Waffleland

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His most royal imperial highness's majesty's Waffleland or the world of the Str00del
W4ffl3l4nd
Flag of Waffleland
Motto80w t0 M1st3r 834n!
AnthemBurping in C major
Royal anthemEcce homo qui est faba-"Behold the man who is a bean"
Location of Waffleland
A photograph of Waffleland (usually used as the base for any maps of the country) taken from the sky. Strangely, it looks rather like Mr. Bean's face. The Str00del force claims that this was an accident...
CapitalBean City
Official languages L33t
Recognised regional languages Gibberish, Vlaams
Species  Puffles, Penguins, Humans (only Mister Bean), Wild Teddy Bears
Demonym Waffliean
Membership Str00del Force
Government Seemingly peaceful Night Watchman State, in reality a Dictatorship
 -  His most royal imperial highness's majesty Mr. Bean
 -  The Overlord Unknown
Establishment
 -  Mr. Bean's Birthday April First 
Population
 -  March 17th, 2011 census 45 million penguins, 32 thousand puffles 
 -  Density 180/km2 
360/sq mi
Currency W4ffl3s (?)
Yes
Drives on the Both sides of the road
Calling code WAFFLE74839&#$!

Waffleland is a small, bizarre island country that is completely unlike any other yet known. Inhabited by seemingly insane penguins and puffles who lives in houses made of waffles, it has gathered a reputation as being completely irrational politically, artistically, and most consider it to be some kind of gigantic mental asylum, where most of Antarctica's mentally ill and downright crazy live. Think it's harmless? Think again. Waffleland is not what it seems, and the dark secret behind the country is so terrible, so evil, that not even many conspiracy theorists have the slightest clue about the truth behind Waffleland.

History[edit]

Early History[edit]

For thousands of years, penguins have settled in Waffleland before it was known as such, as it its soil was rich and great for planting crops.

However the soil contained a mysterious gas that was slowly released into the air over time, and when the settlers had chicks, they behaved strangely. Around the 1600's and 1700's, groups of penguins and puffles from Batavia and Francterre attempted to colonize the island for their respective countries. However, the new colonists were also affected by the mysterious gas in the air causing them to act very strangely. A Batavian government official who visited the island in 1753 remarked that the intelligence of the colonists had diminished significantly, and that their ability to speak Dutch had also begun to diverge into a strange dialect that they began to insist was a seperate language called "Vlaams". Meanwhile, a Frankterran government official who visited the island ten years later noted that the Francterran colonists were integrating themselves more with the native population and had a tendency to speak more Gibberish than French. As a result, Batavia and Francterre agreed to relinquish their claims to Waffleland in 1803 and the Ninja Archipelago as a whole agreed in 1805 that Waffleland would no longer be colonized and limited merchants' visits to the island to less than two days. Thus, Waffleland was never placed under a unifying government and was mostly governed by small communities. Despite the growing stupidity of the natives, their ability to create quality waffles improved as time went on.

This continued for thousands of years, and yet it never became a country until the spring of 2010.

Becoming a Country[edit]

On April 1, 2010, the infamous Str00del Force held a rather wild meeting in a garbage dump in an effort to decide what they must do to honour their beloved Mr. Bean.

They argued over many ideas, some of which were selling Waffles with Mr. Bean's dirty fingerprints all over them, dedicating all garbage dumps to him (which was later developed into the The Royal Exquisitely Stinky Dump) and drawing special limited edition flipper-drawn paintings of Mr. Bean slipping on a banana, all of which were considered not worthy of his "awesomeness".

After a fair amount of arguing, Captain Str00del, the leader of the gang, came up with a self-proclaimed brilliant idea: why not make a country dedicated to him?

The others agreed to this idea, and after purchasing a rather large island south of the Ninja Archipelago, they declared it an independent country and christened it Waffleland, after their favourite snack.

The lazy Str00del Force did not intend on erecting any of the buildings themselves, so they bribed Micro Hard and Soft to do their construction work for them, even though the company had no experience in creating buildings whatsoever.

The workers did a lousy job of course, but the Str00del Force thought it just dandy.

So they advertised it with Spam Bombs and got a few idiots and Jerks to join.

Word got out, and suddenly the streets were filled with over 9,000 penguins and puffles.

However soon structural faults were found in the buildings, so they stuffed the cracks with waffles and glued them together with syrup.

It actually worked, sort of... the buildings were fixed, but then it was found that the crazy inhabitants of the island had a tendency to eat the waffles.

Due to their lack of brains they could not find a solution, so they set up the position of "Waffle Inspector and Repairman" to come by once a month and insert new waffles into the cracks.

On April 15, 2010, they colonized Scoodlepeep, with the chicks currently in rebellion. And Mr. Bean highly disapproves of this.

Currency[edit]

Waffleland uses Waffles as its currency. Each Waffliean piece of currency, or ?, is worth 0.1 Fish. In most countries it is considered legal tender but is not commonly used as currency, but as food.

In normal countries, each private central bank has monopoly control over the supply and production of its own currency. To facilitate trade between these currency zones, there are different exchange rates, which are the prices at which currencies (and the goods and services of individual currency zones) can be exchanged against each other. Currencies can be classified as either floating currencies or fixed currencies based on their exchange rate regime. In cases where a country does have control of its own currency, that control is usually exercised either by a central bank or by a Ministry of Finance. In either case, the institution that has control of monetary policy is referred to as the monetary authority. Monetary authorities have varying degrees of autonomy from the governments that create them. In the USA, the Federal Reserve System operates without direct oversight by the legislative or executive branches. A monetary authority is created and supported by its sponsoring government, so independence can be reduced by the legislative or executive authority that creates it. (Revocation of authority is unlikely in southern countries, where there has been a trend towards central bank independence.)
 
— Something called wikipedia

In reality, Waffleland's supposed huge amount of riches come from the large amount of waffles that they manufacture, not the amount of gold in the banks, so they are technically cheating.

This has led to several (failed) lawsuits, but most penguins don't care about it, as most consider it harmless. Then again, they're wrong.

Language[edit]

The official language is L33t, but many speak Gibberish instead.

Gibberish is impossible to understand and is thus sometimes used in secret meetings, but they never get anywhere.

Most visitors are puzzled by the large amount of Gibberish used and why it is used if nobody (not even the speaker) can understand it.

This is the result of many hours of propaganda by the Str00del Force who wanted to make up their own language, but couldn't figure out what the words would be.

To read more about gibberish, please go to Accents.

The Vlaams penguins, who live in the southernmost point of the island, speak the language "Vlaams", which they insist is a seperate language despite actually being a dialect of Dutch, the langauge of Batavia. Vlaams is spoken by 10% of the population and has two sub-dialects: West Vlaams and Oost (East) Vlaams. Oost Vlaams is the closest to standard Dutch while West Vlaams has been heavily influenced by the local Waffeliean Gibberish. Vlaams, like gibberish, is only seen as a regional language and is therefore not an official language of the country and is never used in the political realm unless if it is in the local Vlaams communities.

Places to go and sights to see[edit]

Bean City has statues of Mr. Bean and a large garbage dump called "The Royal Exquisitely Stinky Dump" (nicknamed "The Big Ripoff"), which is its major tourist attraction.

Other then that, there's not much (unless you wanna go underground).

Geography[edit]

The country is mostly flat except for a large mountain that is called "Bean's Nose" and a deep valley named "Bean's mouth". There are two lakes called the "Bean's Eyes" that are located to the north of "Bean's Nose", and each lake contains a small green island in the middle with a black pool of oil in the middle, which is Waffleland's major oil supply. At the northmost end of the country lies the great forest, also known as Bean's hair. Its large pine trees have fascinated generations even before the country was founded, and some claim that each one would be worth almost ?900,000 with current logging prices, but they are protected by law, and cutting one down is considered a capital offense. Not that anyone wants to cut them down, anyway.

Close to the Bean's mouth there are great folding hills known as "wrinkles" to the general population, and beneath them is a large series of caverns that contains insane amounts of laughing gas. Stepping none too lightly on the hills may cause the gas to leak into the air, which is usually followed by crazy laughter.

Some have noticed that from the air the country is shaped like Mr. Bean's head. The Str00del Force claims that this was an accident, and most believe them, as the island "appears" to be a naturally formed volcanic island, albeit a very large one. It is located right beneath the Ninja Archipelago.

Flag, Motto, and Anthem[edit]

The current flag is of a likeness of Mister Bean, on a background of bubbles and paint splatters, and was designed by an intoxicated yellow puffle who had previously drank 65 cream sodas. As this occurred around the time Overlord took charge (and he HATED the original flag), it was immediately used as a replacement flag, and the still-drunk puffle was given a promotion.

Uhh....itsahright...yeahh...Ihadda 10 too many cream sodaz.... *burps*
 
— Intoxicated Yellow Puffle, upon discovery of his flag design

The original flag (which has since been replaced) was the picture of Mr. Bean's teddy sitting in front of a blue background and originated when the Str00dels tried to take a photo of a blue mushroom with the camera pointed the wrong way.

However, the same puffle that made the flag saw his work, and HATED it. So he and Overlord agreed to make a new flag. It was still yet to be in making, so the original flag (The first one the puffle made) is set up still.

The national anthem originated when they tried to come up with an original theme song for the group (Professor Shroomsky suggested that they use one of Justin Beaver's songs, and was booed at loudly). After 12 hours of arguing (and blaring loud music through some cheap speakers), Mister Bean suddenly burped into a microphone, and Captain Str00del suggested that "Burping in C Major" could be the national anthem. Most of the members disagreed, except for Serious Cat, who brainwashed the other members into agreeing with him.

Goverment[edit]

The government type is ridiculously simple, and is considered chickish to most penguins.

Their most complex, annoying and purely ridiculous way of governing is this:

Whenever a law is to be passed, Mr. Bean will say either yes or no.

If he says yes, a puffle will be forced to walk on a impossibly fast treadmill and stay on.

However, if he says no, the penguin will be forced to throw up all that he has eaten in the last few minutes.

If (by some miracle) the puffle manages to keep from falling off, the answer is yes.

However if the puffle falls off, the answer is no.

Finaly after this test, a gigantic machine that generates a random sentence every yoctosecond is asked wither the law is good.

On the very yoctosecond the penguin asks the question a answer shows up and stays.

After this, the law goes through a trillion more stupid tests that aren't worth noting, (which would normally take millions of years, but is sped up through a time warp) the law is finally declared an official law no matter if it passed any of the tests or not.


Several laws that have been passed are:

  1. everyone must put their cellphones inside their shoes,
  2. Lizlord must stop stomping on the buildings and
  3. Farting is the proper way of greeting, burping is the common greeting.
  4. Conscription into any branches of the military is compulsory for over 10s. If you're under-age and you wish to serve then it is legal to lie about your age.
  5. When Mr. Bean is in Intelligent Mode, he must be encased in movable titanium.
  6. Underaged Drinking is not allowed (you have to be 18 years old or older). If so, the underaged drinker needs to throw up everything he/she ate for ranging to the past few minutes or even a day. (Underaged can drink cactus extract (yes, cactus extract!), water, juice, milk, soda, etc.)
  7. It is legal to teach a low grader higher education. (Chicks must be 3 or older.)

Military[edit]

See Royal Army of Waffleland

Inhabitants[edit]

Villains[edit]

Resources[edit]

  • Wheat (for making waffles)
  • Lots of Beans
  • Laughing Gas
  • Uranium

Culture[edit]

Among Wafflieans, the common greeting is burping, but farting is considered more polite. However, their elite (and the least crude) usually bow and state "May the Bird of Paradise fly up your nose!", but it is very uncommon to hear this. Their national food is Doom Knight, which is usually roasted on a spit until it is almost unrecognisable. Some eat Abyss Knights, although most state that they taste horrible without tremendous amounts of salt added. Nobody knows why they eat the filthy creatures, as they taste disgusting and smell like Director Penny after eating an OxiPie, although it seems to be an acquired taste, as people who move there often tend to grow a fondness for the odd meat.

As for books, most are written in gibberish and therefore, not understandable, but films always use l33t as it is easier to understand.

Mabel is extremely popular and they even have a day dedicated to her.
File:LOLx.png
Typical residents of Waffleland.

Trivia[edit]

  • The country could single handedly wipe out all life on the planet, because of T.H.I.S.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]


Free Republics of the USA, UnitedTerra, and other places