Talk:Dan Beronews

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Message from the Board of Fiction[edit]

THE BEGINNING[edit]

* You are busy doing whatever it is you are doing. Then, out of nowhere, everything around you, except you, freezes. Time has stopped. Then, everything around you begins to melt. The sky, the ground, and everything else, except you, melts away to blackness. You look up, you look down, left, and right. There is nothing but blackness. Being the FW breaker you are, you panic, knowing that such a dramatic scene like that is NEVER a good sign. * * You are standing in blackness. For what seems like an hour, you are standing in blackness. What happened? Were you deleted and some mistake occured? You are horrified now to see that whatever you are wearing has vanished. You are now like a Non-Member, wearing nothing but your favorite color. You open your player card and are terrified to see nothing in it at all. Nothing but your name remains. Every coin, item, pin, flag, deed, title, contract, reward, and anything else is GONE. COMPLETELY GONE. You tremble at your fate. *


* Suddenly, and out of nowhere, music begins playing.

thumb|200px|Music begins playing.

* A booming voice, like that of a rocket going off, thunders from nowhere in particular. In fact, it sounds like it is coming from everywhere at once. You keel over in pain from the noise and cover what would be your ears with your flippers. *






DANIEL







BERONEWS!!!






* The quaking subsides. You look up and see a white prick of light, no bigger than any star in the sky. Then, it gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger.... encompassing everything around you. Why, it seems to be HEADING RIGHT FOR YOU! You curl up into a ball- or as best as penguins can -and wait for your death. The light engulfs your surroundings, shifting from as black as night to as white as a web page or even snow. Feeling no pain, you look around. When you turn your back, a desk, twenty feet tall, slams to eye level, only a few yards away. You gasp and clutch where your heart is, because you didn't expect that. The ornate desk sits there for a moment, and then another flash of light shoots through, and you see thirteen figures in black robes. Their faces, even their beaks, are entirely obscured. Red dots for eyes are in the hood, but you can see nothing else, not even a single feature. * * The wraiths are casting what you can tell is a cold, vengeful stare. It's like looking at Weegee, only you're not able to look away, and you're not becoming a Weegee. One of the figures, though you can't tell which, speaks, and the others follow. *


DANIEL, ye wretch! Thous hast commited a crime most unholy!


How dare thee, how dareth thee EVER speaketh to THE ONES!


Thou shalt pay for thine idiocy!








Poi-sun-uh-lee, I'd like ta take this guy out.










I would say yes to that most of the time. -but he is too big in this world to be dead.







Dang, the dude's right, we can't crush this sucka.







Kanskje vi kunne snu dette idiot til noe annet.


Vi kunne gjøre ham til noe som ville være ekstremt ubehagelig.


Kanskje vi burde gjøre ham til en jente, eller en gotisk, eller en kvinnelig gotisk!


Har noen andre se det som en god idé?










What's the deal with you and Goths?










...jeg finner gothics ekstremt underholdende.









I agree. Goth Dan make good lesson.












It ain't that simple, bois. See, we 'gotta facta in how ingrained ol' Danny here's to cointinuity.








* The wraiths turn to each other and start discussing. *










Crud. So we can't goth 'im up?













I fear not, fellow boardman.











* The spirits look back at you with a piercing glare. *










Daniel, ye who hath

breached the heavens, thine fate hath yet to be decided. What we bring upon thee will be monsterous and unending.


It shall decided within a fortnight from our first contact.


Until that time, we bid thee farewell.


Ye hath not seen the last of us. We standeth above the Fictitious Literature firm. We are the sole communicators to Them.


Neither thee nor any mortal shall establish communication between-eth outside of us.


Thine attempts to reverteth Philly Cheesesteak Trial by use of The Ones be a violation of many a creed; the entire wrath of all of us be upon you.











Now listen up, Danny boy. You'll be wishin' that you was deleted once we're through with you.


Now, don't go speakin' 'bout this- not that anybody's 'gonna belive youse -capieche?



* You nod shakily. *







With these threats, we, the Masters of the Masters of the Universe, hereby bid you farewell for now.



May your existance be forever cursed and may all prosperities fall flat upon their faces when you attempt them.



May birds of paridise fly up your nose, if you had one, may elephants crush you with its toes, and may your mother be plagued with rudders in her hose.


May you miss all appointments, fail all battles, and regret all that you have done to anger us. No one angers us and gets away with it. So says... THE BOARD.



* Then, in unison, they raise what would be their flippers up in unison as purple mist forms around you and the desk. You watch them fade away, and you too begin to dissolve with a scream. * *The next thing you know, you are back where you were before this. Unsure if it was real, you can't shake the visions out of your head. They were so... vivid. You nervously go about the rest of your day, hoping it was all just a dream. You gasp as you look in the snow in front of you. It reads "WE'LL GET YOU. -THE BOARD.". * * It was no dream. *



The Decision[edit]

DANIEL, we have contemplated on your destiny and have since selected a fitting sentance. We shall radically rearrange your affection. Or, this is to say, we are directly inteceding with true love and are going to bind you to another. You shall no longer be interested in Haley.

* You cry and plea for them not to take your true love away, to no avail. *

At this chronological period, you have little knowledge and appreciation for the penguin you will love forever, but as you advance in years, we will cause you to become intrigued by her misfit disposition. This is a fitting punishment that will, of course, manifest itself in the distant times to come. Soon, Haley shall cease in being the bubbly, cheerful bird you fell for. We shall punish you by punishing your former love, rewriting her behavior and stripping you of romance. No longer shall any excitement appear at the viewing of this penguin.

<I>* Another voice chimes in. *

Så, skal vi gotisk henne opp? Eller, skulle hun bli en ekstrem geek?

* Murmering is heard. *

Whichever upsets Daniel more.
Forstått!

* The Board turns to face you. *

Okay. Punishment decided, effects will happen in two days. You say your good byes to old Haley and all that and we change her and you starting two days.


* Then, in unison, they raise what would be their flippers up in unison as purple mist forms around you and the desk. You watch them fade away, and you too begin to dissolve with a scream. Again. * * The next thing you know, you are back where you were before this, and you fear for Haley. You quickly message her for your last good byes. *


<math>Fin.</math>

Roleplay[edit]

Roleplay.jpg This is a Role-Play talk page! You may pose as one of your characters and "talk" to Dan Beronews!

Here's my page... I'll be waiting... Dan Sig 2.png


DAN BERONEWS, ATTORNEY AT LAW

Dan at Law, time for the law to work for you
12 Neville Lane, South Pole City, Eastshield, USA (Next to the MMK Igloo)







RE: Declassification[edit]

Dan, you have no idea what you're getting into.


Have you SEEN what Director Benny is like when he gets mad? The best case scenario is that he'll just yell at you in punctuation, then fire and jinx you! As for the worst case scenario.... not even Fred can calculate that.


DON'T DO IT. YOU WILL BE CURSED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, AND BENNY IS BOUND TO JINX YOU WITH SOMETHING BAD. He's been feeling pretty grumpy these days -- he hasn't had one chance to retaliate at Mayor McFlapp for last month. You remember that? Yeah, he's not gonna be happy.


Dan, don't do it. You will turn the entire world upside down. Do you want another Great Reversal just because some n00b snuck into the Bureau and messed up a plot? Do you want Earth to inflate up to ten times its size? How about another Ice Age, or continental drift reversing in two minutes and getting Antarctica deep-fried at the Equator in the process?


You declassify that event, and the Bureau will be on your tail for the rest of your life...... and perhaps when you come back as a ghost.


Don't do it. Just say no to that urge, and watch Ninjinian's health videos..... --Explorer Freddell Antics XIII (TALK 2 ME!!!) 21:42, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

The Federal Exchequer have already deplated your budget. You can't declassify it! Even most of our workers think it's a legend eventhough they know it happened. Trust me, you're making a mistake. --Jong Arnold

My friend, strongly reconsider. Knowledge is power, but forbidden knowledge is weakness. --CNIC worker

RE: Fourth Wall[edit]

Esteemed Admiral:
Yes, I can give three reasons.

  • 1. The Philly Cheesesteak Test, though lacking an NZS seal, was not supposed to be declassified, as it was utmost in universal security. They would have added a sticker, but they were out of them. In fact, there have been multiple motions to classify the document to UP (Universal Preservation). You, with your Uber Clearence, were allowed to access it, which is why they tried to hide it from you until they could get a sticker. You found it an used your clearence (lawfully), but there are mighty consequences.
  • 2. As a creature of darkness, I can detect the balence of things and the aura of other creatures. For example, you have an aura of kindness, utmost intelligence, and respect, but with a hint of naievity. Your declassification of the Test actually interrupted me in my meditation, as I had detected a disturbance in the balence of the Fourth Wall's secrecy, it shifting to the greater Public as opposed to the current World Order in the Bureau. Now, a lot of us know this in the upper sections of the Bureau, but the employees don't, so I will have to get someone to tell you the Secret later on.
  • 3. If word of this government test got out, and if they figured out the unintentional results (and where those sailors went), it could cause panic and even riots in the street, collapsing the World Order as we know it. No one wants to realize they are controlled by a supernatural power and are at whim to a few crazy oligarchs.


Hopefully, this answers the question. I am forbidden by a vow of secrecy to share anything other than what I have shared. Make the right decision, Admiral.



Whatever,
-Fourth Wall Corvus

Welcome![edit]

We have records on you. We know that you're a time traveler. Welcome to the team! --Time Agency

RE:Resignation[edit]

Dear Admiral Dan,

I saw your resignation in the latest issue of Conspiracy Theories Weekly (yes, I still read it) along with Happyface. I congratulate you and HF on your success at seeing through the Director's corrupt schemes. As a result, I offer you two positions in my new resistance group, the Rogue Agents. The aim of the group is to stop Operation Better at all costs, and we need ex-Time Agents badly. I've already contacted Happyface. On to other things, I suspect there may be a war coming very soon. Please be ready.

Yours in Time,

--Kwiksilver

RE: MMK Application[edit]

Admiral:

We have reviewed your decision and have assessed your situation. We have chosen to admit you into the Klan and greatly value your appreciation and respect of Our Lady, Mabel von Injoface XIX.
To finalize your application, you must take a rope and a portrait of the Troublesome Trio crony your choice. Tie the rope around the effigy and hang it on a tree somewhere in the Forest. We'll send a low ranked Clansman to see if you did it.
You are then to visit the small non-member igloo to the left of Explorer's igloo, where you will complete the Initiation.
Knock on the front door and wait for the peephole to slide open and for a member to say "what's the password". Our password is "aaahh flowerpot".

Next...

  • 1. Take a picture of Mabel doing something "cool" (as in, yelling at people having fun). This tests devotion to Mabel.
  • 2. Eat one, just one, Porito, while you watch the other clansmen eat mouthfuls. This tests diligence, since "you can't eat just one!".
  • 3. View the "WHAT?!?" movie alone.
  • 4. Sign a document guaranteeing you will never prank or hurt Mabel, and do all in your power to protect her.
  • 5. Meet at the clan's headquarters and memorize the password.



We will hand you your uniform and your membership card. Don't lose it!


Welcome to the Mabel Mongrel Klan, Brother Dan!
-TurtleShroom, Grandmaster of the Mabel Mongrel Klan
P.S.: MABEL POWER!



Success[edit]

Welcome to the Mabel Mongrel Klan, Brother Dan! You have passed all demands with flying colors. We will add you to our template and gallery as fast as possible. -TurtleShroom, Grandmaster of the Mabel Mongrel Klan
P.S.: MABEL POWER!

Sure[edit]

I will gladly give you that island. And I would also gladly be part of CNIC. I also have been going after Ben for quite some time. He claims that he will be the one to stop Darktan even though I am avenging my wife. DTA poisoned my wife Rose and if you come into my island and see a night club called Rose Memorial dance club, there's your reason it was named that. He also thinks I'm being way to cocky. So sure, I will give you some of the land. There's some land behind my mansion. The land there is unclaimed and I just use it to go for walks. So feel free to take that small island and the unclaimed land behind my mansion. --Papa Flywish Speak to the Supreme Ruler of Liguria here!


I'll ask you one more time[edit]

Do you want to be a member of my army? You will make a great detective. --Papa Flywish Speak to the Supreme Ruler of Liguria here!



RE: Sainthood[edit]

Esteemed Admiral:

Thank you for your request and nomination. After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that, although your captus are in order, you have not yet done enough for nerds to qualify. Being a nerd and working in IT in itself is not enough to warrent such an amplus title as that of Saint, though it may very well enter you into "Most Awesome".

Oh, what could it hurt? Cardinals, open the scanner to the populus, we've got another one!

Good luck!


Ita sit,
---His Telephonavin, The Patriarch of Phone Based Expansion SONA SI LATINE LOQUERIS!!!!! Beata versor tuus durus-guberno ac cunctum sua continentiae! Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Boletus ramalis...


Your Rights[edit]

I'm sorry, it's a federal act. You have no right to overide this. Also, you know your position; the sea. Not land. Under USA, a federal ageency can only enforce laws not make them. --The X Leader

YES![edit]

Hey Dan!


Yes! I will! Invite all of our friends!



Haley Sig.png

OH MY OH MY OH MY OH MY![edit]

*peeks through window*

...hi Dan!

.....................................

(Oh gravy, I can't believe I'm this close to you! EEEEK!)

*runs away from window*

-Anonymous Name hidden
P.S.: You're such a dreamboat... no pun intended.

<this message was removed due to inappropriate content>[edit]

Tammycensor.png

Have a great day. More than that: have a REALLY REALLY great day, you sexy hunk of penguin, you!


-Holyberden Board of Censors
P.S.: I am NOT the sister of a penguin in high power!

...[edit]

I'm sorry about Haley, I'll help make it up to you. --Papa Flywish Speak to the Supreme Ruler of Liguria here!


Whaaa?[edit]

....I threaten to toilet paper your house and you...send an offer to join your agency? Wow. Cool.

Unluckily, I'm really busy, and not fit out for the life of a CNIC agent.

I have stuff like appointments with Swiss Ninja, fighting the Hochstadt Gang, Bounty hunting with my friends, and helping XTUX Hun with our buisness. Oh yeah! And I gotta go to my chiropractic. Dang Piper J. Cub. Of all places to stab somebody with a knicicle, their BACK? Come on.

HOWEVERRR....I have an unemployed brother. And he's into the police industry. Seriously. I'll send him over some time.

(new character upcoming)

Anyway, I won't TP your house, and I suppose that I'll stop opposing you and all that...

<this sentance has been eradicated due to inappropriate content -Holyberden BOC> Anyway, my brother would be more than happy to join you.

(Know a CNIS character I can parody?)

SUBJECT: Kids[edit]

Doohickey PropellerBIOS 1.0

Checking specifications...

> Pentel Radon MX980, clock speed 1 petahertz

> 64 GB RAM, POST check OK

> One hard drive, 16 TB

Loading MBR from hard disk 0...

===========================================

Loading stage2...

NeurOS version 1.0r2, by Doohickey Industries.

Loading kernel...

Loading modules... [camera.driv, audio.driv, usb.driv, vga.driv, powerman.driv, dbgports.driv, xmlparse.driv]

Ignoring modules on blacklist... [network.driv, discstor.driv]

Loading brain.exec...

Loading TurtleShroom (penguin) Jones [tsp.xml]

Loading tsp.mem for memory storage

Loading tsp.prsn for behaviors and personality

Done loading. Now thinking...

===========================================
<message>"Kids say the darndest things, don't they? Bah, I never liked little kids. You know that, old friend; you know how TheRealBen treated me. That's why I'm never having any. Also, that's why I'm never getting married or anything else of such foolishness. They'll drive you up the wall."

"If his glasses are gone, than good for him. He will learn his lesson, I guess. Tell him his uncle said "hi"! Oh, and get him to hush about that darn BOF building... it reminds me of that evil yellow puffle shareholder I had in my board of directors... brr!"

Regards,
TurtleShroom

</message>

-TURTLESHROOM [PENGUIN] ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CONSOLE V1.0

<this message was removed due to inappropriate content>[edit]

Tammycensor.png


-Holyberden Board of Censors
P.S.: I am NOT the sister of a penguin in high power!

Hey[edit]

Dan, did you get my last message? I have the feeling it might have been censored. <this text has been removed due to inappropriate content> -Tesa.

It wasn't you?[edit]

Well...sorry...never mind...didn't mean that...uhhh..yeah. Hey, Dan, sorry about that. It's just that I thought that you had rejected me. And I was...well, pretty angry about that. BTW, want to meet at the Pizza Parlour on Tuesday? --Tesa

Bribe[edit]

*appears, takes money*

Thank you for the currency. I am not expunging your record nor forgiving your foolish CNIC incident. I appreciate the payment, though.

*vanishes with money*


-Director Benny Hill de Blah

RE: Tern[edit]

I can handle that idiot bird alone, and I do not need your help. -Director Benny Hill de Blah

Well it's sad to say that I have minions that high, too. Have I mentioned how brutally imposing this acquaintance of mine is? Or how much reign he has over this site you speak of?

--Director Benny Hill de Blah

Lolz. Yours Truly, Explorer 767 (Obey the Benny. Serve the Benny. Live... for the Benny.) View this template 22:40, September 14, 2010 (UTC)


What?!? Why?[edit]

Why?!?

Haley Sig.png

RE:[edit]

Honey, I got a message from some Board. They are scaring me... Can you arrest them?


Love you as always!


Haley Sig.png

RE:[edit]

W..Why? Honey... I'm scared. Please... Delete them, then! You do have powers, Don't you? Do SOMETHING! I'm scared of that Bureau place, and that British voice in my head....



Haley Sig.png

RE:[edit]

HELP ME! THEY ARE SCARING ME! THEY ARE THREATING ME! THAT BOARD! THAT PUFFBALL!



HELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEE!



Haley Sig.png

RE:[edit]

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING! YOU ARE THE DIRECTOR OF THE CNIC!




GAH!




Haley Sig.png

RE: Account closure[edit]

presses button on console

Oh, please. You're not seriously trying to ruin my week just because of your precious little Haley, are you? Pfft. How pathetic.

The account closure has just been rollbacked in full. (I love my supreme dominancy... it allows for so many possibilities.) In the meantime, I am preparing my laptop for approving the final change to your assailable, puny lover. And Tortugadesatas will get his own warnings later.

Remember, remember, the twenty-first of September...

--High Director Benny Hill de Blah

<this message was removed due to inappropriate content>[edit]

Tammycensor.png

Have a great day. More than that: have a REALLY REALLY great day, you sexy hunk of penguin, you!


-Holyberden Board of Censors
P.S.: I am NOT the sister of a penguin in high power!

Uhhhh[edit]

What's the template that's marking this as a country? ULSK12TalkContribsYoutube Working on a story! Rpnew.png 03:05, 13 November 2014 (UTC)