Sparka

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This article is about the meme-infested warrior country of freakishly epic nerds. If you were looking for the ego-laden puffle, that would be this little puffball.
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The Imperial Noocratic Dorkugese Territory of the Insular Diarchial Sparkan Regime
Flag of THIS... IS... SPARKA!
MottoMotto 1: THIS IS MADNESS!
Motto 2: TONIGHT, WE DINE IN A RESTAURANT WITH REALLY BAD REVIEWS!
Motto 3: You're either for us, or your in a well.
Motto 4: THIS... IS... SPARKA!

AnthemTHIS IS SPARTA!
Royal anthemAlso Sprach Zarathustra
National Symbol:
Lightbulb (non-swirly) and shield.
Capital
(and largest city)
Sparka
Official languages English, Leet
Recognised regional languages Geek
Species  Oddly aggressive Dorkugese penguins.
Demonym Sparkan
Membership Sovereign Dorkugese territory.
Government Tributarial, generally sovereign Diarchial territory.
 -  Diarch 1 Gerard Binford
 -  Diarch 2 Zack Snyfer
 -  Grandmaster of War Leon
Legislature Sparkan Board Meetings
 -  Upper House Law Conference
 -  Lower House War Conference
Colonized War preferring Dorkugese nerds left their homeland for a nation of their own. 
 -  Colonization 2004 
 -  Annexed by Dorgugal 2004 
Population
 -  2016 estimate 50,000 
 -  2016 census 53,000 
 -  Density How many residents per square kilometer?/km2 
How many residents per square mile?/sq mi
Currency Thermopylaes (Σ)
No
Drives on the Which side of the road do the country's residents drive on?
Calling code 371
Footnotes Highly based off of the famous 300 film.
Footnotes Lesser parody of Sparta.
Footnotes THIS... IS... SPARKA!


The Imperial Noocratic Dorkugese Territory of the Insular Diarchial Sparkan Regime, also the Sparkan City-State or simply Sparka, is a protectorate of Dorkugal with general sovereignity handed to the Sparkans themselves. Technically, if ever in need, the Dorkugese military (or what "military" they have) would be sent over to Sparka for assistence, but the Sparkans are easily capable of handling themselves.

Their arch-nemesis (and also an enemy of Dorkugal) is the empire of Poshia, ruled by Prepguins who have tried to attack Sparka before. Dorkugal itself is normally avoided by the Poshians, since the nation is huge and far more advanced than them.

History[edit]

Sparka was created, with the CEO's permission, after numerous aggressive nerds (far more violent than the Dorkugsese) requested to have a land of their own.

The request had long been run since Dorkugal's foundings. As the generic Dorkugese played board and computer games, the Sparkans preferred war and strategy games. They advanced in military technology over civillian useages, and are considerd the best taser users known to penguin.

Still, the Sparkans exhibited nerdy traits, and like all Dorkuges, had fine appreciation for the finer things (like computers and music). The Sparkans were always more aggressive, preferring to settle the everyday OS dispute on a battlefield rather than a simulator, and, most shockingly, they preferred to live outdoors. Since the entire nerdy reigon of Dorkugal was covered by the Dorkugese Skyscraper, and since the rest of the lands belonged to the Jerks, Jocks and Fords, the need for their own land was imminent.

The CEO at the time, Billy Fence I, agreed with the Sparkans, but requested them to remain under Dorkugese control, or at the very least, pay monetary tribute to the nation. Tributes were something they could accept, so Billy requested an executive to take a charter and sail with the Sparkans to an island near Dorkugal. They succeded, and after thirty days on a galleon, they Sparkans arrived at their new home, and were supplied with all the neccessary tools to build and set up their homes and infrastructure.

The Governance pitched in and set up electricity and other utilities, also placing a bishop in a local telenacle for the Sparkans.

All was not well after the founding, however. An enemy of Dorkugal, the empire of Poshia, had attempted numerous times to conquer Dorkugese territories like Lichenblossom, Evil Lake, and Charles' Key. Sparka was bound to be a target soon enough, and they were.


Against the Poshians[edit]

The Poshian Empire had long hated nerds, probably because it was inhabited by Prepguins who were bent on destroying their way of life.

One of the most famous incidents was when the Poshians sent a messenger to Sparka requesting them to surrender. Poshia had already taken two territories from Dorkugal at this time.


The Sparkans didn't take too well to it, and when they encircled the mesenger, the following famous dialougue was uttered between the messenger and the Grandmaster of War, Leon.

Richie, Messenger of Poshia: All our jolly good leader, Xerzes, requires is this: a simple offering of computers and gold. A token of Sparka's submission to the will of Xerzes.


Leon: Oh, submission! Well, submission does not compute. You see, rumor has it that the Lichenblossomese have already turned you down.


Random Sparkan: Turned them down? Microchips, those Lichenblossomese Nerds fought a full-scale war against those Poshians --


Leon (cutting him off): Since those silver-robe wearers and... *shudders* classical musical haters have found that kind of nerve—


Leon: And of course Sparkans... have a reputation of awesomeness to consider.


Richie, Messenger of Poshia: Choose your next words carefully, Leon. They may be your last as a sovereign representative.


[Leon thinks for a bit. He looks around at other Sparkan ners, some glaring, some laughing at the Prepguin, others just staring. He finally gazes at one of the co-kings, Gerard, who winks at him.]


Leon: Gold and computers? How about earth and water instead?


[Leon takes out a staff with a lightbulb on the end and points it toward Richie, whose back is to a large well. The Sparkan guards draw their lightbulb staves and point them Richie as well.]


Richie, Messenger of Poshia: BARMY! Madman... You're a madman!


[No response other than a glare from Leon]


Richie, Messenger of Poshia: Oh, I warn you, I know Card-Jitsu! [Richie nervously holds up his green belt]


Leon: Earth and water... You'll find plenty of both down there. [indicates the well with his staff and then shows Richie his ninja mask]


Richie, Messenger of Poshia: No penguin, and I don't care about you being in a lower class, no penguin threatens a messenger!


Leon: You bring the crowns of conquered kings to my city's steps! You insult all things good and technoligical. You threaten my people with slavery and wet willies! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Poshian. Perhaps you should have done the same.


Richie, Messenger of Poshia: This is perpostorous! This is madness! [Leon lowers his staff and looks toward Gerard, who smiles.]


Leon: [facing Richie] Madness? THIS IS SPARKA!! [kicks the messenger into the well]


So far, the Poshians haven't returned to Sparka.

Currency[edit]

File:THIS... IS... CURRRENCY!!.jpeg
THIS... IS... CURRENCY!!!!!!

The currency of Sparka is the Thermopylae. Since money isn't usually an issue (the Sparkans share their stuff with others), the Thermopylae is highly inflated. Ten thousand Radians equals one hundred Thermopylaes.

Fun fact: the front side of a Thermopylae bears an angry face of an unknown Bean Human. The phrase "THIS IS SPARKA" is inscribed onto it in tiny binary.

Language[edit]

The primary language of Sparka is English, but its other official language is Leet. Geek is spoken in parts of the territory since a few Geeco-Dorkugese penguins have migrated here because they fear the Machine Rule of the Geek Empire.

Places[edit]

  • Sparka-- not the nation, the city.

Geography[edit]

Sparka is by and by a flat island, though a single mountain exists in the northwest corner of the territory. It is cold and snowy all year long.

Flag, Motto, and Anthem[edit]

Sparka has more mottoes than any nation, state, or territory.


Motto 1: THIS IS MADNESS!

This motto was derived from Richie's incident.


Motto 2: TONIGHT, WE DINE IN A RESTAURANT WITH REALLY BAD REVIEWS!

They are not really going to dine in a bad restaurant. This motto is metaphorical. They mean that they are rebelling against the Poshians and will rebel against the Prepguin' lifestyle. Prepguins would never set foot, much less waddle in, a cheap restaurant.


Motto 3: You're either for us, or your in a well.

This was also derived from the messenger incident.


Motto 4: THIS... IS... SPARKA!

Epic. They chose it because it was epic.

The Anthem of Sparka, called THIS IS SPARTA!, heavilly embodies the history of the territory, even though they mispronounced Sparka.


The Anthem also generates much tourism in Sparka, because it is the key component of the popular meme Sparka Remix.


Th royal anthem, Also Sprach Zarathustra, is epic, which is very fitting for a Sparkan co-king.

Goverment[edit]

The government of Sparka (internally) is quite simple.

Two co-kings rule as equals. These are subordinate to the CEO of Dorkugal, but otherwise serve as absolutes over Sparka. A congress of sorts exist, the Upper House makes laws, the Lower House is about war. The final key figure in Sparkan politics is Leon, who is the Grandmaster of War.

Inhabitants[edit]

The inhabitants of Sparka are highly aggressive (but still nerdy) Dorkugese penguins. They refuse to submit to anyone except Dorkugal, and are infamous for kicking messengers of greedy nations into wells which are dug for that purpose. After sitting for a few days in the well with nothing to eat but rotten fish (not good fish either), the messengers are taken out and locked in jail for three days (with good meals but nostop POLKA). After that, they are released and flee to their home country.

Military[edit]

Army[edit]

Male Sparkan chicks are prepared to war upon hatching. Even as chicks, their parents talk to them about battles, war tactics, and military stuff in general. When not learning academics, they're preparing for war. Sparkan chicks' lives revolve around war, computers, and academics. After completing their formal education at ten, they take war classes for four more years. At the end of these four years, the penguin must pass a final exam on all that they learned in the military classes (formations, tactics, history), etc. if the fail it, they have to take six more months of war classes all over again. For graduation, they must climb Dorkugal's Gogolplex Wooden Skyscraper, in cap and gown, up all ninety stories, and to the ceremony on the roof. They are only given a grappling hook, a GPS, and cleats to so and are forbidden to remove the regalia. Graduates of war classes are given their staves, red capes, and golden helmet at the dissmissal of the ceremony.

The females normally take a formal education without war classes, though they are allowed to do so and even join the military if they desire. Male Sparkans who mock females because of their gender are forced to wear a Kick Me sign for the rest of the day.


Navy[edit]

Sparka has no navy. However, there are civilian owned Triemies that patrol the ports, and a few transport boats and Galleons to carry troops accross to war. Most naval problems are sorted out by Dorkugal and Macradonia.

Sparka will build Try like Trimies and Galleons during war that involves the enemy navy, so to be honest, they only have a navy during war.

Villains[edit]

The Poshians are the sole villains in Sparka, and have tried to conquer them but failed.

Culture[edit]

Gallery[edit]

THIS...IS...A SPARKAN!

Trivia[edit]

  • On 23rd April, 2014, the Western Union pledged to protect Sparka from any attack. Since the Bow Tie War, Acadia has tried to convince the Union to repeal this pledge multiple times.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]