Ponyo Penguin's Christmas Special

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Ponyo Penguin's Christmas Special
Genre Paid programming, lost film
Created by Ponyo Penguin

The Ponyo Penguin Christmas Special is a lost film that was supposed to be a Christmas themed cooking show featuring an infamous drink in the spotlight. It is a Christmas special about Ponyo Penguin watching a Christmas special while wishing for a Christmas special of her own, and then she discusses recipes for Sockan Brand Cactus Extract.

Its thirty minute timeslot was "mysteriously" replaced with twenty two minutes of commercials. No plans are in existence to release the other twenty two minutes because of heavy SBCE references, and even if they wanted to, they couldn't, because no copies of the film exist. The studio it was recorded in was in rural Eastshield (it was all Ponyo could afford). When they learned of the cactus juice, extremist Unoian citizens seized the station and had the thing censored... before the whole place exploded, courtesy of the radicals of the Mattress Village Cream Soda Destruction League.

Ponyo didn't give up, though. She aired a second series, this time illegally.


It was supposed to be a live event.

Ponyo Penguin stands before an audience to show them what happens when cactus juice and marshmallows are mixed together. Before she can begin, she got a phone call on the air stating they want her for a Christmas special. Still on the air, the scenary is brought in as she accepts, but is angered because her cactus juice was removed from the studio.

Ponyo Penguin, as the cameras roll, just sits there watching Christmas specials on a small television on the wall. Then, randomly, she carries on into a seven-minute speech about her family tree to the camera, but then discovers it was preemptied by commercials. The show is cut as she begins to scream, and a long strign of paid programming begins.

Off-air, an aggravated Ponyo calls her manager and demands they cut the commercials and brings back, and he says he understands. Ponyo decides to do the cactus thing anyway, and she spends the rest of the show mixing the drink withut consuming it. As she finishes, a staff member whispers that it didn't air: the entire skit was preemptied for commercials!

The broadcast is resumed, but all the audience got was Ponyo Penguin attacking the camera operator. That wasn't preemptied by commercials! Then, the camera cuts off and the rest of the timeslot received commercials as well.


Oh, and then the MVCSDL blows up the studio... -but that was off-air as well.

Censorship and explosion[edit]

The citizens of Mattress Village were tipped off that the old television station in the mountains was about to broadcast a show that was going to promote Sockan Brand Cactus Extract in a positive manner, and on live television. Outraged at such an evil drink, several of them waddled up the mountains and stormed uinto the studio. Quietly going to the controls, they cut Ponyo's signal and routed the commercials in. When the connection was restored, they did it again, so all Ponyo got was her embarassing cameraman takedown.

The censors then waited for Ponyo's diva-tantrum, and after the studio closed, they called up the League, who quickly surrounded the place with gunpowder. Waiting for the employees to exit, they blew up the studio, just like they did to the Corbin soda saloon in the 1960s.

It was then that The Inquisition paid a visit to the producers' homes, and... well... yeah. (Let it be said that the producers will never air anything with cactus juice in it, even in their new jobs.)


  • Ponyo Penguin: Man, I wish there was hot cocoa mix in here.
  • Ponyo Penguin: You...preemptied...21 out of the 30 minutes...I had on camera... FOR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING ADS? (begins to jump on top of the camera guy) ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS?! YOU GIVE ME...A GLORIOUS ACTRESS...A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL...AND YOU TREAT IT LIKE IT'S AN INFORMERCIAL?! UNACCEPTABLE!
  • Ponyo Penguin: I AM NEVER DOING THAT TRICK AGAIN! You used me for public stunts, and I wanted a Christmas special. A nice, happy, Christmas special. I don't care if you think it's unclean! NO OTHER SHOW ON YOUR NETWORK GETS PREEMPTIED FOR COMMERCIALS. And, the commercials you aired weren't even good! (tackles the manager) I'm getting angry! You won't like me when I'm angry! Just ask the camera guy!
  • MVCSDL goon: That'll teach 'em!
  • Tortured manager: The rack... THE RACK...
  • Unoian citizen: I hate that cactus juice. I support the commercial move, and I hope all the Eastshieldian folks get our message. We WILL stop promotions of that evil poison. WE WILL!
  • Judge Shroo Jones: Them's my district, fer sure. It's mah job to dispense justice when it's needed, and these guys'd be in jail... -but them Matressers, they so rural that they won't get arrested fer it. In fact, most of the residents, even mah own family, would look da othuh way at this incident, 'cause they hate that thar cactus juice as much as the Lea-guh.

Corrupt as it may seem, that's how life is in these here parts of Eastshield. That Ponyo girl, she shoulda done her homework before tryin' ta air somethin' like THAT in this part of tha state. Why, you ain't 'gonna see a single judge, a single cop, not even a complaint from 'em around, here even though they just did a bunch'a arson! They just look the other way, and I reckon Ponyo's just gone have to live with it. Sometimes, even tha Joneses got a double standard.

  • TurtleShroom: They blew up the television studio? Oh, such disgusting criminal sin, when I get my flippers on- what? They were promoting WHAT? Uhh... (tugs on shirt collar) ...never mind. I'm sure the police will take care of this. I won't get involved.
  • Inquisition member: NOBODY EXPECTED an explosion!
  • Ponyo Penguin: I believe it is the network's fault for allowing dynamite past a current barrier in their studios. Also, I have a lawyer.
  • (Lawyer walks in with crooked tie.)
  • Lawyer:
    Good evening.
  • Jury Member: Why does he speak in block quote-type text?
  • Ponyo Penguin: Beats me, as long as he can help me win.
  • Lawyer:
    What was the debate again?
  • Ponyo Penguin: (bangs head against wall in between words) Why. Do. I. Always. Get. The. Brainless. Ones?


  • Ponyo Penguin actually got preemptied for twenty two out of the thirty minutes, but she doesn't need to know that...
  • The tapes were destroyed in the explosion. Due to this, neither the whole show or the seven minutes broadcasted live can never be re-aired or viewed ever again, unless someone expected a live broadcast and recorded it on a VCR.
  • Ponyo Penguin still got her day, somewhat. It is rumored that a full recording of both the tackling scene and the commercials (the whole timeslot) would be worth hundreds of thousands of pebbles for a crazed movie buff that has to "collect them all". Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that anyone recorded the show, partially because it was live and un-advertised, and partially because no one really cared... -but don't tell Ponyo Penguin that, either.

See also[edit]