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Illustrator Keith's worst nightmare, XTUX!

Image courtesy of Director Benny
Title BOF worker, assassin
Gender Male
Race Adelie Penguin
Faction BOF worker, assassin
Health The scar on his head seems to have damaged his sanity...
Level Higher then You (or so he claims)
Status Probally hunting down another victim for a top secret evil coperation.
Location In the Bureau of Fiction Department of Computing
Occupation Assassin
Feather color Red
Hobbies Running XTUX and Austin.Inc
Interests Causing chaos
Weaknesses Armor weak to more powerful handguns
Abilities Various cyborg powers (see Abilities), assassination
Friends Austin8310, Director Benny
Archetype Villain, Corrupt BOF Worker, Assassin
Online username XTUX345
Military allegiance Arctic Wolves
Military rank Captain
Weapon of choice Machinegun, knife (great for assassination)

This involves the character XTUX. If you meant the user XTUX please click here. For the song named after XTUX and written about him, see XTUX Samuel.

XTUX M. Samuel Hun or XTUX, is a well-known and greatly feared cyborgic assassin that travels around the USA, doing his various employer's business. He has an almost complete lack of morals and empathy, and his cold-blooded deeds have perhaps given him the place of most dangerous penguin alive, not to mention his built-in weaponry is formidable. XTUX is outlawed in nearly every country that he works in (with the exception of Snowzerland, which he often works for), and even in those countries that he is allowed in he is tried to be kept under close surveillance, although that usually fails.

Theme song[edit]

See: XTUX Samuel

In 2011, XTUX headed to Doubletown to kill Clovis, who had shown up there due to a postal mishap of his own design. He shot up the town and gunned down buildings, and it inspired a random Unoian penguin to write him a theme song. It's oddly a bestseller, but there's no word on whether or not XTUX approves of this song about him. Either way, it's still funny.


Early Life[edit]

XTUX was created on January 5, 1965.

Well, he didn't "hatch" as much as he just showed up on the doorstep of a random penguin inside a little basket. The penguin swore he saw a yellow puffle running away from the house, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was that he had someone to take care of.

Yet, his "caretaker" did the worst possible thing: he put him up for adoption. He sent him to an orphanage and left the crying chick there. Ever since his first day at the orphanage, he loved computers, and pressed the buttons on them whenever he could. After a few years, he figured them out and realized that he could coax them to do anything for him. Nothing happened for the next few years of his life, so when he was old enough, XTUX moved out and got a computer. He figured that if he could practice programming, he could get a really good job.

Beginning of BoF Career[edit]

One day he tried to make up his own command.

Command prompt: Infinateeditmodeon

This happened to be one of the BOF's hidden commands, which were meant for workers that did not have a PDA and needed to edit something. Suddenly a red light lit up on the screen, and he was teleported to the Bureau of Fiction.

He saw Zapwire arguing with McFlapp in a corner.

"I tell you McFlapp, Penguin OS is better then Doors 7. Just look at all the users it has." and McFlapp replied by narrating "Then bloomin' Zapwire was hit in the face with a bally boot!".

A boot flew across the room and hit Zapwire in the face.

"What on earth are you two doing?" asked XTUX.

McFlapp turned around, surprised at the unauthorized penguin standing in front of him.


Strangely Director Benny had a grin on his face, not at all like his usual scowl. While McFlapp and ZapWire argued, XTUX waddled over to the mainframe computer started it up. Suddenly Mayor McFlapp and ZapWire turned around, and they saw XTUX typing on the computer.

"Stop you bally XTUX! What bloomin' thing are you doing, anyway, wot wot?"

"I'm eating a sandwich." replied XTUX, and McFlapp gaped at the huge sandwich that XTUX had seemingly pulled out of nowhere.


"Oh. I saw that the hard drive is infected with a virus."

"Then we'll get bloomin' Zapwire to fix it." said McFlapp, and then he called Zapwire.

Zapwire refused to help, but at the insistence of McFlapp he looked anyways.

"I don't see anything. Bu-"

"Oh my!" XTUX interrupted ZapWire, who looked sternly at XTUX. "Dude, the entire hard drive's been replaced with pictures of SQUID PICTURES! AND YOU DIDN'T NOTICE?"

With that, XTUX set up system restore and restored the system to before the virus was installed. McFlapp was amazed, and decided to hire him.

"Why don't you work at the bally Department of Computing and Department of Rollbacks? You'd do us a lot of good in those places, wot wot?"

Transformation into Cyborg[edit]

XTUX agreed, and he set off to work. Director Benny then whacked XTUX on the head, knocking him out and with a stroke of genus, he quickly sent him to Doctor John Barrbuh, telling him that XTUX had been "In an OOC accident".

Doctor John Barrbuh replaced XTUX's brain with a computer. At the request of Benny, Doctor John Barrbuh replaced most of XTUX's other organs as well (raising the bill) and when XTUX woke up, he was an almost complete cyborg.

Of course, Director Benny had planned the whole thing beforehand, and he was very pleased. When XTUX was fully awake, Doctor John Barrbuh explained what had transpired during the surgery and handed him a couple of pictures taken of the surgery.

As XTUX stared at the photographs of the surgery, he was awed and amazed... -and he loved it!

Director Benny laughed and approved. If everything went according to plan, XTUX would make an excellent replacement for McFlapp.


XTUX is a typical-looking red Adelie penguin, with a not so typical scar on his head his head.

His eyes are quite unnerving to look at, as he can stare for long periods of time without blinking, and when he does blink, he usually does it so quickly that the average penguin cannot even see it.

Even though he is an Adelie penguin and thus quite a bit shorter than High and Emperor penguins like Speeddasher and Darktan, XTUX's intelligence and stealthiness makes up for his rather small size.


XTUX Hun is a very strange penguin with twisted motives, at one moment rollbacking Lord Carrion's edits and the next assassinating penguins alongside the MIB... or things that mess with his own agenda.

He leans heavily towards the dark side, although rarely he sometimes is truly kind to penguins other then Austin, but most of his "good" deeds are made out of either self-preservation or a desire to blend in to the normal population and to not seem suspicious.

XTUX is good at working with computers, and although he is not above average when it comes to programming, he is very handy to have around.

The scar on XTUX's head seems to effect his sanity, and having a very buggy computer for a brain doesn't help very much...


  • XTUX somehow got into the Arctic Wolves army as a captain (some suspect bribery was involved), and commands over his battalion of Teddies.


This image shows a simplified version of XTUX's inner workings, as designed by Director Benny. Please note that this only shows the robotic parts, and does not show his natural organs that were left inside of him.

XTUX Hun contains mostly robotic parts. Instead of nerves he has miniature USB 3.0 cables but he still has veins and arteries. XTUX's eyes are normal, as nobody, not even Doctor John Barrbuh could replace those. He also has microphones instead of ears, but his vocal cords remain in order for his voice to sound natural. XTUX has normal bones with a machine gun attached to the bones in his right flipper. Since XTUX is now an almost complete cyborg and thus immune to normal viruses he has no immune system, but an outdated security system meant to protect him from computer viruses. XTUX's spine remains normal, but replacing the nerves inside is a fuel pipe, attached to a pair of jets hidden in XTUX's feet.


Being a cyborg has its advantages, and XTUX Hun benefits from several special abilities:

  • Built-in weaponry: The end of XTUX's right flipper can detach to reveal a built in machine gun. He doesn't use them much as he prefers his trusty Rollback Gun. XTUX's arm also has a shotgun mode,but it tends to malfunction most of the time. If he wants, he can swap out the shotgun for a lazer blaster, or remove all his weaponry for a rocket launcher.
  • Limited Flight: XTUX's feet contain miniature jets which enable him to hover above the ground (as long as he has fuel). When he runs out of fuel he can recharge through a regular gas station pump that is inserted into a special socket in his mouth.
  • Fast Healing: XTUX's brain can heal at an amazing rate, and it takes an extreme amount of damage to "kill" him. However he CAN revive himself, but it takes a few months without assistance.
  • Built-in CD player: XTUX also functions as a CD player, just insert a CD into the slot that comes out of his head when you ask him and it will play!


However being a cyborg also has some disadvantages, such as:

  • Brain Freezes: When under stress or if his head is whacked hard enough, XTUX's brain may freeze and he will stand still for a while, sometimes with smoke or sparks emitting from his head and Opera music blaring from his head.
  • Insanity: As a result of his operation XTUX is insane and this often affects his plans.
  • Slow Rebooting: Since XTUX's brain runs on Doors, his brain takes a while to reboot and thus he may take as long as 20 minutes to "wake up".
  • Computer Viruses: XTUX Hun can catch computer viruses and this keeps him from ever getting close to an infected computer. If infected he might freeze up for an especially long time or at least until he can have it removed.
  • Card Jitsu: XTUX is horrid at Card Jitsu and hardly ever wins. Did I mention that he has been a WHITE BELT for his ENTIRE LIFE?


  • Austin8310: Austin is very similar to XTUX Hun, in both their personalities except for the fact that while XTUX has more brains, Austin is a better fighter, which makes them the perfect team.


  • Metalmanager: While Metalmanager is not an antihero like XTUX, XTUX respects and admires his leader.
  • Director Benny: They both seem to hate each other, but secretly they both admire each other for their traits, while XTUX likes Benny for having almost absolute mastery of the BOF, Benny likes XTUX for his (almost) brilliant world-domination plans and hatred of McFlapp.
  • Diosus:XTUX may hate magic, calling it "primitive", but Diosus is kinda handy to have around, plus XTUX gets a kick out of Dio's crazy experiments.


  • Ben Hun: This annoying leader of an "unimportant little mud hole" (as XTUX calls it), Ben Hun and XTUX hate each other with a passion.
  • Mayor McFlapp: Even though the good mayor hired him, XTUX hates him for ruining his plans and calling his ideas "Bally n00bish, wot wot?".
  • Just about everyone else


  • "Initiate Unnecessarily Evil Initiative Omega-91!"

XTUX (muttering in his sleep): With the Bureau of Fiction under my control, I'll be able to wrong all the rights in the universe. Every villain who has ever stumbled will get a do-over. Every protagonist's triumph will be reversed! Until, finally, a new present is created... in which the heroes always lose!"

Director Benny: That actually sounds like a good idea. I approve.

  • "I always hated Biology!"
  • "How could I have been defeated by the likes of you? Why has the universe been tipped in your favor?"
  • "Robotic citizens of the USA... the hour of your liberation is at hand! Too long have robots suffered under the bigotry, the stupidity, the squishiness, and foul stench of organic life forms! Soon, all robots will bask in the liberty and equality of my benevolent, iron-fisted rule! And, as for you filthy organic life forms... You can look forward to being disintegrated! Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's all for now..."
  • "Attention, teddies! I would like to share with you a poem I wrote last night. *Ahem* Sancho shall die a fiery, awful death! Cupcakes are yummy..."
  • "Using highly sophisticated technology, which you couldn't possibly understand, we will be extracting a large portion of your country and adding it to our new one. Unfortunately, this change in mass will cause your country to spin out of control and drift into the sea where it will explode in a flaming ball of gas, but, of course, sacrifices must be made."
  • "The Great Sock! The marvel of science and sorcery in the exact Center of the Universe! ...give or take 50 feet."


  • XTUX has his own personally modified Rollback Gun, though its functioning can be easily overridden by a Master's device.
  • He was responsible for the strange plot twists in Bill Gate$' Big Adventure, and was eventually punished for interfering by mopping all the floors in the Department.
  • XTUX happens to have invented the extremely buggy and insanely stupid Staff of Goofiness.
  • He oddly enough shares the same last name with Ben Hun, one of hs many enemies, even though they are not related in the slightest. Apparently he manupilated his BoF file into giving him that last name "for the lulz".
  • As a matter of fact, XTUX Hun is the ONLY living creature to be able to catch computer viruses, and this introduces many problems in stories.
    • A running joke has XTUX always catching computer viruses or breaking down.
  • Illustrator Keith was scared to draw a picture of him (who wouldn't be?) and originally gave XTUX a placeholder image of a really happy red penguin with an edit button.
    • XTUX then proceeded to draw his own image and replaced Keith's artwork with his own. Later Speeddasher drew an even better image and replaced XTUX's own with his.
  • XTUX seems to have something for teddy bears, especially robotic ones. Proof of this is his position in the Arctic Wolves, in which he commands a group of fifty teddies.
  • Near the end of The Last Stand around 2045, Swiss Ninja's ghost appears to XTUX when he was thrown into the ocean off the coast of Snowzerland. Swiss Ninja was not happy, and froze him into a block of ice. Eventually, XTUX's frozen cyborg body drifted and integrated into a giant glacier off the coast of Waffleland. About two milleniums later (literally), he was later released by a couple test missals that destroyed the glacier and brought his frozen up body to shore, where he was rescued by Flywish XX.

See also[edit]