Agent Meltie and the Wedding Crashers

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Agent Meltie and the Wedding Crashers
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Love is in bloom...
Background information
Participants Agent Meltie, James Crow, Rocket Slug, Phineas34720, Chickpenguin, Lexi, Katie Finn, Jillymob, TurtleShroom
Date 3-12-2034
Location Third Municipal Court of First Instance, South Pole City, USA


Agent Meltie and the Wedding Crashers or The Best Wedding Ever was the event in which Rihanna and James finally tied the knot, bound in holy matrimony. Of course, a wedding as blissful as this isn't complete without someone trying to screw it up.

The event[edit]

It all started after Rihanna's proposal. Yes, the fiance proposed. She was to be betrothed to James "Jim" Crow, a professional singer and snowboarder. She immediately got interested in him at age seventeen, but he didn't go steady so that Agent would be able to "go out" with Metalmanager. Although, Jim and Rih got engaged when they turned twenty-nine, Jim proposed the year after.

Today was her wedding, and she was frantically searching for her dress. She couldn't find it anywhere, so she decided to go casual.

The bride-to-be drove around looking everywhere for flowers. But little did she know, her siblings and her friends had relocated to the United States of Antarctica, and were having a wonderful picnic out in the warmest weather of the year.


Katie looked up to the sun and smiled. She was wearing a giant hat made from Judgie wrappers, and a dress made from bread crumbs. "It's so beautiful today," she remarked. The friends surrounding her nodded. Phineas ate a ham sandwich happily. Lexi sipped her apple tea.

Rocket Slug stretched her legs and grabbed an apple, but was interrupted by the black puffle with glowing red eyes in front of her.

"Rocket Slug! I have..." He stopped to catch his breath. "Let me just....Just..." He sighed loudly, then pulled out a letter with his telekinesis. Rocket opened the envelope and read it aloud.

"'Dearest Rocket Slug, I hope you are as excited as I am about the upcoming wedding in your hometown, South Pole City!'"

She paused and gave a confused look. "Wedding?"

RS continued. "'I will be in charge of the ceremony, but would very much like you and your friends to help with the preparations for this occasion. Jillymob, I would like you to rejoin your Miss Slug's band as the lead singer. You've got a strong voice, and although a cure for your condition has not been found, you should still do what you love best.'"

Jillymob smiled. "I'm honored."

"'Chickpenguin, I can think of nobody more qualified than you to host the reception.'"

Chickpenguin stood up and cartwheeled across the blanket, shouting "Hip-hip-HOORAY!"

Rocket picked up the plates she scattered about and continued reading. "'And knowing you are an amazing cook, Lexi, I want you to be in charge of catering.'"

Lexi finally got the straw out of her beak. "Well, I had better prepare some recipes. I am the cupcake master, after all."

Rocket smiled, and her brother yawned rudely. "'Phineas the 34,720th, I would very much appreciate it if you would allow me a song. Give this old bird a chance.'"

Phineas laughed. "Who wrote that letter? He's a dork."

"'Katie, you will be designing dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids.'"

Katie felt her head and looked a bit weak, although excited, about her new opportunity. "I'm supposed to design dresses.....for a wedding......." She fainted, bit a big smile spread across her beak.

Rocket cleared her throat and finished reading the invitation. "'And as for you, my dear friend, you will be playing the most important role of all: making sure this entire occasion goes smoothly. Yours, TSP AI.'"

Phineas began to laugh harder. "I knew he was a dork!"

"But I don't get it!" Rocket wondered aloud. "Who's getting married?"

The black puffle, whose name was "Doom", smiled weakly, then pulled out another letter with his telekinesis. Rocket read it aloud.

"'TSP AI cordially invites you to the wedding of James Crow and-'MY SISTER?!"


"Your sister is getting married? Congratulations, Rocketta, that's great for her!" Lexi shook RS' limp flipper.

Rocket nodded. "It is great for her. But I learned it from a piece of paper! Not my actual sister!" She gestured in the direction South Pole City was. "Thanks a lot, Agent. You didn't make time to pop in and see me? 'James Crow'? Who the heck is that?!"

"Are you okay?" asked Jillymob, the kind one.

Rocket immediately calmed herself down. "Sorry. It's just that no matter how negative she was, we always had some kind of sibling connection!"

Phineas shouted, "NO YOU DIDN'T!"

RS ignored it and continued. "She's my BSMEF!"

Her friends gave a confused look. Rocketta explained.

"Big Sister Mortal Enemy Forever?"

"Oh!"

A chord progression played. It seemed as if Rocket was going to break into song...oh no. Song: Big Brother Best Friend Forever, from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic.

"When I was just a chick, I didn't even think

About how good I had it

I had my Vii to play

Didn't know that she was here to stay

As my sister, a step-sister at that

And even though we argued most times

This song has really awkward rhymes!

My big sister, mortal enemies forever

Like two mics and guitar, we were always there together

She hated when I flew my kite (mortal enemy forever)

She always took the final bite (we were always there together)

She got a boy, I had a toy

Agent sounds bad but I miss her, a lot."

Rocket's friends began to sing with her.

"Your big sister, mortal enemy forever

Like two mics and guitar, you were always there together."

Rocket finished solo.

"But now she's oh so far away, I hoped that she would stay

My big sister mortal enemy forever."

Lexi stepped up to Rocketta. "As one of your PFF's-"

The rest of the friends gave a confused look.

"-Penguin Friends Forever-"

"Oh!"

"I think your sister sounds a lot better once we get to know her."

"She is pretty special," Rocket replied. "They don't let just anyone become the Goddess of Music."

Katie sat up in delight. "So I'm designing outfits for a wedding-BUT THE WEDDING OF THE GODDESS OF MUSIC?!"

Rocket rolled her eyes. "She gave herself that title years ago. Dunno if she still uses it."

Again, Katie fainted, with a smile on her beak. Everybody besides Rocket suddenly became excited for no reason. Don't you just hate when that happens?


The friends were riding up to South Pole City on a bullet train. Phineas34720 sat in a seat, looking bored and confused at the same time. "Still can't believe TSP AI wants to sing," he mumbled. Chickpenguin, who was sitting behind him, reading a comic book, leaned over his seat and sang loudly, making Phin jump. "THIS WEDDING WILL BE PERFECT!"

Her voice echoed all over the train.

Doom sat and talked to Katie and Lexi. "So, you all get to help with the big fancy wedding, but I get to host the bachelor party! Just one question: what's a bachelor party?"

Everyone on the train laughed minus Rocketta, who gave a moody look outside her window. Lexi stood up and waddled towards her friend.

"Why the long face, Rocket?"

RS rubbed her flipper on the edge of the seat in front of her and sighed. "I'm just worried about Sis. Since we moved to the USA, I've been seeing her less and less! And now that's she's starting a new family with this James what's-his-face, I might never get to see her again!"

Lexi sat down next to the moody bird. "You're her sister. She will always find time for you."

Rocket's head shot around to face the princess-in-hiding. "Really? Because she didn't seem to make time to tell me about her wedding!" RS pulled down the window shade angrily.

A few seconds later, the friends had made it into South Pole City, which was now surrounded by a black, glittery protective bubble. "We're here, we're here!" Chickpenguin shouted.

The gang went through the bubble, each penguin shivering as the blackness passed through them. They stopped at the train station and stepped out. Phineas noticed all of the guards surrounding the city. Why there where so many was unknown, as it wasn't quite a "royal" wedding.

Katie responded. "It's probably just because some people are just plain weird." She gestured to her hat and laughed. "Glad I was allowed, but just to be safe-"

She stuffed her illegal headgear into her purse, which was made entirely out of old phone cords. "Now let's get going, gang. We've got a lot to do, and we can't waste a second."

Lexi wavered over to Rocketta. "We have a lot to do and so do you. You've got a sister to congratulate."

RS rolled her eyes angrily and wandered off in another direction, mumbling, "Right, 'congratulate'. Or give her a piece of my mind."


TSP AI had himself perched atop a building, looking through a telescope. He tilted the telescope down to see his friend, Rocket Slug, and made a cheerful "beep-bop" sound at this discovery.

Rocket, meanwhile, was not in the mood to see her friend, but had to find this James guy, whomever he was. She ran all around town, looking everywhere. She stopped into shops and houses, looking all over for the groom, but he was right behind her the whole time! RS should have known when she reached into her back pocket for something and felt somebody else instead.

"Rocket! I've missed you, kid. How was the train ride? I-"

RS finally turned around and was greeted with a familiar face. Memories of him hanging out with her in their chickhood returned, and she remembered who he was. His name was James Crow, and he could snowboard like nobody's business.

"Oh, hi! Didn't realize you were...so...familiar. I thought you were some weirdo my sister got interested in. You know how she gets."

James laughed and smiled. "Yeah, especially that Metal guy."

RS immediately remembered why she was there. "But why didn't my sister tell me this? Or you could have told me!"

Jim took a dramatic step back. "Well, anything regarding to the wedding is all your sister's fault if she didn't tell you," He pulled out his guitar and gave Rocket a glance. "This is something you've got to see." He pointed it upwards and strummed. The black bubble surrounding South Pole City grew. After the note, Jim lazily put down his guitar and stroked his head worriedly.

"Even though I'm a rock star and a pro snowboarder, I've had to keep the city safe. TSP AI has detected a threat to us and we needed additional protection. Your sister's been pretty busy too. Does that explain it?"

RS sighed. "Alright. I think I understand. Sorry I got so mad. Both of you guys are pretty busy and you've got limited time to arrange everything. But why wouldn't she tell me about something that important? Does she not love me anymore?"

James smiled. "She's your sister. It's her job to annoy you."

"Yeah, that makes sense."

The door creaked open, and a familiar bird stepped in. Agent Meltie. "I hope I'm not interrupting you guys!"

RS smiled as hard as she could. "Hi, sis?"

"And you are?"

Rocket was confused for a second. Agent's her sister after all, the one who put up with all of her antics and was part of Team Rocket Slug in their chickhood. "I'm your younger sister, Rocketta Slugster. The main ringleader of our little group? Y'see, I always thought of you as the straight man/killjoy in our group, but..."

"Whatever."

Rocket gained a shocked look as her sister walked towards her soon-to-be husband. "I've gotta get back to my station. Rih will check in with you all later. I'm definitely excited to have you all here. Aren't you, dear?"

Agent smiled deviously. "Absolutely."

They both walk off in the opposite direction, leaving Rocketta standing there, confused.

"What the-"


The princess of the Happyface Isles was running. No, not running from a predator or anything, just running around to complete her wedding catering tasks. She dabbed the last bit of icing on her cake.

"Cake. Check."

Rocket checked it off her list and Lexi ran to her ice sculpture. "Ice sculpture. Check."

Rocket's pencil flicked again as Lexi ran to the oven, wearing mitts. "Red velvet cupcakes with black filling?" She stuffed one into Rocketta's reluctant beak.

"Mmmmmm. Check!"

Doom the puffle, meanwhile, was playing with the dolls that go on the cake. "I do, do you?" he asked in a deep voice. Then, his high voice replied, "I do!" Doom kept making kissy noises as he played with the dolls. Finally, Rocket stopped the red-faced puffle from embarrassing himself any further.

"Oh, it's Rihanna Meltie! Hello!" Lexi exclaimed as Agent Meltie stepped into the room.

"Please," insisted Rihanna, "call me Agent Rihanna Lymerzo Meltissimo-Slugster."

"Well, hello Agent Rihanna Lymerzo Meltissimo-Slugster!" Lexi replied cheerfully. "Have you come to 'check out' what is on the menu for your wedding day?"

Agent nodded as she grabbed a cupcake. "Delicious!" she lied nervously. "I love-love-love them!"

"Well, why don't you take some to go, then?" suggested Lexi, holding up a bag of the pastries. "You don't want to go hungry!"

Agent nodded and smiled as she walked out the door, subtly dropping the bag of cupcakes into the trash basin behind her.

Rocket was shocked. "Lexi, d-did you see that?"


"Oh, I don't know when my sister changed, but, oh boy! did she change! We never called her 'Agent Rihanna Lymerzo Meltissimo-Slugster' around the house!" Rocket complained to Katie.

"Did I just hear someone say my name?" Agent Meltie inquired. She had her three bridesmaids standing by.

Katie blushed. "Y-yes! It's just such an honor to design these outfits for you!" she laughed nervously.

"Uh-huh," Rih replied. "Now let me see my dress. Is it ready?"

"Oh, of course!" Katie stammered, stepping forward. A black, tattered dress with puffy sleeves, chains, and decorative, beaded safety pins was displayed behind her. The veil, made from old fishnet stockings, casually hung on the left shoulder of the wedding dress.

AM sneered. "I'm not a fan."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll be convinced after you see the bridesmaids' dresses!" Katie moved a small bed out of the way to reveal three dresses, done up in a similar fashion.

"I'm still not a fan. Could you make them less...blech?"

Katie nodded nervously. "Yes, of course!" She began to take note.

"Well, I think they're lovely," the first bridesmaid, Christina, remarked.

"Me, too," exclaimed the second one, Ally.

"I love them," the third one, Mikayla, chimed in.

"They're atrocious," Rih corrected. She escorted her bridesmaids out the door. Clearly they were in store for something unpleasant.

"Geez, when did my sister get so dang annoying?" Rocket groaned.


Chickpenguin and Agent Meltie were standing in a foyer, complete with balloons, streamers, and party poppers. "So we've been over the games," Chickpenguin began, shaking dice.

"The dances..." She did a little shimmy to demonstrate.

"And it's perfect!" Agent interrupted. "For a six-year-old's birthday party."

Chickpenguin gasped. "Thank you!"


The night had began, and TSP AI had gone into sleep mode on the top balcony of the building. He shook himself out of it best he could, and began watching over the starry night, where Rocket and her friends were sitting down to glasses of tea and conversation.

"I'll bet I can guess what you're all thinking! My sister is a horrible bride!" she declared, slamming down her drink.

"What are you talking about, Rocketta? Rih is a dream to work with!" Katie replied.

"But she was so demanding!"

"Well, of course she was. It's her wedding, after all."

Rocket grunted and turned to Lexi. "And after she told you how much she 'love-love-loved' your cupcakes she threw them away!"

"Well, she was probably trying to spare my feelings. It was my first time trying a red filling," Lexi replied.

"No," Rocket Slug corrected, "she was faking it!"

"She did scream at TSP AI during rehearsal-" Jilly began.

"Y'see?" RS interrupted. "That's rude!"

"-but he was really off-key, even for a computer."

"Never mind that." She turned to her brother, Phineas34720. "You agree with me, right?"

"Sorry, no," he replied sheepishly. "I've been too busy doing absolutely nothing."

Rocket Slug growled.

"She's about to get married," Katie reassured. "I'd be tense, too, if I were in her boots."

"She is not being tense!" RS shouted. "There's something wrong with her, and you're all too caught up in wedding planning to see it!"

Rocket knocked the table over in disgust and stormed off.


Rocket knocked on the door of the groom. He opened the door and smiled.

"Do you think I look nice? This medallion is what I'm planning to wear to the wedding. Cool huh?" He held up a medallion, letting it glint in the light.

"That is pretty cool, but we need to talk. You're making a big-"

RS suddenly felt a cool breeze on her arms.

"Oh, hey, Rih," James remarked.

"Could I speak to you for a moment, dear?" Agent Meltie asked fake-sweetly.

James gestured. "I'd better see what she wants." He closed the door.

Rocket, having been an expert eavesdropper since her chickhood, held her ear against the door. If she could just tilt her head a little more, ah, yes! She could hear every word now!

"Look, we need to talk," Rihanna began.

"I'm here to talk," Jim replied.

"I thought we agreed that you weren't wearing that!"

"Oh, this medallion?" RS could practically see him strutting his stuff wearing it. "This belonged to one of my deceased uncle's."

"And?"

"And I think I should honor him by wearing it."

"So you're disagreeing with me, huh?"

Jim scoffed. "Well, I guess I am-ah!"

"Oh, dear, do you have another migraine?"

Rocket heard something that sounded like a bunch of magical power building up. James let out a painful-sounding scream, then was eased into a sense of false relaxation.

"Are you feeling any better, hon?" Rocket's sister asked.

James sounded as if he had been drained mentally. "Mm-hm."

He opened the door to see that RS was still standing there, looking as guilty as a chick stealing from the cookie jar. Surprised, Rocketta ran off.

"Rocket!" James called. "Huh, looked like she had something to say to me."

"Just let her go," Agent replied, nuzzling against her soon-to-be husband.


Rocket was still running. TSP AI saw her from the top of the building he had been perched atop for so long.

"Stay indoors, Rocket Slug," he remarked.

RS stepped into the room she was looking for and saw her friends gathered around in dresses. Even Phineas was in a dress. "I don't look good in this color," he mumbled.

"Why are you all wearing dresses?!" Rocket exclaimed.

"Can you believe it?" Jillymob exclaimed, making her way towards her friend. "We're Agent Rihanna Lymerzo Meltissimo-Slugster's new bridesmaids!"

RS was shocked. "New bridesmaids? But what about her old ones? What happened to them?"

"She never told us," Lexi replied, looking down at her tattered orange dress, a beautiful yet edgy dress the color of an orange Mabelsicle. "But she did tell us that she would love-love-love us as last-minute replacements."

"Because we've been working so hard," Katie chimed in, wearing her new purple dress.

"And you thought there was something off about her."

"Told ya she was a dream to work with."

"Green really isn't my color," Phineas repeated.

"You'd look better in a green suit, anyhow," Katie replied, pulling out some measuring tape.

Rocket looked around, feeling betrayed by her friends. "I guess I'm really on my own, now," she mumbled, stepping outside.


"Perfect, girls. No need to rush!" TSP AI reassured as the bridesmaids demonstrated how they would waddle before the bride. "Then, of course, Rihanna will enter."

Rih entered the room, looking almost as elegant as she would on her wedding day. "I'll say a few words, and then we'll begin with the vows. James, you'll get the ring from Rocketta."

"Actually," James remarked, "I haven't seen her anywhere."

As if on cue, Rocket stepped into the room! "I'm here! I'm not gonna stand next to her. Any neither should you!" she exclaimed.

"I'm sorry," Jim subtly whispered to his spouse. "I don't think she should be acting like this."

"Maybe we should just ignore her," Agent groaned.

"You've got to listen!" Rocket insisted.

"Goodness!" Jillymob exclaimed. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure about that?" Lexi inquired.

Rocket gave her friend a swift slap on the beak in reply. "I've got something to say! She's evil!"

RS pointed to her sister. Everybody in the room gasped. TSP AI just made an error noise in response.

"She's been horrible to my friends," Rocket continued, "she's obviously killed off her bridesmaids, and what's more, she cast a spell on Jim that made him lose his mind, literally!"

Agent broke down into tears, her mascara running. "Why are you doing this to me?!"

"Because you're evil!" Rocket replied. Agent ran off, tears streaming down her face.

"Evil!" Rocket Slug repeated. "And if I don't stop you, you'll ruin James' life!" She turned to James, expecting him to congratulate her. But he looked about ready to blow.

"Do you know why she did that?" he asked angrily. "Because I've been getting migraines. Your sister's in an advanced course for magic, taught by Alyssa. But that's not the point. She's just healing my headaches!"

"I just-"

"And she decided to replace her bridesmaids because they were only concerned with the glamor of the wedding, not the event itself! And she's just so tense because I've been so busy and she's had to make all of the wedding decisions!"

"But-"

"And she's wanted to make this perfect! And now that you've drove her out of her own wedding rehearsal, there's no reason for you to even go to the wedding anymore."

James left the room and Rocket's friends followed. "You have a lot to think about," TSP AI messaged as he slammed the door. RS sat on the floor, actually thinking-a lot.

"I could've gained a brother. But I just lost my sister." Rocketta burst into tears.

The door opened and Agent stepped in. She gingerly smoothed down her sister's hair, trying to calm her.

"I'm sorry," Rocket mumbled sincerely.

"You will be."

Agent Meltie's eyes began to glow green, more so than her natural color. The green in her eyes turned to flames, flames that submerged and engulfed her sister in a burning dome. Agent turned around, seeing as she was finished with the job at hand, and waddled off, smirking.


The green flames from before had sent Rocket somewhere she had never imagined. She found herself in a completely reflective, gem-filled cave. She was alone. She was terrified out of her mind.

"Where am I?" she asked. Her voice echoed loudly behind her, making her feel slightly less alone. Suddenly, Agent's image appeared on a few of the gems.

"You're in the cave beneath South Pole City," she replied. "It was once home to greedy creatures who wanted to trade in the gems for money. And now, it's your prison!"

"Help!" RS shouted.

Agent Meltie cackled. "It's no use. No one will hear you. No one will find you." Her image began moving across the gems. "Some penguins have forgotten that this cave exists. And that's why it's the perfect place to incarcerate birds who interfere with my plans!"

She began cackling again, tilting her head back. Rocketta could only see her beak spanning across the gems.

"Plans? What plans?" Rocket inquired.

"Oh, those," Agent blew off the plans like they were nothing. "I'm just planning to mentally drain James Crow from the inside-out. No biggie."

Rocket got her fighting fists readied, her game face on. "Don't hurt the groom, you monster!" She threw a punch at the wall.

"You gotta catch me first!" Agent replied. "I'm over here!"

RS turned around and saw that Agent's image was reflected on the wall of gems behind her. She threw another punch and cringed, for the hardness of the wall had injured her right flipper.

"Nope, I'm over here!"

Rocket punched and kicked, but this monster just didn't give up. Finally, a wall shattered, revealing the culprit behind the whole thing. RS tackled her.

"Don't hurt me!" Rih insisted. "It's me, your sister. I've been imprisoned, too. The Agent Meltie who brought you down here was an imposter."

Rocket snorted, but loosened her grip on the bird's shoulders. "Likely story!"

"I'm your big sister mortal enemy forever!" Rihanna shouted.

RS smiled and threw her arms around her sister for a hug. "You remembered me!"

"Of course," AM replied. "How could I forget my sister?"

The echo of the fake Agent Meltie's laughter rang through the cave.

"We've got to stop her!" Rocket said.

Agent nodded and they headed off.


"Ladies and gentlemen," TSP AI recited mechanically, "we are gathered here today to witness the union of Agent Rihanna Lymerzo Meltissimo-Slugster and James Crow."

His voice rang out through the cave beneath South Pole City. "Oh, we're never going to save him," Agent noted.

"We will," her sister corrected. She turned to a certain area of the cave and began waddling there, gesturing for AM to follow. They were stopped by three penguins that Agent immediately recognized.

"Christina, Ally, Mikayla, you're looking well. Why are you here?"

"You're not going anywhere," the three responded, their green eyes glowing in the darkness of the cave.


"It is my great pleasure to pronounce you..."

"STOP!" Rocket shouted, stepping in through the door.

"Why does she have to ruin my special day?" The fake Agent Meltie burst into tears about as fake as her personality.

"Because it's not your special day. It's mine," the real bride announced,

"What?! But how did you escape my bridesmaids?"

"Oh, that," Rocket was stifling a laugh. "We threw a bouquet at them."

"That's awfully clever. But you're still too late," the faker replied.

"I don't understand," Lexi thought out loud. "There are two brides?!"

"She's a Waddling. She takes the form of someone intelligent and begins draining the minds of all creatures around her," Agent Meltie added.

Suddenly, a familiar green flame began engulfing the fake bride. Her black flippers turned to white. Her teeth grew longer and sharper. Her red hair turned a shade of turquoise. It was the queen of the Waddlings!

"Right you are, Agent." Queen hissed in a venomous voice, twirling her turquoise hair with her tattered flippers. "And as queen of the Waddlings, it is up to me to find food for my subjects. South Pole City has more intelligence than any place I've ever encountered. My fellow Waddlings will be able to devour so much of it, and we will gain more power than we have ever dreamed of!" She tossed her head back and laughed evilly.

"They'll never get the chance!" Agent shouted. "Jim's protection will keep them from ever even reaching beyond our barriers!"

The queen cackled again. "Oh, I doubt that. Isn't that right, dear?"

James, now completely brain-drained, nodded. AM began to take a step forward, but The Queen lifted a flipper in combat.

"You don't want to go back to the caves, now do you?" The Queen cleared her throat and began to explain it all.

"Ever since I took your place, I've been feeding off the thoughts and knowledge of James Crow. Every moment he grows weaker and so does the protection around this fair city. Even now my minions are chipping away at it." She thought of the Waddling minions she had left to (ingeniously) shatter the bubble by jumping on it.

"He may not be my husband," The Queen added, giving James a quick kiss. "But he is under my total control. And I'm sorry to say, unable to protect South Pole City!"

"No!" Agent Meltie protested.

"Soon, my army will break through. First, we take South Pole City. Then, the entire world! Ahahahaha!"

TSP AI wheeled himself in front of the queen, pushing Agent back a bit. "No. You won't."

His wheels squeaked as he moved in dangerously close. "You may have made it impossible for James Crow to protect the city, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, I can protect my subjects from you!"

"Oh, y'wanna go right now, huh?" The queen fired up her magic rays and zapped the computer. His monitor cracked and he fell to the floor with a mighty BANG.

"TSP AI!" the crowd gasped in unison.

"I guess this intelligence was stronger than I thought. And now I am more powerful than TSP AI!"

Rocket Slug gathered her friends and they ran off to defeat the Waddling army.

"You can run, but you can't hide!" The Queen shouted after them, cackling.


"Go!" Rocket shouted as she dodged the Waddlings all around her. They began taking the places of the penguins around them. Soon, she found herself surrounded by fake Lexis and Katies.

"How did they-" Phineas34720 began, but he was stopped by the magical sounds of Waddlings shape-shifting all around him.

"They're Waddlings, remember?" Rocket Slug reminded her brother.

"They're Waddlings, remember?" her clones repeated.

"Don't let them distract you!" Lexi shouted. "We have got to set this right!"

So the six birds fought the Waddlings in some sort of epic-brawl-battle. Punches were thrown, kicks to the face became a frequent occurrence. Soon, all of the Waddlings in sight were defeated.

"But wait! There's more!" Chickpenguin shouted, looking around her. More Waddlings had begun to fill in the gaps from the ones who were defeated.

"Oh, crap," RS groaned.


"You won't get away with this!" Agent pleaded. "My sister and her friends will-"

She was interrupted by the front doors of the building opening. A swarm of Waddlings dropped the penguins into the room, having been holding them by their shoulders.

"You were saying?" The Queen added. Then she turned to the army. "Don't you know? The wedding's been cancelled! Go! Feed!"

"It's funny, really," the Queen began, "Little Rocket Slug here was suspicious of my behavior all along! Too bad the rest of you were so wrapped up in planning the wedding to see that the suspicions were correct! Hahahaha!"

"I'm sorry, Rocketta," Lexi said. "We should have listened to you."

"It's not your fault," RS replied. "She fooled everyone."

The Queen laughed. "I did, didn't I? And this wedding, it's been just perfect."

"Hey, that's sort of like what I said before we got here!" Chickpenguin squealed.

"But this wedding is all over now!" the evil queen continued.

"Play your guitar solo, Jim!" Rocket shouted. "Just do it!"

"And what good would that do?" the Waddling queen replied. "A seven-chord solo couldn't hold me back!"

Despite the comment, James picked up a small acoustic guitar clearly intended to be played during the reception, and tried to strum a note. The guitar fell from his flippers.

"I-I can't do it. I don't have the powers to reopen the dome."

"My mind will give you strength!" Agent Meltie began. She leaned in closer to her beau, nuzzling against his beak.

"What a lovely although ridiculous sentiment!" The Queen began to cackle. But she didn't see the true power of intelligence. The two began reciting math facts off the bat, and just like that, she and her Waddling army were blown into the next continent. TSP AI, having been sprawled across the floor the whole time, was lightly helped up by his good friend Rocketta Slugster-Meltissimo.

"Don't worry about me, RS. I'm just fine. And you have a real wedding to conjure up. Good luck!"


In due time, a perfect last-minute wedding had been created by Rocket and her friends. Phineas' new green suit had been custom-tailored by Katie, the bride finally found her dress (she was having it made the whole time!), and everyone was around to see the perfect moment. Everything seemed to be in order. The Waddlings had been kicked into next week and the real bride was here to experience her wedding. Rocket, coming down the aisle first as the bridesmaid, began to play the Bridal Chorus on an electric guitar.

"Here comes the bride, big, fat, and wiiiiiiiiiiiiide..." she sang out. The crowd gasped, for RS had performed the second most uncouth wedding action (the first being the previous Waddling infestation, of course). As she realized her mistake, she slapped her flipper over her beak and began to play the familiar tune without the rude lyrics.

"My bad!"

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Agent Rihanna Lymerzo Meltissimo-Slugster-"

"Rihanna Meltie is fine," the bride interrupted. If TSP AI were still alive, he would have given her the staredown, but he ceased fire this time.

"Hm. Rihanna Meltie and James Crow. The strength of their love undeniable, their intelligence embroidering their very essence." Doom the puffle, now a ring bearer at a wedding, was standing by, holding the obsidian rings on a cushion. "May we have the rings, please?"

Jim grabbed the rings and placed one on his bride's right flipper, then his own on his left.

"You may kiss the bride!"

James gave Rih one quick kiss, then stuck around for a longer one. The crowd began to cheer. TSP AI made his way towards Rocket and her buddies.

"This is your victory as much as theirs. You persisted in the face of doubt, and your actions led to your being able to bring the real Agent back to us. Learning to trust your instincts is a valuable lesson to learn."


The wedding was over, but the after-party had just begun. A slow, melodic piano tune was playing softly as the bride and groom danced the night away. Rocket Slug nodded to Jillymob, who held up a microphone. RS strapped her guitar back on, Phineas spun the drumsticks, and Lexi grabbed her bongos. Fire and Ice took the stage once again, but this time, with TSP AI singing backup.

The melody began as an upbeat, poppy tune. Song: I Am a Heart, by Hey Ocean!

I am a heart that's hard to pin

You are an arrow sticking in

I pull you out and put you down

With all the others scattered 'round

You won't give up that easy, though

You turn to roots, a tree and grow

Your ivy walls can't keep me in

I am a heart that's hard to pin

I am a heart that's hard to pin

You dig a hole and I fall in

But I'm still beating underground

Down here you think I won't be found

I won't give up that easy though

My heart's a seed, a tree will grow

My bark will be a thicker skin

I am a heart that's hard to pin

Ohhh, you can't win

Mine is just a little hard

Hard to pin

No, you can't win

Mine is just a little hard

Hard to pin

I am a heart that's hard to pin

You are an arrow sticking in

To pin me down's the hardest part

I am a heart!


After the wedding and the after-party, everybody was well on their way home. It was 11:30, which was way past time the time for a teenaged RS to be in bed. But she was twenty-two now, although a little more tired than usual.

"Thank you so much," James remarked.

"It wouldn't have been a wedding without you, sis. Love you," Agent chimed in.

Rocket smiled and a single tear welled up in her eyes, either from tiredness or happiness or both. "I love you too, sis."

James sat in the car and gestured for his wife to get in. "Are we ready yet?"

Agent nodded and stepped in. "Wait a minute. I forgot about this." She gestured to the bouquet of black roses in her flipper. The driver of the car rolled down the sunroof, and the bride tossed it backwards into a crowd of female guests and bridesmaids. Katie pushed her way through, as she had never caught the bouquet at a wedding before.

"It's mine! My preciousssssssss..." The bouquet finally landed in her flippers, but another female guest snapped it up. Katie chuckled nervously and looked the other way.

"Now this was an amazing wedding," Rocketta commented.

Doom, now wearing a top hat and bow tie, was sitting atop Chickpenguin's messy brown hair. "Oh, yeah?" he remarked. "Just wait until you see what's in store for the bachelor party!" He began to laugh, and the rest of the birds joined in, for the wedding was a disaster to begin with, it all turned up in the end.

Result[edit]

Jim and Rihanna, now married, brought two children home, and five years later, another penguin was hatched into the Crow family. Her name was Rocketeer, after RS.

See also[edit]