Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature/Entrances

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Club Penguin[edit]

It's in the lower left corner of the Town, in a snow hill. Members dig up a remote in the snow, and press a big red button seven times. They suddenly disappear, and end up in their base.

Another way is to go to the Pet Shop, and follow this pattern in the Puffles Book. Blue, Black, Blue, Green, Purple, Blue, Red, White. You will then hear a loud beep. Play this pattern. Green, Purple, Yellow, Blue, Red, Brown, Orange. Another beep will play, and you should be teleported to the Bureau.

South Pole City[edit]

Go to the center of South Pole City's business district, Metro, at the 4th Street/W Road intersection. Wait to cross W Road, and swipe your employee's pass across the sign with instructions on when to cross and when not to cross. You will hear a faint beep. Press the "PUSH TO CROSS" button no more or less than 4 times. The beep will sound again, and a nearby manhole will melt away into thin air. Jump into the manhole and you will arrive at the Bureau.

Ternville[edit]

Go to the government district, at the corner of 4th Street and Wayne Drive. The Eastshield Museum of Meteorology is located there. Get inside, and ask the ticket clerk for a "Deluxe Hippenproxy Token". She will ask you to swipe your employee's pass in the credit card slot. A museum pass will come out the cash register, and the clerk will also hand you a blue token. Use the pass to get into the main museum, then head for the elevator. Press the button marked "4" and insert the token into the slot under the elevator buttons. The doors will close, then open again to reveal a large purple portal. Jump into the portal and you will arrive at the Bureau.

Eastshield[edit]

The Eastshieldian entrance to the Bureau is located at Snellville. Go to the SnellBook Library and look in the Conspiracy Theories section. Search for a memebook titled "I Can Haz Cheeseburgerz: An Illustrated Guide to Memes" (Code Number "XZ-6-Unknown-Ternville#ICANH"). The book is a light blue hardbound. Once you find it, take it off the shelf and open up the front cover. Scan your card over the inside front cover, and a floor panel nearby will melt away into thin air. Jump into it. After falling down a twenty-foot deep hole, you will land on a mattress next to a portal. Go into the portal and you will arrive at the Bureau.

Trans-Antarctica[edit]

The Trans-Antarctican entrance to the Bureau is located at GourdZoid. Go to the vegetable patch. You will find a scarecrow. Wave at him and say the password, "The cake is a lie!" The scarecrow will extend his flipper. Give him your employee's pass, then stand next to him. The patch of ground you and the scarecrow are on will sink into the ground, eventually arriving at the Bureau. The scarecrow will have vanished. In his place is a large vending machine. Your employee's pass will be sticking out of it. Retrieve it before you do your business at the Bureau.

Antarctic Peninsula[edit]

The Peninsulan entrance to the Bureau is located in Shiverpool. Go to the Mackerel Counting Station and look for an automatic weighing scale (they look a bit like ATMs, except that they have a dish sticking from their middle) labeled "4W". When you find the scale, insert your employee's pass into the slot at the base. The scale will slide back, revealing a small hole in the ground. Jump into this hole and you will arrive at the Bureau. Once you arrive, you will need to retrieve your employee's pass from the vending machines next to the entrance platform for the GourdZoid entrance (see above).

Weddell[edit]

The Weddell entrance to the Bureau is located at Turtle Atoll. Go to the western edge of the Shiny Forest and look for the tallest pine tree in the area. The pine tree has a low branch that curls down to ground level, with a single leaf that is curled up, like an ice cream cone (which is unusual for pine trees because they, being conifers, normally have needles instead of leaves). Insert your employee's pass in the leaf, which will constrict, as if grabbing the pass. The branch will rise up and "present" the pass to the crown of the tree, and a hole in the tree's trunk will open up after a while. Jump into this hole and you will arrive at the Bureau. Once you arrive, you will need to retrieve your employee's pass from the vending machines next to the entrance platform for the GourdZoid entrance.

Sub-Antarctic Islands[edit]

The Sub-Antarctican entrance to the Bureau is located at Club Penguin Island. Go to the Nightclub and look for the speaker to the left of the dance floor. It is opposite the entrance to the Boiler Room. Swipe your employee's pass across the top of the speaker, and it will open up. Climb down the ladder inside, run down the stair steps, and swipe your pass across the steel door you run into. It will open to reveal a portal to the Bureau. Jump in.

West Pengolia[edit]

The West Pengolian entrance to the Bureau (East Pengolians hate the Bureau as does Penghis Khan) is located near Penghis Khan's palace. Look for two rocks that look like the number "4" and the letter "W". You will notice a hairline crack running around these two rocks and a small slot underneath the gap between them. Insert your employee's pass into this slot. The entire rock formation will begin sliding down into the ground. Eventually, it will arrive at the Bureau. The rocks will be replaced by large plastic renditions of the letters "B" and "F", and your pass will still be stuck in the floor. Retrieve it before doing your business at the Bureau.


Happyface State[edit]

The Euphoric entrance to the Bureau is located in Hashville, one of the tech capitals of Antarctica, and is identical to the South Pole City entrance.

Freezeland[edit]

The Freezelandian entrance to the Bureau of Fiction is located in Frostborough. Go to the National Museum of Freezelandian History. Outside there are two statues of High Penguins on either side of the entrance stairway. Go to either statue and insert your employee's pass into the statue's beak (O_O). The statue will vanish, and in it's place will be a chute going down. Jump into the chute and you will arrive at the Bureau. Once you arrive, you will need to retrieve your employee's pass from the vending machines next to the entrance platform for the GourdZoid entrance (see above).

Geek Empire[edit]

The Geek entrance can be found at the base of the Atlas Support Beam. Look around on the pole until you find what looks like a crack in the structure. Insert your employee's card in that crack. If done correctly, the section of the Beam should opem up and your card should pop out. Step into the door and ride an elevator ten stories down. When it opens, a portal will be in plain sight. Step in it and you will arrive at the Bureau.

Yoenah[edit]

Oddly, the obscurity of Yoenah makes a great entrance to the Bureau. Head to the "Now Entering Yoenah" sign and kick it down, and avoid suspicion from the locals (the sign raises itself up on its own, thanks to hydraulics hidden in its cement foundation). A timer will begin counting from forty-five seconds. Run to the house of the local resident named Sidney, and insert your pass in the satillite dish that picks up his channels. Make sure you are standing right in front of the card slot, because the trap door that springs open remains open for two seconds. If you fail, you have to start over.

Charles' Key[edit]

Since Benny is (unfortunately) a Bureau member, he requested an entrance here. Rush to the Cafeteria of Chaos, ask for Chef Ax, and order an extra large order of chicken noodle soup (with a soda on the side). Take the dish and run (avoiding Chef in the process) to the Pier of Humiliation. Holding the entree in one flipper and the employee's pass in another, quickly aim the shiny side of the card at Judgement Hall. A special jet ski should drive up. Jump in it, and it will carry you around the Key and to the deep, undeveloped forest. Look for a pine tree the height of a puffle and insert your card into the slot of the metal plaque in front on said tree. The tree (which is fake) should disappear. Dive down the chute and you will plummet ten stories down and (hopefully) land on a deluxe, plush mattress, unless Explorer has moved it. If you land on the mattress, you'll be unharmed, in a small room the size of a jail cell. If claustrophobia doesn't get to you, run to the portal on the right side of the cell and you will appear in the Bureau.

This passage is a Bureau favorite because it's such a challenge, often considered "a little peice of Absolute Thespian Islet".

Pengyboo Island[edit]

Run to Pengyboo Main's famous red puffle pet shop (why doesn't this obscure HQA get more coverage?). At the back of the store, you should see a glass display case with a bag reading "ORGANIC HIGH QUALITY PUFFLE FOOD, DISPLAY ONLY". Insert your card in the slot near the middle of the case. The entire display should slide to the right, revealing a hole, and your pass should be spit back out. Jump in it and fall ten stories to a mattress at the bottom (if Explorer hasn't moved it). Enter the portal nearby and you'll appear at the Bureau.


Dorkugal[edit]

Go to Floor Thirteen (the Jerk HQ) and down to locker number 1337. A Jerk with an ID badge saying "Ashton Cool" should be nearby, wandring around and acting causal. Approach him and show him the pass. If you are not a native Dorkugese penguin, he will hand you a traditional Dorkugese robe, mess up your hair (if you have any) to look more nerdy, and supply you with a pair of nerd glasses (that are actually night-vision goggles). The Jerk, who is actually a Bureau employee, will attempt to keep your intentions secret by screaming to his "homies" that he's going to shove "yet another nerd" into a locker. He will grab you, in the Dorkugese disguise, and input a special code only he knows into the locker. You will be tossed into the locker (which lacks a floor) and fall down a chute and onto an air cushion much like the ones actors use to plunge to safety in stunts.

Use the night-glasses to locate the portal (which doesn't glow) and step through it to the Bureau. You'll see another wooden door at the end of the short hallway. Open the door and a flash should go off. You've just been added to the gallery of Bureau Employees Dressed as Dorkugese Nerds. Take off the disguise and deposit it in the bin next to the camera. You're in the Bureau's main hallway now, but people will probably be laughing at you if you're not Dorkugese and/or nerdy.

Lichenblossom[edit]

Go to Redlink Abbey's Beverage Room and look for Tank 4W1337. There is a small control panel next to the tank. Swipe your employee's pass in the control panel slot, then push the red button, pull the green lever, flip the blue and orange switches, and pull on the pink plunger. You must do this EXACTLY in the order given, or the tank pressure will rise to hazardous levels and bust the pipes open. If you manage to do this correctly, the tank pressure will decrease dramatically and you will hear a flushing sound, indicating that the flow of Cream Soda inside the tank has halted. Open up the small door on the top of the tank. You will see a keypad on the tank floor. Punch in the code "1337", which starts a countdown of 15 seconds. Quickly, get inside the tank and seal the door, then wait for the timer to finish. Once it does, the contents of the tank (you) will be teleported to the Bureau.

Gentoo Island[edit]

Arrive at the PASA Shuttle Launchpad. To the right, near the Mission Control building, there will be a statue of Georgio from Candlewick. Insert your card into one of the statue's pockets, marked with FW, then the statue will slide to the side to reveal a chute. Jump down the chute and you will land in a tank of jelly. Climb out of the tank, dry yourself off with one of the towels on the wall and take the door to the Bureau's main hallway.

New Club Penguin[edit]

There is a secret base called the Minus Levels, which are only used for top secret uses. On Level 0, there will be a tough-looking red penguin. There are many impostors of him. Look for the one wearing the "FW/1337" pin. You will be lead down via elevator to the ground floor. There will be rooms & halls to choose from. If you see a bald penguin, your there.

East Pengolia[edit]

Go to the statue of Bolsheevic Penguinsky by the Fishwow city hall (this is best done at night, for stealth). Climb up and scan the card over the sickle's entire blade. The statue will disappear, and you will fall into a tube underneath. Slide down and you will be on a mattress super-glued onto the floor that Explorer can't move. A nearby portal will take you to the Bureau.

Chi Con[edit]

This is hard. Go to the Surf Hut, and grab the blue and grey surfboard. Surf to an offshore island west of the hut (no boats or swimming), and insert your card, wait 2 seconds, and pull it out. There is a timer counting down to 4 minutes and 19 seconds. Surf back, and a Coldillac with the license plate 4W1337 will appear. Get it, and go to the Petguin jail. Ask the secretary about UBER-Hippenproxy, then show her your card, and she will put keys in front of you. Take the keys on the counter, run in and lock yourself in cell 1337. You will be teleported the entrance of the island again. Shake the tree, and you will be teleported again to the bureau.

Nothing[edit]

Go to Everything, and wait for a binary stream to attach to your back. Go to the electronics store, and get onto the NotLap XL. Open up Terminal, type ssh, and connect to ssh://members.4w.bureauoffiction.gov.aq:1337. Put your card into the PCMIA slot. For the password, type Tacgnol is GNOOOOOOL (six Os). You are now logged in. Type puffacs -el liza. When it loads, type analyze love. The computer now says A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. Type O RLY?, and it will say :|. Type nedm sucks then I am the limecat. The computer will say So I herd u kno ur memes? and will teleport you to the Bureau with the card. You will look either pixely and 2D or have jagged polygons and be 3D. If you are 2D, go to the Department of Images for appearance correction. If you are 3D, go to the Department of Animation, Blender division, for appearance correction. (Don't try to persuade Illustrator Keith -- he'll get scared of your appearance and run off.). This entrance is inaccessible due to the destruction of nothing in May 2011.

Isle of Penguifornia[edit]

This is a very hard, and complicated one: Go to Los Penguines International Airport, in Los Penguines, go to the MammothAir check in counter Check-In Express Machine, then type your name as Gooby Goobers, then, type your ticket identification number as your identification card. Then, your employee card will pop out of the ticket printer, once you have done this, show your card to a MammothAir check-in worker named Billy Garret, he will then bring you past the security checkpoint to Gate B-5, open the gate door with your employee card, step inside the Jetway, to its control console where there will be a joystick on the console. Push it left, down, up, right, right, left, down, up, up, down, up, and the Jetway will reveal a set of stairs to the ground, where there will be a manhole in the tarmac near the Jetway's supports, and you must have a safety vest on so no one will suspect anything. Safety vests are located on a pole. Beside the lower terminal entrance, there will be a slit in a manhole the size of your identification card, then slide your card in. If you are verified, you will hear a friendly beep, and it will open. Climb inside, and next thing you know, you'll arrive inside the Bureau.

Flystarland[edit]

This entrance is located in the tallest skyscraper of Flystar City. Go to Elevator 2C and press the button labeled "Emergency Launch". This will launch the elevator out the roof and crashing through a trap-door on the abandoned side of the building. Go out of the elevator, into a dark room, and if you see 2 strong guard penguins, show them your ID card, and go through the passage of hallways. When through the hallways, if you see a penguin with a sign above him saying "The Bureau", then show him your ID card. You will get a DNA scan. When this is over, go through the passageway and you will fall a couple of feet. You will see a curtain. Go through this to reveal a door with a card slide. Slide your card in the card slide and the door opens to reveal another door with another card slide. Keep repeating this until through the doors. After the doors, you will see light through a long passageway. Go through this and you see your there. This is a decoy Bureau, and when you open a door that wasn't there, you go through a long passageway. When you get out of the passageway, you are actually there.

This entrance is called "The Long Way" due to the path taking 10 to 15 minutes. Every Bureau member who had to take this path in emergencies hates this path.

FG[edit]

The entrance is located in the national mint. Go to the second floor. Ask the penguin named Dnal Edatsenif (pronounced dih•nahl eh•daht•seh•nihf) at the ticket booth for an über hippenproxy ticket. He will ask you if you know the secret. Tell him about the fourth wall and show him your card. He will grant you access to the entire building for free for the entire day. Go to the twenty-first floor and find pod 7331W4. Get into it. In ten seconds, you will be rocketed to the thirty-ninth floor. You have two minutes to jump into the closest truck. Jump in it and sneak a one orue note. Jump out after that and go to the forty-first floor. Flip the emergency switch. It will ask you to identify the secret item, which is your one orue note. After it was identified, it will disappear and a hidden elevator will open up. Before the elevator closes and takes you to the safety cellar, insert your employee's card between the first and second floor buttons and run out before it closes. Then go into the manager's office which is on the next floor. Go down the manhole. It should be very dark. Just follow the small light. You'll be falling down. In a few seconds, you will appear in BoF. Punch the garbage can that says 4W1337. Jump into it and your card will appear in your hand. You will appear in the same room as before except the garbage can you punched disappeared.

MAI and Auzua Mostafique[edit]

Near the Mershins-Kazooy Dock, swipe the card against a small crack in the wall pillar at the bottom-left of the first bridge hut, and wait until you get sent down.

Calada[edit]

Go to the Metro Torona Convention Centre, and into the Main Auditorium. There are more than 500 seats in the auditorium. Go to Seat 13, Row AAB.Insert your card into a small pocket in the seat in-front of you. A green light flash, therefore, opening a hatch. Climb in. A small elevator, will transport you to the main hall of the BoF.

Shops Island[edit]

Shops Island have 2 entrances to the Bureau. The first one is located somewhere near Shoptastic Center. Look for a sign said 'Highest peak of the island.' There, swipe the card in a small hole, and you will be teleported to the Bureau. The other entrance is located in a restroom at LMGT Mall. There, go to the toilet bowl area and swipe your card at the tissue holder. The toilet bowl will then suck you to an area called 'Perfume Area', where members are given perfume to get rid of the bad smell after getting inside of the toilet bowl.

Nexon[edit]

There's only one entrance to the BOF in Nexon. Go to the barber store named Philips' Buzzcut in Nexon City, make eye contact with any of the staffers there (all of whom wear the pure-white color that is forbidden) for exactly 2.35 seconds (changes every month/3 and a half week). You will take the member to a room that contains a portal. Enter the portal and you will take the appearance of the highest-paid barber of Philips' Buzzcut. You will be transported to an unoccupied mansion painted in lime-green that is located in front of the Nexonan Governor's residence. Hop over the shrub and walk to the front gate of the governor's residence, which is always guarded by soldiers. Once you have gained the guards' permission to enter the palace, find an unusually tall cedar tree (as tall as the residence) and locate a small pile of yellow-orange dead leaves placed around it. Step on it lightly for five times with your left foot and you will be teleported to the BOF. Upon teleportation, you will change back to your previous appearance and outfit.

Puffle City[edit]

Although it is a city rather than a country, there are 4 entrances! Go to Puffle Street, and look for the sign that says, "PUFFLES NEEDED." Look at the Puffle on it for 5 seconds, and then look up. A bird Puffle will fly over you. Once it squeals 5 times, an ice cube containing the portal should appear. Enter it, and you will see all 12 normal Puffle breeds. Scan your ID on the the golden Puffle, and then press the white Puffle. A door will open, and you will fall into the BoF. Let me repeat that it IS a city.

Another way is to go into the museum. Go to the floor labeled G. Find the golden dump truck, and then swipe your card. Then a gold elevator should appear, reading ACCEPTED IDS ONLY. Enter it. Go to the floor labeled Green. Find the green puffle robot. Take it with you. Go to the room labeled BT. Find the horn, and look for the door it blocks. Enter the door. The Green Puffle Robot will ask you this: "DO YOU WANT TO VISIT THE BoF?" Say, "Yes, please!" It will then take you to the BoF. If you do not scan your ID, the Green Puffle Robot will not be there, so you could not get to the BoF.

Another way is to find the Puffle Gateway. A Green Puffle wearing a purple propeller cap should be there. Slide your card on his hat. A nearby tree will grow. Find the tree, and climb up it. There, a portal should be on the tip. Enter it and enjoy your stay at the BoF!

Another way is to go into the skyscraper. Find the floor labeled 29. On this floor, the Green Puffle Robot will arise. Take him with you. Head to the 37th floor, and search for the TV. Change the channel to channel 56. Go to the 56th floor, and find a chair. Insert your card in it, and head to the top floor. The Green Puffle Robot will ask if you want to go to the BoF. Say yes, and you'll be there with your card back!

Tropicalis[edit]

There is only one known entrances in Tropicalis, which in Tropicapolis. To get there, you must get to Sea Trader's Street where a short line of two-floors brick buildings are located. Go to the building with a number 5 on it, then go inside the alleyway next to it. One of the bricks are slightly darker than the rest of the bricks where you must place your card on for 5 seconds. An immovable and empty can of garbage should slide aside, revealing an entrance where you will enter a room with an elevator. Beside it is a metal panel with lift buttons that don't work. Place your card there, and the door will open. Once you enter and wait until the lift stops moving, the doors will open and you will appear in the BoF's elevator section.

Willow Island[edit]

There are two entrances to the BoF.

The most popular and well-known one of the two is to go to Goosebumps Park, go to a specific, secluded and shadowy area there, find the humble public plantpot containing the sage-plants, and lift a small, unnoticeable plank on the bottom left. Once revealed, descend the flight of steps (obviously after covering the hole), and one the penguin reaches the concrete wall, they must press their flipper on a patch painted red. That will then make the concrete slab slide sideways, so the penguin can waddle ten more steps. They then find a teleporting-device, but then they have to scan their card on a card-shaped lock. It will then open, and as soon as the subject in question waddles in, it will teleport them to a Level 2 room.

The second, almost unknown entrance is - literally - outside Marino Castle, but only the inhabitants (the monarchy) and the most important government figures know of it. They have to waddle five steps to the right of their outdoor storage-room, open a fake tree, descend the steps, then waddle twenty paces straight ahead until they reach a scanning-device; they then give their left flipper-print followed by their card, which will allow the scanning-device to release a trapdoor beneath them, automatically teleporting them to a Level 2 room in the process.

Other[edit]

Theoretically, you could enter the BoF Facility by stowing away in (or hijacking) the HaOh Tank, as it returns to its position at the top of the facility once its work is done. However, the tank rarely ever leaves its position anyways, so getting in this way is very unlikely to happen.