Queen of Card-Jitsu
|This tale has been told! It's done!|
|Hat Pop Gets Scammed|
Picture of a nervous Hat Pop shackled to a throne with Carlo holding a pen and timeshare contract, smiling deviously.
|Participants||Hat Pop, Carlo|
|Date||May 26, 2009|
Queen of Card-Jitsu, or more specifically, Hat Pop Gets Scammed, is a story about everyone's favorite rabbit-ears wearing penguin and how she ended up in such a big mess.
Hat Pop and Lemon were lounging in their living room, at peace for the first time in ages. Hat Pop was watching her favorite show while Lemon was scribbling into his journal. Suddenly, a knock on the door was heard.
Hat Pop stood up and waddled to the door of her igloo. Upon opening the door, she saw a Ninja, in full uniform, holding a package. She stood back with her cards, ready to fight should the need arise, but the Ninja informed her he was giving her a gift.
Hat Pop calmed down and took the gift. She bowed in respect and thanked him as she closed the door.
"Lemon! I got a package from a fellow ninja! What do you think it inside?"
"I hope that isn't the Silly String I ordered and planned to ruin her mask with... or the shovel, or the cement, or the other shovel..."
Lemon was nervously trembling as Hat Pop quickly unwrapped the item with martial arts like speed, as was common.
"Huh, why is there a video tape in here?"
Hat Pop glanced at the VHS tape. On its cover was "You're a Winner", on the wrapping was her address.
She inserted the VHS tape into the VCR and turned it on.
"Card-Jitsu Island! A serene and exotic location where nature and beauty abound, and hundreds of fighting styles collide in a wave of non-stop, pulsating action!" the tape proclaimed.
"Since the days of Olde Antarctica, the greatest Ninjas from all over the continent have come here, to Card-Jitsu Island, to fight and to train, growing in skill! For centuries, the greatest Ninjas of all time have journeyed to this land to be crowned King/Queen of Card-Jitsu!"
Hat Pop tilted her head a bit, trying to recall of a Card-Jitsu Island in any ninja book.
"You've won an all-expense paid trip to Card-Jitsu Island! Hi-yah! This year, you, - Hat Pop - have been chosen to be this year's KING/QUEEN OF CARD-JITSU! Come to our island and join the ranks of Ninja greats like Pen Chi and The Three Masters!!"
Hat Pop smiled and turned to Lemon.
"Lemon, I've been chosen to become this year's Queen of Card-Jitsu!"
Hat Pop raced out the door, leaving Lemon behind. It just dawned upon him that the voice that said "Hat Pop" sounded dramatically different from the announcer. Could it have been a recording? No matter, Lemon loved to see his master tortured. He brushed it off without guilt.
Hat Pop ran down the lanes of CP. She teleported to the Dojo to inform Sensei of her good fortune.
"Master Sensei, Master Sensei!" Hat Pop ran in all hyper and bowed to him. "I'VE WON THE TITLE OF QUEEN OF CARD-JITSU! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?"
Sensei perked up.
You've won a Contest
that grants a monarch title
to the lucky few?
"Yes, Master Sensei. Is that a problem?"
It sounds quite shady.
I have never heard of it.
Be well on your guard.
Hat Pop nodded and ran out, slightly uneasy at the fact that the current ninja leader had never heard of the so-called "legendary island". Had he not won the title? The video said Pen Chi did, as did the founders of Card-Jitsu, so maybe he had not...
Hat Pop teleported to the Dock, where the boat she was promised awaited to take her to Card-Jitsu Island. She got on, settled in her cabin, and drifted off to sleep in the corner.
About seven hours later, the boat stopped and HP woke up. The captain, also a Ninja, bowed and informed her that she had arrived. She stepped off the dock and onto the snowy landscape of Card-Jitsu Island. Large mountains jutted out in the distance, and just before clouds covered it, she could have sworn she saw some sort of non-Ninja based building. She took a second glance, but it was no longer there, hidden in the clouds.
As she looked around, a mint-green penguin came out of the shadows and bowed to Hat Pop. She had never seen a character like him. He had long, curly, jet-black eyebrows and a mustache to match, with a little beard and a Sensei-coolie hat. He may have been related to Sensei himself. Oddly, he wore a yellow belt, which is a very low rank on the Jitsu scale, as any Ninja knew. Hat Pop was curious to know why, but out of respect, she did not.
Hat Pop bowed back and smiled. "Cool!"
"Quite. Now, as you know, you are this year's Queen of Card-Jitsu. Would you care to show some of your skills to me?"
"Sure! Bring me your best fighters! I'm ready!"
Carlo clapped his flippers together, and three HUGE Emperor Penguins, about the same height as her (but much stronger) stood in front of him.
Hat Pop nervously took out her cards and tossed them. Starting lightly, she threw a level two ice card. The other three penguins all threw level ten water cards. She threw a snowball at each of them and they continued.
Each time she played a card, the three opponents threw a card that lost to that type. She knocked them all down in three moves without even using a Power Card. It was rather suspicious to her.
Carlo smiled and congratulated her on her skill.
"Okay. Now, take a walk with me and we'll go give you the title you seek."
So they did. Carlo walked with Hat Pop down beautiful forested trails. About halfway through, he cringed and turned to Hat Pop.
"We're going the wrong way!"
"Yes! Most definitely! That way, it just leads to, um... LOOK, COOKIES!"
Hat Pop turned to look at the alleged sweets while Carlo kicked over a loose bush to cover the building they were about to pass.
"Never mind. Anyway, let's turn around and try the other path."
They continued. As they walked, Carlo spotted another penguin on the path wearing a T-shirt and a lei. Carlo, thinking quickly, turned to Hat Pop.
"Hold on a second, I have to... go to the bathroom."
Hat Pop turned around and waited, not wishing to be rude or creeped out.
Carlo waddled as fast as possible to the penguin, nearly knocking off his hat in the process.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"Well, I bought-"
"I know that, but why aren't you there?"
"Well, for one thing, it's down the road where you came, and the other, don't I have the freedom to walk around this island?"
"Aye-yah! Can't you see I have a customer?" Carlo gestured to Hat Pop, who was still turned around.
"Oh, another innocent penguin to scam, Noodles?"
"No! Um, yes, but that doesn't matter! Just scram!"
"Ugh, why did I click on that ad in the paper anyway?!" the tourist waddled off.
Carlo ran back to Hat Pop.
"Okay, I'm finished. Let's keep going."
As they walked around, admiring the scenery, Hat Pop turned to Carlo and spoke.
"Gee, it must be amazing to meet famous ninjas every year!"
"Um, yes. It is, Miss Pop."
"Who did you meet last year?"
Carlo thought fast.
They continued until they saw a large, four story pagoda-ish building looming ahead.
"This is the place!"
They waddled up to the entrance of the building where a throne sat in front of the door.
"There, Miss Pop, is your throne."
Hat Pop grinned and waddled over to the throne. She sat down and smiled to Carlo, who waved back in response.
"Are you all comfortable?"
"Good. Now, let's begin... your coronation."
Suddenly, a Ninja jumped from behind the throne and tied Hat Pop's flippers to the chair's armrests with steel wiring. Her waist was also shackled, as was her feet. A ninja then grabbed her and Carlo and they were both carried four floors up, where Carlo then turned to Hat Pop.
"Master Carlo! Are you an assassin?!"
Carlo snickered and reached into his robe. Hat Pop became very scared. Could be a sword, a syringe, a knife?!
It was a pen. There, in Carlo's flipper, was a pen. It was solid gold, with the phrase 意この不動産詐欺！ engraved on it. He also took out a piece of paper.
"Wh-w-what are you going to do with that?"
Carlo clicked the pen.
Sensei was sitting in the Dojo on his pillow, meditating and picturing The Three Masters, growing in mental tranquility.
Suddenly, he detected something unstable in the balence of Ninjas! It sounded like a scream!
Sensei Wraith turned to face Sensei. A controller was floating next to him and Tails6000 and the Secret Rings was displayed on a television screen.
Listening to Wraith's response, he was clearly not involved in this... yet, since he was connected to the Dojo as Sensei, he had to have heard the scream too.
There was a huge scream.
Did you hear it as I did?
Something is not right!
"はい。私は悲鳴を耳にした。それは私を怖がらせたと私は人生を失った . これは、マーゲート南極諸島の西から来ました。" Sensei Wraith responded.
Sensei realized that the only known danger to a Ninja west of the MAI was from his brother. He immediantly dashed to the nearest Hydro Hopper Boat, and using a Surfer Card and revving the engine, Sensei made good time.
Hat Pop squirmed, trying to get free of the shackles. Eventually, she gave up; there was no way to get out.
"Snickerdoodles! I'm trapped!"
"Trapped you are, young penguin. You are forbidden to leave until you sign this real estate contract.
"So... I'm not Queen of Card-Jitsu?"
"No. However, you could be Queen of Condos! Here, let me explain."
Carlo took out a chart from his inventory.
"I won't give into your real estate scam! I already have a great house, I don't need a vacation home!"
Suddenly, a slam on the door was heard four stories below. Someone was coming upstairs!
"Someone's coming to save me!" Hat Pop rejoiced.
"He or she will never make it past the Three Floors of Doom!"
Sensei burst through the door with his Ninja Sword. He put it back in its holster and faced his first opponent. It was a fat red penguin with a plunger. He wore large blue overalls, had a black mustache, and wore a red hat. He stood up, his great weight making the floor creak.
"If you want-a to see Master Noodles, you must-a first go through me, Malleo the Huge-a!"
Malleo stood up and charged at Sensei. Sensei counterd with an AC 3000 ice card. The air conditioning unit fell in front of Malleo and blew him over. Sensei continued by pulling out a snack.
"NO! NOT MCDOODLES-A FRECH-A FRIES! HOW DID YOU KNOW THEY WERE-A MY WEAKNESS!"
Sensei laughed and through them at the fat penguin. He immediantly chased after them until he passed out in exhaustion.
Sensei jumped over him and went up to the second floor. There, he met an arctic tern with bulbous eyes.
"You dare face me, the one, the only, Laser Bird?"
Laser Bird shot heat vision from his eyes. Sensei had to perform swift dodging manuvers in order to not get burnt. He countered with a Level 11 water card, the cactus one. He threw a cactus straight at Lase Bird!
Fifty pounds of pointed saquaro fell upon him! Sensei ran upstairs, but not before giving a first aid kit to Laser Bird. A true sensei never left his opponents too injured.
Climbing up the ladder to Floor Three, Sensei knew there was not much time left.
He faced a tall penguin, one about as skinny as a pole.
"I AM THE SPEEDSTER! CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!"
Speedster ran around and around and around until Sensei got so dizzy that he toppled over. Speedster proceeded to run over to Sensei and take his hat. Nobody takes Sensei's hat, as any sane penguin knew. Sensei stood up, eyes almost flaming, and he threw a Level 12 water card, the Mighty Plunger (it's a real card) straight at the laughing Speedster.
Speedster was knocked clean over by the Plunger. Sensei stood over and picked up his precious hat, dusting it off and running upstairs, leaving Speedster to deal with a beakful of Mighty Plunger.
Sensei hurried upstairs and burst through, only to see Hat Pop shackled and Carlo with the contract.
"BROTHER!" Sensei shouted.
"BROTHER?" Hat Pop gasped.
"Sensei..." Carlo responded in annoyance.
"He's your brother?! Why didn't he pursue the family business like you, Master?"
Noodles preferred to
be sneaky to gain profits
and was shunned by us.
"No way!" Hat Pop gasped again.
"It's not sneaky!" Carlo shouted, "It's... uh, a common marketing technique."
Sensei turned to
What are you doing,
Torturing this poor penguin
with lously condos?
"Hey, a penguin must make business somehow! I chose real estate as my path."
That would be okay
If integrity applied!
Release her right now!
Sensei was mad.
Sensei jumped in the air but was stopped by three ninjas who pinned him down. Sensei looked up at his brother, annoyed.
"Coward!" Sensei screamed.
"What?! I am not a coward, brother!"
If you are not scared,
Face me like true family!
You, me, Card-Jitsu!
Carlo nodded. He clapped his flippers and the ninjas let go of Sensei. They stood, bowed, and faced their cards. There's no need to write it: a yellow-ranked player versus Sensei equals fail for the yellow.
Sensei jumped over his defeated brother. He unshackled Hat Pop from the chair.
Are you okay, friend?
Fear not, you won't have to buy
a poorly done house.
Hat Pop smiled. Sensei escorted her to a boat.
Let's talk real estate.
It's all about location!
Good land makes profit.
Sensei continued this until they reached Club Penguin. Hat Pop entered her igloo.
"Guess what, Lemon? I survived a sca-"
Lemon was smiling widely, holding what looked like a certificate.
"Look! I got myself a condomineum on a luxury island! It's going to be awesome, and you can't come!"
Hat Pop started laughing.
Hat Pop decided not to tell Lemon he just invested in a scam. That will teach him not to dig holes and traps on her!
Lemon ended up losing a lot of money in his "investment". Hat Pop learned to read the fine print and trust her ninja instincts so she would never have to, (*gulp*) buy a condo...
- The term "Hi-yah" is never used in Card-Jitsu. The announcer made a Noob error.