Well, Cousins

"Well, Cousins"
"Well, Cousins"
	; The data module that contains the message
Information
Type	Data message
Source	Unknown
Location	Antarctica
Cost to buy	N/A
Cost to sell	N/A

"Well, Cousins" is the codename of a strange message in a data module found in space by PASA astronauts. To date, no country has claimed ownership of the device, but it appears to be of similar making to Ed Island technology.

Data Module[edit]

The data unit that contains the message is shaped much like a thick dumbbell. There are small bars theorized to be for holding when a module needs to be transported on foot.

The module itself was discovered on November 30th, 2013, by PASA astronauts. The unknown device was transported to the ground by December 7th, and was investigated. It was discovered to be strangely compatible with an Ed Islandian computer terminal, after others proved inconclusive, where the message inside was found and read.

Message[edit]

"Well, cousins, the gig is finally up. As an indication of how serious this is, I'm broadcasting to you over an open, unencrypted channel.

When I'm done, I'm gonna loop it and split. There's no sense sticking around here yapping any longer than 'tis necessary.

I saw a "for sale" sign go up in the front yard of your dad's place, but your older brother didn't put it there. Some out-of-towners might have.

When there's nothing left to look forward to, there's nothing but absolute destruction. These folks don't do things by half-measures.

They aim to kill us all, burn our cities and leave Tribute as one more burned-out rock spinning in the darkness.

And they're gonna do it too. Nothing you and me can do to stop them. They've done it plenty of times before.

They've bloodied our noses at Harvest, at Madrigal, at Miridem, but this time it's gonna cost them. This time they're gonna jerk back a burning stump.

There's no two ways about this. It's gonna be a nightmare. The sky is gonna burn, and the ground is going to tremble beneath our feet.

They're gonna rain death and destruction down on our heads, but we're not gonna give up a single inch of dirt without a fight.

And they're gonna get their full measure of destruction, too. And when I see 'em, I'm gonna tell 'em - Welcome to the nightmare. Welcome to Tribute."

It has been theorized that the unknown penguin(?) voicing the message is referring to an unknown enemy (referred to as "they") devastating their planetary colonies, and completely "burning" them. None of the locations named match up to any map, modern or otherwise, and are not located on Antarctica, or Earth, for that matter.

Trivia[edit]

A timestamp has been discovered as well within the device. It, strangely, read the date as 3301, impossibly far in the future to be discovered in orbit around Earth.