Penstubal

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A RAT
 
— Penstubal in Good Morning, Penstubal

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John Patrick Penstubal
John Patrick Penstubal
General
Born Jovan Patrik Penstubal
December 8, 2001 (2001-24-08) (age 17)
NationalistSnowinyFlag.png Winsburg, Snowiny
Characteristics
Species Penguin
Race Emperor Penguin
Gender Male
Faction
Residence ShopsIslandFlag2013.png Shops Island
NewRoMIFlag.png Moon Island
Citizenship NewUnitedProvincesFlag.png United Provinces
Nationality Snowinian
Profession
Occupation President of Moon Island
Mayor of Wizzint
Leader of the Liberal Democratic Party
CEO of the Penstubal Post
Professor at University of Moon Island, Wizzint
Years Active 2018-present
Political Career
Mayor of Wizzint
March 17, 2030 – May 27, 2036
President of Moon Island
May 27, 2036 – 2044
Predecessor
Dps04
Successor
Dps05
John Patrick Penstubal's signature

John Patrick Penstubal (/ˈpenstubəl/ PEHN-stoo-buhl, pronunciation), often known as Pens or Stubal, is a Snowinn and Shopper journalist, author, political theorist and politician who hatched in Winsburg, United Provinces on 24 August 2001. He currently lives in Wizzint in Moon Island, which he used to be a mayor of from 2030 until 2036, just a few years after he emigrated to Shops Island and acquired Shopper citizenship. He was hatched with the Serbian name Jovan Patrik Penstubal, a name he decided to anglicize a few years after moving abroad. His wife is Elizabeth Donna Joyce, also known as Scrubette. He is the CEO of the Penstubal Post.

He was hatched in Snowiny, a country devastated by civil war, in 2001. His family was rather poor, and after the civil war ended and democracy was restored, his parents decided to try to prepare Penstubal as much as possible for the future and get him to study as hard as possible in order to enroll into a good university and have a successful career. They were not too successful in doing that as during his teenage years, Penstubal was too preoccupied by his own personal interests, caring only about school subjects he was interested in and completely disregarding mathematics, physics and others, and was also quite lonely with nobody to confide to and nobody to hang around with.

That is when his loneliness inspired him to write stories and poetry, which he first started doing around age 16. His writing talent was immediately noticed by some professors. He wrote a lot of works, which he earned great grades for, which in turn helped him get greater grades in other subjects, and at age 18 he was accepted into the University of Wizzint. He graduated from the University of Wizzint at age 22 with a master's degree (Master of Arts) and he got Shopper citizenship. He started teaching linguistics at the University of Wizzint quickly upon his graduation.

His writing career did not start and many notable works were written during his seven-year teaching career. In 2030 he was elected mayor of Wizzint. He was extraordinarily popular as a mayor and he decided to go a step further by running for President in 2036. He got elected President of the young Republic of Moon Island, when he established himself as a serious politician. In 2040 he was elected to a second term in office.

He is a very active personality politically speaking and always has been. He considers himself an independent and rather moderate, though he espouses various both leftist and right wing views (although primarily considered a classical liberal) and is a great nationalist, fighting hard for his country to remain independent after the Shops Civil War, during which Shops Island completely collapsed. He is a staunch critic of society and societal norms and ideals.

He is a renowned author across Moon Island and his books are known by virtually every well-read citizen. His so far most notable work is "Salt and the City", a book written late in his life in 2074, in which he offers a sharp rebuke of social assimilation and society in general through a detailed and lengthy description of his personal life and experiences. "Salt and the City" is also his most controversial work and is an international bestseller and later came to be regarded as a literary classic.

Biography[edit]

Penstubal snowball fighting in Club Penguin

Early Years[edit]

Penstubal hatched in Winsburg, Snowiny on 24 August 2001 to father Tadija (Thaddeus) and mother Marija (Mary) Penstubal. He did not spend much time with friends when he was young - his parents tried to bond him with other children, to no avail - those friends were either not according to his taste or would bully him and treat him, as he would later recall, 'as a carpet'. His isolation at a young age might have contributed to the same at an older age. Still, his early childhood years were rather innocent. He would often hang outside and he would have fun with his toys. He was once bought Armo blocks as a birthday present and he immediately got to work on building the best creations possible - this led to his later fascination with Blockcraft.

School Years[edit]

His isolation continued into primary and middle school, even when he moved out of Snowiny to Wizzint, Moon Island. He had no fun in middle school and recalled he would be the only one who was always alone, all the time, and who had no fun experiences to share with other people. This made his life boring and him slightly depressive - but he managed to find an interest in examining languages and culture. His interest in languages grew and with it came an interest in literature and in writing. He also quickly became deeply interested in politics and psychology, and would often squabble with complete strangers, usually from other countries, on Chitter.

He began writing around age 16 and 17 and his interest for writing has not gone unnoticed - this would later prove to be essential in order for him to be able to successfully enroll in the Faculty of Philology of the University of Wizzint. He had almost perfect grades and came to love the city of Wizzint, which he wrote a poem called "Ode to Wizzint" for in which he celebrates Wizzint's enormous skyscrapers which he calls 'my friends'. This poem became very popular in Wizzint and surrounding areas.

During his teen years, he was part of the Fanon Character Gang and became one of the more important members of the group, the Scientific Lead. He was the greatest scientist in the gang, which says a lot considering he never did science in his life.

Teaching Years[edit]

He graduated Wizzint University and immediately managed to find a job as its professor. He later recalled he found it 'very strange' that as soon as he graduated university he immediately returned back to that same university in order to be able to work there. Nevertheless he really enjoyed his teaching job, and later also decided to take up journalism. He founded the Penstubal Post, a news organization which was obviously biased in favor of Penstubal, at the end of the decade. He would later use the Penstubal Post to harass his 'enemies for life', Chill57181, The Ed and Penquino.

In the meantime, he wrote various short stories such and poems, some of them celebrating Shops Island, which he travelled all over during the summer of 2024. His heart would be torn apart a year later when it became clear Shops was going to collapse. Out of fear for his safety, in late 2025, he fled Moon Island for Candvia, where he stayed for over a year before finally returning to Wizzint and continuing his teaching job.

Upon his return to Wizzint, he felt he had come to a completely new land, which in a way it was as Shops Island had fallen in a terrible civil war. He immediately decided to get deeply politically involved. Most Moon Island citizens still identified as Shopper, so he immediately got to work on forging a new Moon Islandic national identity. He wrote poems such as "My Homeland" and "The Coast of Gold", which became instant hits and became revered across the country. His works helped forge the national identity of Moon Island and secure its status as an independent state - he fought hard against foreign influence such as Snowzerland and Zhou, two countries he staunchly criticized in both his poems, calling them the 'murderers of liberty'.

From 2057 to 2059, he spent 31 months writing his thus far greatest work, the novel "The Penguin Comedy". His novel was a huge success though not quite as big as he wanted it to be, being a person who was obsessed with everything being perfect and who could never deal with anything that wasn't perfect. Later in life, at an older age, he would criticize "The Penguin Comedy" and call it "completely stupid" and a "useless, worthless piece of crap of a book". He didn't hate any of his works as much as he hated "The Penguin Comedy", most likely because he actually read that one.

First Mayorship[edit]

He quit his teaching job in 2030 in order to run for mayor of Wizzint. He campaigned all over the city and successfully convinced the people to support his agenda - he was very popular because of his poems in which he described his love for Wizzint and Moon Island at the time. He won the mayoral elections with a significant margin. His mayoral years were considered slightly successful - he managed to pass many important laws, but at first he was slightly unpopular because he had no experience and could not cooperate well with other officials of the Wizzint government.

His mayoral years marked the peak of his rivalry with Chill and Penquino. The four people, whom he would call the "The Mischievous Duo" or "Two Lame Dodos", would prank him almost every week. Some of their pranks and fights can be seen in the controversies section. Despite how often they fight, they seldom ever meet each other. He visited Chill Island in 2032 to have a pie thrown into his face by Chill, just one of the events which would make him furious and resentful towards Chill for his entire life.

Penstubal holding a book he obviously hasn't read

In 2034, in a major prank, he lost the mayoral elections to somebody Penstubal randomly decided to accuse of being The Ed (simply because he was a close friend of Chill, perhaps) in a landslide. That somebody resigned out of boredom just 2 days after taking office and decided to give the position to Penstubal. Penstubal was happy he got his position back, but he was not satisfied with just being mayor. No, he wanted to do far bigger things and make lasting impact on the country and decided to run for president, an idea many called foolish, with a conservative political commentator exclaiming that "he should just stick to his little fantasies". He scored 2nd place in the first round of the Moon Island presidential election, winning 24% of the vote to his 61-year-old liberal conservative opponent's 39%, before winning the second round of the election with 53% of the vote to his opponent's 47%.

Presidency[edit]

His victory was a shocker to many, especially north Moon Island, which voted overwhelmingly for Penstubal's opponent (except for Norholm, which voted almost 100% for Penstubal). His opponent demanded a recount, which ended up in Penstubal gaining an additional 33 votes. His first year was, just like his first mayoral year, bad. His approval rating fell to 27% by the end of the first year but recovered to 45% in the second year and 53% in the third year.

He argued for a non-interventionist and libertarian internal policy and closer integration with other countries in Antarctica while at the same time keeping Moon Island's sovereignty and ensuring it is not trampled on by any other country. He was slightly unsuccessful in foreign policy - although he managed to strengthen the Shops Union, he failed to achieve his goal of having the Republic of Moon Island join the Western Union he so passionately adored.

His internal policy has been a mix of both success and failure - some of his initiatives to reduce the size of the government have succeeded but more radical ones guaranteeing nearly total individual liberty have failed. He also attempted to ban pranking and trolling just days after he was inaugurated - that failed as Chill, Ed and Penquino entered the Moon Island legislature to filibuster and managed to get the vote to swing against banning pranking and trolling.

He was re-elected with 51% of the vote in 2040. In 2044 he was obsessed with a desire to run for a third term, which ultimately he did not do due to heavy pressure from his government as his predecessor Dps04 didn't run for a third term. Regardless, he became the third most popular president after his second term ended.

Post-Presidency[edit]

He was bored with life and fell into depression after his second term ended. He did not know what to do for 2 years. He spent two years after his presidency ended bickering with Ed, Chill57181, and Penquino, as well as going on business trips to Magonia, where he would often hang out with Slender, and visit members of his family who remained in Winsburg, the city he originally came from. He was bored and at the end of his second year was extremely depressed and was breaking down mentally, although Brant, who became a very close friend of his and whom he really started appreciating for his friendship and positivism, came to his aid and helped him get back on his feet.

However, he chose to do things differently. He decided to spend the rest of his days not resting and watching television with his twenty puffles at home, but rather, he decided to do everything he did as a young man - he became a professor at the University of Wizzint again and continued interacting with the four who have annoyed him and pestered him so much over the decades! He even began contemplating running for mayor of Wizzint once again in 2050 before he decided against it.

Second Mayorship[edit]

In 2054, he changed his mind and decided to run for mayor of Wizzint. He won 55% of the vote and began serving his city once again. He would later, in his memoirs he published in 2073, recall how being president was much, much more stressful than being a mayor and how he wouldn't recommend being president to anybody. He explicitly called it torture and that you were responsible for every single thing that happens in people's lives (or maybe it was just him?).

In 2058 he won yet another term as mayor of Wizzint. He was bored of being a mayor, however, and decided not to run for a third term in 2062. Instead, he chose to spend the substantial amount of money he acquired on personal trips and spending the rest of his days joyfully and in peace. Of course, the so-called Mischevious Four would not let him have that joy and they would prank each other nearly every other day. Penstubal in 2065 was so furious at Ed's pranks he wanted to fight him - he flew to Ed's house, attempted to punch him, and that ultimately failed - Penstubal was carried out on a stretcher to the hospital, was operated on and stayed there for four weeks.

Penstubal riding a boat off the coast of Wizzint

Personality[edit]

Penstubal has a very strange personality and is prone to changing his opinion very often and very quickly. Although he is very compassionate, he is mildly narcissistic and has a substantially big ego, always yearning to put himself in the spotlight, make himself famous and always afraid of any criticism. His political positions also show he despises almost all authority and that he is a very rebellious person. He is also known for being shy and timid, though he stops short of calling himself an introvert.

He is characterized by people like Chill57181 as being humourless, to which he jokingly responded that he isn't humourless, but rather only likes his own humour. He received no laughs upon saying this, further demonstrating Chill's point. He would often get furious at people, rant at them and tell them to just cut off all relations with him if they hate him, but when they actually do it like Ed did (and partially still is), he gets whiny after 7 minutes. He calls people he doesn't like 'melonheads', a term of unknown origin, with Chill57181 being the biggest melonhead of them all.

What most people have noticed is that he is endlessly persevering and never lets anything go no matter how long ago something took place. His criticism of society and social expectations is mirrored in his persistent, uncompromising and stubborn attitude. When he eventually does cave in to society, he does it in such a way he can claim that he never caved in in the first place (when it is obvious to others he did). He finds it extremely hard to accept defeat, instead opting to continue battles to the extreme.

Penstubal has been described as a person who has a lot of contradicting views, and for this he has been accused of being a man without any real principles. In reality, he publicly does the role of a populist and mostly pretends in public to be with a certain side in order to advance his own political cause, while privately he does not really care at all about ideology and, while sometimes personally identifying as a libertarian, does not really restrict himself to a single one - he prefers to take balanced, nuanced views on various different subjects. He was described both as anti-rich and, conversely, anti-poor, he has been described as both pro-equality and anti-equality, and is a strong elitist and person who identifies as an intellectual, while also often casually deriding intellectuals and calling them out-of-touch snobs. All those stances do seem to be conflicting with each other, but in reality they are not and privately he does not pick sides and what he does in public is only a show to advance his own interests.

Appearance[edit]

Penstubal is a black-feathered penguin who almost always wears his signature blue propeller cap, though he sometimes wears a very old and valuable viking helmet he inherited from his parents and which has been in the family for over 1000 years. Penstubal is, however, obsessed with his blue propeller cap and considers it his signature item. Political opponents often mock him for wearing it, stating he never takes his job seriously, and Penstubal, in his defense, says "the people that paid you to say that wear anniversary hats and 3D glasses so you're not in a position to criticize me for not being serious".

Penstubal would occasionally don his signature orange T-shirt with a yellow star on it. He almost never wears shoes, seeing he doesn't need them - he would only wear brown shoes for very formal occasions. He almost never wears a business or politician's suit (he only did one portrait with a suit), and during meetings he wears either a white or a red shirt. He does not wear glasses and he has good eyesight despite spending a lot of time in front of the computer and television.

He is a rather skinny person and eats mostly unhealthy food such as burgers, pizza and hotdogs. He has a pretty moderate case of scoliosis, which caused him some major back problems later in his life.

Political Views[edit]

He does not identify with any single ideology, instead calling himself an independent but also "broadly libertarian" and "neither of the left-wing nor of the right", but even he agrees that in reality he's probably more aligned with the libertarian left. He believes in a helpful government that assists poor citizens as long as they are willing to work, but he's also expressed views against what he calls a 'nanny state'. He is highly critical of modern feminism and political correctness, stating that it is for people who "need safe spaces as they are unable to hear views other than their own", and he's also critical of the Freezestonian minority rights movement, as well as minority movements generally (despite literally himself leading one), and came under fire during his presidency for his comments that the Freezestonians in Moon Island are "spoiled, privileged slackers". He strongly supports small business while being fervently against large corporations, has a particular disdain for rich people, although he does not admire the poor that much either, and is particularly supportive of environmental regulations. He believes both capitalism and socialism failed penguinkind.

He supports the Western Union project despite being slightly anti-globalist, even unsuccessfully campaigning for the Republic of Moon Island to join it during his presidency - his idea to join the Western Union never gained any traction whatsoever. Instead, he worked on improving the Shops Union - a project which Moon Island was the most powerful member of - and supported new international trade agreements, stating that international trade is 'vital for our existence'.

He is strictly opposed to authoritarianism and during his presidency he publicly refused to collaborate with authoritarian nations (a notable exception was Acadia under Brant Esser solely for the fact that he was his friend). He was a target of two assassination attempts by Snowzerland and Zhou, most notably just 17 days since his presidency began in 2036. Both assassination attempts that were carried out against him failed completely and the two countries gave up on their mission to kill Penstubal. After his assassination attempts, he sought closer ties with the Western Union - his anti-authoritarian views were further strengthened by those attempts. He was called a hypocrite multiple times, however, because of his support of authoritarian leaders such as Brant Esser, which he explains through their shared disdain towards Chill57181.

In the past, specifically the 2020s and early 2030s, he was a leftist and was known as one of the most radical left wingers in the new Republic of Moon Island. In the early 2030s, his political views became much more reasonable and nuanced and repeatedly expressed how embarrassed he was because of his former self.

Penstubal's Carmine House private residence near Wizzint

Residence[edit]

He has two private residences - the Carmine House in Wizzint and the house his parents left for him in Winsburg, Snowiny, which he seldom visits. He spends most of his days in the Carmine House and when he was mayor he was barely ever at the mayor's residence. He always preferred the Carmine House due to its 'beautiful red color' and its 'humility'. His Carmine House was destroyed in 2041 by vandals armed with watermelons - Penstubal ordered its reconstruction that lasted for two and a half years and made it an even better residence than before. He spent a big sum of his money into the reconstruction that was actually a much needed one as Penstubal didn't update his house in over a decade, and he accumulated a much bigger wealth in the meantime.

The house has a rather fancy, traditional Moon Islandic design. His furniture is old fashioned and a lot of his furniture, including his cuckoo clock, is inherited from his parents, Thaddeus and Mary, who have been in possession of the furniture since inheriting it from their own parents George and Hannah before their marriage. Penstubal keeps the furniture he inherited from his parents not only because it reminds him of his childhood, but also because he loves old furniture and everything older and has a severe case of nostalgia for things he was never even part of or got to experience.

Involvement[edit]

He is known for his affection for sticking his nose into every single thing and for his attempts to get involved in every little private matter, no matter how private it is and how much it does not affect him. He is therefore deeply involved in almost everything in Antarctica and is a member of various organizations, charities, conferences, groups and more. He travels around the world almost every few days to attend summits and meet people. Places he goes to the most include Candvia, the United Provinces, Margate, Magonia, Tropicalis and Club Penguin, the last one being his favorite place in Antarctica.

Family[edit]

Penstubal's personal flag, also adopted as his family's flag

His parents are Thaddeus and Mary Penstubal. He has a very long and distant lineage. It is unknown where and when his family originated, but some internal family sources say it started in the 10th century under a different name and that by the 15th century it took the name Penstubal. He has two sides of his family - the Candvian and Snowinn sides - both of which claim their country is the country the family originated from. A DNA test Pens took shows his family most likely descends from Candvia but that he himself has more Snowinn blood than Candvian blood. He was fascinated by his DNA test and decided to go to Ventides to give a speech about it.

According to Mary's personal diary, Thaddeus and Mary met at a party held at the Ventides shipyard. They talked to each other and found out they were both Snowinn, which cheered them up and led them to have a conversation in their native languages. Just a day later they would start relaxing together and having fun in strange ways, and they quickly became boyfriend and girlfriend. Thaddeus married her just 4 months into their relationship, leading to Mary leaving him. They accidentally met again on another dock, this time in Dolphinas, a few months later, and they couldn't resist each other's charm and they immediately agreed to marry each other - the wedding took place a month after this event.

He has 2 brothers and 1 sisters - his brothers are James and Thomas and his sister is Alice. His father Thaddeus has 2 brothers - Stephen and Lucas - and his mother Mary has 1 sister and 1 brother - Fiona and Charles. His grandparents are William and Donna (his father's side) and Ralph and Matilda (his mother's side). He has many more cousins scattered across the world. Most of his family members never came with him to Moon Island, and instead visit him occasionally.

He also has seven puffles, all of whom he considers his 'best friends' and 'closest family members'. The seven puffles are: Ted (red), Henry (blue), Jenna (pink), Cadence (purple), Da Vinci (yellow), Chill (orange) and Slender (white). What's weird is that they often troll him and use his sensitivity to harm him and his plans, and sometimes without any remorse whatsoever, meaning that his love for his puffles isn't really reciprocated and that the puffles couldn't care less about him - they just want to have fun!

Symbols[edit]

Penstubal in 2018 designed a flag to represent himself and his family. He describes it as follows: "a blue-white-blue vertical of 2:3 proportions, a yellow fortress coupled with a black bird defending said fortress in the white canvas. Blue represents Penstubal's aversion to change in the face of society's demands, white represents his peacefulness and complete innocence, the fort represents his home, or symbolically his heart, an impenetrable fortress representing his obstinate way of life - yellow represents his libertarian ideals, and the bird is he - the proud defender of the fortress, the bird's black represents something scary, mysterious and terrifying, symbolically an angry bird defensive of its territory".

He also set an official flag code for his flag - a flag code bearing the Latin name Modus Officialis Pendendi Vexilii Paenstubalis Eiusque Familiae, meaning "The Official Way of Hanging the Flag of Penstubal and His Family". It dictates that the flag must never touch the ground and that the flag must be disposed of properly - it has to be properly folded prior to tossing into the trash can. The flag must flied at half mast when Penstubal is in a salty spree, or alternatively turned upside down in case it is not on a pole, symbolizing a state of distress. Flag burning is a "form of defecation on the flag", as crudely described by Penstubal, and as such is punishable by Penstubal salting at you for the next few hours.

Penstubal's enemies scoff at his flags by calling it the "Bawk Bawk Flag" or the "Chicken Flag", even though the bird on the flag is not a chicken. Penstubal later amended the flag code to prohibit insulting names.

Faction[edit]

Penstubal has repeatedly said he belongs to no party and expressed staunch opposition to the idea of political parties, stating that "historically, political parties have torn nations apart and the moment political parties were made everybody started going crazy". He argued that in a perfect world there should be no political parties as they divide people into factions and force them against one another and prevent any normal and reasonable discourse. Despite this, he founded a political party in order to get elected president of Moon Island (the Liberal Democratic Party). Once he became president he resigned from that party and argued for making parties illegal, a move blasted for being highly hypocritical by his opponents.

Penstubal campaigning for President in 2036

He has been a target of contempt by all sorts of parties for his refusal to join any party despite how similar his views are to the members' of those parties. He would often send angry replies to messages inviting him to join the party, cussing at the person who sent him the message and telling him that he serves a corrupt apparatus. Since the 2040s, any messages sent to him inviting him to join a faction made him furious - some used this to troll him.

Controversies[edit]

Penstubal is notorious for having had many fights with other people and for having a scandalous political career. This is a result of him being very easy to provoke, and his constant screaming telling people to stop trolling him only had the opposite effect of everybody want to troll him very badly. His own voters trolled him multiple times by sneaking into his Carmine House at night and spraying his face pink, something that took him several hours in the shower to clean up. That is just one of such controversies:

Fight with Chill57181[edit]

Penstubal once was on a business visit to Magonia when a few penguins decided to travel to Wizzint, order 10,000 melons on Penstubal's name, and vandalize his house with said melons.

Penstubal returned to Wizzint just 2 days later to find his mansion completely covered in melons, with various police squadrons already having been deployed. Penstubal was furious and screamed in agony. He would then storm into the mayoral residence despite it being covered in completely covered in melons and after falling several times and covering himself entirely in melon juice he at last managed to reach his phone, call Chill57181 and yell emalfs at him, assuming he did it. Chill was very confused and had no knowledge of the prank, but Penstubal did not care to hear and he just threw the phone out of the window. Although he dreamt of getting revenge he never carried anything out (despite calling Chill57181 almost every day to tell him he will pay for his actions).

This incident came to surface next year and it severely damaged Penstubal's approval ratings.

A portrait of Penstubal by a Tropicalian artist

Neo-Naughtzee[edit]

Official residence of the mayor of Wizzint

One day, Penstubal freaked out randomly and made the decision that The Ed is a Neo-Naughtzee and decided to publicly issue a statement condemning him for being one. The statement, once it was published, was mocked and ridiculed by many penguins. A few of them decided to vandalize his majestic, red Carmine House residence with the infamous Neo-Naughtzee K2 symbols. They did everything they possibly could to instill the Neo-Naughtzee symbol into every single corner of the house - they drew under the carpets, they arranged plates in the shape of the symbol, they drew over the wall, they drew Whoot Smackler Whoot moustaches on all portraits of Penstubal and even placed targets with a high penguin's face with darts on it on the walls.

Once Penstubal came to the Carmine House, he was shocked and screamed in agony. Next thing he knew, reporters arrived and a scandal immediately broke out in which Penstubal was accused of being a Neo-Naughtzee and seeking to destroy all high penguins, leaving him to explain himself in front of reporters.

Relations[edit]

Friendly[edit]

  • Scrubette - He considers Scrubette his soulmate and they are married later on in their lives. Scrubette becomes Penstubal's closest friend and comforts him in the toughtest of times.
  • Dps04 - He considers Dps one of his "best friends", often praising him for being a great guy and really cool.
  • Hat Pop - He considers Hat a friend of his, and praises her as a great ninja. He offered her the role of Vice President in 2036, which she declined, stating she does not want to get involved in politics.
  • Snowstormer - He considers Snowstormer a bet, though they bicker often and prank each other quite a lot.
  • Brant - He also forged a friendship with Acadia's president, praising him as a great leader. Lately, he came to criticize him for his dramatic seizure of power in Acadia and suppression of leftist parties, stating "that's not how you run a democracy". However, the two retained a close friendship regardless of their personal convictions. Penstubal admires Brant and his altruism, and Brant sees Penstubal as one of the global leaders in the "anti-Da Illuminati movement".
  • Wikipenguino45 - Penstubal and Wikipenguino had a meeting before and he called him an outstanding person. Penstubal praised his father's "excellent leadership" of Tropicalis in a visit to Tropicapolis. Penstubal and Wikipenguino45 talk often, particularly about the Western Union, which they both support.
  • Slender - Penstubal and Slender are very close friends, despite the latter's authoritarian beliefs and aristocratic way of life. Their relations are pretty much the same as between Penstubal and Brant - they both disagree on various political issues yet they admire each other and are close friends with each other. Slender donated to Penstubal's presidential campaign in 2036, and Penstubal got successfully elected to the presidency of the Republic of Moon Island in part due to Slender's financial support.
  • Bobbie Wood - Penstubal's old childhood friend who always makes Penstubal laugh and feel good. They often drink tea together and watch WaddleTube videos and hang out in restaurants in Wizzint.
  • Jolly Timmy - Being on the founding fathers of the Republic of Moon Island, Jolly Timmy got to spend a lot of time with future president Penstubal and later served in his government as an unpaid advisor. Penstubal and Jolly Timmy have known each other ever since they were first introduced to each other by Bobbie Wood, and Jolly Timmy became one of Penstubal's few best friends for life.
  • Mr. Morty - Despite the fact Penstubal crashed a bus into his burger place, Mr. Morty considers him a great friend and Penstubal hangs out often at his burger place, together with Bobbie Wood and Jolly Timmy, his two greatest friends.

Neutral[edit]

Penstubal, naked ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • Brook Edward LasVegas - He and Brook met before. After their first and only meeting, the only comment he gave was that "it went fine, we agreed on some things". After the Shops Civil War and the revelation that Brook Edward LasVegas was an imposter of real Brookelas, he condemned Brook Edward LasVegas.
  • David Franklin - He met with Djf a few times but they didn't talk too much. He considers him an "okay guy". During the Shops Civil War, Penstubal was passionately against both sides of the war, including Djf's side, but in spite of that decided to stick by Djf till the end in describing him as a "great person, who is actually misunderstood and just wants the best for his country" in an attempt to rationalize the evil he's committed even though Penstubal was opposed to it.
  • Miron - Miron and Penstubal used to be best friends in 2013. Lately, they haven't interacted much and didn't hang out much, but they are still fine. Things got out of hand when he privately called his wife 'a moron for loving a moron', after which Miron screamed "AAA" and his wife said ".". Miron is known to annoy Penstubal very often.

Unfriendly[edit]

  • The Ed - Penstubal has pretty bad relations with Ed and claims that Ed constantly pranks him. Despite this, Ed claims that he has never personally met Penstubal. Penstubal also claims, for some reason, that Ed ran for mayor of Wizzint against him in 2034 and cost Penstubal the mayoral elections, having won 88% of the vote. This never happened, but Penstubal wrote about this in his novel Salt and the City anyway.
  • Penquino - CK and Pens have a long history of conflicts together. Penstubal considers him bossy and a liar, which he commonly says in public. He condemned his role as the governor of Southern Shops, stating his governorship was a disaster for Southern Shops and claiming power doesn't belong in his hands. Penstubal and CK's opposition often claim he is a dictator. Penstubal often calls himself right in calling CK a dictator and a disaster, saying he would have done a much better job, and since his presidency of Moon Island ended he would often point out how disastrous CK was a governor and asked people to imagine what it would be like if he were president. Their rivalry is on a rather personal level, and Penquino often spews insults at Penstubal and vandalizes his belongs, moves that tend to cause a fight between them.
  • Chill57181 - Chill and Pens are known to be rivals since 2015 and maybe even earlier due to Penstubal's friendship with Miron and Snowstormer. Penstubal, in a interview, was once asked about his opinion of Chill's vice presidency. He said he was a bad vice president but nevertheless believed he would probably be better for Shops than Lavender because of Lavender's "disastrous foreign policy". He, nevertheless, condemns him as a leader, stated power shouldn't go in his hands.
  • Swiss Ninja - He condemns his aggressive, tyrannical leadership of Snowzerland as brutal and went as far as to state he is not fit to be leader of even his own house or his own town.
  • EDFan12345 - He finds EDFan pushy, intimidating and aggressive, and believes his leadership of Ed Island has been a disaster and that he introduced 'fascism to the country'. He lambasted Ed for his domineering attitude. He, however, never met EDFan in person and EDFan never replied to Penstubal's criticism. He expressed his contempt for him.
  • Herbert - Penstubal had an encounter with Herbert once and the two hate each other since then. Penstubal once foiled Herbert's plan to increase the heat in Club Penguin in order to be able to conquer it and make his tropical paradise, making Herbert really angry and enthusiastic for revenge, which he would try against him in Wizzint a few decades later, which ultimately failed as the Moon Island army was quick to respond to the threat.
  • Lavender - He met with Lavender personally a few times before. He praised his strong leadership in domestic policy but condemned his foreign policy filled with wars. In an interview on 23 June 2017, he praised Lavender's "extraordinary and amazing leadership" while blasting his opponents and his vice president Chill. Relations between the two deteriorated severely ever since the Penstubal Post was first published.
  • Mironica - Penstubal and Mironica used to be friends and according to Penstubal in his book Salt and the City, the two kissed and had a relationship that lasted for a few hours before Penstubal decided to dump her, leaving her on the floor crying. She hated Penstubal since that day, and Penstubal later showed contempt towards her as well, calling her a gold digger and insulting her for being Miron's girlfriend. Penstubal calls her "the dumbest person I've ever seen in my life, you have to talk to her to realize how dumb she is, you will lose a couple of brain cells in the process". Mironica likewise insults Penstubal and supports Chill and Penquino in their trolls against Penstubal, calling him a "salty little scrub".
  • Simon McClark - Simon McClark considers Penstubal to be a nuisance and Penstubal constantly criticizes McClark, both his character and his presidency of the United Provinces. Penstubal claims that McClark destroyed a "once proud nation by surrendering to Shopper fascism and effectively becoming their puppet", and he accused McClark of tearing apart the Western Union, which he believes should evolve into a true federation of penguins united in the struggle against Chill's agenda of global conquest, a federation that would respect the freedoms of all its individuals and be counter to the totalitarian agenda supposedly promoted by the Axle Powers. McClark dismisses Penstubal's criticism and often refuses to talk about him by name as he considers him insignificant. Penstubal was arrested a few times throwings eggs, frogs, pies, milk, flour and melons at McClark, whom he considers Chill's and Chad Thunderbeak's puppet.

Discography[edit]

Main article: Penstubal discography

Aside from trying to become a popular author, a professor and a linguist he also tried to take up singing and songwriting. He launched his singing career in 2023 along with Marsey Coder, an attempt which ended up to be a total failure. Penstubal stopped singing and songwriting by 2025 but he still has good relations with Marsey Coder, whom he hangs out with often. His songs were called "total crap" by many critics, and Chill57181 mocked him for having such a disastrous music career.

"Snowiny Boy Swag" was perhaps his most disastrous song yet as it was just "Snowiny Boy Swag" being repeated over and over to a very stupid beat. He sang and played "Snowiny Boy Swag" at a city square in Wizzint, in front of a crowd of 400 teenage girls, all of whom left the city square just a minute later and started screaming and crying tears that definitely were not of joy. Penstubal was humiliated by this disastrous performance and vowed to never sing ever again.

After those few years of searching for something new by making rap songs, he decided to return to his high school passion of writing poems, and he continued to write poems until the day he died. His poems were published in local newspapers and some famous Moon Island singers even sang some of his poems - he was annoyed with some of them and was reportedly irate and shouted at his wife once in order to vent out his anger at how his song was sung and how it was not according to the melody and rhythm he had envisioned. Of course, he got into fights this way - people would often attack him and call him 'the most complicated person ever' for not being able to appreciate the fact somebody even tried to put his poems to melody. He was extremely furious when somebody made a rock version of his Hymn of the Scrubs, despite of the fact it was done by people supportive of him.

Gallery[edit]

Quotes[edit]

  • "STOP VANDALIZING MY LOO"
  • "STOP VANDALIZING WIZZINT WITH POO"
  • "I SWEAR, THOSE PEOPLE WILL JUST DO ANYTHING TO ANGER ME, WOULD THEY? I was a perfectly fine mayor, and they suddenly decided to send in Ed and ruin everything for me! THEY DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THIS CITY, WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS? WHY IS HE RUNNING FOR MAYOR? THEY COULD HAVE SENT LEONARD LEE AGAIN, I DON’T MIND HIM, HE ISN’T RUNNING AS A JOKE!" (Salt and the City)
  • "So, Shops is collapsing, and here I am, not caring." (Salt and the City)
  • "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A RAT" (Good Morning, Penstubal)
  • "A DOZEN WILD PUFFLES DOMESTICATED BY PENSTUBAL HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED INTO CHILL’S CULT" (Good Morning, Penstubal)
  • "i love you guys, always have always will"
  • "I'm a much more humble person than you ever was and ever will be"
  • "MY DIAPER BELIEVES IN YOU"
  • "I'm the nicest person in the world; I'm nice to you even when I am angry as heck"

Chitter[edit]

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 17 December 2017
AAAAAAAAAAA HOW DO YOU USE THIS THING

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 17 December 2017
wait I got it ok

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 1 January 2018
I wish everybody, even the stinky frog-sniffers and stupid melonheads, a happy New Year! May it be a better one for us all.

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 14 January 2018
Chill is a danger to international peace and democracy. He is a threat to everything we love, cherish and have fought for as penguins, and as such he and his wicked agenda must be eliminated.

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 4 April 2018
Thank you @officialbrantesser for your suopport in the international struggle against Chill and the evil frog sniffing agenda!

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 27 May 2018
@penstubaI WITH AN I (i) NOT AN L (l) IS A FAKE ACCOUNT MADE BY CHILL AND HIS MINIONS!!!! IGNORE AND BLOCK.

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 30 August 2018
Spread this hashtag: #YesPinkNoGreen!

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 30 August 2018
This too: #SayNoToFrogSniffing

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 1 December 2018
Chad STUPID Thunderbeak, mind your own business AND LEAVE BEAUTIFUL ACADIA ALONE YOU SICKO! #JaimelAcadie #EsserPride

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 2 December 2018
Little Chad is a bad penguin. He gave Brant CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS and is a known bully. Jail is where he belongs! #LockHimUp

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 4 December 2018
I would like to clarify my last statement by saying that I fully support the rule of law and international agreements regarding penguin rights. I am fully supportive of freedom of speech for everyone, not excluding my biggest opponents, ... (1/2)

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 4 December 2018
... and support dialogue to resolve the "Achadia Crisis". Furthermore, I NEVER said that my, actually, very close friend Chad Thunderbeak is a bad penguin, nor did I ever call him "Little Chad", and I have no idea where such accusations are coming from. (2/2)

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 5 December 2018
STOP SENDING ME FAKE CHEEPS! EVERYTHING THE FROG SNIFFERS ARE SENDING ARE FAKE CHEEPS! I never said "Little Chad", PERIOD! I never lie!

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 11 January 2019
The Penstubal Post is the most reliable news organization in Antarctica.

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 11 January 2019
STOP REPLIYNG WITH LAUGH EMOJIS

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 10 February 2019
Achadia, more like CRAPCHADIA! #epicburn #serialkiller

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 10 February 2019
Why am I being accused of being a serial killer? Is this another one of those "trolls" again?

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 15 February 2019
Found this online. SO TRUE! #StopImperialism #StopBloodthirstyLav #ScrubRights
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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 20 February 2019
The blockade of #Achadistan is one of Brant Esser's GREATEST acts of bravery to date. Well done, Mister President!!! You're making Antarctica proud. Penstubal, Brant Esser, Quackerpingu, Donal Tenorio, Swiss Ninja, Robert, Patrick and Dominic Smith - we are the penguins that stand UNITED against the Shopper imperialist and Naughtzee agenda!

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 2 May 2019
Today's #JusticeForFeey #FreeYow protests are unprecedented in size. Tens of thousands march in Ventides, Winsburg and Delphi, hundreds in USA, Shops to show their support for a free and independent Yow, free of Shopper imperialism. Brave Yowiens, you are not alone in your struggle! #Resist #FreeOurBrethren

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 2 May 2019
Scrubs of Antarctica, join me on 9 May, and come march for your rights, for your freedom, your equality and your victory - let us show to the melonhead world that we are united and that together we are unstoppable. #ScrubsMarch #WUDay #KermitDay #NoMoreOrange #Resist #JusticeForFeey #ScrubPride

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 9 June 2019
Brant Esser is more than just a typical politician and leader of a country. He's a true revolutionary, maverick, somebody completely unorthodox - different and unique. He and his country collectively said "No!" to the new Shopper imperialist order, and for that he will go down in history as one of the greatest visionaries of our time who fought for the liberty of not just his penguins, but of all in Antarctica. (1)

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 9 June 2019
A selfless penguin that sadly often was forced to put the interests of others above his but, even in such times when there was no other way, persevered. And for that, he was loathed by the fascists that govern our countries today, the traitors to penguinkind, who effectively banish anybody who does not share their obsessions. Brant Esser was a voice of solidarity with fellow Scrubs, and for that we are forever indebted to him. (2)

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John Patrick Penstubal @penstubal • 9 June 2019
Merci, Brant Esser! Longue vie à Brant Esser, et longue vie à une Acadie libre et souveraine! Translate to English


Trivia[edit]

  • He has seven puffles, whom he often calls his "best friends" who "never let him down".
  • He has an abnormal fear of insects.
  • He has close relations with the governments of Candvia and the United Provinces.
  • By the end of his life he is fluent in 7 languages: English, Serbo-Croatian, Latin, German, Spanish, French and Pennese. By age 20, he was fluent in English, Serbo-Croatian, Pennese and Latin, and over the next 40 years he would learn German, Spanish and French as well. He also learned a bit of Italian near the end of his life, and during his teens he studied Ancient Greek.
  • He is obsessed with the Latin language and often uses Latin phrases wherever he could, especially when talking about legal issues. He even Latinized his name to Ioannes Patricius Paenstubal.

See Also[edit]