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|The Penstubal Post|
The Penstubal Post logo
|Effects||To tell news from Penstubal's perspective|
|Cost to buy||2 Wikibucks|
|Cost to sell||Free|
The Penstubal Post is a newspaper (widely considered to be a tabloid) founded by Penstubal in Wizzint sometime in 2018. The newspaper was incredibly controversial as it promoted various things Penstubal's opponents (also known as melonheads) considered to be "completely untrue" - among things it presented as truth were that Chill57181's controls an organization called "Da Illuminati" that is keen on conquering entire Antarctica and enslaving all penguins, that The Ed is a Neo-Naughtzee who seeks the extermination of all high penguins and that Penquino has an 'unhealthy obsession with eggnog' (this is one of the only stories that turned out to be true).
The Penstubal Post was sued seven times. It was brought down and forced to close all seven times, but it always reopened just days later under new names (The Penstubal Post II, Penstubal Post III etc). The current Penstubal Post is Penstubal Post VIII and there is no difference at all whatsoever from any of the previous Penstubal Posts.
- 1 Stories
- 2 Penstubal News
- 3 Events
- 4 Reactions
- 5 Knockoffs
- 6 Trivia
- 7 See Also
The most controversial story ever published by the Penstubal Post was that The Ed is a Neo-Naughtzee who wishes to exterminate all high penguins and enslave all opposition to his evil plans. He was caricatured as an evil villain - a black penguin with broken teeth, red ears, red horns and torn clothes. This portrayal was very controversial and the Penstubal Post was sued for this story - once the Penstubal Post was booted back up, all that was done was "Ed" being replaced with "dE (read backwards)" and a statement on how "dE (read backwards)" attempted to censor the publication for revealing the "very obvious" truth.
As a response to the publication, Ed, Chill and Penquino decided to vandalize Penstubal's private residence, the Carmine House, with Neo-Naughtzee symbols. Penstubal was quickly accused of being a Neo-Naughtzee, allegations he strongly denied - despite his denial, his approval ratings were tarnished and the three who pranked him managed to go unscathed by press.
Another asinine story the Penstubal Post published was that Chill57181 was the leader of a secret organization called Da Illuminati which brainwashes thousands of penguins from across Antarctica each year and forces them to join 'a cult calling for the destruction of all that is loved and normal in Antarctica' and 'complete conquest of the Antarctic continent and enslavement of penguinkind'. Penstubal himself wrote this story, and when he published it, he went on Chitter to proclaim he is alarmed by what the Penstubal Post just published, saying that it "must be examined immediately".
Penstubal then went on to release a major public statement in front of a crowd of one hundred and sixty two plush toys with Penstubal's face drawn on them, accusing Chill of being the masterlord of his 'puppets', Penquino, and Ed. He went on to accuse him of being the leader of an international criminal organization that wishes for total destruction of Antarctica and its rule by Chill, the 'racist ego-maniac', as Penstubal proclaimed him. His statement went on to be ignored by most, and the Penstubal Post was sued and fined 3,500 wikibucks for 'running a completely false story'.
The Post has been largely silent, even positive towards Kermit, largely praising him for saving Clubb Phengin Weekee from destruction by enemies multiple times - this became one of the few things the whole of Antarctica could get around agreeing on, even Penstubal, who has a terrible relationship with Chill57181, a person largely credited for being most supportive of Kermit and for popularizing Kermit's great deeds in the public via various newspapers, books, TV shows and articles.
However, it all changed when Quackerpingu published an article in the Penstubal Post titled "KERMIT: WIKI SAVIOR OR PROFOUND NEO-NAUGHTZEE?". In this article, he called Kermit "an evil orange-juice-drinking Neo-Naughtzee who seeks the destruction of liberty across Antarctica". He then accused Kermit of being trained by Da Illuminati, the organization bound on taking over Antarctica, and being under the direct influence of Chill and his minions. This led to public outrage and pro-Kermit protests worldwide, as well as for calls for the Penstubal Post to be banned.
Chill Island, after this article was published, officially banned the Penstubal Post, as did a few other countries that consider Kermit to be a Saint. In Duck Island and some areas of Moon Island and the United Provinces, however, the article was positively received and protests against Kermit took place, ultimately resulting in clashes between the two sides in Wizzint that left several dead and dozens injured.
Penstubal went on to release a statement saying 'he is not responsible for everything written in the Penstubal Post', despite being its owner, giving Quacker the permission to write the article and having his name as part of the publication's name.
Bureau of Fiction
The Post has been critical towards the Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature or the Bureau of Fiction, often attacking them for 'working behind the swamp to destroy the peaceful and prosperous lives of ordinary penguins in Antarctica', and also accusing them of being controlled by Chill57181 and his minions, even though he is not listed as an official member - Quackerpingu explains this is because Kermit is a member of the Bureau of Fiction and that it is a well-known and well-documented fact that Kermit is controlled by Chill57181.
This has led to the Post facing the wrath of the Bureau of Fiction, with several of its member being punished in various both physical and mental ways, as well as the Penstubal Post HQ being struck by lightning on a bright summer day with nearly no clouds in sight - this resulted in a major fire that forced the Penstubal Post to evacuate their Wizzint headquarters, and also in Penstubal himself being sent to the hospital, having almost been killed by the lightning strike.
Shops Civil War
Leading up to and during the Shops Civil War, the Post heavily criticized the United States of Shops Island, simply because Penquino and Chill57181 were its leaders. The Post was heavily criticized for this, and Penstubal was accused of collaborating with Djf, a tyrannical dictator who publicly executed his enemies. This was later used as a pretext by the United States of Shops Island to seize the Penstubal Post's HQ and arrest Penstubal - however, Penstubal was mysteriously not there, almost as if he anticipated he would be arrested so he fled the country so he could continue provoking people with the paper.
The manhunt for Penstubal continued until the end of the Shops Civil War, but once it ended Penstubal returned to Moon Island safely and continued with the same he has been doing for quite a while normally without any persecution. It did gain him a lot of infamy, though.
Penstubal once randomly called for entire Antarctica to worship some sort of "pink sheep". Nobody knows why he did that, but many actually did and started actually building statues, monuments, parks, paintings and literature dedicated to "pink sheep". It is unknown where he got the idea for people to worship "pink sheep", or why he even did it in the first place, but there are no "pink sheep" in Antarctica, leading many people to wonder what a "pink sheep" even is - with Penstubal describing it as a creature that looks quite like a Shprogshel. Thus, many people interpreted he is actually calling for worshipping pink Shprogshels, additionally leading many people to wonder why he would call for worshipping a creature known to devour penguins.
The Penstubal Post is staunchly pro-Western Union and promoted the idea over the many years and when Moon Island got independence it lobbied for Moon Island to join the Western Union. The Penstubal Post often calls the Western Union the "best union in Antarctica", saying that the Axle Powers drool and that the United States of Antarctica cannot stop "Western Union's epic PWNage". The Western Union never commented on Penstubal Post's stance regarding the Western Union, instead trying to ignore it and focus on issues that actually matter. Later, it became an issue that actually mattered as dozens of ducks who work at Penstubal Post broke into the Western Union Commission and caused a ruckus there in the name of support for the Western Union.
The Penstubal Post has become known for its very, very blatant bias in favor of Brant Esser, the President of Acadia who has been accused by some of being a dictator and of rescinding liberties in his country. The Penstubal Post praises his work, even interviewing him once. The Penstubal Post also reported that Penstubal sees Brant as "the only world leader standing united against Chill57181's obnoxious world-conquest agenda", something which Brant never publicly commented on.
The Ice Finder
For whatever reason, the Penstubal Post claims that The Ice Finder's real height was 62.4 meters, exactly the height of EPT, and will not back down on this theory. Penstubal claims that IF looking like a regular penguin was an optical illusion engineered by Chill and his gang, and that the lack of any collateral damage that would've caused is "fake news" set up by Da Illuminati. According to the Post, the large death count during the Nightmare Epic was not caused by the King of Sorrow or Epic Nightmare, but rather IF collapsing and causing a massive earthquake - all part of Chill's plan to balance the population of Antarctica.
Upon IF's reveal as a Helper Trophy in Super Smash Mates U.B.E.R., Penstubal protested, stating that "Ice Finder is too small".
Members of the Penstubal Post have attempted to interview EPT over this conspiracy, resulting in this exchange:
- Penstubal Post: "Hello! How do you feel about being the same size as the evil Ice Finder?"
- EPT: "What is this hot garbage. I never agreed to this interview."
- Explorer: "...you do know this counts as a violation of privacy, right?"
Penstubal is often annoyed by Miron, Mironica's very handsome and loving boyfriend, and their relationship makes him angry. He often takes to the Post to write articles under a pseudonym, pretending to be somebody who believes that Mironica "would be a lot better with the rich and totally handsome and hunky guy that is Penstubal rather than a wimp like Moron [sic]". Penstubal even once took to Chitter to praise this article, calling it a "masterpiece" and "So True!". Miron was enraged by this article, and Mironica felt threatened and attempted to sue the Post for defamation only to lose the lawsuit. Penstubal would continue to publish negative, reputation-tarnishing articles about Miron and how Mironica would be way better with a 'nice guy like Penstubal'.
Penstubal often stalks Mironica on social media, in hopes of getting her to answer questions for the Penstubal Post how handsome Penstubal is and how Miron barely fits the definition of a man. He also comments on her photos, and sometimes even published them in the Penstubal Post. He also displays oddly unconventional behavior in front of her, treating her like a goddess and saying "m'lady" instead of "hi" to her, even after he got married.
The Penstubal Post came to be heavily critical of Shops Island and its government, often criticizing its 'imperialist ambitions' and calling President Lavender many derogatory terms, such as a 'warmonger', a 'muppet' and a 'colossal tool'. The paper has also, on many occasions, called for the Shopper government to remove Chill57181 from office. These provocations often irritate the Shopper public, and Lavender even addressed the Penstubal Post's shenanigans to call them traitors to their country. The Penstubal Post continued publishing anti-imperialist articles until their offices were raided by a "far-right patriotic non-government sponsored militia" that forced them to stop such publications under the threat of being severely punished. An investigation was conducted looking into this raid, however the Shopper government claimed it was unable to find 'substantial evidence of wrongdoing'. Due to all of these complications, the Penstubal Post later continued publishing the same type of articles, but in countries outside of Shops Island, primarily Duck Island, Candvia and the United Provinces.
Nearly every single issue of the Penstubal Post has an article that calls for the liberation of the Yow Kingdom and the release of Feey1 from Maverick. The Penstubal Post referred to the Great Yowien War as 'one of the greatest war crimes of our time' and accused the countries involved in the partition of being the 'Coalition of the Warmongering'. As a result of the Penstubal Post's persistent activism, the belief that the Yow Kingdom should be liberated became mainstream in all the occupant countries except Snowzerland, but arguments in favor of liberation were quickly struck down and nobody in any of the countries ever took any action in the national legislatures and governments for the liberation of the country.
The activism by the Penstubal Post caught the attention of the United Provinces president Simon McClark, who once publicly said that "he would prefer a liberated Yow". This caused a diplomatic incident between the United Provinces and Shops Island, and the UP ambassador was expelled with the government of Shops Island demanding an apology from the UP government for their 'inappropriate comments'. President McClark subsequently caved in and apologized, after which the Penstubal Post published an article titled "WE'RE WITH YOU, MCCLARK!".
Penstubal News is the Penstubal Post's official network. It is divided into 3 channels: PN (Penstubal News), P1 (Penstubal One) and P2 (Penstubal Two). All three mainly spout propaganda against Chill. It opened a few months after the Penstubal Post began publishing as a result of high demand for a television network espousing anti-Chill views. It became notorious for its hardcore propaganda. Sadly for Penstubal, he couldn't get it to be one of the basic 10 cable channels in any country in the world. They are the basic 11th, 12th and 13th cable channels in Duck Island, though.
Penstubal Plush Toys
The Penstubal Post decided to give out a free plush toy Penstubal in the ceremonial Penstubal's 18th birthday issue on 24 August 2019. The plush toy was in every single copy of the newspaper. Naturally, this was exploited by Chill57181 and Penquino, who decided to order 1,000,000 issues of the Penstubal Post in order to get the plush toys. The Penstubal Post had trouble making all those issues, but in the end they did and they got a fortune of 2,000,000 wikibucks for all the issues. However, of course, Chill and Penquino never actually planned on giving Penstubal the money - they creatively vandalized the Penstubal Post headquarters with a million plush toys all dressed up in different clothes and all with different facial expressions and in very convenient locations. Once they did that, they asked for refunds with the claim they received the plush toys the way they put them in the Penstubal Post HQ and not as it was promoted in the newspaper.
Almost everyone outside of Penstubal's direct supporters, in Moon and Shops Island and abroad, consider the Penstubal Post to be a ridiculous tabloid, "fake news" that only exists to slander Stubal's enemies and praise himself and his ideas. It caused Stubal to lose many of his neutral supporters, but gain many who are anti-Chill and anti-Penquino or are stupid enough to believe all of his radical ideas and take his words as truth. The Post is largely believed to be the main cause of the failure to reach normal political discourse in the Republic of Moon Island.
However, the Penstubal Post has become frighteningly popular across the continent, even among some more neutral and moderate people, some of whom explain reading the Penstubal Post is actually like "interpreting a literary masterpiece", and say there is a hidden, more reasonable message behind everything that Penstubal says in the paper. Others call this notion ridiculous and say Penstubal should be taken for 'whom he really is' - a pathological, attention-seeking liar and a potential destabilizing force for countries across the world.
Chill and Penquino like to troll Penstubal Post readers with their own publications of a similar name, usually Penstudal or Penstubql Post. It, unlike the Penstubal Post, has "Penstudal" or "Penstubql" admitting things they've done wrong (occasionally telling actual stories), insulting the stupid readers of the Post like ducks and Acadians, and a recurring theme is each issue has a new duck-based food recipe that Penstudal or Penstuqal says they've tried recently and recommend. It has heavy publication in the areas with the stupidest Penstubal Post readers in an attempt to confuse them into disliking Stubal. Every time the company is sued by Penstubal, they follow the Penstubal Post's strategy of adding a number to the end of the name, and usually switching the main alias as well (Penstudal or Penstubql).
- It isn't that popular anywhere in the world except Duck Island, where it outsells even the most prominent newspapers in the country. This solidifies the international community's stance that Duck Island is a joke and shouldn't be considered a country at all.
- Its popularity is largely to blame for Duck Island's anti-East Pengolia foreign policy as the publication promotes that East Pengolians eat baby ducks for dinner.
- Brant Esser is known to be a reader of the Penstubal Post and he even wrote an article for it in which he denounces communism in Antarctica and calls for its destruction.
- Chill himself occasionally reads the Penstubal Post because he thinks it's hilarious. Of course, he doesn't actually want to support them, so he pirates it off of the internet.
- Haters of the Newspaper mock it with a fake "unofficial" motto, "Find out the fake facts".