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|The Penstubal Post|
The Penstubal Post logo
|Effects||To tell news from Penstubal's perspective|
|Location||All over Antarctica, especially Acadia, Duck Island, Shops Island and United Provinces|
|Cost to buy||2 Wikibucks|
|Cost to sell||Free|
The Penstubal Post is a newspaper (widely considered to be a tabloid) founded by Penstubal in Wizzint sometime in 2018. The newspaper was incredibly controversial as it promoted various things Penstubal's opponents (also known as melonheads) considered to be "completely untrue" - among things it presented as truth were that Chill57181's controls an organization called "Da Illuminati" that is keen on conquering entire Antarctica and enslaving all penguins, that The Ed is a Neo-Naughtzee who seeks the extermination of all high penguins and that Penquino has an 'unhealthy obsession with eggnog' (this is one of the only stories that turned out to be true).
The Penstubal Post was founded as a result of Penstubal's anger towards the world around him, his desire to vent his anger and his desire to vent out at who he considers to be "the people who made his life miserable". Indeed, he used the Penstubal Post to do just that and over the years the Post got much harsher in rhetoric and started attacking governments as well, even blamed as a cause for the attempt on the life of Shopper president Lavender. The Penstubal Post also has a site, which can be accessed here.
The Penstubal Post was sued seven times. It was brought down and forced to close all seven times, but it always reopened just days later under new names (The Penstubal Post II, Penstubal Post III etc). The current Penstubal Post is Penstubal Post VIII and there is no difference at all whatsoever from any of the previous Penstubal Posts.
- 1 History
- 2 Organization
- 3 Stories
- 3.1 Bow Tieland
- 3.2 Brant Esser
- 3.3 Bureau of Fiction
- 3.4 Cult of Personality
- 3.5 Da Illuminati
- 3.6 Donal Tenorio
- 3.7 Duck recipe
- 3.8 Evilositian Army
- 3.9 Hockey Manlet
- 3.10 The Ice Finder
- 3.11 Kermit
- 3.12 Mironica
- 3.13 Moon Island Sovereignty
- 3.14 Pink Sheep
- 3.15 Seal Islands
- 3.16 Shops Island
- 3.17 Western Union
- 3.18 Yow Kingdom
- 4 Penstubal News
- 5 Republic of Scrubia
- 6 International Scrub Congress
- 7 Events
- 8 Reactions
- 9 Influence
- 10 Knockoffs
- 11 Notable Contributors
- 12 Trivia
- 13 See Also
Penstubal is a quite fragile, sensitive, insecure and bitter person. It's both his personality and his childhood experiences that affected that - during his childhood, nobody would hang out with him, and so he felt angry and as if the entire world decided to unite to stop him from enjoying his life (even though, in many cases, it's him over-exaggerating because some people actually did want to hang out with him but he outright rudely rejected them, only to privately regret it just moments later). Penstubal's at times self-imposed "isolation" from the world contributed to his anger at the world and the people living in it.
At first he considered himself a friend of Chill and Penquino, even though they did not feel that way and never hanged out with him. However, later, as the realization came to him that they don't really like him and his attitude, that angered Penstubal because he apparently had assumed he "was working incredibly hard to make good friends with them yet they just betrayed him like that". Penstubal had just been left by a childhood friend, however, when that happened, and that is what ticked him off and caused him to finally go on the rampage that would lead to the creation of the Penstubal Post.
Penstubal envisioned a propaganda outlet where he could promote his causes and destroy his enemies. He founded the Penstubal Post in 2018, and ever since then has been using it to smear just about anyone that opposes him. The Penstubal Post, at first, has been largely ignored, but later, as it started to attract a bigger fan-base among the "scrubs" of Antarctica, the penguins he considers are oppressed and demeaned by the likes of Chill and Penquino, the Penstubal Post got serious attention from the mainstream media in some countries, as well as governments, particularly the government of Shops Island, whose President Lavender was one of Penstubal's main targets.
There have been multiple attempts by the government of Shops Island and various corporations and individuals across Antarctica to bring down the Penstubal Post with allegations of defamation, slander, treason and others, but legal loopholes allowing the Penstubal Post to just make a small name change anytime they wanted to continue have allowed the Penstubal Post to stay up anyway. Internationally, the Penstubal Post and Penstubal himself have been accused of inciting violence against political individuals, most notoriously the same year the Penstubal Post was founded, when avid readers of the Penstubal Post shot at President Lavender.
Penstubal's incredibly radical Penstubal Post toned down its rhetoric in the weeks and months following Lavender's assassination. Penstubal started fearing for his life following the assassination attempt, as well fear his student visa in Shops Island will be revoked. At first, he attempted to deny his Post had any effect on Lavender's attackers and tried to rationalize the Post's rhetoric, but it was not long before he backed down and said that the Penstubal Post may have affected Lavender's attackers.
On 17 May 2019, Penstubal officially launched "Penstubal Post+", which aims to make the Penstubal Post an even larger news organization than before, with a diverse selection of topics for readers to browse through. Penstubal Post+ resulted in the launching of new sections in the post, some of them being: weather, sports, gaming, technology, culture, finance and traffic. Penstubal also stated that, as part of Penstubal Post+, a site is being worked on as well, which will be accessible on PCs and also optimized for mobile devices so all readers can enjoy Penstubal Post on the go.
Over the next few months, he softened the rhetoric in the Penstubal Post. In 2020, however, the same rhetoric continued once again as Penstubal once again faced a time of upheaval when he had a sudden and irrational hatred towards the penguin species. The rhetoric, however, got actually dangerous in 2026, when the Shops Civil War broke out and the Penstubal Post actually started serving as a sort-of propaganda machine to hurt the leaderships of both the United States of Shops Island and the Shopper Empire. In 2027, Penstubal's calls for Penquino to be physically hurt resulted in an arrest warrant being issued for Penstubal, but he fled to Candvia before they could arrest him and he received political asylum from a country that almost never had friendly relations with Shops Island during its existence.
After the fall of Shops Island and the restoration of an independent Moon Island, the Penstubal Post started serving as a pro-government and pro-Moon Island propaganda tool. The Penstubal Post celebrated the independence day of Moon Island, and Penstubal, in the post, proclaimed that the 'patriotic duty of all Moon Island citizens is now to completely get rid of all and any remaining relics from Shopper oppression'. In 2028, Penstubal proclaimed that the Shopper culture was a culture of degeneracy that sought to assimilate and perform a 'cultural genocide' over Moon Island by having its culture completely assimilated and transformed into the Shopper culture. He never expressed any such views before 2026, and to the contrary before that he always expressed rather pro-Shopper (but anti-government) views - because of this, his opponents came to the conclusion he was lying in order to not get arrested for treason or get scrutinized by the whole country.
The Penstubal Post is organized as a company with a clear hierarchy, on top of which is the Chief Executive Officer (CEO), who, from its founding until 2036, is Penstubal. In 2036, Penstubal holds "elections" for a new CEO and for a short period Scrubette is the Acting CEO - after the elections a close friend of Penstubal's is the new CEO, while Penstubal still retains the role of "Honorary CEO" and has the ability to overturn anything the CEO does. Pretty much everything is in the CEO's powers - he can hire anybody, he can fire anybody, he controls what gets published, he oftentimes dictates what gets published, he oversees the publishing of the newspaper and he writes ideas for the next issue of the Penstubal Post. Those are his most important duties, although Penstubal has made it so that the company CEO has absolute power over everything that happens in the company and so his powers aren't strictly limited to the aforementioned duties.
The Chief Financial Officer (CFO) controls the Penstubal Post's finances and is responsible for taking care of the company's money. The company also has a High Guild of Writers, consisted of 11 members of the Penstubal Post's management, presided by Penstubal himself, that convenes daily and works on writing the next issue per Penstubal's orders. The High Guild of Writers also recommends new writers to Penstubal, and new writers are approved by Penstubal himself. Members of the Board of Managers are personally selected by Penstubal - positions in the Board are open when one of its members quits or gets fired. Penstubal set the minimum requirement for becoming a member of the board as having plentiful of experience in writing for newspapers and other media organizations, as well as having excellent with him and having the most influence on the readership.
The Penstubal Post also has positions for writers not members of the High Guild of Writers but who are also excellent just like them. Those writers are often given scholarships and are members of programs designed to improve their Penstubal Post writing skills even more, and they are also taught how to do good public relations with the readers of the Post. The Penstubal Post also annually holds the "Most Absurd Article Championship" (MAAC), in which the writer who writes the most absurd, most fake and biggest propaganda piece of an article gets a 50% salary increase, gets a job as Penstubal's personal advisor and gets a promotion, as well as a trophy called the "Biggest Scrub in the South Pole Award" (BSSP). Those articles are personally reviewed by Penstubal, who publishes the article in the next issue of the Penstubal Post alongside a picture of the winner kissing their trophy.
The Penstubal Post publishes its issues daily at exactly midnight and they're all in the stores by next morning. It takes the Penstubal Post just a few hours to finish writing an issue, and a large board of writers is responsible for getting each article done every day.
Most stories for the Penstubal Post are written by writers hired by Penstubal himself, although he writes a bunch as well and supervises the publishing of every single article, meaning it is impossible for something to just slip through unnoticed and so Penstubal cannot just refuse to take responsibility for stories written in the Post by somebody else - even though he always does when there's a controversy surrounding one. The stories in this section are some of the most absurd and crazy stories, and most of them are regularly repeated. Sometimes, Penstubal writes "templates" and just replaces a few words here-and-there and publishes that as a "brand new article" - most scrubs reading the Post are too dumb to notice that.
The Penstubal Post fervently supported the UP invasion of Bow Tieland despite the war having ended years before the Penstubal Post was founded. The Penstubal Post called Bow Tieland a 'fake state' and tried to prove that the invasion of Bow Tieland was completely legal. The Penstubal Post later angered the entire population of Bow Tieland by saying that the people of Bow Tieland are 'thieves' and 'dirty wild animals', and went on a racist tirade that ended in a call for liberating Bow Tieland from all Bow Tielanders. The government of Bow Tieland censored the publication and sued it, forcing it to pay tens of thousands of circums. Penstubal, who wasn't the author of the article, later issued a statement saying that the article 'does not represent his views, nor the views of the majority at the Penstubal Post', but he refused to apologize for the article, leading the masses to conclude that although Penstubal does not support what was written he doesn't mind such hateful and xenophobic statements to be written in his post.
The Penstubal Post has become known for its very, very blatant bias in favor of Brant Esser, the President of Acadia who has been accused by some of being a dictator and of rescinding liberties in his country. The Penstubal Post praises his work, even interviewing him once. The Penstubal Post also reported that Penstubal sees Brant as "the only world leader standing united against Chill57181's obnoxious world-conquest agenda", something which Brant never publicly commented on. When he was pressed about Brant's authoritarian views, Penstubal says he has let Brant know multiple times he is against what he has done in Acadia in regards to penguin rights but that the two remain close friends and respect each other's different political opinions. Brant reaffirmed what Penstubal said once he was pressed about it too.
Bureau of Fiction
The Post has been critical towards the Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature or the Bureau of Fiction, often attacking them for 'working behind the swamp to destroy the peaceful and prosperous lives of ordinary penguins in Antarctica', and also accusing them of being controlled by Chill57181 and his minions, even though he is not listed as an official member - Quackerpingu explains this is because Kermit is a member of the Bureau of Fiction and that it is a well-known and well-documented fact that Kermit is controlled by Chill57181.
This has led to the Post facing the wrath of the Bureau of Fiction, with several of its member being punished in various both physical and mental ways, as well as the Penstubal Post HQ being struck by lightning on a bright summer day with nearly no clouds in sight - this resulted in a major fire that forced the Penstubal Post to evacuate their Wizzint headquarters, and also in Penstubal himself being sent to the hospital, having almost been killed by the lightning strike. In addition to that, the Penstubal Post HQ was mysteriously blown up three times and the Penstubal Post was also brought down several times and forced to reopen as Penstubal Post XXI, XXVII and XXX, respectively, thanks to the Bureau of Fiction's actions.
Cult of Personality
Penstubal leads what seems like a cult of personality centered around him. He encourages "Scrubs" to recognize him as their savior, and he claims he is the only one who can 'defeat Chill and his mindless set of zombies'. He also claimed PENS are his initials, which stand for Populo Ego Nostrae Salvationi, Latin for "I am for the People, for our Salvation" - he uses the initials as the watermark on every page of his Post. Penstubal denies he is obsessed with him and insists that he is the most humble person you have ever met. Of course, most people consider this to be far from true, seeing as he brags in at least one article in every issue how humble he is.
Another asinine story the Penstubal Post published was that Chill57181 was the leader of a secret organization called Da Illuminati which brainwashes thousands of penguins from across Antarctica each year and forces them to join 'a cult calling for the destruction of all that is loved and normal in Antarctica' and 'complete conquest of the Antarctic continent and enslavement of penguinkind'. Penstubal himself wrote this story, and when he published it, he went on Chitter to proclaim he is alarmed by what the Penstubal Post just published, saying that it "must be examined immediately".
Penstubal then went on to release a major public statement in front of a crowd of one hundred and sixty two plush toys with Penstubal's face drawn on them, accusing Chill of being the masterlord of his 'puppets', Penquino, and Ed. He went on to accuse him of being the leader of an international criminal organization that wishes for total destruction of Antarctica and its rule by Chill, the 'racist ego-maniac', as Penstubal proclaimed him. His statement went on to be ignored by most, and the Penstubal Post was sued and fined 3,500 wikibucks for 'running a completely false story'.
The most controversial story ever published by the Penstubal Post was that The Ed is a Neo-Naughtzee who wishes to exterminate all high penguins and enslave all opposition to his evil plans. He was caricatured as an evil villain - a black penguin with broken teeth, red ears, red horns and torn clothes. This portrayal was very controversial and the Penstubal Post was sued for this story - once the Penstubal Post was booted back up, all that was done was "Ed" being replaced with "dE (read backwards)" and a statement on how "dE (read backwards)" attempted to censor the publication for revealing the "very obvious" truth.
As a response to the publication, a few penguins decided to vandalize Penstubal's private residence, the Carmine House, with Neo-Naughtzee symbols. Penstubal was quickly accused of being a Neo-Naughtzee, allegations he strongly denied - despite his denial, his approval ratings were tarnished and the three who pranked him managed to go unscathed by press. The three also created a fake Penstubal Post to deceive Penstubal's supporters into thinking he's a Neo-Naughtzee - it remained up despite a lawsuit by the Penstubal Post because they decided to use a "0" instead of an "o" in the name so it appears different - few, including the judge, actually noticed there's a 0 in the name until it was pointed out in court.
The Penstubal Post once published a story claiming that party hats were mind-control devices created by Chill to turn the entire population of Antarctica into mindless slaves. This article also claims that all of Club Penguin's anniversary parties were organized by Chill to spread them. This article blatantly ignored both that party hats were in existence long before Chill hatched, and that at the time of Club Penguin's 1st Anniversary Party, Chill was only 5 years old and not even living in Club Penguin. This story was mostly ignored, although a few party hat bonfires took place in Duck Island following its publication.
A similar article was later published claiming that traffic cones were subliminal messages placed by Da Illuminati to brainwash penguins into supporting them.
Penstubal and his Post had generally been quiet about Donal Tenorio, sometimes even criticizng him, until late 2018 and early 2019, when Penstubal and the Post suddenly completely changed their tone. Penstubal wrote a large article on 20 February 2019, praising Donal Tenorio and calling him "one of the greatest things that happened to Antarctica in centuries", praising him as a "rising star on the Antarctic stage" and stating that "many problems between Acadia and the USA today wouldn't exist with Tenorio as president rather than Little Megg". Penstubal also offered his praises on Chitter, singling out Donal Tenorio and a few other penguins as the leaders in the fight against "Shopper imperialism and Naughtzeeism".
In response to the article, Donal Tenorio sent out a cheep thanking Penstubal for what he wrote and calling him a close friend of his, inviting him to come over for a visit in South Pole City (to which Penstubal agreed).
On 30 November 2018, an anonymous writer posted a collection of recipes known as “My Kitchen’s Journal”. The article, which was paid to be on the front page, included a recipe for Framkterrean duck confict. The article was alleged to be sponsored by the Magonian Emperor Slender. Penstubal's fans who are subscribed to the Post seemed to not have noticed the recipes, or they were too blinded by their support for anything Penstubal ever says that the duck recipes did not matter for them and did not catch their attention.
However, Fat Duck, who had considered paying Penstubal a million Duck Coins for his great work, saw it, and as a result, didn't pay him and stopped reading the Penstubal Post for 5 years. Penstubal tried to explain that articles in the Penstubal Post do not necessarily reflect his own views nor the Penstubal Post's views, but it was too late anyway. Moreover, his explanation only caused Penstubal's opponents to question whether Penstubal stands behind only things that benefit him and completely disassociates from things that do not.
All the copies of this issue that were imported into Duck Island were later burned.
As a response to the Evilositian Army's June 2018 bombing of Acadia with eggs and cheese, the Penstubal Post later published an article claiming that Chill was secretly the leader of the Evilositian Army and orchestrated their attack on Acadia. However, this completely ignored the Evilositian Army's attempted attack on Shops Island and takeover of Chill Island a few years earlier.
Word of this article eventually reached Evil Pengy, who was offended that it attributed the "evil mastermind of the Evilositian Army" to someone other than him. In response, he attacked the Penstubal Post HQ with Spam Bombs. This forced the Penstubal Post to temporarily shut down and reboot as Penstubal Post VII.
Hockey Manlet once snuck into the Penstubal Post HQ and put a pro-Hockey Manlet article in the next day's issue of the Penstubal Post to troll Brant. The article talked about how Brant's presidency was a disaster and Hockey Manlet would be a vast improvement, and also detailed some of his plans for presidency and how great Acadia would be if they were implemented. Somehow, nobody noticed the article and it was published with the rest of the paper, causing furious reactions throughout Acadia, and especially from Brant. The Penstubal Post later issued a statement saying that the article was unauthorized and that they did not endorse its extreme views. Hockey Manlet was never connected to writing the story.
The more the Achadia Crisis escalated, the more articles the Penstubal Post wrote about Hockey Manlet, and eventually it climaxed to a point that the Penstubal Post talked more about Hockey Manlet than about Chill, with some believing that Penstubal found a new boogeyman to blame for his problems. However, once the memories of Achadia Crisis slowly started fading into oblivion just months later, the Penstubal Post's headlines and articles changed back to normal with little to no mentions of Hockey Manlet anymore.
The Penstubal Post was one of the most prominent critics of Hockey Manlet and the Achadia Crisis when it was occurring. The Penstubal Post called attacks against Brant's leadership as "cowardly" and "orchestrated by international forces seeking to force penguins into slavery". The Penstubal Post wrote that the people of Antarctica should be infuriated that Chill is telling countries how they should behave, despite the fact that Chill has nothing to do with the Achadia Crisis. The Penstubal Post refused to condemn the penguin rights' abuses in Acadia, calling them "a totally different issue from Chill's abuse of life's right to be normal". Nobody knows what that means. The Penstubal Post cheered for Brant and told him to "stand strong" and "the people of Antarctica are with you, Our Hero!".
Months after the crisis, the Penstubal Post published an article out of the blue with "shocking new evidence" that Hockey Manlet's arrest was completely justified, showing images of cheeps that Hockey Manlet had apparently made, including several that were blatantly anti-High Penguin. What this article failed to mention is that the majority of these cheeps came from an account impersonating Hockey Manlet with 7 followers, with the rest being completely fake images altogether. After it was pointed out that none of these cheeps were on Hockey Manlet's Chitter page, the Post released a statement claiming that Hockey Manlet had obviously read the article and deleted those cheeps in an attempt to discredit the Post and avoid consequences for them.
The Ice Finder
For whatever reason, the Penstubal Post claims that The Ice Finder's real height was 62.4 meters, exactly the height of EPT, and will not back down on this theory. Penstubal claims that IF looking like a regular penguin was an optical illusion engineered by Chill and his gang, and that the lack of any collateral damage that would've caused is "fake news" set up by Da Illuminati. According to the Post, the large death count during the Nightmare Epic was not caused by the King of Sorrow or Epic Nightmare, but rather IF collapsing and causing a massive earthquake - all part of Chill's plan to balance the population of Antarctica.
Upon IF's reveal as a Helper Trophy in Super Smash Mates U.B.E.R., Penstubal protested, stating that "Ice Finder is too small".
Members of the Penstubal Post have attempted to interview EPT over this conspiracy, resulting in this exchange:
- Penstubal Post: "Hello! How do you feel about being the same size as the evil Ice Finder?"
- EPT: "What is this hot garbage. I never agreed to this interview."
- Explorer: "...you do know this counts as a violation of privacy, right?"
The Post has been largely silent, even positive towards Kermit, largely praising him for saving the Club Penguin Weekee from destruction by enemies multiple times - this became one of the few things the whole of Antarctica could get around agreeing on, even Penstubal, who has a terrible relationship with Chill57181, a person largely credited for being most supportive of Kermit and for popularizing Kermit's great deeds in the public via various newspapers, books, TV shows and articles.
However, it all changed when Quackerpingu published an article in the Penstubal Post titled "KERMIT: WIKI SAVIOR OR PROFOUND NEO-NAUGHTZEE?". In this article, he called Kermit "an evil orange-juice-drinking Neo-Naughtzee who seeks the destruction of liberty across Antarctica". He then accused Kermit of being trained by Da Illuminati, the organization bound on taking over Antarctica, and being under the direct influence of Chill and his minions. This led to public outrage and pro-Kermit protests worldwide, as well as for calls for the Penstubal Post to be banned.
Chill Island, after this article was published, officially banned the Penstubal Post, as did a few other countries that consider Kermit to be a Saint. In Duck Island and some areas of Moon Island and the United Provinces, however, the article was positively received and protests against Kermit took place, ultimately resulting in clashes between the two sides in Wizzint that left several dead and dozens injured.
Penstubal went on to release a statement saying 'he is not responsible for everything written in the Penstubal Post', despite being its owner, giving Quacker the permission to write the article and having his name as part of the publication's name.
After the Penstubal Post was banned in Chill Island, Penstubal created a special edition of the Penstubal Post exclusive to Chill Island called "Penstubal Post with a Dash of Frog". These issues were never sold in stores though, and instead were regularly used for wiping feet, lining trash cans, fueling campfires, and other humiliating uses. Penstubal eventually gave up on sending them after realizing how much money he was losing in this endeavor.
Penstubal is often annoyed by Miron, Mironica's very handsome and loving boyfriend, and their relationship makes him angry. He often takes to the Post to write articles under a pseudonym, pretending to be somebody who believes that Mironica "would be a lot better with the rich and totally handsome and hunky guy that is Penstubal rather than a wimp like Moron [sic]". Penstubal even once took to Chitter to praise this article, calling it a "masterpiece" and "So True!". Miron was enraged by this article, and Mironica felt threatened and attempted to sue the Post for defamation only to lose the lawsuit. Penstubal would continue to publish negative, reputation-tarnishing articles about Miron and how Mironica would be way better with a 'nice guy like Penstubal'.
Penstubal often stalks Mironica on social media, in hopes of getting her to answer questions for the Penstubal Post how handsome Penstubal is and how Miron barely fits the definition of a man. He also comments on her photos, and sometimes even published them in the Penstubal Post. He also displays oddly unconventional behavior in front of her, treating her like a goddess and saying "m'lady" instead of "hi" to her, even after he got married. As his marriage developed, however, he changed his rhetoric, instead taking the aim at her and calling her a gold digger, and insulting her in his book Salt and the City as a "dumb red female" - calling Miron dumb too at the same time for "not being able to see through the bullcrap she is pulling". Following this story, Penstubal Post XII was shut down on allegations of sexism, although as usual it was brought back up as Penstubal Post XIII.
Moon Island Sovereignty
On several occasions, the Penstubal Post wrote articles denouncing the Shopper government as an "occupier and oppressor of the sovereign and free Moon Island penguins" and declared that Moon Island is "a nation separate and wholly different from the Shoppers". The Penstubal Post also refuses to recognize the President of Shops Island as being the head of state of Moon Island, calling Lavender "an usurper" and also refusing to address David Franklin as Governor but rather as President instead. The Penstubal Post's pro-independence activism slightly increased the number of secessionists on the island, although support for independence never reached more than 34%. The Penstubal Post's activism was, on the contrary, however, good for the island after 2027, when Shops Island fell apart and Moon Island had no other choice but to reestablish itself as an independent nation - the Penstubal Post's earlier activism helped renew Moon Island national pride.
Penstubal once randomly called for entire Antarctica to worship some sort of "pink sheep". Nobody knows why he did that, but many actually did and started actually building statues, monuments, parks, paintings and literature dedicated to "pink sheep". It is unknown where he got the idea for people to worship "pink sheep", or why he even did it in the first place, but there are no "pink sheep" in Antarctica, leading many people to wonder what a "pink sheep" even is - with Penstubal describing it as a creature that looks quite like a Shprogshel. Thus, many people interpreted he is actually calling for worshipping pink Shprogshels, additionally leading many people to wonder why he would call for worshipping a creature known to devour penguins. In a short segment of his book Salt and the City, Penstubal described an encounter in his dream with a pink Shprogshel he decided to call "pink sheep". Penstubologists believe that is where Penstubal's obsession with the so-called "pink sheep" originates, although nobody knows for sure.
The Penstubal Post was infuriated when the Seal Islands joined the Axle Powers, calling Christina van Guilera a "traitor" and "the world's new number one criminal". President Van Guilera, a few days after her country joined the Axle Powers, said that she had received dozens of hateful letters in the Presidential Mansion of Seal Islands and all were directed from the same address in Wizzint and all had the same hateful message such as "DICTATOR VAN GUILERA" and "TRAITOR OF THE PROUD SEALIEN PEOPLE". Indeed, the sentiments were shared by a radical minority in her country as well, who joined the Penstubal Post in protesting against Seal Islands' abandonment of neutrality on the political arena.
The Penstubal Post came to be heavily critical of Shops Island and its government, often criticizing its 'imperialist ambitions' and calling President Lavender many derogatory terms, such as a 'warmonger', a 'muppet' and a 'colossal tool'. The paper has also, on many occasions, called for the Shopper government to remove Chill57181 from office. These provocations often irritate the Shopper public, and Lavender even addressed the Penstubal Post's shenanigans to call them traitors to their country. The Penstubal Post continued publishing anti-imperialist articles until their offices were raided by a "far-right patriotic non-government sponsored militia" that forced them to stop such publications under the threat of being severely punished. An investigation was conducted looking into this raid, however the Shopper government claimed it was unable to find 'substantial evidence of wrongdoing'. Due to all of these complications, the Penstubal Post later continued publishing the same type of articles, but in countries outside of Shops Island, primarily Duck Island, Candvia and the United Provinces.
Shops Civil War
Leading up to and during the Shops Civil War, the Post heavily criticized the United States of Shops Island, simply because Penquino and Chill57181 were its leaders. The Post was heavily criticized for this, and Penstubal was accused of collaborating with Djf, a tyrannical dictator who publicly executed his enemies. This was later used as a pretext by the United States of Shops Island to seize the Penstubal Post's HQ and arrest Penstubal - however, Penstubal was mysteriously not there, almost as if he anticipated he would be arrested so he fled the country so he could continue provoking people with the paper.
The manhunt for Penstubal continued until the end of the Shops Civil War, but once it ended Penstubal returned to Moon Island safely and continued with the same he has been doing for quite a while normally without any persecution. It did gain him a lot of infamy, though.
After the war ended, a contradictory article was published stating that Djf and Brook were members of Da Illuminati, and that the entire war was orchestrated by Chill in a failed attempt to gain more power and support that was only stopped by the intervention of the "heroic" Snoss.
The Penstubal Post is staunchly pro-Western Union and promoted the idea over the many years and when Moon Island got independence it lobbied for Moon Island to join the Western Union. The Penstubal Post often calls the Western Union the "best union in Antarctica", saying that the Axle Powers drool and that the United States of Antarctica cannot stop "Western Union's epic PWNage". The Western Union never commented on Penstubal Post's stance regarding the Western Union, instead trying to ignore it and focus on issues that actually matter. Later, it became an issue that actually mattered as dozens of ducks who work at Penstubal Post broke into the Western Union Commission and caused a ruckus there in the name of support for the Western Union.
Nearly every single issue of the Penstubal Post has an article that calls for the liberation of the Yow Kingdom and the release of Feey1 from Maverick. The Penstubal Post referred to the Great Yowien War as 'one of the greatest war crimes of our time' and accused the countries involved in the partition of being the 'Coalition of the Warmongering'. As a result of the Penstubal Post's persistent activism, the belief that the Yow Kingdom should be liberated became mainstream in all the occupant countries except Snowzerland, but arguments in favor of liberation were quickly struck down and nobody in any of the countries ever took any action in the national legislatures and governments for the liberation of the country.
The activism by the Penstubal Post caught the attention of the United Provinces president Simon McClark, who once publicly said that "he would prefer a liberated Yow". This caused a diplomatic incident between the United Provinces and Shops Island, and the UP ambassador was expelled with the government of Shops Island demanding an apology from the UP government for their 'inappropriate comments'. President McClark subsequently caved in and apologized, after which the Penstubal Post published an article titled "WE'RE WITH YOU, MCCLARK!".
Penstubal News is the Penstubal Post's official network. It is divided into 3 channels: PN (Penstubal News), P1 (Penstubal One) and P2 (Penstubal Two). All three mainly spout propaganda against Chill. It opened a few months after the Penstubal Post began publishing as a result of high demand for a television network espousing anti-Chill views. It became notorious for its hardcore propaganda. Sadly for Penstubal, he couldn't get it to be one of the basic 10 cable channels in any country in the world. They are the basic 11th, 12th and 13th cable channels in Duck Island, though, and that's primarily described as the reason that residents of Duck Island have such radical and extreme views regarding Chill's "international agenda".
Penstubal News mainly conveys Penstubal's propaganda. Penstubal is often the main presenter of the news himself, often talking in quite an aggressive tone about Chill57181. Scrubette is another presenter of Penstubal News, and she also has her own show on Penstubal News, "The Scrubette Show Tonight", which is the most viewed show on Penstubal News, primarily because she is very attractive, explaining the fact that male viewership is peak at the time her show is on air. On Penstubal One and Penstubal Two, drama series are the primary thing broadcasted, as well as adapted movie and series versions of Penstubal's books, such as Good Morning, Penstubal, which has a failed and utterly disastrous movie adaption with Mabel's entire family in the roles of the puffles described in the story. The movie's box office bomb caused Mabel to cuss at Penstubal and her entire family to flood his house and destroy it almost completely.
Penstubal News very dramatically tells its news, be it political or about sports or even about the weather, and so the Penstubal News has been branded as attention-seeking, its news headlines on its site as clickbait, and its presenters as without any real moral principles. Penstubal personally shows up on the program all the time, usually as a caller on the show "Scrub & Friends". He often joins in to talk about his life, and later, when he gets elected president, he uses it as a political propaganda tool to talk about the "great job" he is doing at "making Moon Island great again". Penstubal News has incredibly high viewership during his presidency and at times a much bigger base than the Post itself.
One of the most notable programs on Penstubal One is Penstubal Talk, the most viewed out of all on the programs on the channels, which even then, despite that, just like all other Penstubal programs, suffers from rather low viewership.
Republic of Scrubia
On 24 August 2019 Penstubal proclaimed the existence of a country called the Republic of Scrubia, a country made for all penguins who have been ostracized and bullied by "Chill and his international system of frog-sniffing goons". He created a national flag (which is actually his own personal flag), wrote a national anthem and created a site for his country here where one can apply for citizenship. Immediately, the country got dozens of citizenship applications from scrubby people all across the world. The country's official capital is Penstubal's home, and the official state-owned news organization is the Penstubal Post. Penstubal also wrote a 'declaration of independence' that was published in the Penstubal Post on 24 August 2019, in which it says that Penstubia is a "free and open-minded society of free and prosperous individuals oppressed and ostracized all around the world by Da Illuminati agenda".
The country never really claimed any territory, although it did proclaim that Penstubal's Wizzint residence is basically the capital city of the Scrub nation. Penstubal also later proclaimed that Moon Island is the land promised to the Scrub people by a mysterious "pink sheep", a shprogshel that Penstubal describes "has a mustache". Regardless, many people ultimately bought Penstubal's idea, and in the late 2020s, after the collapse of Shops Island, Penstubal declared that Scrubia "has voluntarily annexed itself into the Scrub nation of Moon Island". During Scrubia's relatively short history not much happened, and it received little to no international attention other than by Penstubal's opponents to prove he is a lunatic.
The anthem of the Republic, "Hymn of the Scrubs", was written in 2030, the year Penstubal got elected as mayor of Wizzint, and came to be known as the international anthem of the penguins and other creatures Penstubal claims to have been "denigrated" as "scrubs". He says that he wrote the anthem and accepted being called Scrub as he believes "we can not be silenced by powerful and evil people all around Antarctica" and he said that all people "denigrated" with that name should adopt it and wear it proudly and let everybody know they can not be defeated. This is the official melody of the anthem, and the following are the lyrics:
Hymn of the Scrubs - Lyrics
1 Scrubs of Justice are now fighting
And uniting against Chill!
Standing up to his domination
We will stop him, now, forever.
There is no more love for the frogs,
Brainwashed toad and frog sniffing goons!
Scrubs of Justice, come and unite
Against Chill’s agenda now!
Scrubs of Justice, you have power
To free the People and the Planet !
2 Long live Penstubal, our mighty savior,
He will cast away all evil !
He will tear down frog society
And bring peace on Earth forever.
There will be no more dictatorship,
These days are now very long gone.
Long live Scrubs, long live Stubal
And his mighty Scrubbish army
Long live Stubal, our great Leader
He is the people’s revolution.
He is the greatest of them all !
He has indeed saved his people
from destruction by Chill and Megg.
They are evil communist enemies
We must tear them down for good
Happyface, your days are numbered,
Go away and resign in shame !
Happyface, you bumbling old fool
He quacks like nobody else !
He will completely foil Their agenda,
They are the ones who mustn’t be named !
And once he has finished doing that
We can finally rest in peace
For, we freed our Proud People
The proud people, of Scrubia
For, we are triumphant, mighty
The free people of our Scrubia !
5 Let the ground below them shatter
Shatter like a mighty earthquake !
Let our enemies tremble and
Let them all be wiped away !
We will sweep them from the penguin map
We will sweep them from this continent
Rejoice, the people of Scrubia
You are mighty, victorious !
Rejoice, the people of Scrubia
You are free and glorious !
6 So long, so long, Chill, Penquino
Hello, Moon Island, hello Penstubal,
You’re our mighty President !
You will lead a glorious country
A country made for everyone.
Men and women of Moon Island,
come and rejoice in celebration !
come and rejoice in celebration !
7 We will march for our equality
The equality we all need !
The elites have denied us our rights,
We will deny their right to oppress.
They will no longer starve the people,
We are no more their mindless slaves !
Long live freedom, long live Scrubia !
Our free mighty, beautiful land !
Long live freedom, long live Scrubia !
Hoist our mighty, beautiful flag !
8 The flag of Scrubia, blue, white and blue
And a fortress in there, too
We salute you, Dark Blue Seas Flag
That is your name, your only tag.
Raise the flag all over the world
The world is made for Scrubs only.
Break the chains of your misery,
Oh, my pretty country thee !
Break the chains of your sorrow,
Oh, my lovely country thee !
International Scrub Congress
The Penstubal Post organization, as of 2019, annually organizes an "International Scrub Congress", and Penstubal invited all Antarctic creatures who were or are berated as "scrubs" to show up in Wizzint on August 21st for an event ending on August 25th, a day after his birthday and the birthday of the Penstubal Post itself.
Penstubal intended the congress to be an event when scrubs would organize to take the label scrub and appropriate it so it has a good connotation rather than a bad connotation, as well as for them to promote "a culture of scrubbery", create movements, ideologies and parties for the advancement of scrub rights, such as the infamous Scrub's International Liberation Organization (SILO), a radical leftist organization that advocates the advancement of the scrubs to the point they'd be in positions of power superior to those of "ordinary creatures" or "the frog-sniffers" - for this reason, SILO has been described as a chauvinistic organization, which, although Penstubal denounced it, tarnished the good name of scrubs' organizations that genuinely do have good intentions to make not just scrubs but everybody feel happy, comfortable and equal in a world otherwise hostile to them.
The first annual International Scrub Congress took place on August 21st, 2019. Hundreds of scrubs from all over Antarctica attended it, although Penstubal and his Post organization was disappointed by the turnout as most scrubs genuinely did not care about the congress, nor do they care about politics. In that sense, it was a disappointment, but that did not stop Penstubal for calling for another congress to take place the following year on the same date. Nothing of worth was decided at the first congress, and it was mostly scrubs giving speeches about how Chill is bad, how the Illuminati is out to get them and how Kermit is an evil frog. Penstubal wrote about the success of the congress in "uniting the oppressed scrub penguins all over Antarctica who just want to live their lives normally without being denied their right to pursuit their own happiness".
The Penstubal Post regularly holds events both for subscribers and also designed to attract new ones. The Penstubal Post regular events give Penstubal and his organization publicity and put them on the local news headlines for the day, leading to many people finding out about the Penstubal Post for the first time if they haven't already. Most events and parties organized by the Penstubal Post have failed miserably, although some have suggested that Penstubal might be making them fail on purpose as it seems that miserably failing attracts viewers and increases the Penstubal Post's publicity - this claim is not proven, however, although it is fully plausible because Penstubal has already employed tactics to gain publicity, positive AND negative, in the past.
Penstubal Plush Toys
The Penstubal Post decided to give out a free plush toy Penstubal in the ceremonial Penstubal's 18th birthday issue on 24 August 2019. The plush toy was in every single copy of the newspaper. Naturally, this was exploited by Chill57181 and Penquino, who decided to order 1,000,000 issues of the Penstubal Post in order to get the plush toys. The Penstubal Post had trouble making all those issues, but in the end they did and they got a fortune of 2,000,000 wikibucks for all the issues. However, of course, Chill and Penquino never actually planned on giving Penstubal the money - they creatively vandalized the Penstubal Post headquarters with a million plush toys all dressed up in different clothes and all with different facial expressions and in very convenient locations. Once they did that, they asked for refunds with the claim they received the plush toys the way they put them in the Penstubal Post HQ and not as it was promoted in the newspaper.
The Penstubal Post once held a special event called "Kiss Scrubette", during which 100 honorary penguins who gathered in a line and waited all night would get a chance to make out with Scrubette, Penstubal's beautiful wife. Over 300 scrubs showed up and this caused a complete ruckus, and the event was completely torn apart. Some say Chill is responsible for this, and the Penstubal Post said he purposefully ordered the event to be destroyed so as to 'make Scrubette feel unwanted' and said she 'cried all night because of sociopath Chill'.
The event was re-held several days later and only two people showed up, and both came just to mock Scrubette. This was really mean and made Scrubette cry.
The Penstubiade (pen-stew-bee-aid) was a parade that took place in Wizzint to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the founding of the Penstubal Post on 24 August 2028 - the same day as Penstubal's birthday. Scrubs from all over Moon Island and even Antarctica gathered to watch this parade, and many were shocked by the huge attendance as over 15,000 penguins showed up, much, much more than expected (Penstubal himself only expected a few thousand). The Penstubiade was actually the only successful major event organized by the Penstubal Post as it went on without any interruptions, and only with minor incidents as trolls attempted to stop a parade float from going through the main boulevard, but the foil was plotted by the police. There were also slightly violent but minor clashes at a faraway section of the city, stopped by heavy security and the Gendarmarie guarding the entire path of the parade floats.
Welcome Pink Sheep!
Penstubal wrote a lot about Shprogshels, whose history is one of the main subjects Scrubette is working on. He once had a dream during which a mystical pink Shprogshel would visit him and show him his "perfect world of harmony and peace" and referred to him as the "prankster gangster king". Ever since then, Penstubal has been describing himself with that title and has been describing his ideal vision of a world governed by the laws of the "Pink Sheep". Nobody normal believed him, but thousands of scrubs celebrated his vision and themselves reported having a vision of the mystical "Pink Sheep" as well. Penstubal then one day predicted that "prankster gangster Pink Sheep will make his divine appearance in the downtown Wizzint on the next Mustache Friday, to be introduced by his family", a monthly event that Penstubal made up when all his supporters are asked to party with him with mustaches on their beaks.
Tens of thousands showed up to this grand occasion, and indeed - a Shprogshel covered in pink wool and with a mustache on its beak was introduced by a huge crowd of pink Shprogshels in the middle of the street! The entire crowd was fascinated by this sight and started taking pictures of this "Pink Sheep". However, upon being swarmed with photographs, this divine creature suddenly became furious, its eyes became bright red and its wool started falling off, revealing a black skin. The crowd of Shprogshels then started running in just about every direction they could and dozens more showed up on the streets and ravaged the city, devouring dozens upon dozens of innocent penguins. Penstubal, who himself was in the area, was evacuated by helicopter, although a Shprogshel attempted to devour him as well by hopping on his helicopter.
Everybody decided that Penstubal's pink Shprogshel story was a lie, but then, Penstubal said, and also wrote in the Penstubal Post, that something "amazing" had just happened. Later that day, he revealed what it was - he described how the pink Shprogshel that jumped on him suddenly calmed down and smiled upon seeing his beautiful and gorgeous face - the Shprogshel calmed down and winked at Penstubal, before being pushed off the helicopter by a security officer. The Shprogshel then screamed in what Penstubal claimed to be a voice that sounded just like "Pink Sheep's" from his fantasies - and suddenly in the background, the Pink Sheep Christmas Rap was played despite there being no radio, cassette or music player anywhere nearby. Penstubal then made a tragic announcement: he declared that the real Pink Sheep might have been killed forever.
The entire crowd listening to him, as well as the entire scrub population of Antarctica, was shocked by this proclamation by Penstubal - all scrubs who doubted "Pink Sheep's" existence after the events in Wizzint suddenly fell silent and started crying. Two days later, Penstubal proclaimed that a ceremony will be held to commemorate the life of "Pink Sheep" and to celebrate "his coming to our dreams". A few days later, the ceremony was held and was attended by thousands of penguins and his casket was carried throughout the main avenue of Wizzint - however, later, Penstubal personally opened the casket - and found it was empty, with only a small ball of pink wool left inside lying on the pillow. Penstubal then proclaimed that "Pink Sheep" lives, will visit us in our dreams and will forever live! Massive celebrations then ensued, and indeed, over the next few days, penguins reported that "Pink Sheep" visited them in their dreams.
Almost everyone outside of Penstubal's direct supporters, in Moon and Shops Island and abroad, consider the Penstubal Post to be a ridiculous tabloid, "fake news" that only exists to slander Stubal's enemies and praise himself and his ideas. It caused Stubal to lose many of his neutral supporters, but gain many who are anti-Chill and anti-Penquino or are stupid enough to believe all of his radical ideas and take his words as truth. The Post is largely believed to be the main cause of the failure to reach normal political discourse in the Republic of Moon Island.
However, the Penstubal Post has become frighteningly popular across the continent, even among some more neutral and moderate people, some of whom explain reading the Penstubal Post is actually like "interpreting a literary masterpiece", and say there is a hidden, more reasonable message behind everything that Penstubal says in the paper. Others call this notion ridiculous and say Penstubal should be taken for 'whom he really is' - a pathological, attention-seeking liar and a potential destabilizing force for countries across the world.
The Penstubal Post is incredibly unpopular among the "reasonable" community and all over the world it condemned the Penstubal Post and Penstubal himself for promoting such harmful and at times sinister ideology. Penstubal himself was the target of many protests worldwide once his Post became very popular in the late 2020s: Penstubal also got enormous opposition in 2036 when ran for president of the Republic of Moon Island, and tens of thousands showed up to protest in Dancing Penguin City, Moon Island City and even in his own home town of Wizzint - he was elected in spite of the major protests, primarily because of the rural vote but also the urban vote - around 37% of Dancing Penguin City residents voted FOR Penstubal, around 42% in Moon Island City and 50% in Wizzint (despite the fact he used to be its mayor). Some countries, like Azukri, have banned the importation of the Penstubal post.
When it comes to relations between Penstubal and those he insulted often via the Penstubal Post, especially Chill and Penquino, he made them really mad, even though they weren't that mad at Penstubal before he started randomly slandering them in the Penstubal Post. Penstubal became the butt of many jokes between Chill, Penquino and their friends, and they have started almost completely avoiding Penstubal except in the very few, very rare and incredibly unlikely situations where it is necessary for them to meet each other. Penstubal does not feel the same way about them, as evident by his obsession with them and his constant writing about them in the Post.
The Penstubal Post was a minor influence in Antarctic politics when it was first created, but after a few years and especially when Penstubal got elected President of Moon Island, the Post became one of the most popular newspapers in Antarctica due to the propaganda targeting "the global elite" that it is spreading. The Penstubal Post was the only real "scrub" outlet which promoted such media, meaning its subscribers weren't split and followed solely the Penstubal Post and ignored dozens of other popular newspapers that existed simply because they did not cater to their worldview. This resulted in a new generation of politicians in countries around the world, completely brainwashed by the Penstubal Post's propaganda, and Chill came to be known worldwide as a scapegoat for everything bad that happens in a country's politics. Many politicians even started denouncing all protests against themselves, telling the public that the protesters "are paid by Chill and his frog-sniffing yesmen", and using such propaganda tactics they kept their power steady and managed to turn their base against Chill.
The Penstubal Post heavily influenced Shopper politics over the years, especially after the attempted assassination of Lavender. The Penstubal Post, a few months later, started portraying themselves as the "victims" of "Lavender's thirst for vengeance", and so they managed to turn a sizeable amount of Shopper citizens to their side against Lavender. Some theorize that the Penstubal Post helped David Franklin keep his power as governor of Moon Island over the years, but this theory is unproven and the Penstubal Post did not mention David Franklin much at all. Still, that didn't stop people from blaming the Penstubal Post, and after the Shops Civil War Penstubal started using David Franklin's governorship for his own personal gain, and started writing a lot about his life in the Penstubal Post and attempted to whitewash history so as to portray David Franklin as a good guy, sort of like he started doing to Brook Edward LasVegas as well.
Many workers at the Penstubal Post ended up working for the government of the Republic of Moon Island under Penstubal's presidency because Penstubal wanted to reward them for their loyalty and their hard work in presenting his vision for Antarctica. Penstubal used the Penstubal Post as a propaganda tool even during his presidency, but he tried to disassociate himself from it by resigning as its CEO and by not commenting nearly at all about the Penstubal Post anymore. Logically, because of the name of the newspaper, Penstubal was still closely associated with it despite his attempts to say he "does not influence the Penstubal Post and what it writes anymore". This was not true, of course, and Penstubal even expanded the Penstubal Post's operations and built skyscrapers with the Penstubal Post's Moon Island Headquarters in Wizzint and the Penstubal Post's International Headquarters in Delphi, Acadia.
The newspaper was a major influence in elections across the world, and Penstubal was very quick to endorse candidates who catered to him and to his worldviews. Penstubal heavily influenced the 2019 presidential elections in the United Provinces, his country of origin, and supported the right-wing nationalist and anti-Chillist candidate against incumbent president Simon McClark. The Penstubal Post also operated during the Shops Civil War but not in favor of any specific side, despite Penstubal's own strong support of the United States of Shops Island - this was probably so he wouldn't anger his base by supporting the side Penquino and Chill are on.
The Penstubal Post also attempted to influence Western Union policy through its large readership in Duck Island and Acadia. The Penstubal Post is widely considered to be behind the proposal to ban orange juice from the Western Union at the 2018 Pontilex Western Union Summit and the Penstubal Post wrote of the dangers of drinking orange juice, claiming it would turn people into Neo-Naughtzees and possibly even turn them green like a frog. Those claims were obviously not true but were believed by many Duckish and Acadian politicians in the Western Union, and even some other politicians as well not from those two countries, and the orange juice proposal received a substantial amount of support before several countries said they would put in their vetoes.
Penstubal Post readers are often trolled by publications of a similar name, usually Penstudal or Penstubql Post, created by opponents of the Post. These knockoffs, unlike the Penstubal Post, have "Penstudal" or "Penstubql" admitting things they've done wrong (occasionally telling actual stories), insulting the stupid readers of the Post like ducks and Acadians, and a recurring theme is each issue has a new duck-based food recipe that Penstudal or Penstuqal says they've tried recently and recommend. It has heavy publication in the areas with the stupidest Penstubal Post readers in an attempt to confuse them into disliking Stubal. Every time the company is sued by Penstubal, they follow the Penstubal Post's strategy of adding a number to the end of the name, and usually switching the main alias as well (Penstudal or Penstubql).
Penstubal's stupid followers often are fooled by the knockoffs and think what is written in the knockoffs is from the actual, original Penstubal Post. They get enraged by them, burn all the Penstubal Post issues they ever had in protest of the knockoffs and send Penstubal very mean letters. Fortunately, despite all that, the knockoffs haven't lost Penstubal any of his followers because, as said already, they are too stupid and just go back to reading it the next day.
The knockoffs are banned in Duck Island and whoever tries to import any of them to Duck Island is arrested with the fake newspapers destroyed.
These are some of the most notable contributors to the Penstubal Post, including columnists (who contribute with their own articles regularly) and honorary columnists (who have been honorarily given the job of a columnist, but do not necessarily write articles regularly, not do they actually hold the job officially).
- Penstubal, CEO of the Penstubal Post since 2018
- Fiona Scribbler, CFO of the Penstubal Post since 2018
- Marty Buchanan, columnist in the science section of the Post
- Bobbie Wood, columnist in the cuisine section of the Post
- Scrubette, columnist in the culture section of the Post
- Jolly Timmy, columnist in the politics section of the Post
- Robert Smith, honorary columnist in the politics section of the Post
- Brant Esser, honorary columnist in the politics section of the Post
- It isn't that popular anywhere in the world except Duck Island, where it outsells even the most prominent newspapers in the country. This has solidified the opinions of some nations, especially those in the Axle Powers and the AU that Duck Island is nothing more than a joke country.
- Its popularity is largely to blame for Duck Island's anti-East Pengolia foreign policy as the publication promotes that East Pengolians eat baby ducks for dinner.
- Brant Esser is known to be a reader of the Penstubal Post and he even wrote an article for it in which he denounces communism in Antarctica and calls for its destruction.
- Chill himself occasionally reads the Penstubal Post because he thinks it's hilarious. Of course, he doesn't actually want to support them, so he pirates it off of the internet.
- Haters of the Newspaper mock it with a fake "unofficial" motto, "Find out the fake facts".
- Some readers created a "real" motto, "Find out the true facts".