User blog:TurtleShroom/Impress My Revestor - Quick Musical Story

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As anyone can tell you, the Swiss Ninja family had issues with economics. Okay, that is an understatement. The Swiss family couldn't manage a lemonade stand profitably. How could they run a car company?

In 2009, the Gaston Motors company fell to ruins. At the advice of the Executive Cabinet, and largely out of jealousy of Swiss Ninja, they gave him a serving of humble pie and bailed out his debt and bankrupt companies, in exchange for control of them.

This led to the rise of Tsar MobileShroom I, and, of course, a nationalized car company.

Swiss Ninja and family, though, needed more money to keep annexing new countries, at least until they could start harvesting their resources. A quick way out would be to get a third party to buy and privatize Gaston Motors, then help the family make profitable, weenie little hippie cars (as opposed to MS' 29 MPG so-darn-huge SUVs).

The problem? That would be convincing MobileShroom to authorize the sign-over. It's not like a czar will just abdicate his crown. Swiss Ninja had a plan, though.

It is early in the evening. Swiss Ninja enters MobileShroom's igloo. Outside, the sound of tools and machinary are loud. Tsar MobileShroom wakes up, wearing his automobile-themed pajamas, and picks up his crown off the nightstand, placing it on his head. He walks outside to see Swiss Ninja with MobileShroom's old-timey car on a tow truck.


Swiss Ninja: I'm hauling off your old clunker and giving you...

A luxury sportscar gracefully scoots onto the driveway. It is the kind of deluxe vehicle that makes adolescent creatures swoon.

Swiss Ninja: This!

MobileShroom glares.

Swiss Ninja: .........if... if you act now, it will be yours! Just authorize the privitization of Gaston Motors and-

MobileShroom: NO!

Swiss Ninja: ...-but why?!

MobileShroom: I LIKE my old car!

Swiss Ninja: -but this car is every automobile enthusiast's dream!

MobileShroom: Well, it's not mine! Now, give me back my car! I can't revoke your license or your hippie car, but I know folks who can!

Swiss Ninja: Wait, wait, NO!

MobileShroom turns around.

MobileShroom: What now?

Swiss Ninja hits a button on a boombox that he removed from his inventory.

Impress My Revestor
Single by The TurtleShroom Singers and Swiss Ninja
from the album Whirlwind Tour
Released September 1st, 2010
Format CD, digital download
Recorded March 14th, 2010
Genre Showtune
Length 1:17
Label TurtleShroom Productions
Writer(s) Swiss Ninja
Producer Unknown
Certification Certified Gold
Album track listing
I Shall Be a Mavv Banker Censorship (song)


Just last year, my so gracious Czar,

My land monopolized car,

-but the Feds so despised me,

With stock they did buy me,

-just 'cause I didn't have the profits to run...

So I coughed up my signage to escape the debt,

-but they won't give back GM, making money I bet!

Now I need your approval to make this move legal,

So there's only one thing I can do!

I must impress my revestor,

To re-privatize!

I must impress my revestor,

Shrink government size!

Simple privatization he will take from your nation,

Gaston Motors goes where it shooouuuuulllldddd!

I must impress my revestor to clear up my stress,

'Cause I am not a bankrupt-y and an ego-filled junky!

Give my back my position before I get a conniption,

O'er the company's investments I maimed!

I must impress my revestor,

I must impress my revestor,

I must impress my revestor,

Before I break the bank!

Swiss Ninja: So, can my family have Gaston Motors back? We won't drive it into spiralling debt again, we promise!

MobileShroom: NO.

MobileShroom slams the door.

Swiss Ninja: Your SUVs pollute!

Swiss storms off.