Mission: Not Likely
|This tale has been told! It's done!|
He has no idea what's going to happen, since he's never heard of the Darktonian Realm. Seriously.
This is set before Shroomsky was informed of the Realm, the mansion, ect. ect.
This story will be told in Traditional Format, with a narrator.
Chapter One: You've Won a Contest You Didn't Enter!
Our tale begins. We see Professor Shroomsky was reading his favorite book, Conspiracy Theories for Conspiring Creatures.
Like any civilian, he was not very aware of the PSA. He's had his cross with Agency items, such as The Humana Cathedral Papers, Fort Lox, and other oddities of that nature, but his next informative was different.
He'd never heard of Darktan.
He was unaware of the Realm, unaware of Darktan's Estate. Very unaware.
He nearly dozed off, when a knock was heard on his door.
He sat up, brushed off his lab coat, and opened the door up.
A bunch of penguins in suits holding a paper, a manila envelope, and a huge bouquet of balloons stood at the door. In the background, a limousine was in the street.
"YOU'RE THE WINNER OF THE PRINTER'S SWEEPSTAKES AGENCY!" one of them screamed.
Professor Shroomsky blinked, then rubbed his glasses on his coat.
"Folks, I believe you've got the wrong house."
"No we didn't! The address is right here: 7 Neville Lane, South Pole City, Eastshield, USA!"
"Yes, that's my address, but I didn't enter any sweepstakes."
"WELL THEN, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR PRIZE!"
The Agents stepped back. One of them held out a picture depicting a beautiful mansion.
"YOU'VE WON A MANSION ON THE PENGOLIAN/TRANS-ANTARCTIC/EASTSHIELD BORDER!"
"THAT'S RIGHT! A SEVENTEEN BEDROOM, FIVE BATH LUXUARY ESTATE, WITH A BALLROOM, BASEMENT, BALCONY, GARDEN, AND OH SO MUCH MORE! LEGALLY PROTECTED BY EASTSHEILD, AND NO FISH SLAPPING INVOLVED!"
They handed Shroomsky a map.
He read the map.
"That's sixty miles away!"
"WHICH IS WHY A LIMOSENE WILL CARRY YOU THERE! MEET US AT THE SOUTH POLE CITY CITY LIMITS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!"
The Sweepstakes jumped into their limousine and sped off.
Shroomsky went back inside.
"Turtleheimer, I apparently just won a mansion on the border. If anything happens, I'll call you."
"You won a mansion? That's great! I'll sharpen up my memory of Legal Issues in case something comes up."
Feeling assured, the Professor headed out.
He turned off Neville Drive, and onto the primary sidewalk of South Pole City. Though he didn't enter the contest, a prize is a prize. He had the deed, anyway.
He passed Explorer, but didn't dare to speak to him about the mansion. He and that Fourth Goozack did enough in a previous escapade to last seventeen lifetimes.
"Hi, Professor!" Explorer smiled as he waved to Shroomsky. "Best wishes on your new missio-- I mean, have fun at your new mansion! Oh, and talk to the first guy you see down the road. Destiny, ya know."
Before the Professor could reply, Explorer instantly teleported to who knows where. Shroomsky just shrugged (or at least he would have, if mushrooms had shoulders)and continued along the road.
He continued down the road, when he passed some green character in overalls, hopping down the street on a pogo stick. There was only one green character on a pogo stick in Antarctica.
"Good day, Pogopunk32!" Shroomsky smiled.
Pogopunk32 turned and waved.
"Ah, hello Shroomsky. Is there anything you want to tell me?"
"I WON A LUXURIOUS RESIDENCE DOWN BY THE BORDER!"
Pogopunk32 stopped. That usual cheesy grin on his face was wiped away.
"You won... a mansion?"
"Yes sir! I even have a map and its respective deed!"
"Mind if I see that map?"
Shroomsky gladly handed the overall wearing green thing his map.
"Uh, Shroomsky... where did you acquire this... map... and that, deed?"
"I won it in a contest that I didn't even enter. Someone must have entered it for me. Perhaps a fan of Pizza who enjoys the pipe organ?"
Pogopunk32 just stood there. He got off his pogo stick. Without it, he was rather short. He handed the Professor a flashlight.
"You're 'gonna need that. Trust me. Oh, and stay away from any paintings."
Pogopunk32 got back on his transportation and hopped off, rather somberly. Professor Shroomsky had no idea what he meant by paintings, or his acquisition of a flashlight. Still, that couldn't damper his mood.
The fungus pocketed his flashlight and headed down to the City Limits. As promised, a limousine awaited him.
Chapter Two: "Professor" is a Vague Title
The mushroom climbed into the luxurious vehicle.
Seated beside him was a little penguin, who was also wearing a lab coat. He was a tiny fellow, of poor posture. He had some whit hair on his head, rather bushy eyebrows, and large glasses. He smiled, revealing that he had one square tooth. Apparently, this penguin was one of the few who had teeth (like Judge Xavier and F).
"Greetings, fungus." the bird exclaimed, with a big smile.
Shroomsky responded to the salutation.
"I guess you're wondering why I'm here. I am Professor Oliver Miee. I received my degree in paranormal research. My surname is pronounced My, for the record. It's annoying, you know, when someone mispronounces your name. It really drives me crazy. If you can't remember my full name, my friends always called me O. Miee. It's a pun, if you didn't catch that. Oh My, and O. Miee? Yes... but enough about me! Tell me about yourself."
Shroomsky shivered. He hated paranormals... especially after that ghost-in-the-mirror incident.
"Well, I am Professor Shroomsky. I'm a mushroom, and I received my degree in Biology."
"You believe in ghosts?"
"I don't like to talk about it."
"So, you do?"
"No need to say. I can tell. Yeah, I'm not good at small talk. So, where you heading?"
"Oh! I'm heading to a mansion I won in a contest."
"Yes. This limousine is carrying me, and I presume you, to the building. It's an idealistic building."
He handed the map to Oliver.
"You do know that that painting is probably inaccurate, right?"
"Yes, Mister Miee, I do. I'm expecting that the paint job will be poor, that that awning won't exist, and that the snow won't be very pretty... and don't even get me started about the rainbow."
"So, O. Miee, is it, why are you heading there?"
"I've heard there's ghosts down that way. I built a laboratory near where you're mansion now stands. Though, I haven't seen the sun for a while." Oliver commented, rather calmly.
"Well... you should."
"I know. The ghosts recently built a huge mansion right outside of my lab. Huts and shacks sprang up nearby, as well. It's a hobby of mine, getting ghosts and paranormals. I'll show you later."
"Okay..." the Professor replied. He was nervous now. He hated ghosts, and such.
The road started becoming bumpy. They were heading up a mountain range. Fortunately, the luxury ride kept it from getting too bad. Oliver turned and looked out at the scenery. They were rather high up.
"Oh, Professor Shroomsky! Look! It's Hackzon Valley!"
The penguin pointed to a valley, miles off into the horizon. Green storm clouds were swirling around its tiny vicinity. A few zeroes could be made out, but only as little dots.
"I know! I took my vacation there last summer. You should have seen the ghosts, hackers and monsters I caught!"
Professor Shroomsky shivered.
The driver turned around. He was wearing a suit, almost like an agent. Yet, no badge, so an Agent he was not...
"We're almost to Shroomsky Manor." he shouted.
Eventually, they reached it. They parked right outside the black square. While everything to its right and left was brilliant and sunny, the moon and stars were clearly visible withing the square.
Shroomsky took out the map. The manor was straight into there.
Shroomsky and O. Miee hopped out. The limousine's wheels then started skidding, like it was being gassed at full power. After a screech of tires, the limousine sped off like no car had ever done. It was almost as if it was fleeing from something.
Chapter Three: Explorer Would Sue this Chapter for Bizzare Clerical Disguises
Well! Here's our stop. Since your route is going to pass through the Ghost Zone, you might as well stop by my home, which is also my laboratory. However, you'll need these.
O. Miee handed the Professor a little breifcase. It read "Professor Miee's Disguise-o-Matic".
"What's this for, sir?"
"Oh, I almost forgot. You have to look evil to get in. After the ghosts came, they all came. Now STINC, is living here too. Oh, and if you see black and purple lettuce, DO NOT eat it. It's poisonous!"
Shroomsky nodded. He put on the items. Among them, red dye (also used in the Trio's Operation Bloody Shirt) was splattered over his labcoat and a fake "dictator mustache" (as O. Miee called it) was placed on his face. He also found plasitc fangs and fake eyebrows, each of which were applied. He was told to remove his hat, and place a different one in its place, if need be. Thus, Shroomsky placed his prized hat in his inventory.
"I kind of like nerdy hats, sir."
"Nerd hats? Hmm... well, nerds often get the living icicles beat out of them... I'll think. Well, I think a bellhop hat might suffice."
"A bellhop hat?"
"You're right. You can't haul luggage. Well, how about the mitre hat? It comes with a free swirly cane."
"Uh... that looks like something that would be worn in a mairrage... by the creature marrying a couple. Plus, you wrote No Insult Intended on the inside... with a crayon."
"Well, someone's picky! I'll choose for you. The bellhop hat."
"Mushroom sticks. I feel silly."
"You're supposed to feel silly! We're not evil!"
"There must be some other way then me looking like a monster."
"I've got it! If you wore the fancy clothing, they may let you in even easier then this outfit would. Gatekeepers seem to trust people in fancy dress. Here, put the mitre hat on. I carry a spare robe. You can take off the rest of the stuff. Yeah. That'll work. I'll keep this on. Our Code Names will be Jusitce of the Peace and Justice of the Not Peace."
"So, I'm going to dress like a Justice of the Peace, and you are going to dress like some creature?"
"Weird." Shroomsky replied.
"Indeed! Let's go!"
Shroomsky looked toward the gate. He saw two menacing creatures. These were Abyss Knights, the gaurdsmen of Darktan.
"Are you sure this will work? They don't let just anyone..."
Shroomsky looked at the two Abyss Knights. They looked strong. Really strong. REALLY REALLY strong.
"Trust me! These knights are stupid! I get in every time! The trick is to give a good insult, preferrably directed at its mother. Start with jo momma."
They walked up to a huge gate, with a creepy picture of Darktan on it. An Abyss Knight halted them and held a Snow Ball Gun.
"AND JUST WHO ARE YOU TWO?" the Knight looked very angry. The other one formed some sort of magical blaster-thing. They meant business, and Shroomsky was beginning to doubt O. Miee's sanity.
"You remember me. Minion 2001-897842." O. Miee started. "Jo momma wears ugly belts."
"Go through. And you, Mister Fancy?"
"I'm Minion... 777-77-123456789... Squared. I'm new here." Shroomsky stuttered, nervous to look at the creatures. "...and, jo momma has so few intelligence, that she can't tell you how a cell splits itself via mitosis... into two more cells.
The knight stepped back. He shook himself back to reality, which rattled his armor.
"Wow. That's the nastiest insult I've heard all night. Go through."
The two Abyss Knights lifted the gate, putting down their weapons and magical blast-thingies.
As Shroomsky and Oliver passed through, they went a good ways, where Oliver whispered to Shroomsky:
"Wow. That insult was harsh. Good job. On to the lab!"
Chapter Four: Professor Shroomsky Nodded.
Professor Shroomsky and Oliver continued through the Darktonian Realm. It was a creepy place.
"Oliver, I'm going to have nightmares about this."
"Weird. Some penguin came through here and said the same thing."
A skua lunged for Professor Shroomsky and Oliver. They ducked.
They continued down the path. They passed some STINC (evil) minions, who were hitting a tether-ball with a picture of Fever on it.
Professor Shroomsky looked up to the dark, overcast excuse they called the sky. Just for a split second, he could have sworn he saw a penguin on a broomstick!
"Professor Miee, did you just see a penguin on a broomstick."
"Sure did. That's WitchyPenguin. She's a villain. Ah! Here we are."
Oliver took out a large, old-fashioned key, and used it to unlock the door.
They stepped in.
"Welcome to Proffesor Oliver Miee's Paranormal Researh Laboratory Deluxe! Or, the "Lab" if you can't remember the title."
"So. Let me see that map of yours."
The Professor handed O. Miee the map.
"Uh, I hate to break it to you... but that mansion is just down the road. It appeared here overnight, along with this entire realm a while back. The building in question was Weegie's Mansion, which was a delightful bed-and-breakfast that closed its doors years before. I went there every day. Weegie loved the company. You know, though, that my favorite part about Weegie, whose name is actually Lugee Weegie, is that he used to dress up as a superhero with this black mask and overalls... he called himself "The Incredible Mr. L.". That was odd, though, since he refused to write it as Mister. Just "Mr.". Yep, he was a weird penguin, but I'm rambling right now. It was taken over by Tails the Fox, not Tails6000."
Professor Shroomsky nodded. He was indeed rambling. He had almost dozed off.
"I hadn't even got to the best part! Anyway, since the mansion you supposedly won is in fact the Mansion I want to research, you can do me a good favor. You see, I am too old to go in myself, and as such I need a new recruit."
Professor Shroomsky nodded. He was nervous. He hated ghosts... especially after that mirror incident...
"So, the plan is simple. You go in there and nab all the ghosts you see. In the process, I'll be monitoring you with this contraption, which I call the PengStation Portable of Terror. Not because it's scary, but that it monitors stuff that is scary."
Professor Shroomsky nodded.
"Mister Miee, how exactly would I catch a phantom?"
The little penguin smiled.
"I thought you would never ask!"
Oliver handed Professor Shroosky a vacuum cleaner.
"Sir, this is a vacuum cleaner."
"Precisely! Don't you ever watch the television? Ghosts can't escape vacuums! Now, I see you've got a flashlight. That's good. You can't catch the ghosts unless you stun them with bright lights. They hate that."
"So, put the vacuum on, and head off to the mansion. From there, I'll contact you on the PSPT."
Professor Shroomsky nodded. That was about all he could do. He was terrified at what lied ahead.
Chapter Five : The End
As fear rattled his fungus body, he put the vacuum on.
This, somehow, led to Oliver laughing uncontrollably.
"What's wrong?" asked Shroomsky inquisitively.
"You fell for it!"
"Fell for what?"
"The trick! The scam! The Sweepstakes is a scam! This haunted house is scam! We've successfully tricked you! Bahahaha!"
At first, the professor stood confused as the entire house shook with laughter. Upon further explanation, he understood that Triskelle bribed the PSA/EPF to lure Shroomsky into the trap for the repayment of Silmarils handover.
In another dimension, a certain tern was laughing away like a madman as he banged on his large organ.
"Dohohohohoho! Ah, that felt so much better. Finally we could wrap up the bloomin' story once and for all!"
A stern-looking puffle, however, responded, "Oh really? The anti-climax button just made everything worse."
"Well bally, if TurtleShroom here's not gonna finish the lorry, we ought to do the job!"
"Apparently not, but this does not excuse you from the COC."
"Consarn it! Why can't you just lax the rules a bit?!"
"Because... it looks terrible!"
"Fine. But from now on, accents will be excused, okay?"
With that, the two coworkers continued working.
- This is loosely parodied from the game Luigi's Mansion.