TurtleShroom (penguin)/Future
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Back...to the Future! TurtleShroom (penguin)/Future describes events that will happen in the Future, as researched by the Time Agency. Be aware that these events may not fully exist in the present. Though they may be confirmed to exist, the future can change... |
| TurtleShroom (penguin) Jones; future (pre-death) | |
|---|---|
| Died |
2019 Liquor Zone |
| Cause of death | Heart attack-based shock |
| Body discovered | Box Dimension |
| Resting place | Clubb Phengin Weekee |
| Spouse(s) | Dara |
| Children | Clauderashroollo, Chaynee, Shroomya, (possibly others) |
| The (rather) Honorable TurtleShroom Jones, | |
South Pole Council Delegate
| |
| In office 2015–2019 | |
| Preceded by | N/A (SPC position created) |
|---|---|
| Succeeded by | Stromrocks1 |
| Constituency | Mattress Village |
- This documents the final stage of TurtleShroom's life, where the Dick Cheney parodies really take hold. For the ultimate fate of TurtleShroom, please see TSP AI.
After the year 2015 but before his death in 2019, TurtleShroom (penguin) began to send himself down the fast track to his early death by purely coincidental and medical circumstances.
He found love, too, which really kept him going.
As he began to die, he became meaner and more harsh in his acts, also becoming more ruthless, efficient, and swifter. His body began to fail him as well. He never lost his purity, though, remaining incorruptible until the day he died despite the coldness and medical problems he aquired.
Ultimately, TurtleShroom died of an extreme heart attack, having accidently wondered into the bowels of the Box Dimension. He saw the Liquor Zone firsthand, and his mind couldn't take it: something he always saw as so "evil" in such abundance was enough to take his life.
Contents
Overview[edit]
Below is a summary of what TurtleShroom did and how he changed from 2016 until his death.
2017: Have You Lost Weight?[edit]
TurtleShroom, due to his weakening body, also began losing weight as side effects from all of that medication he had to take. He soon lost twenty pounds and became shaky. This was August 2017.
TurtleShroom refused to die, though. He feared that the sky programmers wanted to do something horrible to him, so he insisted on surviving. He didn't abandon his will to live, and he continued his censorship and stubborn policies both in public office and not.
He was hailed as a medical marvel by doctors, who expected him to die years ago. Most creatures attributed it to his stubborness and refusal to change. What change is greater than death?
The King is Dead[edit]
- Main article: TSP AI
- See also: Liquor Zone
- See also: Thin Ice
The year was 2019. TurtleShroom was sick and lying in a bed. He was gravely ill. (Penguins usually sleep standing up. When penguins lay down, it's almost their time.)
He said that this may be near the end, so the next day, he was going to go on a great adventure into the Box Dimension before he died; this was something he always wanted to do.
Visting him on this day was Dara, Rocket Slug, Explorer, Shroomsky, Melvin, Happyface, Pufflezzz, Corai, Maria, Speeddasher, Kwiksilver, Tammyshroom, Willie and a CPW representative. His chicks were present, too.
Explorer, with his infinite Fourth Wall knowledge, knew that TS would die the next day, so he had some folks come over, claiming he was about to die. After all, he'd been sleeping more and more, and not standing up, either: a sure sign of death.
He looked to his friends and told them his final wish.
| “ | Friends, my dear wife, children... all I have to give and all I want to do has been outlined in my Will. However, there is one last thing I beseech any of you who are capable of doing to do. You see, it's always been one of my more minor goals to finally defeat Thin Ice. Laugh if you must, but I wanted to live to defeat it... -but alas, death is calling. So, please, I implore you to, in my name, defeat that accursed arcade game. Promise me this, for I am not sure if I can truly be laid to rest if this goes unsolved. This is my final wish: defeat Thin Ice. |
” |
At long last, the life of the fragile TurtleShroom came to an end.
The next day, TS was carried into the Box Dimension to explore and maybe complete his ancestors' quest to solve "THE SECRET". There, he discovered a large box with a flap on it. Opening it and entering, he found that he was in the Liquor Zone. Cream Soda, cactus juice, and yes, alcohol were all mixed in the pink pools of doom. Soda Roots were everywhere and glass bottles and wooden barrels washed onto the shore. The shock of all of those "liquids of Diss" caused what was left of TS' organic heart to give out. TurtleShroom screamed, but he died before he could finish the shout. His last words were "This can not be!".
His body was discovered the next day.
After his funeral, those who heard TS' final request discussed who would fulfill it. Thin Ice was notoriously hard and nearly killed TurtleShroom twice. (Due to this, the game now had a disclaimer warning of what it can do to those who have heart and temper conditions.)
Rocket Slug volunteered, since she still played games, even after all these years (getting a lot of teasing from Agent Meltie because of it), and set off to the Dance Lounge to fulfill her good friend's request. Withous using cheats or exploiting glitches, RS completed the entire game, all nineteen levels of evil, in four hours. She took a picture of the "SUCCESS" screen.
The picture was then printed and hung in a gorgeous frame of 99.7% pure silver, and placed in his palace for all to see. Under it was a plaque:
| “ | ON THIS DAY, THIN ICE WAS FINALLY DEFEATED IN TURTLESHROOM'S NAME, PLAYED IN FULL BY ROCKETTA SLUGSTER-MELTISSIMO. THIS WAS HIS LAST REQUEST; NO LONGER BURDENED, MAY HIS SPIRIT NOW REST. | ” |
He was laid in state, and then, against his wishes, uploaded into a computer.
Chicks[edit]
TSP was survived by his chicks: Clauderashroollo, Chaynee, and Shroomya. Called by enemies and liberals the "Spawn of TurtleShroom", they continued to wreak havoc in TS' name long after he departed.
- Clauderashroollo was a corrupt penguin, torn by TS' purity and Dara's obbsession with misery. He tried to do right by turning his wrath and misery compulsions on ridding the continent of Mwa Mwa Penguins, but he couldn't fully control his urge to make misery, and his conscience wouldn't stop tormenting him for his entire life.
- Chaynee took over Holyberden when Tammyshroom retired to live her Golden Years with Dan. He made it into a ruthless company and turned its focus to oil. The censorship and communication duties of the company were sold to other businesses. Chaynee started the destruction of the environment where good oil could be found, much to the chagrin of hippies and EBUL.
- Shroomya was the youngest and also the nicest. However, he wasn't really a snow white purist, either. Shroomya tried to carry on the censoring political power of his father, but he entered the weapons business, like his mother.
Trivia[edit]
- It's not a joke: Dick Cheney really doesn't have a pulse. Seriously, this is actually a medical possibility.
- TurtleShroom (penguin) was originally intended to have Dick Cheney jokes parodied into him, but no one got around to it in his actual stories.
- Despite the cardiac issues, this is sort of comical.
- TurtleShroom's RL paternal grandfather had heart problems, but nothing as dramatic as this. (He died peacefully.)
See also[edit]
- User blog:TurtleShroom/Project Epic Offspring and Offshoot Foresight
- User blog:TurtleShroom/Project Epic Offspring and Offshoot Foresight/Claude's Song Claude's Song
