Redlink Abbey

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The Abbey-cum-Inn of Redlink
Key details
Type Silicon Building
Level 150
Location Lichenblossom Isles
Inhabitants Nerds

The Abbey-cum-Inn of Redlink, commonly known as Redlink Abbey, is a large silicon building in Lichenblossom Forest that is the home of a community of fun-loving nerds, known as "Redlinkers" or "Abbeygeeks". Redlink Abbey is well-known for its excellent food and hospitablility, and also serves as an inn for travelers. It is called "Redlink" because its location and identity are almost unknown to the governments of nearby Dorkugal and the USA. However, Redlink has occasionally been involved with the rest of the continent, the most famous example of this being its generous donation of Deletion Missiles to the USA during the Great Darktonian Pie War.


Redlink was founded by Marvin the Hacker and Abbess Abby (the latter of which had previously been Abbess of Soilshrub Abbey) in 1972, during the later years of Olde Antarctica. After the Lichenblossom Rebellion and the defeat of Fort Kosher (a Squashin kosher pickle factory that enslaved the local penguins as its picklers' workforce), Marvin, Abby, Stella, and the rest of the CAPIL (Convention Against Pickling In Lichenblossom) voted to create a haven for geeks next to the remains of the dreaded factory. Construction of the building began in the winter and ended in the summer of 1975. The building was built mostly with large blocks of silicon, found in a quarry north of the construction site. Abbess Abby and Marvin jointly named the building Redlink Abbey, "Redlink" after the proposal that the building be kept a secret from the rest of the continent, and "Abbey" after Abbess Abby's name. Ever since its completion, Redlink has played host to several generations of geeks, and has survived several different hacker attacks. Redlink also holds many secrets in its colossal silicon bulk, and some are still waiting to be discovered...


Redlink Abbey is a vast building and is several stories high. It contains many rooms, most of which are connected by two speedy elevators. Here is a list of the major rooms in Redlink, categorized by floor number and location:

  • Interior Building
    • Floor B
      • Cavernous Pit -- Cavernous Pit, the parody of Cavern Hole, is a medium-sized room below Immense Corridor. It is a bit run-down and old, but is still used as a dining room and a meeting place.
      • Beverage Room -- The Beverage Room is where Redlink mixes its own homemade sodas and tasty refreshments, the most prestigious of which is December Ginger Ale. The resident Beverage Expert supervises the mixing of any and all drinks.
    • Floor X
      • Grave of Marvin the Hacker -- This secret tomb, accessible only by making the elevator stop halfway between Floor B and Floor 1, is the final resting place of Marvin the Hacker.
    • Floor 1
      • Immense Corridor -- The Immense Corridor, the parody of Great Hall is the first room you will enter after passing through Redlink's main doors. It is quite ornate, and is used for major events, such as feasts. In the center of Immense Corridor is the Sacred Hologram of Marvin the Hacker, a precious artifact dating back to the founding of the Abbey.
    • Floor 2
      • Dormitories and Suites -- This is where the inhabitants and inn residents of the Abbey sleep. The mattresses, cushions, and pillows at Redlink's suites are some of the most comfortable in the region.
      • Clinic -- The Clinic, the parody of the Infirmary, is where you go if you call in sick (not that you'd want to, anyway). The clinic is headed by the evil Sister Alkamesh and is the most dreaded place within the Abbey, due to its well-stocked supply of painful medical procedures and the Sister's preference of needles over liquid medicine, or any medicine at that matter. Despite the fact that they were cured, many past patients of the good Sister have firmly decided, good health or not, never to go there again.
    • Floor 3
      • Attic -- This old, abandoned room spans across the third floor of the entire Abbey. Few come up here, as the Attic is a dark and desolate place. Lost treasures and valuable items are almost always located in the Attic.
    • Floor 4
      • Walkways -- Four walkways extend from the midriff of the Chimetower and serve as a way to travel between the main Abbey building and the four outer walls. The walkways are simply bridges made of the sturdiest pinewood in Lichenblossom Forest.
      • Chimetower -- A large tower propagating from the center of the Abbey, the Chimetower soars above the Abbey roof and outer walls. Inside, the walls are covered in switches and levers that control the Abbey's gigantic sound chips, which are able to produce several different tones, from air raid sirens and blaring alarms to bell chimes and soft beeps. The loudspeaker at the top of the Tower emits the sounds, which are produced by pulling cords that extend from ceiling to floor.


The Abbey is home to mostly nerds of many species. It also hosts travelers, passing-by Coatil terns (Confederacy Of Antarctic Terns In Lichenblossom) and harp seals. Notable residents, as of the present, include the following:


The main "villains" of the Abbey are the annoying chicks; they always get themselves into trouble and frequently harass the resident geeks of the Abbey. Chicks are known to form small "clubs", where they plan on their next pestering pranks. One such club is CANS, which stands for Chicks Against Nocturnal Sleep. Only a chick ain't a villain if he's/she's well disciplined by their penguins, yeah.

There is also a local nun doctor named Sister Alkamesh. She is highly feared in the entire colony, particularly because she is a relative of Mabel and the fact that she almost killed Mother Thesa (she was a convent dropout). She remains in the colony merely because Director Benny granted her her license and citizenship back because she was family a "friend". Happyface is up in arms on this, and he is STILL trying to overthrow the Director out of office on the means of corruption.

However, the real villains of the Abbey are the bands of hackers that frequently attack Redlink. The Abbey poses as a big target for evil villains, seeing as it is a major influence in the Lichenblossom Isles and is a place of plenty. Nevertheless, the Abbey has fended off every single hacker attack it has faced since its completion.


Redlink's kitchens produce the finest food in the Sub-Antarctic, and it also serves as an inn for travelers. Redlink is also home to numerous secrets and hidden rooms.

See also[edit]