The Absurd Mission/Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: The Transaction

Austin, SN, and all the prisoners and bounty hunters and RDA troopers proceeded to the Volcano. Evidently, this didn't happen every day, as people kept staring. It was a very quick trip.

After a short while, Dave and Clovis arrived into the hot volcano, with the large rock in the center.

Dave walked up, looking severely angry.

"Here, you scum."

Austin backed up.

"Ah, nope. Not taking it."

Dave walked up.

"TAKE IT!"

"You have to crawl on your knees, and hand it to SN."

Dave and Clovis looked repulsed.

"You're kidding."

"Nope!"

Dave crawled on his knees, and handed the cash to SN.

Austin laughed. Then he paused.

"Wait a second... That's way over the ransom for two of them... You're buying all of them? Wow, more than I had expected."

He walked over to Fisch and Jock, and pulled two deletion guns out, pointing them at their heads.

"And THIS is to ensure the transaction. Choose two unlucky members of your gang. They'll take Fisch and Jock's place as prisoners."

Dave sighed.

"Well, Bernard and Vickers will be your prisoners, you thief of Sancho's money."

"Sancho's money? Pah. He could pay this amount in his sleep. Ironic he's the hero of the day, isn't it, Dave? What's it like to not be the hero? To sit in the side? Now you feel defeat. Not a pretty feeling, eh?"

Gloomily, Bernard and Vickers walked over. Johnathan quickly put them in chains.

Austin put away the deletion guns.

"Okay, let the prisoners loose."

Johnathan and the other bounty hunters untied the rest of the Hochstadts.

"And we're finished. Nice meeting with you." Austin said sarcastically.

Then, while everyone else left, Austin knelt down and buried a coin for Shammy. Shammy was the Pengolian Hero, representing good fortune. Apparently, burying a coin would give you good luck.

Big mistake.

Horrible mistake.

Dave blew a whistle, and the entrance to the volcano closed, and a ton of EPF Agents and General Hermosa jumped down from the ledge they had been hiding under.

Two thoughts blew through Austin's mind. One was: I didn't see that coming.

And: Well, so much for Shammy.

Hermosa pulled out a deletion gun and shot at Austin. Luckily for Austin, Hermosa had a bad aim. It missed by a few inches. Austin started running away, but then he stopped at the edge of the lava. He was trapped.

Austin stood there. He was surrounded, no way out, and nothing to bargain with.

What now?

A Ridiculous Rescue

Suddenly, XTUX flew out of the sky, jet trails trailing behind him, carrying a giant blue toilet!

Okay, he was dead. Most definetly, certainly, dead.

XTUX aimed the toilet at Hermosa, somewhat awkwardly, and pulled the lever.

KABOOM!

There was a tremendous explosion, and Hermosa was sent flying!

The confused Hochstadts ran around in circles, confused and bewildered at what the heck was going on.

XTUX loaded several more tomatoes into it and started firing it at the agents. All the agents and Hochstadts panicked and fled. XTUX flew down with the jetpack flippers, despite some shots from stun guns and a few bullet rifles. They mostly bounced off XTUX.

"Hey, get on! They're not going to be stunned forever!"

"YOU FLEW IN HERE WITH A GIANT TOILET?!?" yelled a perplexed Austin.

"It's very, very, very complicated. I'll just leave it at that."

XTUX flew over the forest with Austin hanging on, and he dropped the toilet. He had escaped by a hair-again, as usual. He really had to get used to this.

As he was hanging on, he noticed XTUX looked much weaker than usual, and he had a large X on his forehead.

"What's that big X on your forehead?"

"That?"

XTUX coughed and hacked.

"I <cough> really <hack> don't <gasp> know!"

XTUX looked worried-that is, until he threw up an orange version of himself...

"HACKKKKKKK COUGH HACK"

...and crashed into a tree. Austin went flying away, into a clearing 20 feet away.

The Antibody stood up and brushed itself.

"AHAHAHA! I AM THE EVIL... Err, heck, I don't have a name yet."

"You don't have a name? Are you really XTUX's antibody? You look a bit pathetic to be his antibody."

The antibody yelled at him.

"I'm not pathetic! OH YEAH!"

Then he punched Austin and ran away.

Well, he was definitely still alive, because that hurt. Austin got over and walked up to XTUX, who had promptly left an embossed image of himself in a tree.

"You okay?"

"YOU THINK I'M OKAY?!? I RAMMED INTO A @#$%@#$% TREE!" XTUX screeched.

Austin would have laughed, but laughing at XTUX was a bad idea.

For a while, Austin and XTUX chatted (once he got down from the tree) and talked. It was great seeing XTUX again, seeing as he was dead, but SN would probably be looking for them. Austin said goodbye to XTUX, and quickly departed.

He ran for a while, until he saw SN at the place with the Mine.

As Austin walked towards him, he felt a strange feeling of satisfaction. Feeling great for the first time on the whole mission, he smiled.

"Ah, this is a victory."

---

In the BoF, Benny was unimpressed.

"And that's the end, McFlapp? Really?"

"Nah, there's a bally conclusion chapter, wot wot?"