Penguin Origins: The Tidal Pool: Censorship Edition

• This page was created in dedication to StarKirby, a user who was offended by my previous story. Caution: I could not take out the evolution aspect of the story, because then, the only thing my story would be about is a black hole.*

Penguin Origins: The Tidal Pool was a story created by Gravity Falls Fan (talk) 02:39, 8 May 2016 (UTC)Gravity Falls Fan, but contained elements some were offended this will make up for those who were offended. Changes include:

• The main characters (Pengy Cells) evolve into penguins, so they have to eat meat because penguins are carnivores. However, they never engage in much killing: just eating the chunks of meat lying around the tidal pool.

• If you think the main characters are killing for sport in this, it is merely because they evolved spikes temporarily, and they are not part of the decision.

• I will not bold the bloody moments in this, and the word "not" should be the only thing bolded here.

• As for the mating, there are no details (not that the uncensored version had any).

Back on the original main topic, Penguin Origins: The Tidal Pool is a multi genre story about how the penguins came to be. The following story is rated PG: Parental Guidance Suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children. It got this certificate with the descriptors being: for microscopic action violence, some crude humor, and discolored blood.

Chapter 1: Panspermia

The antarctic's original inhabitants froze to death. No life ever dared to come near the tundra. But by today, we got penguins. and how we got penguins? We got organelles from comets! We got them during the Precambrian era, there was one iced meteoroid in particular we are following. Turns out, it is itty bitty! As it breaks apart, we are revealed an organism! We can not tell, but these amoeba are alive. The two "hairs" on this cell are their eyes, they must have a mouth somewhere, and that appendage right there is a flagellum. Inside of this primal ooze, you can find one celled critters, green plants, debris, globules, substance fragments, and bits of murdered microorganisms. Well, you may be thinking: "We are only seeing this microscopic! There is no way this actually happened! This is the biggest lie since the cake!" Well you are wrong! In 2,000,000,000,000 years, these organisms became penguins! They had a growth spurt! Well, back to the footage, this organelle is swimming out of the asteroid particle. Well, at the moment, our microbe is eating plant fragments, and how ironic! We know penguins eat fish! Well they are actually omnivores (if this is not true I added this for another reason)! Besides, it has no problemo with eating those bits of flesh, either! And there is also a flagella being eaten by some sort of carnivore! And, oh, Pengy Cell (that is what I will call him), you cheater! Stop eating his dinner right now! Well, hope you learn your lesson, Pengy Cell, now that you are being chased by that Monera cell! Wait, but there is no chance of the Pengy Cell escaping! Run, Pengy Cell, Run! But what a coward! Goldy is running away after Pengy Cell took a big bite! Serves you right, you non sentient beast!

Chapter 2: Evolutionism Act 1

You know those insulting pookies? Well, those evolved from cells, as well! And that one is getting eaten by a Chompy Cell! Ha ha! Take that you brain-damaged attackers! Back on topic, our Pengy Cell has evolved cleats in the front of them! But that does not matter! Because cheaters gonna cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat, and doppelgangers gonna gang, gang, gang! Shake it off! Well, there are some large green plants around this tidal pool, instead of those puny bacteria the Pengy Cells ate alongside yummy, chunky, healthy, bloody, meat! Sorry, got distracted, my filet mignon is ready to be taken out of the microwave! Anyways, the Pengy Cell is munching on a Booster amoeba, and has also evolved an oak nut-shaped jet, so now he can go faster. Also, Squirt right there is in mortal combat with the Pengy Cell, and is using his ichor squirts to his advantage. But despite the forces of acid of Squirt, Pengy Cell reined triumphant! And Pengy Cell can easily consume the carnivorous multi cellar organisms by angling, making a bounce, and hitting the other critter with a stud! Pengy Cell is nowhere near sentient, but this act as convinced me that they eventually will. That, and Webster's Guide to the Universe. Pengy Cell even killed a huge organelle, Snorf.

Chapter 3: Evolutionism Act 2

Well, Pengy Cell is on a way to sentience, alright. You know how they use it to turn predators into prey? Well, the microbe did not actually using that while brawling Squirt, because that would take time, and Pengy would not find the antidote in time. The same happened while in a melee with other organisms with spikes and/or proboscis. And back into the Evolutionism action, where Pengy Cell is appearing to resemble it's future prey, as now they have cillia! Cillia may seem out of place on an amoeba, but there are several cells with them, including two which were used for consumption! First there was the Thumbs, who are herbivores, and ones with no sense of strategy or mind, as they were stupidly eating seaweeds while they were being eaten themselves by Pengy Cells. And the other is the Pumpkins, who are carnivores that prey on anything except their brethren, the Thumbs. Well, they found themselves head to head with a predator (Pengy Cell) and they were so dirtily cowardly they swam off and got their buttocks moleculluar eaten first. The Pengy Cells had a preferance of jaws and filters, but they decided to give the proboscis a shot after eating some Nosy cell (get it XD). The Pengy Cells kind of do look like Nosies now that they have a jet and a proboscis! And with more cellar meteorites raining down, the Pengy Cells will make friends and enemies!

Chapter 4: Exolutionism Act 3

You know how in cartoons characters get electricuted and all that happens is they turn black? Well, in reality, getting electrified will burn you to a crispity crunchity (burned) butterfinger! And thank the god that penguins are no longer electrical! They temporarily were, however, when in the rock pool, because after killing some Buzzie organisms, the penguins figured they could evolve into #SUPERBUZZIES. But that antic was over when they realized things were not like how it is in some media, where people respect you for beating cytoplasm out of them, and had to narrowly escape Needle Buzzies as well as regular Buzzies to make the Needle Buzzies look frightening. It was in this order: needle, regular, needle, needle, regular, needle, regular, needle, needle, needle, needle, needle, needle, needle, needle, needle. Needle Buzzies would have looked frightening enough on their own, as they can singe cells three times as fast, can smolder two at once, can do it quicker than Buzzies, and have a spike in their oral cavity.

Chapter 5: Legs

Well, here we are at a sandy beach, and the Pengy Cells are there, too. And there are Moother cells laying eggs, which are being quickly eaten by Pengy Cells. Hey, not their fault, I also ate an unborn animal: I had an omelet for breakfast! And with comet bits as frequent as veggies in stew, this is a Panspermian tale for sure! And no more big cells to terrorize the Pengy Cells any longer, they are the underdogs, they are the new kids, they are: the massive cells. But there are giant epic cells here and there, so this is going to be like Jurassic Park combined with King Kong, though at a small scale! And pore herbivores, watching these moments of woo. The Moothers are swallowing the seaweed rings whole, and the Jetfoos are zooming through the bacteria chunks. And as plants continue to grow, the Moothers continue to consume them. But the Pengy Cells ate like Pengy Hell, consuming all the organisms in it's path, even the ones that nipped them. And it was this time when the Pengy Cells evolved legs, and swam up to land. That is how the penguins came to be!

Trivia

• The story takes place during the Precambrian and Archean eras, considering the fact that every character is nothing but a single celled organism (with a few multi celled exceptions).
• A strategic action browser game based on the events of this is in production. IOS and Android ports are also expected to be released.
• In Peng.io, it is like Pac-Man, but analouge and fluid to resemble these events. The mobile ports are expected to resemble Tasty Planet.
• There is a meme called "Moother and Foother are mating". It is a gif of a Moother and Foother amoeba fusing, and then splitting, revealing a third smaller cell that looks like both, as the Moother and Foother had a child. The child is scientifically named "Mooth Footh", but the memers just call him Temmeh.
• Although this is the shortest story I have written, it actually goes over billions of years until the end, like how it would in reality.
• Another meme has formed, a video of a Pengy Cell bumping into an herbivorous cell, which causes the herbivore to mumble and it plays dramatic music.
• The water during the footage of these events is red and green, but this makes no sense as water in Antarctica ranges from light blue to dark blue.
• In order to not get yelled at because of scientific inaccuracy, I need to admit: this is not on cellular level, if it was, there would be no plants or flesh chunks, and those are both formed of tissues which cells make up. Therefore, the penguins were clearly evolved from cells, then zooplankton, then to penguins.
• In addition, the cells are not translucent near the end, therefore, the penguins evolved from cells, then zooplankton, then fish, then penguins.
• A third meme has been formed from the footage of this story, considering fishnets are in the water. "Therefore, there were tribes at the Precambrian and Archean eras, but scientists just do not know!"
• In the final chapter, the only proof the person commentating this had that it was a beach is the water was a murky orange.
• Pengy Cells are bad... boys. Here is my proof:
• A Pengy Cell zapped a giant Puffer and killed it as if it was a mere predator rather than a gargantuan predator.
• Amusingly, when the Pengy Cells temporarily had spikes, one was caught on camera poking the eyes out of a giant Ducky. It then comically slowly swam off as if it was merely bitten. From then, the Ducky has never opened it's eyelids again, which somehow made it indestructible to kill
• A giant Puncturer cell got a taste of it's own medicine while the Pengy Cells still had spikes, and again, the Pengy Cells just reacted like it was a mere predator.
• A giant Snorf was killed by a Pengy Cell with a proboscis. The Pengy Cell took centuries to drain the fluid out of the corpse. This is how the Pengy Cell became the first to make it to land, and the one who is most strictly a carnivore, obviously.