Papa's Smelly Doughnut Mill

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Papa's Smelly Doughnut Mill
Type Restaurant
Founder(s) Tom Horace
Headquarters Mattress Village,
Area served Mattress Village
Key people Papa Manure
Products Doughnuts, coffee
Owner(s) Maul P. Mouse
Employees 4
Website http://papa'sdoughnutmill.com/



Papa's Smelly Doughnut Mill is a small restaurant that is located in the tiny Mattress Village. Infamous for it's disgusting doughnuts, the restaurant is nonetheless the ONLY source of doughnuts for the tiny town, and thus the inhabitants enjoy them, oblivious to the fact that what they are eating is considered gross by outsiders. Hundreds of adventurous penguins have eaten there "for teh lulz" and it is shockingly a booming business, with the owner being a millionaire. Yet, it's few workers in poverty, including the one who made it famous in the first place with his disgusting doughnuts.

Background[edit]

Foundation[edit]

On December 13, 1996, a bored penguin by the name of Tom Horace who had nothing to do, idly proclaimed to his lifelong "friend" Maul P. Mouse that he would someday build a restaurant that served only doughnuts and coffee, and after proclaiming this he fell asleep. While he thought nothing of his oath later, Maul P. Mouse realized that it would be an excellent buisness opportunity and decided to set up his pet project in the only place where he would have absolutely no competition, and thus higher profits. And that place was Mattress Village. Most of the villagers had never tasted a doughnut before, but they had been assured by tourists that they were delicious.

Tom Horace was surprised and pleased to learn that his friend was putting his dream into action, and they debated exactly what to call it. Tom Horace wanted to call it Tom Hortons, while Maul P. Mouse wanted to call it the "Doughnut Maul". While they argued, a local penguin by the name of Papa Manure came up and suggested that they call it "Papa's Smelly Doughnut Mill". While the name didn't appeal to them, a poll found that the residents of Mattress Village preferred Papa Manure's name and the two grudgingly agreed to name it that.

The building finished construction on April 23rd, 1997, and the two "friends" began to move in their equipment when they realized that they had no employees! As soon as they noticed this, Papa Manure conveniently showed up and offered to help them move in their equipment. In an act of premature desperation they asked him if he could cook doughnuts and Papa Manure thought back to the days when he'd worked at a nuclear power plant and made a doughnut-shaped roll of toxic radioactive waste out of boredom. Absentmindedly he accepted as he thought of this, and the owners were pleased, while Papa Manure ran off to tell his wife.


Opening and Early Success[edit]

Before opening to the public, Tom Horace and Maul P. Mouse decided to have Papa Manure make a test doughnut, and they specified to make his very best. A few minutes later, he returned with a brown doughnut with green frosting. Tom Horace, eying the piece of filth took a bite, and clutching his throat, passed out. Maul P. Mouse was very displeased, but he later found out to his dismay that the inhabitants of Mattress Village actually LIKED them! Grudgingly he let Papa Manure stay there, and he was overjoyed, even with the low pay.


Their buisness skyrocketed beyond their wildest dreams, and the two friends became millionaires, while their employees remained poor. The restaurant enjoyed huge success amongst the villagers, who thought they were eating "real tasty food" for once. Tourists, on the other hand, only ate there "for teh lulz" and told their friends back home about this really disgusting doughnut shop. They, in turn, often traveled to the quiet village themselves to see for themselves the bizarre restaurant and taste it's disgusting food. It even became a rite of passage amongst the Str00del Force that every member had to eat one of their doughnuts without barfing, which shocked Papa Manure, who insisted that his doughnuts were "the dang tastiest thingies evah"!


Rise to Fame[edit]

Even though the villagers liked the trash, they were extremely curious as to what exactly his doughnuts were made of. Even though they thought they tasted good (not many in Mattress Village have what can be reasonably be called good taste in food), they all had their suspicions, and several customers reported finding interesting things in their doughnuts, from worms to bolts, even the occasional one that glowed in the dark! Eventually TurtleShroom (penguin), one of Mattress Village's wealthiest inhabitants (after Tom Horace and Maul P. Mouse, of course), decided to take in one of the doughnuts in for testing to see exactly what it was made of, but when the doughnut arrived and was scanned, it exploded in a ball of fire, and there was nothing left of the building or the examining scientists. This captured the media's attention and thousands of reporters rushed to Mattress Village to have a taste of the "ultra disgusto doughnut", as one reporter famously put it.

They all agreed that the doughnuts were super disgusting, and the restaurant reached the front page of countless newspapers, with reporters blabbing on and on about their experience in the otherwise quiet town of Mattress Village. Celebrities often traveled to Mattress Village to try those doughnuts, and often returned laughing.


Warning: Unprecedented Amounts of Fatness Approaching[edit]

Eventually, the "Smelly Doughnut Craze" wore off, and Mattress Village once again became a quiet town. On July 26th, 2005, the infamous longtime Mattress Village resident Aunt Agatha stormed in to Papa's Smelly Doughnut Mill, complaining loudly about "the lousy food and all that crap you $%#%s have been serving". "Serve something decent FOR ONCE!!!" she screamed, and she challenged Papa Manure to a doughnut making match, in which whoever made the better doughnut would become/remain the Mill's cook. The two rivals spent the entire night cooking, and the next day they both arrived with two identical doughnuts. Papa Manure's doughnut tasted the same as usual, but Aunt Agatha's was especially bad. Even the villagers agreed that Aunt Agatha's doughnut was too bad to eat and she lost the contest.

Involvement[edit]

Papa's Smelly Doughnut Mill is still located in Mattress Village, where it continues to pour out disgusting doughnuts. It is pretty much the only place to go out to in Mattress Village, and it is frequently filled with villagers, eager to have a doughnut with their coffee, which isn't that bad. It still underpays it's employees, even though the owners are insanely wealthy and live a life of ease. The restaurant's owners has been criticized for this fact and has suffered several lawsuits due to this, but Papa's Smelly Doughnut Mill has managed to survive them all when it turned out their workers like poverty, much to the suing penguin's surprise.

Doughnut Ingredients[edit]

Nobody knows for sure what they are, but several penguins have found clues. Many penguins have often found earthworms crawling around in his doughnuts, and Mabel insists that the "chocolate" doughnuts are made of Puffle dung based on the way they smell (and taste!). A scientist that escaped the Pingko Disaster insists that their "Pingko Icer" doughnut tastes like radioactive waste, and some say that the "Ditto Doodoo" tastes exactly like Ditto. These beliefs are reinforced by the fact that the supply trucks that regularly come in have "WARNING:TOXIC WASTE" emblazoned on the sides, and the drivers wear gass masks. Indeed, all employees (all 4 of them) are required to handle the ingredients with gloves, and mandatory gass masks have been issued to each of them, though they seldom wear them.

Products[edit]

  • Coffee

Trivia[edit]

  • While not directly a parody of anything, it has some references to Tim Hortons and The Simpsons.
  • Surprisingly, it makes delicious coffee, and the doughnuts actually taste decent when dunked in the coffee.
  • LMGT is the only foreign penguin can eat more than 100 of these donuts in one go.

See Also[edit]