Doctor John Barrbuh
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| Minister of Health, Doctor John Barrbuh | |
|---|---|
 The government sure appoints some creepy politicians. | |
| Profile | |
| Title | Minister of Health |
| Gender | Male |
| Race | Emporer penguin |
| Faction | Loves surgery. |
| Health | He helps with YOUR health. |
| Level | Surgery. |
| Status | Licensed to practice surgery. |
| Location | Executive Cabinet |
Doctor John Barrbuh is the current Minister of Health in the Executive Cabinet. He is the supreme doctor of all in the USA, and thus directly controls the medical fields.
He has an odd obbsession with sugery, preferring it to any other form of medicine, sort of like a certain nun feels about needles.
Background[edit]
Doctor John Barrbuh hatched into a poor family with little money. At a young age, he took up an interest in medicine because of the soap operas his mother watched (via free analog antennas). He liked it, especially when he cut things up. He decided to do something with his life, and he did indeed, heading on to medical school and passing with an A+, plus a warrent for a full-time supervisor to follow him whenever he is practicing medicine, so he doesn't prescribe surgery when he only has to give a refill for prescriptions. Surgery is John's passion and his greatest skill. He practices surgery, with over three hundred operations under his knife yearly, claiming the nastier the better. So far, he's been a very good surgeon, but he has to be monitored when practicing. The site of pointy items fills him with glee, so he has to keep a steady flipper. Among his greatest works in surgery was a full heart and spleen transplant (all at once), a digestive system clearing, and the repairing of a black puffle's combustion organs without exploding.
He was eventually banned from issuing prescriptions and diagnosing paitients (he always reccomended surgery), leaving his job purely for reccomendations, administration, government, and surgery.
Involvement[edit]
As Minister of Health, Dr. Barrbuh's job is to administer and set health standards, warnings, issue compulsorary vaccinations, and other things applied to the entire medical community. All doctors answer to him, but he answers to the President, who answers to the Legislature (and courts). He also performs surgery, LOTS AND LOTS of surgery.
However, he doesn't really do much in his job, so hospitals continue to run themsevles. Nonetheless, he could clap his flippers and change that at a moment's notice.
Prescriptions[edit]
When accepting his position
Reporter: Doctor Barbuhh, as Minister of Health, what is your top priority?
Doctor Barrbuh: As Minister of Health, I promise to make surgery as safe, effective, affordable, and efficient as possible.
Reporter: What about the rest of medicine?
Doctor Barbuhh: Hmm... yes... leave it as it is. We need to make surgery more available.
Reporter: ...
Patient: Doctor, I've been having this plain on my flipper for days.
Doctor Barrbuh: Hmm... I see... yes... it's a mild rash. You need surgery.
Patient: WHAT?!? SERIOUSLY? NO!
Doctor Barrbuh: Fine... rub lotion on your feathers and preen them daily. Or, you could always take surgery.
Patient runs out and screams
Patient: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Who is scarier, him or Mabel !!!!!!!!!!!!??????????
Doctor Barrbuh: You can run child but you can't escape surgery!!!!!!!!!
- Swollen beak? You need surgery.
- A nasty cough? Hmm... you need surgery.
- You can't stop talking? Yes... you need surgery.
- You're a member of the Von Injoface family? Suurrrggeerryyy.
- You can't stop twitching? Surgery.
- Why do I like surgery, you ask? That's because it's surgery.
- No one has ever died due to my surgery. Except the time I did surgery on a ghost. Hmm, he was already dead. Yes child, you CAN do surgery on a ghost.
- No, I'm not allowed to diagnose paitients. That would be because the medical community hates surgery.
- Band-aid? No, child... you need surgery.
- Healthy??............EXTRA sugery
Fudd[edit]
Doctor Barrbuh is really good at his job.
Though he is terrifyingly frightening, his surgery does work. Sometimes, it works all too well. Like the time that penguin could not stop talking he fixed the problem (by reamoving their vocal cords)
Doctor Barrbuh famously performed neurosurgery on Fudd Lapooh, who had been suffering from insane depression. The operation was a complete success; in fact, it was too complete. Sadness was erased from Fudd's subconscious set of emotions. Now, he's HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY all the stinking time. Have a HAPPY day.
Trivia[edit]
- He tends to address everyone as "child".
- He punctures his speech with random instances of "hmm..." and "yes...", much like Ninjinian does with the word "cookie".
- He talks in a low, calm voice, but pronoucnes surgery strangely. Whenever he is narrated, surgery is italicized.
- He is a parody of Doctor Barber, from the show, "Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack".
- He really likes surgery.
- He used to work at a fast food restaurant drive through but he was fired after this famous scene:
Customer: Hi, I'll take a burger, a small fry, and a soda.
Doctor John Barrbuh: You want surgery with that.
Customer:Wait what?!?!?!
Doctor John Barrbuh:Yes...........you get free surgery chi.....
Customer steeps on a gas pedle, making a noise like SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEE......................
Boss: You're FIRED!!!!
Doctor John Barrbuh: Hello there child how about some suuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy
Boss screams and runs out the door and chases after the customer's car
Boss: WAIT FOR ME CUSTOMER!!! TAKE ME WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I BEG OF YOU PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
- When he first entered the practice of medicine, Doctor Barrbuh used a technique similar to this in order to cure a paitient's irrational Aulophobia. It worked.
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- He really talks like that.
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- He is the #1 reason why many penguins are afraid of doctors.
