Text Hose
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| Text Hose | |
|---|---|
 This ain't yer grannie's garden hose, mate! It's one of the most valuable artifacts in the universe! | |
| Information | |
| Type | Magical Garden Hose |
| Effects | Sprays out an unending stream of HTML5 and CSS code that turns anything it touches into solid gold |
| Source | Whoot Smackler Whoot |
| Location | Unknown |
| Cost to buy | Priceless |
| Cost to sell | Priceless |
The Text Hose is a magical garden hose that, through means of miraculous HTML5 and CSS code (along with a snitch of Java) transforms anything that it sprays at into solid gold. Said to have been created by Whoot Smackler Whoot while experimenting with the dark arts, it is among the most highly prized items in the universe, as it could grant unfathomable wealth to it's possessor, although scholars have noted that it seems to be cursed, as those who wield it usually suffer great misfortune until they get rid of it. Many have died in trying to get their hands on it, and it's location is one of the USA's best-kept secrets.
Background[edit]
Creation[edit]
After Whoot Smackler Whoot rejected the Experiment Lab's latest invention (the magical Bottomless Coin Sack), an increasing interest in the paranormal began to manifest itself in him, and he started to believe that it would help assist him in taking over Antarctica and defeating "those most darn high n00b-faces". He began collecting previously banned books on ancient High Penguin (out of all things!) magic, and studied them profusely, in hopes that he might find the secret to becoming an almighty being, or some spell of mass destruction. He tirelessly worked on this for days on end, without eating or sleeping, until finally he collapsed of exhaustion and hunger. As he drifted through unconsciousness, a diabolical mammal appeared before his eyes.
Whoot:"Who are ya? What are ya doin' here? GET OUTTA MAH REALM!!!"
Murphy:"Peace, Whoot. I am Murphy, master of the universe."
Whoot:"Bah! What do I care?"
Murphy:"Do not fear, Whoot. I have heard your cries, and and here to assist you."
Whoot:"I ain't buyin' it! You're probably one of those weenie n00bface spies looking for that Bottomless Coin Sack, right? WELL I GOT RID OF IT, SO DARN WEENIES LIKE YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!"
Murphy:"Ugh. This is gonna take longer then I expected."
Whoot:"%(^#$%(@$@%!!!!!"
Murphy:"SHADDUP, WILL YA? I offer you assistance in the form of a fireball spell. You could use it to conquer Antarctica."
Murphy pulls out scroll and puts it in Whoot's flippers
Murphy:"Farewell, you n00b."
Whoot suddenly awoke, and screamed with rage at the insult "the Murphy" gave him. Suddenly, he remembered the fireball spell, and pulled out the parchment. After reading the parchment, he shouted out the spell:
"Ut vita dat vos fructus don't planto juice.
Planto vita take fructus tergum! Adepto dementis!
EGO don't volo vestri fructus , quis sum EGO volo efficio per illa?
Requiro video vidi visum vita vinco!
Planto vita ruta dies is sententia is could tribuo Whoot fructus!
Operor vos teneo quisnam EGO sum?
I'm vir who's iens ustulo vestri domus down! Per fructus!
I'm iens impetro meus veneficus adinventio a combustible fructus ut exuro vestri domus down!"
If he would've pronounced the spell right, that would've been the end of Murphy. However, he repeatedly pronounced "fructus" wrong, and when he was done, there was a flash, the smell of smoke, and out of the mist appeared...
A garden hose.
