Mister Albert

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"Mister" Albert Striker


Chief of Staff to the President of Shops Island
Incumbent
Assumed office 
December 17th, 2018
President Lavender
Preceded by None

Deputy Director of the Shops Intelligence Agency
In office
April 22, 2012 – May 3, 2015
President Chill57181 (2012)
Bro (2012)
Mario Arkay (2012 - 2013)
Lavender (2013 - 2015)
Preceded by Position Established
Succeeded by Warning von Brown

Speaker.png Click here to listen to Mister Albert's theme!

"Mister" Albert Striker, doing the dirty work so I don't have to!
 

Albert Striker (b. November 20, 1995), known colloquially as Mister Albert, is the current Chief of Staff to Shopper president Lavender, appointed to the role on December 17, 2018. Previously, he had served as Deputy Director of the SIA until May of 2015, when he was revealed to be in cooperation with General Broseph in his plot to overthrow the Shopper government and establish a military dictatorship. Mister Albert is well-known for his stoic and pragmatic way of getting things done, which has frequently raised questions about his morality and legal conduct.

Background[edit]

Early Life[edit]

Mister Albert was hatched in the Culldrome city of Seacast on November 20th, 1995, in the aftermath of the Porcyal War. His parents were Puffish loyalists who had moved to the Culldrome Isles from Colonial Antarctica, fearing oppression from a growing revolutionary movement against Puffish rule. Albert continued to live in Seacast until 2003, when his family moved to the newly-founded city of Clarkson. When he grew up and went through school, Albert neglected to go down the traditional path of joining the manufacturing industry, which is typical of Clarksonites, and instead opted to join the Culldrome Secret Intelligence Agency, instead.

CSIA[edit]

When he joined the CSIA, Albert had originally hoped to be an elite agent on the front lines. However, he failed his physical examination multiple times, and instead was given an office job. He quickly revealed himself to be quiet and competent, which are very useful traits at an intelligence agency. Over time, he was able to become a semi-important figure in the CSIA's bureaucratic departments, and was able to establish valuable connections throughout the Culldrome Isles and with agents in countries allied with the Culldrome Isles. These connections would later become very valuable when he would become a prominent figure in Shopper politics.

SIA and Shopper Politics[edit]

Mister Albert left his job at the CSIA in 2011 after hearing of the new country of Shops Island. In spite of being run by an ego-maniacal dictator at the time, Albert decided to move there anyway, sensing that such a government would not last long. Indeed, it didn't; after Ben's regime collapsed, Chill57181 was installed as president. Lot long afterwards, he commissioned the SIA, Shops Island's new intelligence agency. The director was to be LMGT, a close and trusted friend of Chill's. Both Chill and LMGT wanted somebody with experience to be second in command, and to help relieve LMGT of the workload. After sending out public applications, all candidates were vetted, and "Mister" Albert, as he came to be known by his colleagues, was chosen to be the deputy director due to his experience in the Culldrome Isles.

His tenure as deputy director was mostly quiet, although he was quite the key proponent of increasing the SIA's military involvement after Lavender took office. As LMGT did not wish for the SIA to become a predominantly military force, he often assigned high-level administrative matters to Albert, and as such he often dealt personally with the president. Over time, he established a strong rapport with Lavender, and they became personal friends. As Shops Island got involved with more and more international conflicts, Albert's foreign connections became very useful. By the time the Frosian War began, Albert had become a close confidant to Lavender, and was one of the main penguins the president turned to for advice about foreign policy.

Unfortunately, Mister Albert's reputation was severely damaged when he was implicated in The Broseph Leaks. Although he did not intend to overthrow the Shopper government, he had helped General Broseph draft plans to conquer the rest of Antarctica. After he was implicated, Lavender had no choice but to order his removal as deputy director of the SIA. At LMGT's request, Albert's spot was filled by Warning von Brown, the SIA's top rocket engineer, in a move which tried to distance SIA leadership from military matters. For the next few years, Albert and Lavender kept contact with each other behind closed doors, so as not to arouse controversy.

Chief of Staff[edit]

Mister Albert sitting in the Situation Room, alongside Lavender.

Mister Albert was thrust back into the limelight and into the forefront of Shopper politics in December of 2018, following a failed assassination attempt against the Shopper President. Once Lavender had recovered from his injuries, he decided that he would now need a reliable deputy to help organize presidential matters. Previously, Lavender had neglected to appoint a Chief of Staff, choosing rather to micromanage many presidential matters himself. After his assassination attempt, however, Lavender became visibly more frail and clearly needed more help. Because of his fierce loyalty and his multiple connections, Lavender appointed Mister Albert as his Chief of Staff, stating that he needed a "go-getter" like Albert by his side.

Personality[edit]

Even though he is affectionately referred to as Mister Albert by most of his friends and colleagues, Albert is known by his colleagues for his stoic and quiet demeanor, often preferring to work alone and in silence. However, just because he's quiet doesn't me he isn't listening; Albert often collects valuable information about his colleagues and other important figures via simple office gossip, a trait which has propelled him to the top. Albert is also known for his high degree of loyalty, sticking by his friends, employers and coworkers regardless of the odds, hoping that he'll be rewarded for his companionship.

On a darker note, Mister Albert also has a nasty tendency for blackmail, often using the information gathered from overhearing gossip to imtimidate and manipulate his colleagues into doing as he likes. He is also not above using dubious, and sometimes downright illegal measures to get his way. During his short tenure as Chief of Staff, the Shopper government's critics have accused Lavender's deputy of many crimes, including but not limited to racketeering, money laundering, fraud, bribery, and perjury. Both Lavender and Mister Albert vehemently deny these allegations, and have often refused to speak to reporters who have made such accusations.

In spite of his multiple cold and questionable characteristics, Mister Albert does have a soft side. He cares deeply for his pet puffle Geoff, a black puffle whom he adopted soon after immigrating to Shops Island. He currently lives alone in an apartment in Shops City, where he can either be found during his spare time playing with Geoff or trying to beat Super Smash Mates U.B.E.R., his favorite video game. Albert also takes a keen interest in cars, and often travels to Tomville in his spare time to test-drive new models off the assembly line, as he has friends at the car factories in Tomville.

Involvement[edit]

As deputy director of the SIA, Mister Albert's role in Shopper politics was minimal at best. Although he had multiple connections, he kept a low profile, especially considering that his superior was the much more interesting LMGT. Even though he pulled some rather unethical strings in help to expand the Shopper military, his contributions were never heavily scrutinized by the media due to the general irrelevance of his position. Mister Albert got slightly more press time when The Broseph Leaks came to light, however, and he was briefly vilified by the media as a traitor to the Shopper nation. Nevertheless, due to his minor role in the fiasco, this was soon forgotten about.

Mister Albert began to gain much more significance to the Shopper public when he was appointed as Lavender's chief of staff. He quickly became an "attack dog" for the president, making the controversial statements and doing the dirty deeds that would land Lavender in hot water had the president tried to pull these stunts himself. In the aftermath of the attempt on Lavender's life, Albert was one of the strongest proponents for strict retaliation against Duck Island and the Penstubal Post, though he kept quiet about Acadia.

Throughout his tenure as chief of staff, Mister Albert has continually pushed the boundaries of what is considered to be acceptable practice. He has made a powerful enemy in most Shopper media corporations, who would gladly like to see him fall, or go to jail for his supposed crimes.

List of accusations[edit]

Mister Albert has been accused of a variety of crimes by the media, most notably the Penstubal Post. Ever since assuming the position of Chief of Staff, prominent Shopper media outlets have accused Mister Albert of the following offenses:

  • Racketeering, for supposed attempts to profit off of the growing military industry.
  • Money Laundering; levied against him during Lavender's 2019 push to fund Shopper infrastructure. Pundits also make frequent claims that Albert is tied to the Red Shield Bank.
  • Fraud
  • Bribery, which, according to the Penstubal Post, is the only reason nobody has spoken up against Mister Albert's supposed crimes.
  • Perjury and Obstruction of Justice; although he has never stood in front of a Shopper court, radical commentators often conflate this with his reputed lying on television and in interviews.
  • At one point, the Penstubal Post went so far as to say the Mister Albert may have conducted or have been complicit in murder.
  • Treason, for his collaboration with General Broseph.

Personal Relations[edit]

Good[edit]

  • Lavender - Considering that Mister Albert is Lavender's chief of staff, it makes sense that they'd get along. Outside of work, they are close friends and often confide to each other on personal matters. Albert was one of the first penguins Lavender contacted after recovering from his assassination attempt.
  • General Broseph - When Albert was deputy director of the SIA and Broseph was Grand General of the Shopper Armed Forces, the latter would often consult with the former about funding and administrative issues instead of LMGT. Even though Albert's involvement in the Broseph Leaks was blown far out of proportion, the two are still good friends.

Neutral[edit]

  • Brant Esser - In spite of strained relations between Shops Island and Acadia, Mister Albert considers Brant to be a strong leader, and admires him for the stronghold he has over his populace.

Bad[edit]

  • LMGT - Although they never got into fights, LMGT saw first-hand the trouble that Albert could cause if he wanted to. Albert believes the LMGT is unfit to lead the SIA, and often threatens to release LMGT's long list of government-paid food expenses to the public.
  • Violet - Unbeknownst to Lavender, Albert and Violet have a mutual distrust for each other, and both believe that the other is trying to sabotage the president. However, neither of them dare speak about this to Lavender's face.
  • Penstubal - Incensed by the rhetoric the Penstubal Post often spouts against Lavender, Mister Albert has gone so far as to threaten Penstubal's life over some of the post's more controversial publications, saying that it would be "quite a shame" if something were to "happen" to Penstubal.

Trivia[edit]

  • Even though most of his friends and coworkers (and the BoF) call him "Mister Albert", Lavender usually just calls him by his last name, "Striker".
  • His favorite genre of music is Hard Rock, and he is particularly fond of Stompin' Bob's music.
  • Despite making quite a bit of money as a high-ranking government official, he has a propensity to break things, and as such spends much of his salary on replacing cell phones, computers, kitchen utensils, and other commonly breakable items.

Some say...[edit]

Due to his peculiar personality and general tendency to be antisocial in spite of his very high-profile job, media outlets such as the Penstubal Post have taken to make multiple allegations about his personal life. Originally, they were quite damning claims against the Chief of Staff, but over time they've evolved to become much more comedic and nonsensical in nature.

Some say...

  • ...that he keeps a picture of his wallet... in his wallet.
  • ...that he knows only two facts about ducks, both of which are wrong.
    • He thinks that roast duck tastes awful, and claims that this is a fact.
  • ...that his heart beats to the tune of Snoss propaganda.
  • ...that his scent is illegal in eleven countries.
  • ...that his favorite flower is the O-Berry.
  • ...that he insists Ditto is an important part of a balanced breakfast.

See Also[edit]