Ministry of Witches' Affairs

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Ministry of Witches' Affairs
MWA witchyseal.gif
Not an actually commissioned branch of the Executive Cabinet.
Formed 2008
Jurisdiction Continental (Antarctica-wide)
Headquarters Darktonian Realm
Employees Unknown
Annual budget Unknown
Minister responsible Bureaucrat Witch, WitchyPenguin
Parent Executive Cabinet?
May not actually exist.

The Ministry of Witches' Affairs (or MWA) is an alleged Executive Cabinet branch which was commissioned by blackmailing and bribary without the knowledge of the President. The MWA supposedly maintains connections, standards, communications, and operations between all witches of all countries in Antarctica, and is lead by the High Bureaucrat and Minister of Fourth Wall Manipulation (also called the Bureaucrat Witch). Conspiracy theorist circles claim that this is how WitchyPenguin always knows what goes on in Antarctica.

According to conspirists, the Bureaucrat Witch is WitchyPenguin.


It is common knowledge that Darktan employees a witch in his highest of high ranks.

WitchyPenguin's article mentions "mumerous broomsticks sold to other witches". This, along with WitchyPenguin's creation of more "broomstick fuel" than she needs, creates hefty implications that many other witches exist throughout Antarctica.

Since there are witches scattered across the frozen continent in all nations, conspirists reason, there must be a governing body to administer and set standards for all who practice Fourth Wall Manipulation, also known as Antarctican witchcraft.

Thus, the Ministry of Witches was put into effect.


The MWA's hiearchy is simple, and jurisdiction is divided geographically, like the nation's court systems.

  • The absolute leader of the MWA is the High Bureaucrat and Minister of Fourth Wall Manipulation, also called the Bureaucrat Witch. She has complewte control over everything under her, and in short, controls all witches' affairs.
  • The National Bureaucrats of the Ministry (AKA Admin Witches), who have dominance over their country. For example, there is an Admin Witch of Dorkugal, an Admin Witch of Flystonia, and an Admin Witch of Japaland, ect. ect. ect. . They answer to the Bureaucrat Witch.
  • The State Bureaucrats of the Ministry (AKA State Witches), who have domimance over their particular state in a particular nation. There would be a State Witch of Eastshield and a State Witch of Trans-Antarctica, for instance. They must answer to the Admin Witches and the Bureaucrat Witch.
  • For extremely large cities (like South Pole City), there is a Municipal Representative Witch (AKA City Witch). They answer to everyone above them.
  • Finally, at the bottom, are the Normal Witches, or simply Witches.
    • Witches answer to the appropriate witch of their jurisdiction.
      • For example, a witch living outside of South Pole City would answer directly to the State Witch, and not the City Witch, even if their igloo is nine feet outside of SPC's city limits.
      • If a witch lived on government owned land (like a post office) or something considered a national territory (like a Polar District), they would answer straight to the Admin Witch.
      • If a witch lived on something conisdered international territory or something that is not owned by anything, they head straight to the Bureaucrat Witch herself.

Bureaucrat Witch of the Ministry of Witches' Affairs

since 2008
Residence Darktonian Realm
Term length Life
Inaugural holder WitchyPenguin
Formation 2008
Deputy Various "admin witches"


Style Your Nastiness,


Conspirists and sane creatures commonly face off on things such as this. Below are evidence provided for and against a Ministry of Witch's Affairs.

Evidence against[edit]

  • If there really was a Ministry of Witches' Affairs in the Executive Cabinet, there would be a desk for the Bureaucrat Witch somewhere in the EC room.
  • No other witches have been seen nor interviewed, the only folks who have seen flying penguins on broomsticks are crazy and not respectable witnesses.
  • WitchyPenguin never speaks of the MWA or anything like it, and it is unlikely that Darktan would allow such subsidizing without an alliance to his army.
  • Other than maintaining communication and setting standards, what would a Ministry of Witches' Affairs do?
  • What are the other witches' motives, and how would they join a group in complete secrecy?
  • Even if no one knew about the MWA, as an illegal Executive Cabinet hierarchy, it would still recieve tax money from one way or another. However, the Ministry of the Treasury does not usually report lost funds, or unaccounted withdrawels and transactions.
  • Where would they put the office of the Bureaucrat Witch? What about the other witches who administer in the MWA?
  • If the witches used MWA lines to contact each other, these would pass through the servers and distributing towers monopolized by the Governance. This would mean that the calls and such are logged and could be accessed, even if it required password cracking and spell-breaking to access the calls.
  • Why is there a need for a bureaucracy of witches?

Conspiracy theorists' support[edit]

  • Conspirists argue that witches could easily create a magical room outside of time and space (like Doctor Hockory's TARDIS) and simply put a portal anywhere to access it. The desk and such would be there.
  • They state that Darktan wouldn't care about WitchyPenguin's private matters, as long as she is always loyal to him and makes him her number one priority.
  • The other witches are secret, conspiracy theorists state, quote, "Duh!".
  • A bureaucracy is needed for communication and to keep all witches in line and quell any good witches that may exist, because they probably DO exist. Unlike Demon Penguins, there are good witches.
  • We don't know everything about WitchyPenguin, and we can't spy on her 24/7. Conspiracy theorists state that she may have spoken of it when the Good Guys were not watching.
  • WitchyPenguin created the position and also appointed herself, bypassing the President illegally.
  • Several Brooms have been disappearing all around Antartica, which could possibly mean the witches are getting replacement brooms to enchant if their old brooms broke. Then again, WitchyPenguin might consider this illegal.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

  • This article is what happens if you watch a Halloween movie on Cartoon Network in the evening. You just HAVE to write about it.
    • The Bureaucrat's parodee can be found as a link in the above reference.