Saint Ninjinian's Telenacle

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The Governance Telenacle of Saint Ninjinian I
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The Telenacle is in the background. In the foreground, scared nerds are running after hearing the famous tale of the "Hash List Slinging Slasher".
Key details
Type Governance Telenacle
Level Governance, priest level (lowest in hierarchy)
Location About 300 yards from Redlink Abbey.
Inhabitants Abandoned (not counting adolescent thrill seekers)



The Governance Telenacle of Saint Ninjinian I, normally referred to as Saint Ninjinian's Telenacle or the Hash List Slinging Slasher's Lair is an abandoned Governance telenacle which was erected over thirty years ago by unknown characters. Only the Antics family can tell you the true origins of the building, everyone else will give you myths.

Background[edit]

Real Background[edit]

The Antics Brothers claim to know the real story behind the telenacle.

They claim that the telenacle was not actually a Governance-ordained building. In fact, they continue, it was a house. Thirty years ago, back in the days of Olde Antarctica and Fort Kosher, a penguin, his wife and eight children decided to build a cozy residence to view the factory from afar. Since they were immigrants and not nerds, they were not enslaved by the Squashins to the factory. This family is also contains the direct ancestor and namesake of Ninjianian, Ninjinian I.

Ninjinian drew up the blueprints, then got into the family motorized cart and fell asleep. His wife and chicks, meanwhile, worked through six months of dark winter, then straight through the summer. After a year, the house was done, and looked beautiful.

However, what did Ninjinian I do to help construct this structure? Absolutely nothing. The ungrateful husband mostly slept and drank Cream Soda. The wife was so enraged that she disinherited him from her will and put up a bronze sign reading "THIS AIN'T NINJIANIN I'S!", because she did all the work. The sign eroded long after they all died, the bronze rusted, corroded and cracked until the current writing was left: "S AIN'T NINJINIAN I'S". The Governance, thinking it was a former telenacle, restored the building and added the current telephone poles and antennas, as well as replaicng the cracked windows with stained glass.

That, so they claim, is the REAL story.


Of course, Explorer further claims that the telenacle is a tight parody of some other building called "the Church of Saint Ninian", which, according to him, is located in some forest called "Mossflower" in another universe called "Redwall". It seems you can't always trust celebrities.

Urban Legends[edit]

Everyone else will tell you a different tale. Most everyone will reference the "Hash List Slinging Slasher", but from there are dozens of variations.


Below are samples.

  • The building was a gift to the Governance. Saint Ninjinian I was a hard working penguin who was attacked by a group of villains. He became too scard to do anything productive, becoming fat and lazy. He was honored for his pre-villain encounter via Governance sainthood. The building fell to ruins when he did. His will gave his house to the See, who made it into a telenacle and hired the priest who became the infamous Slasher.
  • UFOs built the Telenacle. It was originally designed to be a cleverly disguised research base so that the aliens could learn about the earth without detection. They fabricated the whole Ninjinian story to cover up their plot. The aliens gave up, however, and the Governance bought the house and made it a telenacle, where they hired the priest who became the Slasher.
  • The building was simply a telenacle to begin with. The Governance shut it down after the priest who became the Slasher's funeral.
  • The telenacle was and is cleverly disguised for evil hackers to work in. "Saint" Ninjinian I wasn't fat OR lazy, he was actually an evil hacker who pretended to be lazy when being watched. Believers in this say the Governance was blackmailed to fabricate a story disguising their operations because the hackers possessed an embarassing snapshot of the P.O.P.E at the Christmas party!


See also[edit]