normally.

All Shikoguno canidates must meet the screenings of the Shikoguno Party, which is, by Constitution, permanently in control of Japaland.

Then, they all campaign until the Japaland election day, when everyone casts their votes for the Shikoguno they want. The Shikpguno is then coronated, and assumes the throne of Japaland until he dies or is impeached.

Military[edit]

Wasn't it already said that Japaland can't have a military?

Militarism[edit]

No matter, there's still some things to mention. Japaland wants a military. All of those conservatives have kept the country proud and nationalistic, not to mention as conservative as a TurtleShroom. Culturally, Japaland is a very homogenous society, and is not very diverse. The penguins are either animes or rednecks, and nothing else except the occasional tourist or immigrant. This has kept the nation very xenophobic and, thanks to the hicks, on the political right.

The last Shikpguno was elected on a promise to "revive" Japaland. Folks wonder if that's what they think it means.


Survey says
  • 96% of Japalandese favor their country stockpiling weapons.
  • 97% of Japalandese citizens own a gun of some sort. (Which is why the crime is so low.)
  • 66% of Japalandese want their nation to develop some sort of WMD. Most of the "no" votes were because they wanted Japaland to attack old-school.
  • 99.9% of Japalandese want a standing army back in Japaland.
  • 98% of Japalandese say they would support an invasion of Snowzerland and their Khanzem-era realms.
  • 71% of Japalandese say they would join this army immediately.
    • 99% say they would join if they were conscripted.
  • 100% of surveyed Japalandese and the Shikpguno want the Emperor back.
  • 81% of surveyed Japalandese say that the USA "deserves some sort of punishment" for making them sign that Treaty.
  • Even now, Hirold's approval rataings still remain at 91%, and Comey's at 90%.

Worse, about nine tenths of the Japalandese still support Khanzem, and 94% believe that Khanzem should have won.

Surveys from foreign countries say
  • 98% of Antarcticans think the countries should give Japanland an army, and about 75% worry if they don't give Japanland a army, the country would probably back up with their enemies and fight against them.
    • And to dig much deeper, not counting the 75% shown above, about 23.4% fear that Japanland would bomb the US.

And that's it. Add more from your country if you like.

See also[edit]